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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/15/2009 12:07:01 AM

NihilusZero

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Every relationship in life is an unspoken contractual agreement. A contract would serve useful if you feel there is insufficient clarity on the expectations of the relationship you're about to get into.

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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/15/2009 8:36:16 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitteneedsmate

I am about to be collared and my Master to be does not want us to have a contract. Are there any good sources to find a contract template and what advise do you feel i need ? Is a contract necessary?? Thanks for your answers and guidance

I think contracts can be useful, but are hardly necessary. As others have noted, it can be useful to get thoughts down in black and white for all to see. In the end though, there is really only one contract for any relationship:

Party A must provide Party B with all of their needs and at least a credible amount of their wants. Party B must do the same for Party A. Failure to deliver voids the contract.

You can write down long lists of needs and wants, but people are dynamic and I, at least, think of relationships in terms of decades, not months. My wife and I have a simple contract... "She is mine and obeys me completely in all areas until she chooses not to be mine at which point we'll have to discuss what new relationship pattern we want." Even more simply, "She obeys until I become an idiot."

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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/15/2009 1:08:07 PM

Interesdom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Interesdom
Now you need to think carefully about what kind of relationship you want. If you want to be a full-blown slave who owns nothing (because she is property, so can't own) then you must dispose of your money before or on becoming a slave. If you want to be a slap-and-tickle sub living with a man, there is no need to share what you own at all. If you want to join the majority of happy people in this lifestyle, you will find your own grey area in between those two extremes.

A slave is property and cannot own anything... but a submissive is... a slap and tickle sub living with a man. Interesting. Somehow I get the feeling that you don't respect submissive's much. A lot of what you said in your post I can agree with and the story of the other submissive... fantastic, but why must a submissive be considered a slap and tickle as if that is all they are? It is almost insulting because she isn't full blown slave property that cannot own anything.

You misunderstood what I was saying. I was highlighting the two extremities of submission and then pointing out that most of us actually live in the large grey area in between. On one extreme is the 'no limits' (I'm sure you understand why I missed out that phrase) slave who is complete property, on the other extreme is the sub who just likes some kinky stuff in the bedroom. It was not my intention to define what either a slave or a sub is.

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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/15/2009 1:16:19 PM

Lockit

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Thank you Interesdom, for your correction of my missing your full comment and I do stand corrected. That is twice today my eye sight problem is being made clear to me... or more clear. Everything seems to be blending or blurring and I am missing more than I knew. I am truely sorry for my misunderstanding of your words and my challenge to you.

I guess it is time to make my screen much larger and stop trying to read as things are. Thank you for the correction and I am truely sorry.

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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/15/2009 1:43:19 PM

urlittleprincess

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hello! i havent read the other replies...but if given the choice to do it again i think i would have liked a contract. it wouldn't have to be a long drawn out process but it would spell out the basic rights and responsibilities to and for each party. my obligations and His...from household duties to sex...heck, ive never had a safeword either...wait...He did allow me a temp safeword till we knew each other a bit better...lol i suggest both safewords and contracts...they can help you avoid an unnecessary world of pain! then again, a contract is only as good as the 2 people who sign it...

best wishes!

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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/15/2009 9:51:54 PM

GotSteel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitteneedsmate

thank you all again for the comments. i am not getting married..... i will just be collared and OWNED ( and live with Master) and everything have is to become Masters but as i said i was wondering about some funds i have. i do have a will and all goes to my children upon my death. but master wants to have me sell some securities i have and says they are now his. i was just wondering if this was something that was the norm or if He is trying to do something that is not normally done

As a number of others have said, this seems concerning. Would you care to fill in some more details about things such as how long you've known your dom, your own experience with D/S and what sort of money your talking about. If you've known your dom for years and want to become a 24/7 live in slave then maybe a small amount of money for your upkeep isn't unreasonable. However if your talking about handing over a small fortune to someone you've just met, well.....that's just horrifying.

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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/23/2009 8:48:43 PM

kitteneedsmate

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i want to thank all of you who replied and for sharing your ideas . i too had reservations or i would not have asked if it was a usual request to take all of a person's holdings when they become owned. i did speak with a lawyer and when i told the potential master that i was setting up a trust fund for my chidren he told me to keep walking. Thank you all for your support. Too bad there are scammers out there. i have known this man for over a year and was in a relationship for over 9 months. Never can tell can you!

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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/23/2009 9:31:55 PM

peppermint

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So sorry it all had to end like that, however, the decision to talk with a lawyer was the correct one. Seems that your potential Master showed his true colors.

Many could learn from you story. If something doesn't feel right, then it probably is not. Intuition is a great thing.

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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/24/2009 3:01:22 AM

Goddess2002

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Good thing you did seek a lawyer's advice and walked away when you did. This kind of thing does take a different turn when there are children's futures involved.

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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/24/2009 5:20:45 AM

sirsholly

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you did the right thing...but it still had to hurt.

Best of luck to you!!

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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/24/2009 6:31:44 AM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitteneedsmate

i want to thank all of you who replied and for sharing your ideas . i too had reservations or i would not have asked if it was a usual request to take all of a person's holdings when they become owned. i did speak with a lawyer and when i told the potential master that i was setting up a trust fund for my chidren he told me to keep walking. Thank you all for your support. Too bad there are scammers out there. i have known this man for over a year and was in a relationship for over 9 months. Never can tell can you!

As someone said, mention it being put in trust and see how long he sticks around. I'm sorry that you had to go through any of it. I think most of the people who say how contracts are worthless are talking about the fact that "lifestyle" contracts have no legal standing. While it is true that some points of a BDSM contract MIGHT be considered valid, the reality is that a judge will also see the contract as a whole and more than likely dismiss it entirely. There is also the very real fact that this isn't something that would fall under family law (unless the parties were married) and the expense of hashing the whole thing out in court is really not worth it.

The bottom line, as nearly everyone has said, is that when it comes to your financial assets that you have slated for your "golden years" or inheritance for your children and grandchildren, be wary of anyone who tells you that because he/she now "owns" you, that all of those assets are theirs to do with as they will. If they are going to own you, they are responsible for taking care of you and your best interests. Obviously wanting your assets for their own personal use is never in your best interest.

Again, I'm sorry you had to go through that, but 9 months isn't really that long in the big scope of things. Remember when two people are married they are considered "newlyweds" for a year. Someone decided that was a fairly reasonable amount of time for the "shine" to wear off and reality to set in.

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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/24/2009 7:28:43 AM

Interesdom

Posts: 197
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From: England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitteneedsmate
i did speak with a lawyer and when i told the potential master that i was setting up a trust fund for my chidren he told me to keep walking. Thank you all for your support. Too bad there are scammers out there. i have known this man for over a year and was in a relationship for over 9 months. Never can tell can you!

I'm sorry for you that he was that kind of man. I'm sure it is not always easy to distinguish someone who is dominant & controlling, from someone who is self-entered and greedy. As much as it must be hurtful for you, we can be glad that you had the sense to be wary.

Do not give up on your dreams. There are some decent men out there - and some of them are even single

. Give yourself time to heal, concentrate on your own life for a while and later in the year look again for the right man.

Best wishes.

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RE: Contracts.. are they necessary - 4/24/2009 8:00:27 AM

pyropaige

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i believe in protecting Your own contract and communications in all ways. the better You protect it the better You serve the Master and Chamber You achieve in service.

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