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Delphinus -> RE: turning on my dom, online--tips? (4/12/2009 4:51:22 AM)
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I have a long distance relationship with my wonderful man because he is in the military. I have to rely greatly on my writing to translate my submission into something hot on the screen for him.
The first step is, of course, submitting. You're not submitting to this man - you can't possibly be. You're experimenting with how you feel about the possibility of submitting, and I think that's just fine. (I hope you are aware that what you are also doing is testing the waters out there "by yourself" and allowing yourself to risk being caught - essentially you are sabotaging your marriage, but that may very well be your intention.) So while I find it unrealistic to say that you are submitting to this man, use the experience for what you can get from it and start to learn to submit - to anyone, to your own desires, to being open about what you want. Sit yourself down at the computer, drink some wine first if it will loosen you up - I had to do that the first few months, even, but now I'm more practiced at this - close your eyes, visualize your most submissive fantasy, and write about it, in great detail. Write about the sound that your fantasy man's beer makes as he places it on the table before he walks toward you; about the small breeze you feel as he walks past your face as you are knelt and blindfolded before him; about the heat that you feel in your face when he is inspecting you from behind; about your discomfort at opening up and allowing someone else to know your fantasies; about exactly how the sting of his hand feels on you, way past just the physical contact and into the electricity and warmth that putting yourself in his hands makes you feel; write about what it is that you think about when you pleasure yourself and be descriptive and deliberate, describing exactly where you put your fingers and how you move them and what sensations you feel and how you want his fingers and his tongue there instead of your fingers if only he would let you beg for him.
Don't write porn. Write about you and the sensations you feel when you close your eyes and enter that place in your mind. Anybody can say they want to be "bent over your knee and spanked until I'm red and sore." Dig within yourself to say what you really feel... that you want to "crawl across his lap and part your legs slightly, raising your hips just a bit to him as he slides his fingers inside of you...feeling nervous, expectant, and slightly squirming at the thought of his hand cutting through the air and smacking against your body...it hurts already and it hasn't even happened, all that's happened so far is he has positioned you, handled you, and as he holds your chin with one hand and whispers that name that is so special for you, you close your eyes and try to remember how you got here, how you got to this place in which you trust so much that you can let yourself go in such a way as to allow yourself, and desire, to be disciplined...and you lower your head and grab hold in adoration and thankfulness as you feel a strong, deliberate smack, the first of many, ...and you feel grounded, and sore, and slightly shamed, and wet, and he tells you, as you lay, recovering from the pain, what a beautiful shade of red you've become and how pleased he is with how you took your punishment...and you feel grateful and can't help but kneel at his feet and serve him." (And be liberal with your use of a thesaurus if relying on writing - it really does help when you are trying to pinpoint something exactly.)
And then? Before you hit send? Print it out and give it to your husband. Because this isn't about that man you can't possibly be submitting to. This is about you. Give your husband a chance - a true chance - before you turn to someone else to satisfy what you think you might be craving. I was in a very similar situation a few years ago - I think I might know exactly how you feel and what you are doing - but please consider at least making a very real and honest effort to explore your desires with him before you move on. I would guess that the bedroom is not your only issue, but it might be one that can be mended if you truly open up to him about what you are craving.
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