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How To Humiliate - 4/10/2009 9:24:07 AM

CryptInjection

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/26/2009
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I have a new submissive and she's extremely into being humiliated and embarassed Just as much as possible and really put down.

I've always been much more of a sadist(physical pain), I'm at a little bit of a loss at thinking up how I'm going to verbally and physically humiliate her as it's never been my primary intention. I'm wanting to get more into it though.

Can anyone offer me any pointers, Specifically on verbal humiliation?

Post #: 1

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/10/2009 11:08:56 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Ask her if she's had it done before; if so, what did they say to her? Take it from there.
Ask her if she fantasizes about certain things. (hint, with the fantasy thing...take it slow and pay careful attention to her reactions as sometimes a fantasy sounds wonderful, but affects people differently than expected.
Ask her if there are any lines you should not cross. Humiliation can be hot as long as it is within the parameters the person enjoys; you could do damage if you cross those lines.
Try to learn how to enjoy it: the way I enjoy the phone humiliation I do is looking at is as a service. They can hear it in my voice that I am enjoying it (although I totally hated it at first.) They love to hear me laugh as I say the degrading, humiliating things they love.
I'm not one who believes after care is always necessary, but after something like this, I'd recommend it. She has to know, outside of the scene that she is the same woman you respect and adore.
Good luck!!

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to CryptInjection)

Post #: 2

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/10/2009 11:12:24 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I've always been much more of a sadist(physical pain), I'm at a little bit of a loss

Now why would you take on a sub you don't have the experience for? It is a bit assbackwards, for me, buying a bike when you have a car license.

(in reply to CryptInjection)

Post #: 3

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/10/2009 11:26:21 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Sounds like your needs don't match.

Wouldn't it be a lot easier and wiser just to get with someone who you "get" in the first place, than to stay with someone who you can't figure out in the beginning and maybe never will?

Why would you want a sub who's not a good fit with you?

Once again antipode is spot on, as usual.

Do yourself and your sub a favor and re-read his post above and let it sink in, please.

*tips hat to the handsome man in sunglasses*

_____________________________

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(in reply to CryptInjection)

Post #: 4

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/10/2009 11:27:49 AM

crazyredhead1957

Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Ask her if there are any lines you should not cross. Humiliation can be hot as long as it is within the parameters the person enjoys; you could do damage if you cross those lines.

Yes, find out if there are any "hot spots" You should avoid, and go from there. mine for instance are my size & weight, and anything else is fair game, but the hotspots can ruin an experience in a heartbeat.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
I'm not one who believes after care is always necessary, but after something like this, I'd recommend it. She has to know, outside of the scene that she is the same woman you respect and adore.
Good luck!!

And good humiliation can be so intense that, yes, aftercare is good.

(in reply to CryptInjection)

Post #: 5

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/10/2009 11:39:00 AM

nolimithole

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/8/2009
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What humiliates me may not humiliate her and vice versa. You have to know her buttons!

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)

Post #: 6

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/10/2009 12:37:17 PM

VeryNastyDom

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
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Listen, listen, and then listen some more. Subs that are into humiliation will tell you what makes their flesh crawl even if they don't mean to. If you listen carefully and observe thoughtfully, you will know precisely how to punch her hot buttons.

(in reply to nolimithole)

Post #: 7

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/10/2009 1:10:17 PM

crazyredhead1957

Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline

nolimithole, you are right.....what humiliates one may not even touch another. What i said was just an example.

VeryNastyDom, it's so true that "Subs that are into humiliation will tell you what makes their flesh crawl even if they don't mean to. If you listen carefully and observe thoughtfully, you will know precisely how to punch her hot buttons."

~smiles~

(in reply to nolimithole)

Post #: 8

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/10/2009 2:45:24 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

A search of humiliation on CM.

It's a very common topic. I wrote up (what I thought) was a helpful how-to, but its lost in a sea of humiliation threads. Still, lots to learn in that sea.

ETA: Neat, I found it. My two cents.

< Message edited by HeavansKeeper -- 4/10/2009 2:50:34 PM >

_____________________________

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... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)

Post #: 9

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/11/2009 8:41:44 AM

Routesman

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/6/2006
Status: offline

As most people have said, your sub will give you hints on what type of humiliation she likes. Personally, I ask about fantasies and about what they are uncomfortable with about themselves. The second portion is key, in my opinion. I enjoy humiliation play as a Dom; but, I also realize that humiliation is like a crop only the damage takes a lot more time to heal.

With humiliation play, there are always places you should not and can not go without damaging your submissive. And the worst part is that everything can be going just fine and all of a sudden you'll say something and you are 'over the line'. And (in my experience) its pretty easy to have that happen. Sub is in subspace being humiliated and getting extremely excited by it; and then you make a comment that hits something hurtful without even realizing it... and your sub gets crushed. I've even had this happen with a sub by saying something she had said about herself prior.

So, my advice is to just keep a close eye on how your sub is reacting to your humiliation and keep away from sensitive subjects. While I can't speak for every sub out there, I have always avoid body image and intelligence humiliation. Admittedly, all of the girls I've played with have been college educated; but, their still sensitive to being considered 'stupid' and not sensitive in a good way.

Also, I can't express this enough: AFTERCARE, AFTERCARE, AFTERCARE. Obviously, after any play there should be aftercare. but with humiliation play, its even more important. Even though the sub enjoys the humiliation, it does put cracks in their self-esteem. During aftercare, you need to tell them how much you love them and how special they are. Tell them what you love about them and list off the qualities love about them. Cuddling and hugs are very important as well.

One of my current subs had a previous Dom who didn't do good aftercare. He tried several types of humiliation play that she said she had no interest in. She still tried it a bit for me and then really got into it. I honestly feel the reason she got into it with me and didn't have interest before me was because the Dom before me didn't do good aftercare. With me, she knew I would build her back up and tend the wounds we made in play. That allowed her to let go and just enjoy the scene rather than having to keep her shields up so she didn't get hurt too much.

< Message edited by Routesman -- 4/11/2009 8:42:12 AM >

(in reply to CryptInjection)

Post #: 10

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/11/2009 8:45:56 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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For many of us submissives, it is the verbal abuse from our background that was more damaging than the physical. I am reluctant to engage in humiliation play. Actually, for me it is a hard limit. Although what is one persons humiliation play is anothers stimulation. I can be called slut, whore or bitch but would draw the line at being a dog or his little piggy or made to bark, oink or fetch on all fours.

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(in reply to Routesman)

Post #: 11

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/12/2009 8:27:17 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

You can make shirts with certain sayings "I'm a slut" "I'm the stupid one" "LOOSER!" "My breast are fake" etc.. etc....

Lock her outside wearing just panties for x amount of time.

Make her walk into a repair shop with some broken vibrators to have fixed.

At a munch or BDSM event, tell her she's not allowed to speak with anyone. Everytime she tries to talk say "SHUT UP!! You're still a fake. You're not a real life styler yet. Now bend over and take a spanking."

After any scene, fuck, blow job, or whatever, say "Not bad. Just barely good enough for me to keep you."

Tie her up against the wall. Force her to watch you scene with, recieve favors from, and fuck another person. "That's how a real whore fucks."

At events introduce her as "This is my wannabe submissive whore for the night. We'll call her idiot for now untill she gets something right."

Let us know how these ideas work.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to CryptInjection)

Post #: 12

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/12/2009 11:01:38 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Dude,

Those posts that suggested your not a good "match" whatever that means ignore. Keep trying new stuff who knows you may enjoi it. Never understood close minded folk.

BadOne

_____________________________

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 13

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/13/2009 5:34:44 AM

JustStephen

Posts: 61
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

I've always been much more of a sadist(physical pain), I'm at a little bit of a loss

Now why would you take on a sub you don't have the experience for? It is a bit assbackwards, for me, buying a bike when you have a car license.

Because he's attracted to her? because he likes her personality and would like to take it one step further than just a Dom/sub relationship?because he's a man and she's a woman? because he has the patience to gain knowledge ?
Personally I would never compare a woman with a bike, sub or not.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 14

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/13/2009 5:42:40 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

You can make shirts with certain sayings "I'm a slut" "I'm the stupid one" "LOOSER!" "My breast are fake" etc.. etc....

Lock her outside wearing just panties for x amount of time.

Make her walk into a repair shop with some broken vibrators to have fixed.

At a munch or BDSM event, tell her she's not allowed to speak with anyone. Everytime she tries to talk say "SHUT UP!! You're still a fake. You're not a real life styler yet. Now bend over and take a spanking."

After any scene, fuck, blow job, or whatever, say "Not bad. Just barely good enough for me to keep you."

Tie her up against the wall. Force her to watch you scene with, recieve favors from, and fuck another person. "That's how a real whore fucks."

At events introduce her as "This is my wannabe submissive whore for the night. We'll call her idiot for now untill she gets something right."

Let us know how these ideas work.

I love humiliation but I hate every one of your suggestions and Im afraid if he did any of that with me I would have to kill him

Humiliation is very individual and the only way to get it right is to pick up clues from her. She needs to talk about her fantasies and the dominant needs to take a concious note of what she's saying.
If she tells you for example that she wants to feel worthless, don't try and guess what 'worthless' means to her. She will have a very specific idea and she needs to share that with you so that you don't jump the gun and get it wrong.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 15

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/13/2009 5:44:11 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

For many of us submissives, it is the verbal abuse from our background that was more damaging than the physical. I am reluctant to engage in humiliation play. Actually, for me it is a hard limit. Although what is one persons humiliation play is anothers stimulation. I can be called slut, whore or bitch but would draw the line at being a dog or his little piggy or made to bark, oink or fetch on all fours.

So actually you do like humiliation

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 16

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/13/2009 10:32:14 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

You can make shirts with certain sayings "I'm a slut" "I'm the stupid one" "LOOSER!" "My breast are fake" etc.. etc....

Lock her outside wearing just panties for x amount of time.

Make her walk into a repair shop with some broken vibrators to have fixed.

At a munch or BDSM event, tell her she's not allowed to speak with anyone. Everytime she tries to talk say "SHUT UP!! You're still a fake. You're not a real life styler yet. Now bend over and take a spanking."

After any scene, fuck, blow job, or whatever, say "Not bad. Just barely good enough for me to keep you."

Tie her up against the wall. Force her to watch you scene with, recieve favors from, and fuck another person. "That's how a real whore fucks."

At events introduce her as "This is my wannabe submissive whore for the night. We'll call her idiot for now untill she gets something right."

Let us know how these ideas work.

I love humiliation but I hate every one of your suggestions and Im afraid if he did any of that with me I would have to kill him
Humiliation is very individual and the only way to get it right is to pick up clues from her. She needs to talk about her fantasies and the dominant needs to take a concious note of what she's saying.
If she tells you for example that she wants to feel worthless, don't try and guess what 'worthless' means to her. She will have a very specific idea and she needs to share that with you so that you don't jump the gun and get it wrong.

I agree with this.

In my experience, humiliation has a paradoxical effect of strengthening the bond between you, and the activities suggested above don't seem to do that.
They seem to emphasize seperation, to my mind.

The way humiliation strengthens the bond is by playing on the fears and fantasies of objectification or degradation, but always within a framework where it feels safe to do so. In other words, the underlying message that "...and you are mine" is always present. Somewhere in the back of her mind, the idea that "I enjoy exploring this with you" is present, even if just subconsciously.

That underlying understanding and trust is like the safety net for the trapeze artist.

Once you know that that safety net is really there, then you can feel safe enough to forget about it and really soar (...ok - maybe a little hyperbolic there...), so to speak.

It's a very intimate thing!

At least, that's been my experience with it, but certainly others will desire different things from it.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 4/13/2009 10:36:49 AM >

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~*~*~*~*
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Post #: 17

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/14/2009 4:25:59 AM

novak

Posts: 21
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline

have her kiss your feet in a store with a lot pople looking on

(in reply to CryptInjection)

Post #: 18

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/14/2009 5:48:14 PM

Knite064

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline

I just dont get the suggestions that your not suited because you have hooked up with a submissive that has experience in an area you dont yet have,(unless of course your uncomfortable with the idea or its a hard limit then yes i would think carefully before going ahead as your attempts to humiliate her could just as easily leave you feeling shitty about yourself and because the "right vibe" is nt there then her left feeling like crap also)

Im not here to criticise others but im replying here because there is one specific post that gives a number of suggestions on how to humiliate her and frankly i think its poor advice considering you are new to this area and none of us know what her definition of humiliation is.

My idea of humilition play is more akin to the use of say a flogger.....a few soft brushes to mark the strart,with a series of sensations following suit to create that rollercoaster ride as she drifts of into her own little world of pain and pleasure.
Likewise (for me anyhow) humiliation play is creating that mix of emotions wherebye she is taken on a rollercoaster ride of uncertainty,taking her down and lifting her back up again to new heights(the feelings she experiences whilst humiliation play is in progress creates a new high when you compliment her for her added effort in doing something well.)

To give an example,i recall one submissive that was very focused on her ability to bring pleasure to her male partner and she loved reaction to her actions....now this girl could give the most incredible bj and she prided herself on this ability,so during a scene that was to involve humiliation play she would be kneeling and giving the performance of her life but by simply placing ones hands/fingers on a certain point near ones groin i could put myself into a flacid state(I assume the blood flow was hampered)..anyhow a few remarks that perhaps she had lost her "talent"or whatever would have the effect of her feeling humiliated .(the low) a little encouragement to "try harder"in a theatricallly condescending manner etc and she would get the result she desired back again(or indeed re create the flacid state again and the whole process causing her all sorts of feelings inside)....When i stopped sabotaging her efforts and enjoyed this very gifted girls skills she would put so much effort in and it was clear her skills working on me were having an incredible effect on her as the temporary sense of failure was swept aside.(never was a scene of this type left ending negatively and never was she left doubting herself ...and yes id own up afterwards as to what really happened)

My point being that humiliation for me is not a negative thing but an illusion of negativity created to intensify the scene and i agree with another poster that it has a positive effect on a relationship.

I of course only speak for myself and certainly not intended to be viewed as the "right way" but, it is my way.

(in reply to CryptInjection)

Post #: 19

RE: How To Humiliate - 4/14/2009 6:40:21 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Knite064
My point being that humiliation for me is not a negative thing but an illusion of negativity created to intensify the scene and i agree with another poster that it has a positive effect on a relationship.

I agree with the idea that "good" humiliation is the illusion of negativity. But it's something more. It has to be rooted in reality. Long ago, I was being the subject of humiliation from a woman who was new to the idea. She kept repeating how stupid I was. Since I was (at least) as intelligent as she, this was ineffective. I was able to laugh it off thinking "You know... by most objective measures, I'm more intelligent than you."

Forcing a submissive to fail is VERY real to them. Too real. Especially in an area of pride. I consider your story about the failure regarding blowjobs... If it works for you guys, great... But there is some juju I don't touch.. and making my girl feel like her wonderful blowjobs are terrible is in that category.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to Knite064)

Post #: 20

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