RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy

RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (Full Version)

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LovingMistress45 -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/5/2009 10:37:59 PM)
Ok, while some did not experience a frenzy, I don't think those that did are blaming their bad decisions on it. I think they are talking about a very really feeling of extreme need that led to bad choices. And are hoping that by sharing them someone new might avoid it. So on that note, Dominants can also have a type of frenzy that leads us to do stupid things. My list includes falling in love with my sub and having him put me on a rollercoaster for several years of on again - off again relationship due to his confusion. Getting involved in a LDR and paying for everything so he could come to me, and thinking he had accepted my collar and was going to relocate, only to find that while I was at work he had used my computer to profess his love to a woman he was seeing in TX and telling how rainy it was in Boston on his business trip. I am in FL and went the time at the beach, beautiful weather. And then there was the LDR where I found out he was married when his wife emailed me and oh about 4 other women. Then there was the period I went through where I said screw the trying to find a sub and just went for playing with every male I could get my hands on. Which included doing some pretty stupid things like meeting for coffee and going back to their house, and no one knowing who I was with or where I was. Overall risky behaviors that were very unlike me and are not anything I would do now. I think for many when we first discover this part there is this void that needs to be filled and we set aside all logic and reason in pursuit of filling it. For those that didn't have that experience, I am happy for you. For those that are new and having it, pull yourself out of it - you could get hurt and it is nothing you will look back on and be proud of.

CollaredLisa -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/5/2009 11:10:57 PM)
My first relationship is the relationship I am still in... guess I did something that was a bit stupid, though I had other, family-related reasons too: I dropped out of school and moved from Germany to the Netherlands to be with him. But so far everything school-related seems to be going along fine, fortunately.

agirl -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/5/2009 11:54:23 PM)
It's a bit difficult to admit to having a frenzy or two and blaming it on anyone else. Admit , accept , get a back-slap. agirl

Prinsexx -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 2:00:53 AM)
I was 'happily married'... actually living the lige of Riley... to a man whom I believed adoted me... gold card, young child, detached house, designer paint work and hand made sofas... au pair, gardener... the works. I was finishing my degree. I spied a post graduate student. Young. Fire in his eyes. Egyptian. Now that's not the entire point... but his culture and the fact that he was on a break in England studying meant that he was also out to perfect his stereotype of what an English humanities student might be about. I pushed and shoved and went for it... and we got into a torrid relationship.Drinking way too much out in the serpetitious small hours of the morning. He made me write a list one night, Of all the men (and women) I had fucked. Foolishy I did it thinking I would get ceremoniously 'beaten' in a nice kind of dominant sort of way. Found myself in the backseat of my own car with his raging hands around my neck... me all excited, heart racing, thnking this was going to be foreplay. But it turned to full blown asphysiation, tightly held neck to the point of near strangualtion. Face not just slapped but punched in jealous anger. Neck and breas bitten in rage. A blow across the head had my head spinning to near black out point and when I came round he was gone and I drove back home... pit on a long sleeved dress and stood up in front of private students the next day.. determined that my hisband would never keep me no matter how much money he tried to buy me with... buzzing on the bruises that were barely hodden, rushing orgasms inside my body because of the violence that I convinced myself I had consented to. I call myself no limits.. but have to say that the only thing that keeps me safe is my awareness now of the risk of what I am consenting to. I'm quite grateful those days of lust and frenzy are subsiding..... knowing I survived episodes like this makes me also thankful that I survived.

lronitulstahp -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 3:57:27 AM)
Thank You Loving Mistress.... quote: Ok, while some did not experience a frenzy, I don't think those that did are blaming their bad decisions on it. I think they are talking about a very really feeling of extreme need that led to bad choices. And are hoping that by sharing them someone new might avoid it. You expressed it perfectly. Unless i have a cousin named Frenzy, i'm not blaming my actions on another. i am more than aware that ultimately i am responsible for my choices.

persephonee -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 4:03:18 AM)
Oh dear gary...lets see...what could perse have possibly done that would be considered frenzied....gosh, i simply cant think of anything!!!.... Oh, wait, there was...nope, that was well thought out and a really good decision. Well, there was the time i....oop...that wasnt me. Okay, i do have one... my starterdom was married, but all in all a very nice guy....you have to know that his wife didnt understand him.[:D] The only reason i didnt accept that collar was that even in my verymost vulnerable stage, i knew that he wouldnt have the time to commit to me and keep his wife. So i declined, but really it was for selfish reasons more than an overwhelming guilt over the wife's predicament. We werent that serious...just a few sessions and some IM's. There were at least 4 meets-for-play that i went to without any safecalls or safety measures in place at all...allowed myself to be restrained etc...i can even remember thinking several times..."oh, this isnt going to end well for me"...altho, in the end i lucked out...unless there is internet access in this oil drum....further, all four of them ended up seeing me for a while...i would have felt a whole lot worse if they were kinky one nite stands....ack! i often felt obligated to go through with the sex despite not feeling a connection...but thats been chronic since high school, really. i think the single most stupid theory i have ever held was thinking that if the man im seeing is poly...then his other slave must be too...im constantly running into the "just doin it for Master" mentality. It kind of sickens me that the girl (usually the girl is sub in my situations) cant quite say outloud, "hey, this is not what i want"...the dominant person (usually a man in my situations) notes her passive-aggressively acting out and does nothing...leading me to instantly disregard whatever semblance of dominance i had managed to convince myself he had...i still go thru with the pile...shrugs...hey, who throws away a perfectly fine threeway over a temper tantrum??...But in the end, entirely unsatisfying. Currently im focussing more on the D/s...oops, M/s aspect of things. im sure im making all sorts of mistakes here too...but in general, even in my frenzy...and i find that i do experience an inordinant amount of compulsivity when im curious about something...so i will freely admit the existance of sub frenzy...even in the midst of my frenzy, i can see my mistakes coming right for me...but i dont get out of the way...i kind of like the scars i have and am not all that afraid of getting new ones. i think that my frenzied decisions were ones made out of a desparate attempt to believe the internet hype that if a man is a Dom...he must only have my best interest at heart...like its mandatory, or else he would call himself, Herman or something...as if Dom were a licensed position...as if there were a BetterBusinessBureau of some sort i could report him to when he took advantage of my bad decision. That was my frenzy...laying aside all that i knew to be true in life, in the hopes that there was more integrity to be found in this community than the one i came from... i need to point out, that i am involved with a very stable, kind, sadistic, responsible, dependable. intelligent, kinky man right now...If im in the process of making another mistake...there is no one i would rather be making it with than him. Much love and be well, perse

shorn -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 4:25:50 AM)
i haven't had a bad relationship and hope not to, but in our initial frenzy of discovering this wonderful new thing of bondage and slavery my husband left me spreadeagled to the bed while he went and did something else. This, in and of itself, is within our limits today, oft done. However there was also a rope around my neck and if i moved my head too far, i would cut off blood flow. Without supervision not a good thing. When he left, he left the bedroom door open, nobody else was there after all. Except Mommy, who was visiting that week (granddaughters are reason to visit), didn't stay all day in the city shopping and came back early. Open doors are an invitation in her house, so she came in. Open for the world to see, freshly shaved, vibrator running. She told me later i blushed all the way down. And she made no move to free me, sat by the bed and chewed me out for being stupid. When our husband got home, he got an even worse tongue lashing. Safety, safety safety. Not the bondage, she bought us a copy of Erotic Bondage the next day, not the rope around the neck, but being left alone with the rope around the neck.

IronBear -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 5:12:14 AM)
Frenzy, let alone first frenzy is not a thing which I allow myself to participate in under any circumstances no matter how much my natural being wants the berserker to break loose. I do remember a tremendous sense of freedom and joy as well as the awe that I had the chance to have someone in My collar. It was an exciting time and such events still are exciting for me but again I temper the excitement with caution and a practical manner in handling the situation. If you understand that I am by nature both a romantic and a very passionate person you may understand why I allow myself only small doses of excitement.

InTonguesslave -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 5:36:42 AM)
i can put my hand up to sub-frenzy, i remember it well - it was a crazy, frustrating, exciting, wonderful time when i finally discovered that all my freaky needs, fantasies and past 'doormat' behaviour with men had a reason and not just a reason either - i had a title and a place to go and people to talk to. boringly i didnt do anything really stupid - yes camcorder stupidity, submitting on line to the newbie predators - meeting one or two and getting frigged off infront of salisbury cathedral, getting spanked in the middle of a wood - yanno, normal stuff [:D] but it was what taught me, very quickly who i was and where i sat with the entire bdsm smorgesboard. some of it was toe curling stuff, but i can laugh about it now - for those who berate those who fell/fall into it - its easy to discount something that has never happened to you because you cant possibly understand it. speaking for myself, after years of questioning my mental health to discover that there were men out there that not only wanted someone like me, but would understand me and enjoy me was one heavy buzz of excitement that took a couple of months to get to grips with. up until that point i had become celibate and had decided to stay that way because i never wanted to find myeself in another relationship that felt wrong, confusing and sexually unfulfilling. to discover that i didnt have to spend the rest of my life celibate and that i could find a man to compliment me and vice versa was an exhileration and a liberation i am proud to say i completely flung myself into and i had a crazy, stupid time.[sm=seesaw.gif]

slaveluci -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 5:45:01 AM)
As far as the guy being married, I never said that it "mattered" to me or asked for any explanation. You stated that becoming involved with a man you knew was married was one of your "frenzied" highlights. I just chose that as an example of behavior that seemed to be a poor choice, not some frenzied reaction over which you had zero control. And, for the record, I'm one of the very few voices here who has ever been non-judgmental over someone's "cheating." I think there are always many sides to such a situation so I certainly wasn't judging you. I just commented on that because it was one of the few things you'd listed as examples. As far as me being "above such poor behavior," I never said that either. I never said that I haven't done stupid, bad, wrong, etc. things all through my life. Again, if you've ever noticed some of the things I've written over time here, you'll see I'm a recovering junkie and a survivor of jail time, a horrible marriage and other things. Yep, I wasn't "above" any of those things. The difference is, I take full responsibility for them and don't blame them on some strange, nebulous condition known as a "frenzy." I chose my husband, I chose to stick a needle in my arm for years, I chose to commit crimes, and I take the responsibility for it. I wasn't overcome by a "frenzy." My poor choices were part of my "development" as well. I wouldn't say I'd do any of them again, but they happened and I've tried to make the best of it. Very unlike what some poster just said, most people here do NOT take responsibility for those bad choices. They call it "frenzy," excuse it as OK because of that "frenzy," giggle about it and get patted on the head. It's not that they made what they themselves call "poor" choices that bothers me. I've surely done it enough myself. It's that they don't grow up and call it what it is. Instead, they feel it's somehow excusable because they were overcome with a "frenzy" and couldn't help it. My best to you as well[:)]..................luci

slaveluci -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 5:50:33 AM)
"for those who berate those who fell/fall into it - its easy to discount something that has never happened to you because you cant possibly understand it." For the record, if you felt I was berating or discounting, I was not. I was expecting. Expecting adults to take responsibility and be accountable. Nothing wrong with that. And it IS possible to understand things one hasn't experienced, by the way. Brain surgeons don't have to have had a brain tumor to know how to operate on one. I fully understand bad choices. I just don't accept blaming it on something that doesn't exist.............luci

persephonee -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 5:54:19 AM)
i honestly dont think that anyone is blaming "frenzy"...i also think that the desparate need to express what it is that we do in the beginning does in fact have a name and its not an excuse to just do things...its just a name for a common experience that a boatload of people feel...at the same time... i did what i did, accepted the consequences of my actions...yet and still, there was a definite shift in my decision making and judgement...i found a name for it...that helped me identify the reason behind my choices...and helped me see that i needed to get back to what i found to be real and true in my own value system. From what i read of tulips posts, she has done the same thing...the same thing you did, i did, josephine-submissive did...make some mistakes, learn from them and accept them as part of ourselves... just my take on things. perse

slaveluci -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 5:58:05 AM)
Good take. I agree. It's not personal toward Tulip. I never said she didn't take responsibility for her actions. I don't know her. All I know is what she writes here. I guess my feelings about sub frenzy come from the tons and tons of other threads/posts where it is used as a reason to have done some very stupid shit. I thoroughly discount it as a reason. You, she and others do not. That's the nature of these boards. There are different opinions. Just expressing mine[:)].........................luci

lusciouslips19 -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 6:05:05 AM)
I do think something happened to me that I did not understand. After being tied up for the first time, I felt like love. I fell hopelessly infatuated and obsessed with that Dominant even though I only saw him in person twice and he was"not that into me," How could I have been so gaga over someone who my relationship and his was mainly e-mails and really he saw me as a friend and still does. My feelings were confusing. "Frenzy" puts a name on those confusing feelings. It doesnt say, "dont take responsibilty. I am fully aware that I was safe with him and also fully aware that there were a couple that I went to play with without a safe call in place. Or that deep down I knew a dom was off kilter. To discount thoose feelings I didnt understand is wrong. But acting on the feelings in an unsafe way is not taking responsibilty. Thats not what its about. I do however like to be able to help new subs understand what is happening to them and when they are walking a slippery slope. The judgements about them and a feeling of superiority over them doesnt make me better. It would only make me a person that doesnt give a hand up to those that come after me. I thank everyone here who talked some sense in me when I needed it. I shake my head about those who dont listen.

persephonee -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 6:21:27 AM)
[sm=hearts.gif] If you dont know it by now, i have followed your posts on here for over a year and hold you in high regard. i do tend to get the impression that some people use the term "sub frenzy" to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions...and those people really grate on my nerves...always have and for a while i wondered if i could even be in this community because of how strongly i feel that personal accountability is just mandatory in a functioning adult... What i have discovered over time, is the same girls ( predominantly women post about it in my memory)...who post about falling victim to sub frenzy are the same girls who just cant seem to create a stable dynamic of any sort in their lives...professional victims....chronically passive....and they have their own rows to hoe...bless their hearts. i also see the irony in some of my decisions i have made over the past...oh, two years...that make me just as...hapless in my quest. So, my sub frenzy stories are funny to the folks who can see the light...and quite possibly, by posting my more obnoxious ones might ring a bell with some girl somewhere out there and she'll know that there is hope of coming to her senses...that she can be SuzySubmissive...AND retain all her braincells at the same time.... Here is one i thought of this am whilst toasting a poptart.... i met a man online who called himself a slavetrainer...he sent me pics of bleeding girls with shorn heads and tears streaming down their faces...i really was scared of him...for months...we were never going to meet, so geographically i was "safe".... i continued to talk to him online for...well, we still visit occasionally....but heres where my head was at...i literally thought thats all he ever did with his time... The funny thing is....he has a perfectly intact slave, long term, has a stable career, and he really flipped my whole world upside down at Christmas when he told me he was all excited because he got a Panini maker from Santa....he just went on and on about his Panini maker and the earrings he got for his slave....and i was just rolling around my computer desk hooting and hollering with laughter over my misconceptions about him, this lifestyle,...just everything.... i adore him today...but for literally months i was completely convinced that he was this "terrible monster" living in a dungeon somewhere....when, in reality, hes just a Panini-lovin, earring buyin, man in love with his girl...just like....me...you...tulip...lally.... Go figure!!![:D]

Missokyst -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 7:36:19 AM)
Things were a bit different for me as I was introduced to the practice of BDSM when I was just becoming sexual. At my age that is well before internet use became common and people started "sir'ing and "ma'am'ing" all and sundry. I have been somewhat of an agorophobic since I was very young, and for me being reckless is what kept that in check. I made reckless decisions in order to force myself out of my perception of safety. Now I regard this as my sub frenzy personality. I would make changes in a moment, quit jobs, hitchhike, go on stage, become a bouncer. All in the desire to flip that reckless need to find.. I don't know... control I guess. It would not be unusual for instance to find me out hitchhiking during times of the decades were there were known serial killers in the area. For me it was a matter of facing my fear head on, and seeing if I could conquor it. I am not sure if this is even in the same ball park as what you mean, but for me, the reckless, seeking danger and thrills personality is my sub frenzy at its most extreme. I have never had to add the connection of sensuality to BDSM to get what I could from it, <g> that just added a new twist. I am still a reckless sort, although now I recognize it and mostly keep it in check. Kyst

chamberqueen -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 8:10:48 AM)
What I look back and roll my eyes at is how I would almost panic if a 24 hours period went by when my Master hadn't contacted me and I was just sure it was a sign of the beginning of the end. I must not be a pleasing slave, or must no longer be desirable, and on and on. I would be in almost a panic. I can see now that my trust in him as a person simply hadn't grown enough yet; along with trust in myself as being "good enough" for him. I'm truly embarrassed when I think back to my overreactions to what now seem like very small things. Not all frenzies are relationship breakers, though they could be if carried too far. I'd read a great article about when a sub gets into that state she can actually start to push her Dom away by demanding attention and coming across as too needy, so I started tempering my words in my emails. While some Doms would never go a single day without contact with their subs there are many that do. I needed to learn that this was just his style. Other insecurities could come out if I had done something I thought was exceptional and didn't feel like it got proper recognition. I was completely forgetting that there were times when he was tired, or stressed, or simply didn't know how difficult it was for me. I basically forgot that he was human, too. He seemed to read me so well that I came to expect that even if I hadn't communicated something to him. (Very unfair of me.) Life is a live and learn proposition. I have always tried my best as a slave, but looking back at some of my early mistakes I see just how immature I was. I came to the lifestyle looking for the trust and deep communication and found that they don't come overnight. I needed to do a lot of emotional growing up (and I'm close to 50). Thankfully, much patience was shown to me and I can see that I've healed a lot of old emotional wounds that I thought would be scars that I would carry with me the rest of my life. I've learned to accept myself as a valid person, flaws and all, and have learned the importance of being valued as a person first/slave second. Does that mean I never have panic moments? Nope. It just means that they are much more rare and when I have them I can remember all of the times that panic was totally unnecessary. I now see them as signs that I need to value myself, trust in the journey with someone who has never betrayed that trust, pull up my big girl panties and once again shine.

InTonguesslave -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 11:06:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci "for those who berate those who fell/fall into it - its easy to discount something that has never happened to you because you cant possibly understand it." For the record, if you felt I was berating or discounting, I was not. I was expecting. Expecting adults to take responsibility and be accountable. Nothing wrong with that. And it IS possible to understand things one hasn't experienced, by the way. Brain surgeons don't have to have had a brain tumor to know how to operate on one. I fully understand bad choices. I just don't accept blaming it on something that doesn't exist.............luci it was a little bit strong in places luci - but thats ok - and i think most of the people on here sound as if they learnt and took responsibility for what happened to them. posts like these are really important for new people passing through. and i have to just say hun, training to become a brain surgeon or any sort of medical person might make them good at what they do, or not, they may be empathetic and sympathetic but they wont ever know the fear, pain and chaos cancer brings unless they experience it themselves first hand. you cant know absolutely how a person feels going through something unless you have gone through it yourself.

Mercnbeth -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 11:34:49 AM)
quote: ...you cant know absolutely how a person feels going through something unless you have gone through it yourself... even then you can't know absolutely...folks are unique that way.[:)] this slave hasn't experienced what folks refer to as sub frenzy (well, maybe she did when she was 3 and just doesn't remember it!!!) but there was no onset of realization at an adult age regarding this slave's submissive-ness, which then led to irrational behavior or poor choices. this slave literally stumbled across "Lifestyle" websites that illuminated her to the reality that folks base relationships off of it and it's opposite---dominance. great news!!! but hardly earth-shattering information, since this slave was well aware of her submissive-ness long before that. this slave's submissive-ness, irrational as well as rational behavior, making good/bad choices just seems to have always been there, like her freckles.

xxblushesxx -> RE: AHHHHH! The Frenzy (4/6/2009 12:17:47 PM)
I was lucky enough to have this site and others to study before taking the Big Leap. The worst frenzi I had was talking dirty on the phone and internet to a few who didn't deserve it. I think talking about this is important for people who are just beginning, so they know "why" they are tempted to do rash things, and to make the choice to do them anyway because they want to, or to hold off because it's just a phase.

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