RE: How To Humiliate

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RE: How To Humiliate - 4/15/2009 7:12:26 AM

Knite064

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

quote:

ORIGINAL: Knite064
My point being that humiliation for me is not a negative thing but an illusion of negativity created to intensify the scene and i agree with another poster that it has a positive effect on a relationship.

Forcing a submissive to fail is VERY real to them. Too real. Especially in an area of pride. I consider your story about the failure regarding blowjobs... If it works for you guys, great... But there is some juju I don't touch.. and making my girl feel like her wonderful blowjobs are terrible is in that category.

I am actually pleased you picked up on that point as last evening when i wrote the example i had just returned from a long journey and it was way past my bedtime , i reflected this morning on my post and concluded i did nt explain myself well there at all.

The point i was trying to get across was using the very temporary illusion of her not doing well but the end result was that she would be left feeling very proud of herself (and frankly she was self confident enough to know that other than being a wonderful person that i thought the world off she was also a terrific lover.)
Would it work with others?no it was a specific dynamic that evolved between me and one sub)

I understand your point on it having to be realistic but for me personally if i were to believe what i said to be true then i would not use it in play at all(in fact what the hell am i doing being with her if i did feel any negativity).......if played out correctly its harmless play that intensifies a scene, but to attack someones weight,intelligence;anything she has a negative self image about or any ghosts from the past are strictly no go areas.

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RE: How To Humiliate - 4/16/2009 11:01:03 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

...I agree with the idea that "good" humiliation is the illusion of negativity. But it's something more. It has to be rooted in reality. ...

In my experience it's been based on fantasies that she already had; but extrapolating off of that and adding my own fuel to the fire to make it feel like something new and different.

So; even tho I may appear to be objectifying or degrading her, there is a sort of meta-awareness (if you will pardon the pretentiousness of the term), always present though unspoken, that I'm leading her just as surely as if we were walking through a dark wood at night by flashlight.

This is why I love to hear about fantasies; it's great insight, but it could also be a source of raw material, like a painter's paints (again, begging your kind indulgence for the lofty metaphor.)

It's also why I get puzzled by a sort of non-feedback-loop that appears to happen when I hear submissives claim that they don't want their dominants to learn their fantasies because they are worried that the dominant will then cater to them, in effect bottoming to the fantasy.

I just want to say in clarification: it doesn't really work like that.

I could go on about that, but I guess that would be getting a little too far afield.

As a side note: I wonder if humiliation for men is different, as what I read from a lot of sub men who talk about it on this site seems to be coming from a whole different sort of mindset, with a different desired relationship structure, and whatever else. That all is a little mysterious to me.

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