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I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 12:27:42 AM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline 		If I may ask for honest answers, to some sincere questions:

Is my perception accurate in your view? Do you have any suggestions on possible improvement?

I appreciate any assistance.

Kim

< Message edited by cpK69 -- 4/12/2009 12:28:11 AM >

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 12:50:56 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		What makes you think that your posts are overlooked?


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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 12:54:23 AM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		My suggestion is to not make more posts to try to get more attention for your existing ones.
Don't post to get attention or reactions. Post because that's what you believe and you want to add your opinion to the mix. You're heard, don't worry.
If it's reactions and attention you're after, question your motives.


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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 12:59:23 AM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5

What makes you think that your posts are overlooked?



My meaning is more toward 'lack of responding to', but I am unable to come up with the appropriate word at this time.
 
Kim

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 1:15:37 AM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		Perhaps your posts don't rattle anyone? Posts that get a lot of replies tend to either be:

1) outrageous
2) wrong
3) taboo
4) trying to start a fight
5) etc

Most of the time, when I read a well-written post that I agree with, I just absorb the information and move on. I rarely reply to that kind of post. Maybe that's what's happening to you.


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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 1:30:40 AM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

My suggestion is to not make more posts to try to get more attention for your existing ones.



I am unsure of how to do that, as I feel as though I am already ‘pushing’ as it is. Only, I realize that I cannot truly begin to know what the issue is, or if there even is one, until I have asked those I believe there might be one with.

quote:

Don't post to get attention or reactions.


My conversation with “the.dark”, convinced me that attention is the reason I should be posting.  My thoughts, based on the phrase; “You’ve got to stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything”, were left unfinished, in our discussion. It seems to me the reason one should stand, is because if they don’t, they are not even acknowledging the game. However, it occurred to me, standing is only the beginning, if one does not act; they are only an observer.

I recently asked “to be put in the game”, the response I received; “the only one stopping you, is you”.
As for reactions, how do I know that I am being perceived as I intended if there is no response to base such knowledge on?

quote:

Post because that's what you believe and you want to add your opinion to the mix. You're heard, don't worry.


Is it wrong to wish for your opinion to be seen as more than ‘your opinion’? The reason I ask, is because I seek truth, how do I know when I’ve found it, if all I can say is that my thoughts are accurate in my opinion?

quote:

If it's reactions and attention you're after, question your motives.


I hope my above statements show the intent behind my actions, in an honorable light. If not, please, continue.

Kim

< Message edited by cpK69 -- 4/12/2009 1:33:04 AM >

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 1:40:52 AM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

Perhaps your posts don't rattle anyone? Posts that get a lot of replies tend to either be:

1) outrageous
2) wrong
3) taboo
4) trying to start a fight
5) etc

Most of the time, when I read a well-written post that I agree with, I just absorb the information and move on. I rarely reply to that kind of post. Maybe that's what's happening to you.



Makes me wonder; is it possible to do battle, without anyone getting hurt?
 
Kim 

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Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 2:08:20 AM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		Well, you know what I mean. People like to fight online. No, nobody gets physically hurt. :)

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 2:19:45 AM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, I do understand what you meant.

My response was in acknowledgement of the fact, the topics that interest me most tend to be emotionally provoking, and my perspective on them appears to come across as offensive.

Kim

< Message edited by cpK69 -- 4/12/2009 2:20:21 AM >

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Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 2:37:47 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Personally, sorry this may sound harsh, but I often find you fairly confusing, also quite argumentative, I replied to one of your posts once and it seemed that everyone who replied got a disagreement from you even if it seemed to involve completely missing the point of what they wrote. When you responded to me I had no clue what you were talking about and so avoided that thread from then on

< Message edited by colouredin -- 4/12/2009 2:38:16 AM >

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 3:14:35 AM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Personally, sorry this may sound harsh,


No, not harsh at all; thank you for your concern for my feelings.

quote:

 
but I often find you fairly confusing,


To be quite honest, I often confuse myself.

quote:

also quite argumentative,


I suspect it derives from a lack of certainty in myself, and a lacking in the ability to debate. I also recognize a difficulty caused by my choice in vocabulary, due to my perception, as a result of my experiences.  (Only meant as an explanation, not an excuse.)
 
I am beginning to think the best approach for me, in light of the above, is to stick to asking questions.

quote:

I replied to one of your posts once and it seemed that everyone who replied got a disagreement from you even if it seemed to involve completely missing the point of what they wrote. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but when you responded to me I had no clue what you were talking about and so avoided that thread from then on


Yes, missed placed passion, combined with all of the above; and completely self defeating. My apologies, and thank you for the helpful information.
 
My best,
 
Kim

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Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 5:19:34 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Just my thought:  I almost didn't respond to your Weakness post because it was set up like a Powerpoint slide.  I like full thoughts and full sentences.

That said, I frequently don't respond to posts that whose subject matter doesn't interest me.  That's no more of an issue than when I decline to buy grapes at the supermarket because I don't happen to feel like eating grapes.


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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 6:21:27 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Personally I tend to skip over posts written in light colors. Just too hard to read for these eyes.

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 6:37:01 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		I have honestly never opened a post by you..guess the topics haven't interested me (except for the weakness post. I didn't understand the point of that post nor could I imagine how to reply so I skipped it)
I also don't like reading colored texts.
In addition..I am probably a little bit weird, but when I read posts I automatically give the OP a voice..the way the person would say it in real life. I don't know why but this's just something automatic, and the way you express yourself on the forum becomes a "voice" that I just don't like..so I tend to skip the posts that sound a certain way in my head.
(this thread is also in that specific "voice" but I just decided nevertheless to explain my viewpoint.)
I don't know you at all but this's the way my brain works..so no offense!

I hear voices aaaaaaah

...oh man..now I feel like a psycho


< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 4/12/2009 6:49:48 AM >

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 6:43:12 AM   
honeygirl


Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline 		Ditto what subtlebutterfly wrote (except for the voice bit)! I was actually surprised when people were able to respond to the "Weakness" post since I had no idea where you were going with that.

...and I think you are deliberately choosing to misunderstanding what the.dark wrote -- your comment that your exchange with her convinced you that attention is the reason you should be posting seems disingenuous (at best) to me.

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 6:46:31 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Since you ask, I've kind of tried to avoid you ever since the 'World Wide Cheers for Obama' thread - out of the blue, you said something quite troubling to me, and it put me off. Sorry if my perception was erroneous and you were actually cool.

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 6:55:15 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		oh Kimmy-Kim-Kimminy-Kim..........

The thing is, even for someone as great as I, with a talent for writing such as I possess and the wise and insightful threads and replies I post, it would be truly amazing if everyone here took the time to read and consider my egotistical rantings and arguments, it would be surprising in the extreme if some, perhaps many, didnt overlook or avoid my sophisticated pronoucements and comments - presumably of course because they either dont have a sufficient level of reading comprehension or they have no answer to my well thought out debating positions - but heck, I cant control what they do and dont do, what they think and dont think, and thats all part of the fun here. What I can control meanwhile is what I do (well, mostly) and what I think (as long as the meds are working), and above all I can refuse to be upset by anything very much and especially anything on a monitor screen (or not) written (or not) by someone I dont know and will likely never meet.

Its great when someone or a bunch of people react to a thread or a comment you posted and it takes on a life of its own - but it isnt the end of the world if that doesnt happen. And remember, they have to read it if theyre going to ignore it so its not necessarily that youre being overlooked or avoided.

E

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 7:00:09 AM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline 		I want to start with a disclaimer - I don't read a lot of posts and am not familiar with your posts or posting style.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cpK69
My conversation with “the.dark”, convinced me that attention is the reason I should be posting.   
snip
I recently asked “to be put in the game”, the response I received; “the only one stopping you, is you”.
As for reactions, how do I know that I am being perceived as I intended if there is no response to base such knowledge on?


Attention-seeking behavior tends to turn people off.  You're not involved in a debate here, you're involved in a discussion.  If your goal is to get a lot of responses to your posts, your best bet is to try to stir up some kind of controversy.  That's a fairly short-term strategy.  After a few feisty threads it can start to look like trolling.  There may be a few folks who will continue to engage, but most will move on to other conversations.  If your goal is to have some kind of social connection to the group or to strike up personal friendships, or just feel some kind of connection with the group you're posting to, your best bet is to avoid controversy.  State your opinion, certainly, but don't argue with people.  Let folks know when you agree with them.  Act the way you would if you were at a social gathering with these folks.

quote:

Is it wrong to wish for your opinion to be seen as more than ‘your opinion’? The reason I ask, is because I seek truth, how do I know when I’ve found it, if all I can say is that my thoughts are accurate in my opinion?


As the saying goes, "Opinions are like assholes - everyone has one." 

Right/wrong really isn't the issue.  While there are some of us who don't give a damn whether anyone agrees with us or not, I think that many of us would like to think that most folks see things the way we do.  We all tend think that our own opinions are an accurate reflection of truth.  We often have a hard time understanding how other folks can see things so differently.  If I want people to see my opinion as more than my opinion, my sincere belief in my personal right-ness isn't enough.  I have to be able back it up with facts and put them together in a rational and convincing way.

If you're seeking truth, you're more likely to find it if you avoid forming opinions, ask questions and really listen to the answers.  
If you start with an opinion and set out to discover whether or not you're right and judge the validity of your opinion based on how many people go along with you, you're really going at it the hard way.  When it comes to "emotionally provoking" topics, there often is no universal truth.  The most any of us can say is, "This is the way it is for me." 

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 7:23:43 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am like Subtlebutterfly in that I get a feel or voice, for a poster. Sometimes it only takes one post to set my teeth on edge and I will skim over following posts. Maybe check one on a particularly interesting thread or in a post by someone I enjoy consistantly that may have quoted a post by someone I normally ignore.

I may not remember the initial post that set me off that person's post. However if there is a consistant tone following, I will ignore more and more.

Quite often it's a lack of what I perceive as intelligent or witty contribution, or too difficult to read in some way. Long run on paragraphs, weird font or font colour (example, there is one that consistantly posts in a weirdly justified way, combined with an annoying to read colour and font style....add that to boring content, and I almost never read their posts), babbling that is difficult to make sense out of. Or, if all of a person's posts reflect a negative or closed mind that just annoys me.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: I sense that my posts are overlooked/avoided, by some. - 4/12/2009 7:25:24 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		cpK69, I think that you may have taken the "got to stand for something" in a direction I know I never would have thought of.  There is nothing wrong with standing by what you believe in and following it up with action, but in no way is that a call to action to get out there and post for the sake of posting. 

If I start a new post it is typically because I have a question.  No matter how well I try to phrase the question someone invariably misunderstands either my intent or my words.  Some people are snarky just because it is fun.  Some give me answers that make me uncomfortable, but if I know that they did it with good intent I am pleased that at least they were thoughtful enough to show me a new perspective.  I've found that if you want to come to a public forum and air your feelings that you are opening yourself up for all of that, along with people who agree and/or empathize with you.

My reasons for responding to a post are totally different.  First of all, the topic has to interest me.  Secondly, it can't make me roll my eyes, as in "I can't believe how immature or self aggrandizing this person is".  It also can't hit too much of an emotional nerve or I know that I will be overly emotional when I respond and more likely not to word things carefully.

It is through the responses that I take my stand.  I try to answer with a cool head, with thoughtfulness to what it seems the poster must be feeling, with respect for the tenets of the lifestyle that I hold so dear, and with an eye towards being helpful.  That's how I get my kicks in life - helping people.  When someone posts after me and references something I wrote I'm in seventh heaven.  I have gotten attention via approval, and I love that.  However, I do not respond with the main goal of getting the approval but in a sincere wish to help both the OP and anyone else that is sitting back reading and trying to learn.  That's my personal stand and the action that follows it.  I try to be helpful, mature, kind and understanding.

If you are posting only for attention there's nothing wrong with that.  Just remember that some of the attention that you get will not be positive.  Unless you start posts with the idea of teaching others you are not really taking a stand, and those types of original posts are often not taken well since there is no one true way to live the lifestyle.  Even those who start with a short paragraph stating what they believe and then asking, "Agreements or disagreements?  Comments?", can get flamed big time.  This is especially true of someone who has not made many posts and presumes to tell others how to live (though they no doubt do not see how they are coming across). 

Your posts here today are articulate and calm.  The topic interested me as did the flow.  When you start a new topic you have no control over how others respond, and sometimes I am turned away simply by the squabbling that can happen under what I feel is a good beginning topic.  Since you are basically asking for advice, here's mine - for what it's worth.  Just relax and be yourself.  The forums here are for entertainment, and if you happen to pick up good information that's a bonus.  If you really enjoy someone's comment or perspective you can email them on the other side (if they have an account, which most do) and can start up an e-friendship.  Don't feel like you're here to save the world because it just isn't going to happen.

Wishing you all the best...


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