undergroundsea
Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
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I agree with objections against a bait and switch.
quote:
ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama
quote:
ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
If you discuss a no-strings arrangement with a sub, what can he expect from you? What differentiates this scenario from him cleaning for a neighbor?
The answer to the first question is "nothing". That is the problem with the use of the phrase "no strings"! "No strings" housework means that no obligation is conferred upon me whatsoever. I do not have to give him attention, money, sex, punishment, humiliation, or affirmation of his non-related-to-my-dirty-house kinky fantasies.
Thank you for responding to my post. My intent behind the question is to invite discussion about the psychology of the matter.
I agree that no-strings interpretted literally suggests that there should not be any expectations.The spirit of my question was not towards whether one is obligated to offer anything, but towards what a domme would be willing to offer. Perhaps part of the issue lies in use of the term no-strings (I am wondering whether this term is more frequently used on CM because it is listed in activities), and domestic service is a better term. I recognize that the original post is directed at no-strings specifically but I think the conversation, or at least my post, has begun to discuss the psychology behind domestic service.
My question to dommes would be better phrased as follows:
If receiving domestic service from a sub, what do you consider acceptable for you to offer in return?
Just like any other aspect of BDSM, I am assuming that two people who engage in domestic service will do so after feeling compatibility adequate for the activity envisioned. I think compatibility falls on a spectrum; compatibility required for domestic service would be different from compatibility required for a broader relationship.
quote:
What is far more common is that when a man says "no strings", it's because the only "string" he thinks is relevant is sex; he doesn't understand that topping and domination require effort and an emotional investment on my part, and so believes that getting a few household chores done is all it takes to completely reciprocate for a pro-domme style "session" of humiliation and domitude.
Indeed for some, service might be seen as way to receive a full session. For some, service is an expression of D/s or humility itself. This expression of D/s is more complete when the roles are expressed from each side.
People help friends and neighbors from time to time. If providing service for friends and neighbors beyond what is ordinarily done was so rewarding in itself, service subs would do just that. The point I wish to convey is that the reward is not simply in the motions but that there is an energy that surrounds the motions and motivates the motions. This energy might be rooted in different factors. In my opinion, if a dominant can understand what creates this energy and is comfortable to contribute to it, she betters the odds that this service relationship will continue. If she does not contribute to this energy, then it depends on how content the sub is imagining the energy on his own.
If no energy is returned, I see this situation to become one where only one person is giving energy to it. Let's imagine a situation where a dominant is discussing domestic service with a sub, and wishes to receive it but does not wish to contribute any energy to it knowing the sub does wish for some form of energy. How in principle is this situation different from a situation where a sub is focused only on what he wants without thought to what the other might want?
I have had cases where I provided domestic service and while there was an interest to have me return, my enthusiasm to return lessened because I did not feel the energy that makes me want to do it. This feeling is a result of rewards (that that draws me to service, which depends on chemistry and D/s energy) and costs (the cost of time with all else that there is, the drain of doing an activity that otherwise might be uninteresting), and takes form in shades of grey. The D/s energy in this equation is best defined when both contribute to it--the point I wish to convey is that what a dominant does does impact a sub's interest to continue to provide service.
I don't think having buttons that motivate domestic service, or wishing for the buttons to be pushed is wrong in itself. There is a question of how a sub goes about the matter, and one of compatibility. To determine this compatibility, it would be helpful to understand what those buttons are. It may be as simple as saying thank you, or to not say please or thank you--it may be something that appeals to her, or represents an effort that she finds reasonable. If a dominant is not interested in whatever buttons exist for a given sub, fair enough.
I think whether one will be interested to push the buttons will also come to a balance of costs and rewards. Different dominants enjoy or might wish for service for different reasons. Different subs provide service for different reasons. Thus, even within domestic service there is a question of compatibility of why one enjoys service. This cost-reward balance depends on this compatibility with respect to service. A person who enjoys SM topping and does not enjoy cleaning might find satisfaction in a relationship with a sub who offers service as a barter.
quote:
Maid service in most cities goes for anywhere from 20-40 dollars per hour. Pro dommes go for 200-300 dollars per hour. That difference in price actually expresses the difference in the level of emotional and physical energy that is expended by a woman in the two tasks fairly well.
I am pondering this point. I think all professions rely on supply and demand, and, indeed, the supply of workers is affected by what is a cost to the workers. I think amongst factors that affect the supply is the barrier of entry defined by investment capital and the need to overcome a societal or personal stigma.
In any case, a person who is seeking service only for the convenience of it may indeed be better off hiring a maid. I think service is a better fit for those who find satisfaction in the energy that can surround it, or can find satisfaction in that they give in return in case of a barter.
Cheers,
Sea
< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 4/14/2009 10:46:57 AM >
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RE: No Strings Housework? - 
Profile
Uhh never cooked a kanga, does it taste good? What kind of silly British name is that for a tool? But seriously, you don't mention cooking, i am sure i did.
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