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when you live far away - 4/13/2009 8:41:49 AM

MARAA

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When you live very far away from a potential Dom, is it wrong to travel to the person-him to me and afterwards maybe opposite- very quickly? How much time do you suggest to give it before you do that? because it is hard to get to know eachother online,as we all know. What if they already "know" they want you and want to travel over the sea? how much time are you going to give it?shall you push it out for a year or can you really,is it sane to meet up let him visit you that quickly?

Post #: 1

RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 9:00:07 AM

subtlebutterfly

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From: Not your hood
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You do it when you both feel ready, no matter how far away they live.
That's my opinion at least.

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RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 9:06:11 AM

AngelGeena

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I see nothing wrong with meeting early on. That way you don't waste alot of time if the true chemestry isn't there.

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RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 9:18:08 AM

MARAA

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Yes,but when its literally U.s/scandinavia? Is that too drastically meeting so fast when not knowing eachother that well? I mean come on,how can you know you want someone that early on like hes saying. well Im just sceptical.

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Post #: 4

RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 9:21:01 AM

MARAA

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I think you are thinking something like well hes going to book his own hotel-do his stuff etc. well no, hes practially logged himself into my house without permission(permission granted visiting but not really be in my house 24/7 while Im working,since I told him I have to work and not able to travel before end of summer sort of!
Isnt that suddenly a whole different thing so tell me. Well I do acknowledge the problem,when you are coming far away and I am generous all that but I mean,hey,isnt that too far ..

(in reply to MARAA)

Post #: 5

RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 9:26:57 AM

mugwump

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From: uk
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If you're seeking R/T from an online source then at some point you have to meet up - either early on when one party or the other might be seen as a bit gung-ho, or later when you (both) might iscover you've wasted far more time than you have to spare on something that won't work.

The meeting part is inevitable - if the meeting part might be a problem then I'd limit your search to more localised parts of the world.

as to it all pretty much happening in your house - that'd be a no-no for me... I'd have him book into a hotel and presume nothing.

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RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 9:30:03 AM

subtlebutterfly

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From: Not your hood
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MARAA

Yes,but when its literally U.s/scandinavia? Is that too drastically meeting so fast when not knowing eachother that well? I mean come on,how can you know you want someone that early on like hes saying. well Im just sceptical.

yup I know scandinavia/USA and my reply did really mean "when you both feel ready"
The way you talk about this then it's apparent that you aint ready to meet him. So therefore it's too early for you two and you should wait.

I'd say it's too fast but then I'd consider 2 months personally...even more.
It depends on each individual what is considered appropriate.

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RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 9:31:16 AM

AngelGeena

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I don't think I would be too hot on the idea of him just coming into my home and taking over that quickly. I'd agree with the hotel idea.

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RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 9:31:24 AM

blondagebabe

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The two of you need to discuss this openly and honestly and at length. If you can't do that over this issue, well then you probably can't do it at all.

I'm the meet right away type. But having said that, you need a fall back position. The "what if the chemistry isn't there?" is a good question, but there's more. Frankly if someone were traveling to me from far away, I would not agree to that visit unless and until there was a strong enough foundation of trust and friendship that I felt comfortable opening my home to him. Which is why at this point at least, I'm looking locally. You exchange a few emails, you meet for a cuppa, and if there is no chemistry, you've invested very little.

If you really want to do this long distance thing, the two of you need to be *very* clear about expectations. And that takes prolonged (mutual) discussion.

Just my opinion

(in reply to MARAA)

Post #: 9

RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 9:38:35 AM

sirsholly

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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MARAA

I think you are thinking something like well hes going to book his own hotel-do his stuff etc. well no, hes practially logged himself into my house without permission(permission granted visiting but not really be in my house 24/7 while Im working,since I told him I have to work and not able to travel before end of summer sort of!
Isnt that suddenly a whole different thing so tell me. Well I do acknowledge the problem,when you are coming far away and I am generous all that but I mean,hey,isnt that too far ..

who has the keys to the house? You do...he does not?

Well then.....whats the freakin' problem?

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 4/13/2009 9:41:21 AM >

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Post #: 10

RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 9:53:47 AM

Lockit

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The damsel in distress has lost a lot of appeal through the ages... add real age of the damsel in distress, the lack of common sense, repeatedly being called on the foolishness and most post near the weeked... what do you have?

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RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 10:10:50 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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I'll cut and paste the same advice I give you every week when you post the same question - you're in no position to make major relationship decisions because you have no idea what you're looking for in a relationship or why you're looking for it. The only sensible decision you can make is to decide to make no relationship decisions at all until you figure out who you are and what you want, and how to define personal boundaries, because until you figure that out, the only possible way you can make a good relationship decision is if you just happen to get incredibly lucky. Which doesn't seem to happen very often for you.

Of course, I know you won't listen to me, because you don't listen to anyone when we tell you this. So good luck. I sincerely hope whatever you decide to do doesn't turn out too disastrously.

Oh - and see you again next week, when you come back to ask the same questions about whatever guy you fall madly in love with this week.

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Post #: 12

RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 10:12:34 AM

MARAA

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Joined: 2/27/2009
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Well you dont have the information to make judgements, the one that is without fault,shall cast the first stone. so whos first?

You are making assumptions ladies. And for your information,Im not bound to any of them.
Besides, the first one is over and deadgone for long,and,wasnt really close in same country-either. (and before you start murmel about different countries,look at all that are or have been)
And,at last. doesnt my post here now making assumptions that I am thinking?
and ps. you ARE really judgmental.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 13

RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 10:16:04 AM

Lockit

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I admit I am judemental... some things come easy like that.

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Post #: 14

RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 10:18:33 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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quote:

And,at last. doesnt my post here now making assumptions that I am thinking?

you want us to assume you are thinking?

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RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 10:20:20 AM

YourhandMyAss

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There is no right or wrong, only what works for you. But I would never consider a dom who was very far away, as I have done that twice, and it never works for me. And nobody can tell you how much time you should give before doing that either, again there's only what's right for you. I wouldn't say it's sane no. but I don't care what other people think , say or do, and if it felt right for me and I could afford it finacially and emotionally and activity wise in life, I'd do it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MARAA

When you live very far away from a potential Dom, is it wrong to travel to the person-him to me and afterwards maybe opposite- very quickly? How much time do you suggest to give it before you do that? because it is hard to get to know eachother online,as we all know. What if they already "know" they want you and want to travel over the sea? how much time are you going to give it?shall you push it out for a year or can you really,is it sane to meet up let him visit you that quickly?

(in reply to MARAA)

Post #: 16

RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 10:34:28 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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Maraa, we're not being judgmental. I know it seems that way to you, but that's part of the problem - the reason you don't understand why every single person who reads your posts reacts exactly the same way is because you're buried so deeply in your own dysfunctional thinking you can't even hear anything outside of your own head. Every week or two, you post the same questions about some totally different guy on some totally different continent, and we all react in stunned horror, and a week later it's the exact same questions about some other guy on some other continent.

You need to wake up and look at that, and start to understand that there's something seriously wrong with what you're doing in the relationship department. And then ask yourself what it is about you that's driving you to make such astonishingly and dangerously naive relationship decisions. Because until you do that, it is absolutely impossible for you to make a good relationship decision; and in fact you're only going to attract the worst possible partners, because no stable, emotionally healthy man is going to want anything to do with such a volatile and unsound relationship. You need to get some help before you get involved with anyone, or whatever relationship you do manage to find is doomed to end in catastrophe.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, because I know you're a sweet, sensitive person desperate for emotional fulfillment, but there's no way to sugarcoat it. It is what it is. Good luck. I think you're really going to need it.

< Message edited by ThatDamnedPanda -- 4/13/2009 10:38:16 AM >

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Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

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Post #: 17

RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 10:36:53 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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well said, Panda!!

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Post #: 18

RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 10:52:59 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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If you can afford to go there, then go. But get a hotel room of your own, don't plan anything other than calling him to meet you in a coffee shop. Nothing more is owed. And make plans to have an enjoyable vacation that doesn't involve him, because the odds are you won't click.

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RE: when you live far away - 4/13/2009 10:57:36 AM

Lockit

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Really... someone who just met someone is going to spend the money to travel so far to get a lil? Sounds like a bit of the 'promise her the world to get a cam shot'.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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Post #: 20

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