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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/11/2009 1:15:07 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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The only times I've ever had to give my slave any kind of consequence I have him write a paragraph or two about what went wrong and why, and how he will prevent recurrence of the offending behavior.

This accomplishes the goal, which is not to punish but to correct the problem.

It also puts it back on him, to correct the problem. He's a grown man, and is responsible for his own actions. It is not my job to "make" him be good. It is his job to behave, period. I just don't have the time or patience for a disobedient slave, at all.

He is not willfully disobedient, so I've only had to do this a few times.

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/11/2009 3:04:39 PM

stella41b

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Maybe it's me but I also don't get the fixed idea of punishment in a relationship. Especially not a relationship where I'm meant to be consensually submissive and functioning in harmony with a domme who is being consensually dominant.

Maybe it's me, I''m getting too old or something, or too old-fashioned or maybe even square, but from my perspective entering into a relationship with a domme who is sadistic and being whipped by her, on my consent, is more a kind of service to me than punishment.

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/11/2009 3:09:41 PM

masmiss

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Oh, I agree 100%, stella. My slave and I are both consensual when it comes to whipping and so it is, indeed, a service,not a punishment. That is why I asked the question about punishment in the first place. I, like so many other Dommes on this site, do not want to have to make punishment a way of life. But, knowing this particular slave as I do, I expect there to be some challenge in the beginning and I want to quickly get a handle on it. Otherwise, it won't work for me.

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/11/2009 8:34:18 PM

LovingMistress45

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I am with what some others have said, any that I have been with were upset just by the fact that I was displeased. I don't think punishment is really need much or at least it hasn't in my relationships. But personally when I have it has usually been to send him to a corner out of my presence to think about what happened. When I have him come to me we talk about it.

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/12/2009 6:45:47 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
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as my M'Lady has said disappointing Her has to be the worst kind of pain for me. that and being ignored as i am a naturally gregarious person.
as for your situation his being a alpha in his world may not equate to being one in yours. you may find that he will be very accepting of the difference. i am a soldier and a nurse both require leadership and authority. when i am with my M'Lady i am fully a submissive. i kneel at her feet and she places the formal collar on me and i am her sub. don't expect trouble just expect respect and ritual.

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 12:00:39 AM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
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Actions have consequences. This is true in the mundane world. It's also true in the kink world.

If I tell my sub to clean the front room while I'm doing the grocery shopping and I return to find he got distracted by a back issue of Scientific American, he'll still have to clean. And you know, I find that in those circumstances that the extra time it takes to complete the task is the exact same amount of time I had mentally reserved to engage in an activity the sub really likes later that evening. The extra time's got to get taken from something else, after all; there's only 24 hours in a day. That's just a consequence.

I've been ticketed before for not wearing my seatbelt, and I admit, part of what then drove me to make it a nearly unconscious habit to put it on when I got in was, in fact, the memory of the embarassment of the stop, the financial pain of the ticket, and the annoying bureaucratic hassle of paying it off. It would be nice if all of us as adults would always be properly responsible all the time, but it doesn't happen.

My girl isn't a masochist, but thanks to childhood abuse can endure quite a lot of pain without a whimper, and will not tell either my husband or I when the pain goes deeper than her doms meant to deliver. She got a bruise last night we were not intending to inflict, because she did not say anything when a spank hit harder than intended

I told her that if she says to herself, "But she's having fun, I don't want to stop my Mistress not having fun" or "I'm such a brat sometimes, I really deserve it" or "it's really not a big deal, my dad did worse most weekends when I was young" or any of that other bullshit again, she'll do a sinkful of dishes while listening to rap. BAD rap. I'll do it, too. (grin) Punishment in this game is not always a matter of merely beating someone's ass.

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 12:03:44 AM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
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From: The Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: masmiss

I will soon be the owner of a very masochistic male slave. This is my first experience in slave ownership and I need any advice I can get. Obviously, corporal punishment is something he lives for and I happen to enjoy dishing out. However, can any of you experienced Ladies give me some advice on punishment that will be effective in training rather than something this boy sees as a "reward" in a sense?

Ignore is the Best punishment!

All other is spoiling !!!

I wish You enough.

GoddezzT`

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 6:21:21 AM

MistressRouge

Posts: 876
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From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
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Now that is a rarity, I have yet to play with a masochist that enjoys the cane

Sensation play is also great, electrics, needleplay, and even something like tickling can be an unexpected torture.

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 6:23:32 AM

ShiftedJewel

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: simpleplan2

How do you know he is going to "need" to be punished? I honestly don't get that...I don't mean just this post, but in general. It seems to me that many dominants go into a relationship assuming that punishment is a definite. Can anyone explain why?

I'm wondering the same thing... but I have to admit that many subs I have talked to one of the first questions they ask is "How will you punish me?" My reply is "Do you plan on acting out intentionally?" That always throws them off some. The reality is that if there is a need for punishment then one of two things have happened... either I didn't make myself clear about my needs/expectation or they are just acting out in order to be punished. The first is fixable through communication, after all, I expect to be dealing with another adult. The second is completely unacceptable in my opinion and they wouldn't last long here.

I'm just not into having to fight someone every step of the way... I've raised my kids, they're grown and gone now, I have no desire to take on that challenge again.

Jewel

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 8:22:39 AM

HandSolo

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Just have him watch and then write a lengthy and detailed review of a Jonas Brothers concert.

shudder

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 8:27:12 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
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From: Not your hood
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HandSolo

Just have him watch and then write a lengthy and detailed review of a Jonas Brothers concert.

shudder

dude..now THAT would be a masochists dream!!!!!!!!!!
however in my case it would make me suicidal OHMYGOSH...is there anything worse than that omg

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 10:37:32 AM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ShiftedJewel wrote: I'm wondering the same thing... but I have to admit that many subs I have talked to one of the first questions they ask is "How will you punish me?" My reply is "Do you plan on acting out intentionally?" That always throws them off some.

Given that they're thrown off by your response, I guess they were planning on acting out. On the other hand, somebody could ask the question to test compatibility. I certainly wouldn't be interested in serving somebody in a punishment-oriented dynamic.

beeble.

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 12:25:49 PM

MistressRouge

Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
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Having being rash with my previous reply.

The most effective way to punish a masochist, is not to, physically anyway lol.

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 1:58:53 PM

masmiss

Posts: 494
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From: New Jersey
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After reading all the replies to my original post I have to say that I believe ignoring my boy would be the best punishment. I know it will pain him to know he displeased me.
I am giving MistressRouge's suggestion of tickling a serious thought, too.

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Post #: 34

RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 2:03:27 PM

DelilahDeb

Posts: 429
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My first thought is an old joke:
The masochist says to the sadist, "Hurt me, hurt me!"
The sadist says to the masochist, "Noooooo."

My second thought is corner time, cage time, or vanilla time.

Don't keep slaves, and find that my subs work hard to please me without my needing to think hard about how I would punish them if I needed to.

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Post #: 35

RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 3:10:21 PM

Kita

Posts: 30
Joined: 1/11/2009
From: Lincoln, NE
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masmiss
After reading all the replies to my original post I have to say that I believe ignoring my boy would be the best punishment. I know it will pain him to know he displeased me.
I am giving MistressRouge's suggestion of tickling a serious thought, too.

Here's one "nay" for using the silent treatment as punishment. Feeling hurt/sad/angry and walking away for a bit to gather your thoughts (or what have you) is one thing, but systematic non-communication is choosing not to address what the problem is or how to go about avoiding the issue in the future. It teaches the person you're with that when they upset or disappoint you, you're going to abandon them and personally I think people have enough abandonment issues as to not need that used as a means of training or conditioning in hope of behaviour modification. Which would you prefer happen, somebody change their behaviour so that you will communicate with them again, or because they understand what they did wrong?

I've used corner time before but I never saw that as being a method of ignoring someone. I've told somebody to go and think about what they did/didn't do but I never said they were banned from talking/writing/contacting me for X amount of time. Having a discussion about why I am angry/hurt/bothered is taking the situation head-on instead of stuffing it under the rug and acting like not talking about it will make things change.

I will admit that I'm extremely biased when it comes to this because I was raised with the 'silent treatment' for whatever perceived wrong I'd done. I wasn't raised to be the communicator I am now, but I find happiness is far more attainable via talking about things rather than shutting down. My bias has nothing to do with D/s but I know the pain of being shut out and that's not a pain I'd wish or cause anyone I claimed to care about, especially not unless it was something so egregious that the whole relationship was threatened (and I think that would go back to needing time to process anger/hurt/frustration etc.)

-Kita-

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 3:20:26 PM

Lockit

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I may give someone a time out with some words of some sort to go on... but I will never ignore them. The silent treatment can go very wrong in too many ways as far as I see it.

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RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 3:54:12 PM

MissEnchanted

Posts: 510
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I refuse to get into a relationship with someone who thinks ignoring their partner when displeased is a good idea. For me it just does not work and you'll come back to a worsly behaved person, if I want to you to come back at all. But I hear it works marvelously for others, I just refuse to engage in that lil game.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEnchanted

Ignoring and banishment are two excellent tools after you are already close with someone and are deeply embedded within their mind and heart.

Me

It's not a 'game'.

If my maso has seriously misbehaved....he gets corner time. That is a form of banishment.

If someone continues to misbehave and does things that sabotage, then banishment for a week let's them mend their ways, or be banished for good.

It is dealing with human behavior.
I teach all kinds of positive ways to avoid 'punishment'
You'd have to know me a bit more or read what I have read on different boards to know that....

Me

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Post #: 38

RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 3:59:39 PM

MissEnchanted

Posts: 510
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Kita,
I talk things through a LOT. If someone continues to badly misbehave after that, banishment for a time becomes a possibility after everything else has been done. Also, I have one who has a few iisues where banishment for a short time is actually good for him.

They can go home, and think on things- then there is time for processing, sifting through and getting their head straight.
It is not my job to train an adult in basic good manners, and a bunch of other stuff.
I am quite patient, loving, supportive.

I am not saying this to you particularly, just to general board.

Me

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Post #: 39

RE: how to punish a masochistic slave? - 4/13/2009 4:04:05 PM

MissEnchanted

Posts: 510
Status: offline

ignoring is a very different method depending on the way it is done.

I believe in excellent communication first and foremost.

What works in one situation is specific to that set of people and circumstance.

Some things are not said on the boards, and are better left for private conversations.

(in reply to masmiss)

Post #: 40

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