pixelslave
Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
|
I appreciate the many replies to my post and the many viewpoints expressed. I can't respond to them all, but will try to address a number of them.
Let me first say that the Domme is a very well known one in my community, making what I feel comfortable posting somewhat limited as I don't want to post anything that might be interpreted as being disrepectful of her. I also don't want to be in a position of starting a "he said, she said" kind of thing. I don't recall who said I should have gotten to know her better before becoming involved, but she longstanding reputation in our community which weighed very heavily on my decision to do so despite my numerous other commitments and obligations. At the time things began, I purposely wasn't looking for a relationship because of the many other obligations and priorities in my life.
My apologies to Goddess T` for neglecting my friends.  I can assure her it had much more to do with having been very busy for quite some time than with starting the relationship. As YoungBlondSlave noted, there are times when one needs to take a day for themselves. I'd add that all work and no play makes for a very dull and unexciting life for pixel. So having someone to share it with, even knowing I had more things on my plate that I was currently able to juggle was an invitation I couldn't pass up. That was something clearly discussed up front for those who missed it in my OP. I also saw where her strengths could balance my weaknesses and vice versa, creating some synergy that could benefit both of us; reducing the sense I was having from being overwhelmed by certain other things that I felt she could me help with and I could do likewise for her.
The Domme in question, seemed to understand and stated that certain things needed to be taken care of before I could serve her; including my obligations to career, my UM's, and so forth. With her having UM's that lived with her as well, mine were always welcome; making things all that much easier. Priorities of those kinds were things we discussed.
To clarify for DarkSteven, I didn't say I had poor time management skills although like anything else about me, there's plenty of room for improvement in that area. I see many familiar faces/names who've posted in this thread who've likely noted my absence on the boards for a number of months. Not to sound defensive, but that absence has been a conscious decision I had to make as part of managing my time.
The problem is one of managing and organizing paper. I've simply never learned or been taught how to efficiently organize and manage the volume I've been dealing with of late (much increased from what I've ever dealt with in the past). I can organize gigabytes of material on a computer's hard drive quite well, but seem to be overwhelmed with incoming mail and other documents which have been accumulating that I've seemingly not been able to get a handle on how to organize so they can be retrieved without difficulty when I need to find them. Did I ask for help with it from the Domme? Yes, in fact she volunteered the help in exchange for help with her computers before we ever got involved (an obligation I fulfilled).
Once we became involved, she'd see me bring briefcases full of papers to her place and work on sorting through them while there. Did she say anything about my having them there as a disorganized and unkempt pile of papers? Yes, in fact she did! While seeing me struggle with them did she offer to help me figure out how to sort and file them in an orderly manner as promised? No, she didn't.  How many times was I to ask her for the help she'd promised? 
FWIW, I've since contacted someone else for help with learning how to improve my skills in dealing with the problem.
There's no doubt that the Domme in question didn't value the relationship as much as I did. I can't argue with that and would definitely agree with it. She saw that for quite some time I'd set aside the strong needs I have as a submissive to serve another along with my needs as a human being to have an intimate relationship with another person. An argument could be made that I was also in a certain amount of sub frenzy in wanting to do things for her from having suppressed those needs. Yet, I wouldn't want to use that as an excuse for what transpired.
I can say that it was often difficult to talk at times when at her place because of the kids and other things going on that would create interruptions. She'd then be unwilling to discuss much of anything when we weren't together in person; making it quite difficult to bring these kinds of issues up when they were timely for me (perhaps her way of avoiding them?). At those times, it seemed as though I found myself in a no-win situation. I couldn't discuss the list of things I had on my plate and ask her to set my priorities when we weren't face to face.
I'd have to say there was also an internal struggle going on within me to serve her that was battling the reality of what I was physically capable of doing. I knew I needed to do as a number have suggested (as I also posted in my OP), which was to give her my list and ask her to set my priorities. Yet there's also the part of me that wants to be the "perfect submissive" who does everything asked of him by his Domme. I suspect that's a struggle many of us s-types face unless we have the help and support of our Dominants in dealing with it.
I should add, that as the fatigue set in, I began to find things taking increasingly longer amounts of time to accomplish and saw myself falling further behind in the several weeks before I became noticeably sick. That may have been when I actually came down with the mono. I'm not really certain as it wasn't diagnosed at the exact time I was having it. It was only detected much later in a blood test.
When I had bronchitis the first time, I discovered she had little patience for my being sick. My spirits being lifted from being around her she seemed to take as a sign of my being better instead of feeling comforted. She'd also say there wasn't time to be sick; that things still had to be done. My response was to push myself to do things when I should have rested instead. Things snowballed from there s I didn't slow down to rest like I typically would have. I'm still quite run down and am slowly recovering from the mono and vit D deficiency. And yes, there's lots of paper still waiting for me to organize with more that accumulates daily. 
Fortunately, help is now available that's only a phone call away which I can utilize to improve my skills with that whenever I have energy available to use it.
Thank you to those who took the time to post a reply. 
- pixel
_____________________________
Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!
|
Overloaded submissives - 
Profile
RE: Overloaded submissives - 
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread