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is weight an obsession? - 4/5/2009 10:04:08 PM

MARAA

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Joined: 2/27/2009
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Got a mail from a Dom, ordinary mai and then it comes ´I take it youre fat´and talking on and on about how much hes good at mental humiliation/domination etc. This is not the first Dom I bump into, that has a problem with weight or possible can make it into a problem,and or use it etc.. (no offence to you that do use it positively thats fine)
I mean.. I do exersise four times a week and eat practically only salad and chicken.. but I just got constatated low thyroides. My weight,is not a issue,for me,I have already lost ten pounds. But I do have to struggle more than ordinary but that to say,I am and will always be a robust person etc. 90 kg(eu) sounds more bad,than it looks,many dont believe me. But anyway. what is it with so many Doms going after something they are against some way,or will use negative? I was mad,when he wrote like that for several issues but not personal.
Is weight really an issue for so many? or does so many think its funny going after something they dislike or well just hear what he said. is that fun?

Post #: 1

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/5/2009 10:09:30 PM

NormalOutside

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Joined: 1/8/2008
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I have trouble understanding your post, sorry. I think you're asking if weight is an issue.
The answer is yes. A small percentage of people find fat sexy, but the vast majority do not. If you really can't be in good shape (I find that extremely hard to believe), then you'll have to work with what you've got. Either find someone who doesn't mind, or someone who likes the jiggly tummies and cottage cheese bums. But don't be surprised if you get turned down for being overweight. You wouldn't expect someone who was turned off by short hair to accept you with short hair, would you? Or a straight woman who wasn't attracted to you? You are how you are. If that's good enough for you, then don't worry what others think. Find someone who likes you the way you are.

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Post #: 2

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/5/2009 10:23:14 PM

CuddlyCreative

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

I have trouble understanding your post, sorry. I think you're asking if weight is an issue.

Gee, d'ya think? Seeing as how she wrote " Is weight really an issue for so many?" and all...

More important than what "percentage of people find fat sexy" is what percentage of men see women as anything more than a visual object. That number is tragically low. As you so well illustrate in your post, many men are hyper-focused on appearance, and many also seem to feel entitled to perfection in a mate, when they themselves have so little to offer.

(in reply to NormalOutside)

Post #: 3

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/5/2009 10:25:57 PM

AngelGeena

Posts: 1324
Joined: 10/17/2008
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For alot of people, it is an obsession. For me, no. I have struggled with it most of my life. What it comes down to is being comfortable with who you are. People recognize that so at no point have I had to "settle" for what was available, rather I am able to attract all sorts of people, tall, short, heavy, thin, average, not so attrative, model material, etc. I am a firm believer in whats on the inside matters the most.

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Post #: 4

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/5/2009 10:49:02 PM

VelvetCruelty

Posts: 153
Joined: 11/12/2006
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It will always be an issue for some people as you will find the more people respond to your post. If you search the forums for 'fat' or 'weight' you will find post, after post, after post about people who like to complain about subs being fat, or dommes being fat or women being too fat blah, blah, blah.

Love yourself. Be confident with who you are. I would have told that dom to kiss the fattest part of my ass - and yes, the WHOLE thing is fat so you better get started now.

There is nothing wrong with not being attracted to people who are overweight. Going out of your way to find said people and then pointing out their flaws is a pretty sad way for someone to make themselves feel better or more important.

Don't buy into it, don't let it get you down, and do and be what is best for YOU.

The rest will follow sweetie.

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Post #: 5

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/5/2009 10:54:10 PM

MrRodgers

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Sexy does it for me. The classical European even Victorian beauty with the hour glass figure even corset bound has fully permeated western civilization for both men and women and has become the ideal.

Otherwise all we can do irrespective of other's wishes, is to eat a good healthy diet, get good exercise and the rest will take care of itself.

(in reply to AngelGeena)

Post #: 6

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/5/2009 11:03:25 PM

WyldHrt

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quote:

But anyway. what is it with so many Doms going after something they are against some way,or will use negative? I was mad,when he wrote like that for several issues but not personal.

You've just been introduced to a subspecies of Dominant called Dominus Loserus Assholus. The Assholus will intentionally message someone they see as "weak", either to have "fun" trying to make that person feel crappy about themselves, or because they think that the person will be easy for them to control due to self esteem issues surrounding their looks. It is common for the Assholus to send one or more standard intro messages to get someone interested before the Assholus bomb goes off and they start making nasty remarks about their intended victim's weight, looks, or intelligence. Please be aware that the Assholus may appear completely normal, at least until he opens his mouth.

The best way to deal with an Assholus is rapid and liberal use of the "delete" and "block" buttons.

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Post #: 7

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/5/2009 11:47:16 PM

WarKirby

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Joined: 11/22/2008
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It's pretty uncool of someone to open with an insult. Unless you specifically ask for it in your profile, that sort of thing is really not acceptable.

I certainly wouldn't say I "like" fat. it's unhealthy. I'm a bit overweight myself. That said, I don't mind it, and it would be a relatively small factor in choosing someone. It's unfortunate that so many people are shallow enough too dismiss someone entirely because of that.

If I find someone who suits me, whether or not they happen to be overweight isn't going to make a difference. There is an upper limit to it though. I did once turn down someone who weighed 350 lbs. That kind of weight would create physical problems for a relationship. But anywhere within a pretty wide margin either side of normal is fine to me.

< Message edited by WarKirby -- 4/5/2009 11:48:02 PM >

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 8

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/6/2009 12:05:28 AM

agirl

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For once I can't be bothered to read through replies ..but Dear God........ Are you REALLY the age in your profile?

Sometimes, just now and then ............. I lose the will to live.

Oh , I forgot the *lol*...

< Message edited by agirl -- 4/6/2009 12:06:40 AM >

(in reply to MARAA)

Post #: 9

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/6/2009 12:51:24 AM

crazyredhead1957

Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

But anyway. what is it with so many Doms going after something they are against some way,or will use negative? I was mad,when he wrote like that for several issues but not personal.

You've just been introduced to a subspecies of Dominant called Dominus Loserus Assholus. The Assholus will intentionally message someone they see as "weak", either to have "fun" trying to make that person feel crappy about themselves, or because they think that the person will be easy for them to control due to self esteem issues surrounding their looks. It is common for the Assholus to send one or more standard intro messages to get someone interested before the Assholus bomb goes off and they start making nasty remarks about their intended victim's weight, looks, or intelligence. Please be aware that the Assholus may appear completely normal, at least until he opens his mouth.

The best way to deal with an Assholus is rapid and liberal use of the "delete" and "block" buttons.

your post is so true, but oh sooooooo funny!! "Dominus Loserus Assholus." Too funny!! i love it! i think the one time i got an answer from one of Those, i said "With all due respect, You, Sir, are a jerk for writing to someone You wouldn't want in the first place, solely to insult me." Then, yes, i blocked and deleted Him. Thank you so much, i really needed a laugh!

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 10

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/6/2009 1:30:04 AM

WyldHrt

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Joined: 6/5/2008
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quote:

your post is so true, but oh sooooooo funny!! "Dominus Loserus Assholus." Too funny!! i love it! i think the one time i got an answer from one of Those, i said "With all due respect, You, Sir, are a jerk for writing to someone You wouldn't want in the first place, solely to insult me." Then, yes, i blocked and deleted Him. Thank you so much, i really needed a laugh!

You're welcome!

I recently had my first encounter with a related subspecies, Dominus Loserus Drivebyus. Those are the ones who send insulting emails out of the blue and then delete the responses unread. Too bad for him, as he probably could have used the nap and didy change I suggested.

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Post #: 11

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/6/2009 2:59:10 AM

Vanityfull

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Joined: 3/6/2009
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people dont send random hate mail without reason, typically jeliousy, i could see the vaste majority sending "fatty!" emails as being unconfortable with their own bodies and not liking someone who is a simular body type and being ok with it. iv gotten a few "fag!" ones on some sites before from men scared of being simular, i usually reply with "i forgive you when you come to terms with yourself" its a kindness someone once gave me that i return when able.

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Post #: 12

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/6/2009 4:51:02 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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For some people it is, for others it is not. Frankly I look more at a persons personality than their weight. I think the Dom that wrote you was being a rude asshole, I am sure there are things about him that one would not find so attractive. I've often thought that there is nothing uglier than a beautiful person (on the outside) who was rude, nasty and just plain UGLY personality wise.

~Lashra

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Post #: 13

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/6/2009 5:00:16 AM

ExKat

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
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quote:

More important than what "percentage of people find fat sexy" is what percentage of men see women as anything more than a visual object.

Oh, that's right, and the percentage of women who wouldn't date a 700 lb man are shallow bitches too. That being said, yes, some men are overly obsessed about a woman's weight. Any degrading and humiliating dominant worth his salt should know that women tend to being insanely sensitive about it, and it is almost never okay to poke fun at it. So, chalk this one up to men sucking and move on, save the excuses.

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Post #: 14

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/6/2009 5:44:53 AM

VAcontroldom

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Joined: 6/5/2005
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It didn't take long to get to the usual answer: "sometimes". For me, if someone is trying to be healthy, this is not very important. If someone is eating two bacon egg and cheese biscuits for breakfast each day, it's important. I don't subscribe to the politically correct answer that everyone should just be accepted for who they are and that's it. I don't think many of us would give that answer if the posting was "I don't like to shower or go to the doctor." We'd jump all over that poster about going to the doctor for checkups for health reasons and taking a shower to be more attractive to more people. I think we can all do better in some ways. If someone wants to do better, to eat better or to work out more or both, that's great and I know how I can help. If they want to simply accept elevated health risks and don't act as if they care about themselves, I'm not going to be the enabler.

(in reply to AngelGeena)

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RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/6/2009 5:50:32 AM

DesFIP

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I have no problem with someone rejecting me because they find me unattractive. I have preferences also.

But actively seeking someone overweight so he can call her fat and ugly? That's offensive as hell.
It is equally offensive to get a come on from someone solely because of my body. I'm a full person and need a full relationship.

So if you lose weight and he can't make humiliate you on account of that anymore, then there's no relationship left? Doesn't sound like someone who wants a real relationship. Delete, block and ignore.

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Post #: 16

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/6/2009 7:42:16 AM

MARAA

Posts: 38
Joined: 2/27/2009
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Well I dont know,what he was after,but he said "I take it youre fat". Thats what I say too, its okay having opinions, but as much as you dont expose bad attitude and rude comments for everything else, you can just pass over. But youre right, it looks like those ass D u(o)mbs seem to seek us out.. its not the first one, I have met,but it came sneaking, when we buildt it up. Fortunately I dumped one and the other one realized what he was running. It just seems to me.. I met that kinds more often,in bdsm environment, than in vanilla environment,when I count,how many times it happened! cant help wondering if thats a trait or.. of course, also outside..but strange happens so often. And no I dont experience any lack of men, actually opposite. I mean you have to accept yourself,no matter what, it doesnt help putting others down thats what I dont get about those ppl. And I mean, if you are barking about that,you better have yours in order before you can bark,if youre going to be rude over some fatcells you better be a model yourself, sort of.. just kidding,but you can see the point,right.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 17

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/6/2009 7:50:52 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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I think this is incorrect. People DO send out random hate mail. I didn't have a pic up when I first joined (still don't), and I got the "you must be fat" email at least twice in the first month. It is like they believe that by being humilated we will take the bait to respond, first in anger, then in justification, and finally in acceptance.
The hate mail ploy is almost a sure fire way to get someone to respond to you. And once the foot is in the door they can find out how you live. I have to think it is a successful ploy as it continues over time.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanityfull

people dont send random hate mail without reason,

(in reply to Vanityfull)

Post #: 18

RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/6/2009 7:53:01 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
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quote:

Got a mail from a Dom, ordinary mai and then it comes ´I take it youre fat´and talking on and on about how much hes good at mental humiliation/domination etc.

you recieved an e-mail not from a Dom but from a pathetic loser who can only get his self-esteem up to par by slamming someone down.

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RE: is weight an obsession? - 4/6/2009 7:54:09 AM

subtlebutterfly

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To me weight matters, obsession?..not exactly, but very close to being an obsession.
However people are built in a different way, some are tall others are short, some have big bones others have small bones, some have light bones and others have heavy bones. You can't really take one person n tell exactly how heavy that person is. Some people can be 90kg and look healthy (at least moderately) while others look like a piggy bank.
I usually judge a person by the way they look (from a fat viewpoint..) rather than how much they weight.

(in reply to MARAA)

Post #: 20

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