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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 8:42:56 AM   
akisha


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I have no need to be the center of attention say in a crowd or at a function. I tend to perfer watching people. you learn way more that way.

But I do need to be the center of Master's attention on atleast a regular basis.

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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 9:03:01 AM   
catize


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Joined: 3/7/2006
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There are definitely times when I like to be noticed.  I like public speaking, acting on stage, making people laugh. 
 
In any relationship there is an expectation that there will be times when we are acutely aware of our partner.  We like to be listened to, asked our opinions, feel that we are valuable to the other person. If we feel taken for granted it will cause problems.
 
One of the best aspects of pain play, bondage, etc. is that the dominant/top is paying close attention <<to me >> to ensure safety.  It is a yummy feeling to know that I am the focal point. Things like stripping for him, touching myself while he watches, makes me feel squirmy and embarrassed but deep down I like that he is paying attention to me!  I also enjoy concentrating intensely on him when, for example, he tells me to worship a part of his body.
 
“Attention whore” is a phrase that has a negative connotation to me.  It suggests an unhealthy neediness, a compulsion to always be front and center.
Some people never get the concept of sharing the limelight, and are prone to grab it any way they can.  I am reminded of a party I attended awhile ago.  A woman arrived, struck a pose with arms in the air and announced loudly, “I’m heeeere!” 
 
There is nothing wrong with seeking attention in appropriate ways and at appropriate times.  If I feel the need to be ‘attended to’, it would be best if I wait until the person I seek it from is not busy with something important.  I also need to accept that they determine the importance of what they are doing.  Watching a movie may not seem critical to me, but if they have anticipated that movie, I would be wise to bide my time!  But when the time is right, I have no difficulty letting someone know that their attention is needed. 
 
When someone pays attention to us, for the right reasons, it tells us we are valued. 

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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 9:59:51 AM   
RCdc


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quote:

ORIGINAL: cpK69
I will need to think further on that thought. In the mean time, I am wondering, does having my thoughts read by others, constitute attention to me, or my thoughts?

I am inclined to believe, we are more than our beliefs; otherwise, there would be little chance for change.


I believe that your correct - we are more than the sum of our parts and our current thoughts.  But they are our thoughts when we put them to paper(or whatever medium) so they are an extension of us.  Attention to our thoughts is attention to us.  It's only when people are blinkered or narrow minded does that cause an issue because they refuse to see past words written in a form that has no expression or smiles or vocal inflection.  Ach that's kind of a repost but so very true.

quote:

Due to the nature of the topics that most interest me, and a subconscious tendency to ‘push’, or provoke it in others, I don’t get a lot of feed back by contribution of thought exchange. I have managed to devise a method of assessing accuracy regaurdless. That is what I come to the boards for. When I am confident in my assessment, then it is posted as fact (according to reality within my perception) and is a representation of me. I don’t need others approval to be, but I do need to make a stand.
 
Oh absolutely.  Approval isn't really what it's about, its the attention one gets from the stand you take.  But people don't take a stand for something they do not either want to be associated with or recognised with unless they are playing devils advocate.

quote:

The sentiment of “you have to stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything” is inaccurate; ‘you’ can’t fall if you stand for nothing; you never got up.

 
I don't see the point/validity of that sentiment either, just for different reasons.

quote:

Edited to indicate which thought I was referring to.

Also adding;  It is true I derive attention from my posts. It equates to that most given to a circus/carnival “freak”, seriously, not my kink, and not something I seek. 


But it's not something to feel bad about - at least I wouldn't say it is.  If it became some all consuming thing that takes over your time and comes to the point where you end up fretting.  Hey, as Marillion/Fish sang - all the best freaks are here.  It's probably pretty apt.
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 4/7/2009 10:01:34 AM >

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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 10:04:14 AM   
InTonguesslave


Posts: 342
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Status: offline 		“Attention whore” is a phrase that has a negative connotation to me.  It suggests an unhealthy neediness, a compulsion to always be front and center.
Some people never get the concept of sharing the limelight, and are prone to grab it any way they can.  I am reminded of a party I attended awhile ago.  A woman arrived, struck a pose with arms in the air and announced loudly, “I’m heeeere!”  
 
 that made me laugh.

and yes, giving this thread that title was wrong.

clearly we arent attention seekers in the main, which is what i was out to clarify.  not being one atall myself it seemed strange to me that i feel so relaxed being the center of Sirs attention when i am with him and it feels constant, even when we arent being physical or talking about me specifically.  his tuned in'ness is always on.

thats a new one for me

flipping over to the argument that we all attention seek each time we post:  for me, personally, i find writing things down far easier than talking things out, when i try to talk things out i feel awkward and lose the thread of what im saying, particularly when what im talking about is to do with my emotions.  this place and others like it provides people with the opportunity to clear muddles and confusion that maybe they could never articulate comfortably or as coherantly.

so, in a way, the contrary could be true - maybe people come on here because they either cannot articulate their thoughts or they do not have anyone to talk to and far from being attention seeking what they are actually doing is safely and comfortably tapping out their opinions, questions and thoughts without the fear of glaring attention from anyone - usually


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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 11:46:39 AM   
cpK69


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I believe that your correct - we are more than the sum of our parts and our current thoughts.  But they are our thoughts when we put them to paper(or whatever medium) so they are an extension of us.  Attention to our thoughts is attention to us.  It's only when people are blinkered or narrow minded does that cause an issue because they refuse to see past words written in a form that has no expression or smiles or vocal inflection.  Ach that's kind of a repost but so very true.

the.dark.


Enjoying the exchange…
 
Your thoughts appear to me, to have relevance toward another, slightly different, question I have been pondering lately.

If in order to adopt a concept as “Master”, I must become the concept, then due to my belief the concept must be shared, bring attention to it, then in turn, I am bringing attention to me.

I am beginning to think it could be likened to being on a team, whether it is me and my thoughts, or me and something else; if one boasts about their team, and claims to not be bringing attention to themself, it is like saying “I am not on the team”.
 
Meant to also say, before I was able to say I was on the team, it seems appropriate to say; I was seeking the attention of the team.
 
Seem accurate?


quote:

Oh absolutely.  Approval isn't really what it's about, its the attention one gets from the stand you take.  But people don't take a stand for something they do not either want to be associated with or recognised with unless they are playing devils advocate.
 
I think I came up with another reason; feeling “unworthy”.
Good talk.
 
Kim

< Message edited by cpK69 -- 4/7/2009 11:58:03 AM >

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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 1:25:29 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Seems pretty accurate to me.  And yes, unworthy is probably another on some levels.
 
the.dark.

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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 7:03:48 PM   
catize


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quote:

 flipping over to the argument that we all attention seek each time we post:


Sometimes I label myself  ‘the thread killer’ because I’ll write my thoughts and no one responds and it turns out to be the end of that topic!  So I agree, writing on the forum is not always an attention getter!

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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 8:21:15 PM   
wisdomofgiving


Posts: 55
Joined: 3/19/2009
Status: offline 		Personally I get creeped out if anyone gives me a lot of attention. I tend to have always walked in the shadows, and when attention comes my way, it makes me uncomfortable. Even posting a thought here or anywhere is uncomfortable for me, because I do not want to draw attention, but i am highly opinionated and when the something strikes me, I will post or speak about the matter.

wisdomofgiving

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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 8:52:29 PM   
girlygurl


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From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		I've read what I've understood to be "attention seeking" as well as seeking advice, and of course those rare times when I truly believed someone was venting and/or making a statement for the sake of doing so and not giving a crap if anyone commented on their post.

It's my belief that most communication in some form is either a subconscious or conscious effort in obtaining validation.

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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 9:16:08 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with  the dark. on many points.
As she stated, seeking attention is not always or necessarily a BAD thing.
 
Almost everyone seeks or wants attention at some time for a variety of reasons.
 
I also agree that there are people that are "attention whores".
I have also noticed that many that seek attention, normally only want "positive" affirmations, especially in cyberspace and often in real life.

There are many "attention seeking whores" that need attention constantly, regardless of whether it is good or bad.  They need the attention, they crave it!
Me, me, me, please look at me, notice me, damn it.
This is an interesting thread.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/7/2009 9:21:10 PM >

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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 10:21:12 PM   
MissEnchanted


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quote:

It's my belief that most communication in some form is either a subconscious or conscious effort in obtaining validation.
  girlygurl
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
That's interesting...I see it as creating a connection.

Very interesting comments on this thread. I do see more people as being altruistic than darcy.nthedark were saying above.


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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 11:06:50 PM   
greeneyedreamer


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quote:

i don't think it's a matter of proclivities rather than a general character trait of some human beings that marks them as attention seeking, drama whores.



You say DRAMA Whores as if because we need attention, it makes it always a bad thing. I need some attention, but not all the time and not for the sake of drama. I believe I am not the exception but the rule. I come alive when my dom is happy and showing me attention. When he is happily showering me with praise or affection, I am beaming. NOT false praise, something I have done to make him happy. It appears you have had a bad experience with drama queens. Damn them! They give us all a bad name!!!!!

::: steps off her soap box and shakes her head. Glad she got that out!:::

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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/8/2009 3:14:28 AM   
girlygurl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEnchanted

quote:

It's my belief that most communication in some form is either a subconscious or conscious effort in obtaining validation.
  girlygurl
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
That's interesting...I see it as creating a connection.

Very interesting comments on this thread. I do see more people as being altruistic than darcy.nthedark were saying above.



MissE
And by creating a connection do you thereby gain validation?

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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/8/2009 4:27:09 AM   
InTonguesslave


Posts: 342
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quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEnchanted

quote:

It's my belief that most communication in some form is either a subconscious or conscious effort in obtaining validation.
  girlygurl
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
That's interesting...I see it as creating a connection.

Very interesting comments on this thread. I do see more people as being altruistic than darcy.nthedark were saying above.



MissE
And by creating a connection do you thereby gain validation?


alot of what i post is usually seeking reassurance.  and ive always got that.  time after time what i ask is validated by people saying,  'thats perfectly understandable'.

often ive had people write to me on the other side and tell me that theyre going through something similar and that the responses that issued forth have helped them out.

from what i can make out we all seem to go through similar things because we are all pretty much similar in how we process stuff.

this thread has shown that.  the majority of submissives who have written here say the same thing.  so yes, validation happens and not just for the OP.

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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/11/2009 11:57:15 AM   
MissEnchanted


Posts: 510
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quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEnchanted

quote:

It's my belief that most communication in some form is either a subconscious or conscious effort in obtaining validation.
  girlygurl
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
That's interesting...I see it as creating a connection.

Very interesting comments on this thread. I do see more people as being altruistic than darcy.nthedark were saying above.



MissE
And by creating a connection do you thereby gain validation?

girly girl,

Not necessarily so for me:

First: The spiritual connection through basic communication is good enough and validation is not necessary.

Then secondly: validation happens through agreement, understanding, or appreciation.

Sometimes I read here or post for validation of myself or others, sometimes for a laugh, My favorite thing to do when I read here is to get good ideas for play or in handling D/s rellationships.

Me



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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/11/2009 12:21:28 PM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
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From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		Isn't everybody attention seeking whore once in a while? Even the wallflowers may crave attention once in a while too...it's just part of being a human and to exist.

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: attention seeking whores - 4/11/2009 6:54:33 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		To the OP,

my slavery involved realizing how grateful i was for his attention, so i craved it, i ached for it, and did everything possible to gain his attention. I felt safe in needing and wanting his attention. I felt secure in knowing i wouldn't be judged for my pathetic needs and aches and desires. I was comfortable in my vulnerability to need his attention,

angel

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