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Can a slave have kinks? - 4/11/2009 1:31:24 PM

pigslut77

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First of all, hello Everyone, as this is my first post here. i'm currently wondering about something. A lot of Dommes here complain about subs having "laundry lists" of do's and don'ts which they send to Them, and of course i understand the point that, when in a slave/Mistress relationship, the decisive thing is what the Mistress wants. But, it seems to me that before this - when one is considering if the slave and the Mistress fit together - kinks do matter. This is the case on a site like collarme, where you generally talk to people you are not in a relationship with.

What i'm trying to say, i guess, is that i think a slave generally wants to be with a Mistress whom he fits with, and whose Dominance, so to say, "speaks the same language" as his submission. But i'm also getting the impression that a slave sometimes is assumed to have no personality of his own, and that that is what makes a slave, rather than a sub. So it would be very interesting to hear how Mistresses here feel about this.

Thanks in advance,
slut s.

Post #: 1

RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/11/2009 1:45:38 PM

Lockit

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If you have seen the comments of how a domina doesn't like the list.. did you see them on profiles or on the message board? If on the message board, you will also see the responses that were given, so I guess we have to assume you saw this on profiles.

You may get a lot of different answers, but for me, what my submissive wants and needs is important and in chosing a submissive, I want to know if we are a match or not. It isn't a matter of my submissive not mattering, it is in how we function that we each get what we want. I determine, when, where, and how, fully knowing his needs or desires and considering them.

If a slave doesn't have personality... I wouldn't want him. I want a man, strong, smart, faithful, honest and funny. It is an untruth that slaves or submissive's have none of these things and are just a lump of useable meat or robots.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 4/11/2009 1:46:38 PM >

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/11/2009 1:46:31 PM

BoiJen

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You're reading way too much into this and forgetting what D/s is about. An s-type can and should have a personality and should still expect to be told what they will and will not do. Also, when the first interaction an individual has with a Domme is about what that individual expects that Domme to do to fill that person's kinks....that's just bullshit. Not how the whole D/s thing is supposed to work.

And that's really what Dommes complain about...being objectified by someone they don't even know and when they get the forbidden laundry list, that's exactly what it comes off as. If you've found yourself at the wrong end of this complaint, I suggest you start looking at D/s as it was intended to be...about the Domme.

boi
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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/11/2009 2:41:26 PM

chamberqueen

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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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You have every right to your kinks, and to look for someone who can fulfill your dreams. The trick is in finding a good match, and remembering that as the submissive your main goal is to serve another - not to be served. I used to be a Domme, and I got tired of subs projecting onto me the same pleasure that they got out of their own personal kinks. While it might turn a man on to wear panties it isn't a turn on for me, for example. I may think it's cute but it doesn't mean that I get the same sexual tingle from it that they do.

Part of it is also in the presentation. If I asked a sub what they were interested in, then I would expect them to answer me honestly. However, I did not want to see a list in their initial email to me. I preferred a general greeting mentioning something they liked about my profile or something interesting they read in my journal. While I didn't mind seeing what turned them on, I would often have them narrow the especially long lists down to about three of their favorites. When you are presented with a couple of dozen things that they claim that they love it is overwhelming. It's nice to know that those areas are open for play in the future but obviously won't be all fulfilled in one session.

A slave still has personality, intelligence, and creativity. They are not robots who simply serve automatically and have no wishes and desires of their own. The difference is that they will accept an answer of "no" or "not now". While not all of your kinks may be met it is good to look for someone compatable with at least most of them. Best of luck in your search.

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/11/2009 2:50:03 PM

Andalusite

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To me, there's nothing wrong with a submissive or slave having kinks, or even having a list of things they are interested in. However, it's easy to be too pushy, or to come across like you'd submit to anyone, in a way that is rather unflattering. Generally speaking, I prefer to wait until I meet someone to get in depth into the kink discussion. It's a lot hotter and more interactive than trying to reduce it to a few sentences. I want the initial contacts to emphasise who they are as a person, and what drew them to me in particular. I want to be able to carry on a conversation with them, initially via e-mail, then over the phone, then in person. If someone has a lot of kinks that I'm specifically not drawn to, I'm less likely to be interested in him, but I'm usually willing to be flexible to some extent and discuss if there is a way to make it work for both of us.

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/11/2009 2:55:23 PM

stella41b

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Of course...

So tired, tired of waiting
Tired of waiting for you...

Dirty old river, got to keep rolling
Rolling into the night
Millions of people make me feel dizzy,
Taxi lights shine so bright
But I don't even care
As long as I gaze on Waterloo sunset
I am in paradise..

Girl, you really got me
You got me so I don't know what I'm doing

Slaves with 'kinks' are far more popular than with 'the animals' or even 'the beatles'.

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/11/2009 2:56:47 PM

Lockit

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Now Stella... you made me stop and think about the Beatles bit...

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/11/2009 2:58:18 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I'd tend to think that if an s-type didn't have kinks, they probably wouldn't be here. It's one of the two things everyone on this site has in common. (If you're curious, the other one is that we all have the computer access to have an account. All else is fair game.)

It's not that I don't want to know what the kinks are of someone who would like to be on the other side of the kneel. That's one of the things that contributes to finding out if there's any real compatibility. However, I balance that out with the rest of the picture, meaning the overall person.

Often, the complaint about the laundry list of kinks is because it's all about the kink or comes across like the other person is just looking for their own gratification. Everybody who's looking should seek out those things that make them happy, but the other person should be happy, too. Otherwise, it just seems like it's not much more than life support for the toy bag.

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/11/2009 3:04:09 PM

slavekal

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Right or wrong, I like to think of slave training like dog training. Would you get an energetic dog who needs lots of exercise for an old lady who couldn't get around very well? Would you get a tiny dog to guard a junk yard? Wouldn't you reward your pet with his favorite toys to make it happy and to reinforce good behavior? So why is it wrong that a slave and Mistress are compatible in needs and desires? Why not take a slave's hot buttons into account when training him/her?

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/11/2009 3:16:09 PM

pigslut77

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Thank Y/you E/everyone for Y/your input. i guess what got me thinking about it was some kind of idea got off reading Dommes' profiles here and on other BDSM sites. i wouldn't open an email to a Woman by talking about my kinks myself, but i do have them described on my page, and i thought that was something of an o.k. compromise. However, it also seems to me that some Women do want a "blank page" kind of slave, and that got me wondering whether to call myself a slave or a sub.

But Thank Y/you!

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/11/2009 3:56:05 PM

gentlemanprince

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While I generally agree with the comments, I do want to take issue with the comments that there is some way "the whole D/s thing is supposed to work" and the D/s "was intended to be about the Domme."

No one created D/s and decided how it was supposed to work. As long as it works for the people involved, they can structure their relationship any way they want. My Lady and I don't believe that our D/s relationship is about her; rather it is about us as a couple. Her needs and desire have no more priority than my own.

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/11/2009 5:44:08 PM

MsDDom

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From: GA
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quote:

But i'm also getting the impression that a slave sometimes is assumed to have no personality of his own

i would want a slave that didnt have a personality, that is a drone to me...and i have met a drone like that and he was no fun. he was more boring than anything... he just laid there, no inclination to do anything but be a lump on the floor.

i have met other slave with bright and enthusiastic personalities...that is attractive.

as for kink, a sub/slave can have a kink...so, like others said, u know if there is a match. the one problem with some slaves w/ kink is that it is the end all be all--they want to learn nothing else. i am often found by those kink-boys allot.

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/12/2009 12:18:24 AM

PanthersMom

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From: Cleveland Ohio
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ok, isn't just being a slave a kink to start with? you really need to remember that no matter what the dynamic is, people are people and we all have kinks. those of us here on this site are just a bit "kinkier" than nillas (said with tongue firmly in cheek). what matters is can dominant and slave negotiate a relationship that is acceptable to them both and deals with both their needs and wants? if not, move along and find the next person of interest.
PM

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/12/2009 8:52:10 AM

thetammyjo

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Sharing your needs, desires, and limits would be part of early getting to know each other. Note the word "early" which is not the same as "initial" or "first".

I don't think any decent dominant believes that a sub or slave has no fetishes, no desires, no interests and no limits but if you first approach someone saying "I like G, K, M, Q, and Y" then you send the message that you are only interested in those kinks. If that is the message you want to send, then fine, if not, hold off on the discussion of what you are interested in for later conversations.

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/12/2009 8:53:56 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
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a slave is not allowed existence

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/12/2009 11:21:10 AM

PsyVamp

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pigslut77

However, it also seems to me that some Women do want a "blank page" kind of slave, and that got me wondering whether to call myself a slave or a sub.

But Thank Y/you!

I don't think a blank page makes someone either slave or sub, I think it is the intention, personality, heart, desire and commitment that make the difference. Neither is any better or worse, dependant only on the two (or more) people involved in the dynamic.
Some of us want slaves and others wouldn't dream of it.

Personally, I like to click on a profile and read a bit about the person and what they are "in to" both vanilla and kink. Details can always be covered later, but I'll know right off hand if my "must have" kinks are in his "hates" list, and I'll know not to bother.

Good luck

Lady Jag

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/12/2009 11:54:20 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

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Absolutely, a slave can have kinks... However to have those kinks acted upon, the slave should carefully choose a dom or domme who shares those kinks.
My opinion is that everyone has a personality and thoughts of his/her own. How those thoughts, desires and ideas are expressed, are a function of tact, manners, and the way the authority figure in the relationship wants them expressed.

I will in all honesty admit that a submissive or slave who has a list of kinks that is a mile long, is someone I would immediately go past, since I'm more interested in authority/power exchange relationship than how kinky the two of us can get down. M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 4/12/2009 11:57:12 AM >

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/13/2009 10:49:22 AM

avalonbear

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I think that having them on your page but not describing them is a good bet.

Of course, you really mean that you are into the stuff you checked, right? (giggle) There was a thread not too long ago about the people who don't know what "no strings housework" is, and signed up for it anyway.

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/13/2009 2:09:40 PM

DelilahDeb

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Human being have personality traits, foibles, quirks, and sometimes fetishes. Any human being that wants to select a life of "slavery" as it is called in the universe of WIITWD is still human. Can they have kinks? If they don't, why the heck are they here where it's kinky?

That said, the difference between a sub or slave having preferred kinky activities in the dungeon or bedroom, and demanding that a prospective dominant or owner fulfill their specific preferred kinky activities "wish list" is the difference between a sub having something to discuss during negotiations, and a person self-defining as prospective client for a pro dominant.

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RE: Can a slave have kinks? - 4/13/2009 4:43:09 PM

LPslittleclip

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all of U/us have kink or desires or interests in the lifestyle, how and when these are reveled or tri ed is up to the dynamic. if it is a desired kink it could be a reward, or others explored to the betterment of the dynamic. the dynamic will by its very nature need to grow and change in order to survive.

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