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RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 6:59:13 AM

MissJanice2

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Limits are for both sub and Domme's protection. It is very basic communication to allow each other to know what can and cannot be done to them.
My limits for me as a Domme are Edge play because I am not qualified to do edge play, and gang rape scenes. I refuse to take part in that type play.
My slave on the other hand, has no limits.

Best Wishes,

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Post #: 41

RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 7:18:37 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subsubtle

Perhaps this will end up being an argument in semantics but oh well.

I've been wondering why Dommes feel the need to explain what their "limits" are. As a sub, I would never want to do anything that I knew my Mistress did not enjoy, let alone something she hated. Similarly, if she's in charge, she wouldn't have to list her limits. She would simply have to say "These are things we will not do." She's in charge so it's up to her. To me, a limit is something that I ask not to be ordered to do because I can't do it or I would hate it. But, since the dominant is in control, they don't need to worry about their limits because they decide what happens anyway.

Thoughts?

I don't know that I need limits. I do know that I desire, want, to have and establish limits for myself, and those around me. They are boundaries, lines that had better not be crossed. I believe in communication. I would rather run someone off early on by telling them I will never allow, they had better NEVER hint, suggest, whine, or beg for X. Than cruise along thinking everything is hunkydory and KAPOW!!!, they cross the line and I have to KAPOW!!! them.

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Post #: 42

RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 7:34:58 AM

LadyHibiscus

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There's stuff that I just don't do. There's another set of things that I *won't* do. Now, anyone who expects the success of a relationship to hinge on a kink activity isn't for me anyway, but I think it's important for a person to know that they will NOT get certain things from me. And that I do not have to explain why I feel the way I do.

The boundary issues that LaT mentions are another thing entirely, but as an example... if I say NO, do not try to manipulate me, or whine or beg. KAPOW!

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Post #: 43

RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 8:41:18 AM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

I also agree with this, and have always been puzzled by Dominants that disclose some areas as hard limits.

I do not have any hard limits, fact being I only do what I wish to do, my subs/players or masochists have to gel with my likes, end of

No hard limits at all? No problem with killing someone or permantly disfiguring them?

My guess is, you really have hard limits, but you don't consider them any of your subs business because you will do what you want when you want it. That is fine, but the limits are still there. There are still things you would not do because you don't feel they are safe or fun or whatever your reasoning for them. Those are limits whether you list them or not.

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Post #: 44

RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 1:41:23 PM

MistressRouge

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I would think anyone with an interest in killing, or permanently disfiguring someone, is rather unhinged. My expressing that I have no hard limits that I know of, simple means that is something I havent pondered before.

Yes, there maybe actvities/senarios I have not interest in, yet again I just dismiss it and dont dramatize it, by labelling it a limit

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

I also agree with this, and have always been puzzled by Dominants that disclose some areas as hard limits.

I do not have any hard limits, fact being I only do what I wish to do, my subs/players or masochists have to gel with my likes, end of

No hard limits at all? No problem with killing someone or permantly disfiguring them?

My guess is, you really have hard limits, but you don't consider them any of your subs business because you will do what you want when you want it. That is fine, but the limits are still there. There are still things you would not do because you don't feel they are safe or fun or whatever your reasoning for them. Those are limits whether you list them or not.

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Post #: 45

RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 3:00:11 PM

beeble

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quote:

MistressRouge wrote:
I do not, and never have considered my preferences as limits, and never will never describe them as such.

The profile information you quote are not my limits, they are my preferences, and as described on my profile are effective, without my labelling them as "limits".

Well, that's fair enough but those statements of things that you won't consider doing are exactly what people mean when they talk about limits. I hope that explains your mystification about the L-word.

beeble.

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Post #: 46

RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 3:37:54 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

I do not, and never have considered my preferences as limits, and never will never describe them as such.

Why?

Is there a problem you feel with the word "limits" when applied to dominants or top or simply to you?

Personally as a human being I know I have limits. I don't therefor have a problem with using that basic term to describe things to a potential partner or to myself. I'm not a Goddess, not really even if I might role-play one.

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Post #: 47

RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 4:10:49 PM

MistressRouge

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It certainly does beeble

This interesting topic, and has most certainly given me food for thought.

quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble

quote:

MistressRouge wrote:
I do not, and never have considered my preferences as limits, and never will never describe them as such.

The profile information you quote are not my limits, they are my preferences, and as described on my profile are effective, without my labelling them as "limits".

Well, that's fair enough but those statements of things that you won't consider doing are exactly what people mean when they talk about limits. I hope that explains your mystification about the L-word.

beeble.

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Post #: 48

RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 4:21:04 PM

MistressRouge

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As I mentioned in previous postings, the only limits I really come into contact with are my subs, and those that I session & play with.

I have never really pondered over the idea that I need to disclose anything that I would never venture, or have no interest in.

Maybe, the fact that subs approach me only, I never make any first contact. This maybe the reason why I have never really even envisaged any limits I may have, and I mean that in a genuine way.

I am in no way being uber-Domme by saying I do not have any limits, maybe I do, I will have to ponder on that one.

This discussion has been really interesting, and an education to me, which I welcome.

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

I do not, and never have considered my preferences as limits, and never will never describe them as such.

Why?

Is there a problem you feel with the word "limits" when applied to dominants or top or simply to you?

Personally as a human being I know I have limits. I don't therefor have a problem with using that basic term to describe things to a potential partner or to myself. I'm not a Goddess, not really even if I might role-play one.

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Post #: 49

RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 4:27:44 PM

Politesub53

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

I would think anyone with an interest in killing, or permanently disfiguring someone, is rather unhinged. My expressing that I have no hard limits that I know of, simple means that is something I havent pondered before.

Yes, there maybe actvities/senarios I have not interest in, yet again I just dismiss it and dont dramatize it, by labelling it a limit

Waves to Mistress Rouge. I can see what you are saying here, may so called limits, such as killing someone, are more societal. We take for granted that no one will indulge in them, although I dont see how I could ask you to kill me more than once.

I would think that in a close relationship with someone, You would realise limits, as opposed to things you are unsure of, in the normal course of conversation.

However, a hard limit would be that Brummie accent

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RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 5:47:26 PM

PanthersMom

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why do Dommes have limits? why does anyone have limits? what are we a strange species of human that is supposed to be different from everyone else? hello! we're human, just like everyone else!
PM

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Post #: 51

RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 6:27:07 PM

MistressRouge

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Ay yow lol

Nice to see you, to see you nice!

Hello Polite one, the problem with this BDSM lark, is that all the pigeon-holed-lovely labels many name, stamp and adhere to, seems to be a law unto itself.

I completely relate with the beginner of this op, and have never even thought about myself having any limits.

Some may label certain aspects, into their formal, regimented label catergorisation. I would rather just enjoy my kink, without having to adhere to what people think I should "label" it as such.

Great to see you

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

I would think anyone with an interest in killing, or permanently disfiguring someone, is rather unhinged. My expressing that I have no hard limits that I know of, simple means that is something I havent pondered before.

Yes, there maybe actvities/senarios I have not interest in, yet again I just dismiss it and dont dramatize it, by labelling it a limit

Waves to Mistress Rouge. I can see what you are saying here, may so called limits, such as killing someone, are more societal. We take for granted that no one will indulge in them, although I dont see how I could ask you to kill me more than once.

I would think that in a close relationship with someone, You would realise limits, as opposed to things you are unsure of, in the normal course of conversation.

However, a hard limit would be that Brummie accent

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RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 4/14/2009 6:39:01 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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I list limits/boundaries because there are some things that I won't do that a prospect might not be willing to give up. Since I am unlikely to yield, they will likely end up feeling deprived. I've tried, on a couple of occasions, taking on a prospective servant who had interests that I did not participate in. It did not work out well, as I was unwilling to do those things, and they soon became irritable and either departed or began acting out after realizing that they really -weren't- going to get what they wanted.

I prefer to be straightforward about what I will and won't consider, so I state, clearly and openly, what my boundaries are and what I will and won't do. That way, nobody can say that they didn't know.

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Post #: 53

RE: Why do Dommes need to have limits? - 5/4/2009 4:40:38 AM

GYPZYQUEEN

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IT is useful for a sub to know that the small vein tube I have in his neck for MY feeding purposes is not to be tampered with..