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Jeptha -> RE: Fear of Porn (4/8/2009 10:05:29 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: colouredin
Another reason was a break down of communication, really? Well see I masterbate a lot, I dont think it needs to be talked about, seems that its more an issue with porn. As if its dirty and sleazy well another way to disempower I think. Also I dont really get the idea that wanking means that people are not sexually satisfied, I think of masterbating as being something so different from sexual intimacy. But then maybe thats just me.
The fact that these women were throwing their hands up in utter outrage to me will prevent men from feeling they can be open about this kind of thing, I have recently been talking with a man who harbours so much shame its appaling really. I think that is something worth getting worked up over....
Women who get upset over a partner viewing porn remind me of men who get upset or feel threatened over a woman who gets off with a vibrator.
It really does just have to do with masturbating.
(Or, sometimes, with getting off in general...)
I wonder if guys even "want" the girls (or the guys) in the porn, necessarily, as everyone seems to assume. That might be a good question for another time. I have my doubts, as, while some porn is strikingly beautiful, all of it is more or less negligible. (Meaning, what you got off on today you may not miss twice if you never saw it again.)
But, back to the masturbation/fantasy idea: I don't find it threatening if my female partner fantasizes about someone other than me while she masturbates, or while we're having sex, with possibly one distinction; that her fantasy not be "fixed" on one particular person, but varied, similar to how in porn the cast is often somewhat hazy and anonymous, without fixed identity.
If her fantasy were fixed on one person whom she constantly fantasized about, then I would wonder if she had a thing for that person, and that would be a whole other issue to clarify.
Otherwise, though, and in summary; it's all just fantasy-land, idle fantasy (well - and getting off in general), which I like to be fairly boundless (within the relationship, that is), as much as is possible.
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