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BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 8:09:03 AM

LilithVonworren

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Hello again everyone.

I am in a Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies course and will be doing my final essay on BDSM, in particular men and women's roles in a D/S relationship and how they can differ, or conform, to societal norms.

We also have to do a presentation in front of the class, which I am dreading. I'm afraid that it will be terribly awkward and my classmates will look at me differently after wards. My teacher, however, fully supports my topic and I have an inkling that she might be into BDSM herself. She's even going to lend me some books.

I was hoping to find some concrete information on the percentage of male submissives vs female submissives, and male doms vs female dommes.

Does anyone know where I would be able to find it?

I would also like any other books and websites that helped you learn about BDSM and how it relates to your gender, sexuality, and life in general.

Finally, any tips on how to make my class mate comfortable with this subject? That is partly the goal of my essay and presentation. They are all college students, obviously, and most seem fairly open, but I'm still a bit paranoid.

Thank you,
Lilith. <3

Post #: 1

RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 8:14:09 AM

Phoenixpower

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Was about to drop you a line on a personal note in regards to your question here. But as you don't even turn up profile wise I can't be bothered to take it serious and am out. But good luck in whatever that is here for.

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 8:18:38 AM

LilithVonworren

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I had to hide my profile for personal reasons. If its very important, I can bring it back up.

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 8:20:09 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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Check JSTOR and Project Muse. You should have access to both databases through your school library. Those will be the best options for finding scholarly source material.

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 8:24:12 AM

subtlebutterfly

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You know..librerians are strange..at least the ones I've encountered..some are sweet some are grumpy but some..are like obsessed with finding the answer you need!! and I'm tellin ya, if ya asked them to help ya out they'd dive into it

but heck I doubt there're %'s???? I'd try and talk to a few pro-dominants

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 8:31:10 AM

jakelogan01

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lilith, i'm not your professor, but i'm a professor and i frown upon students who don't do their homework. your library has access to lots of databases that you have obviously not checked. as subtlebutterfly mentioned, you have obviously not checked with your librarian either, or with your professor for that matter and asked for guidance. some references will be available in your own textbook.

as to making your classmates comfortable, don't worry. from your posting it seems you are on the naive side compared with your peers

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 8:40:08 AM

LilithVonworren

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Joined: 2/3/2009
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I already have some books which I own myself, and I have checked my school's library. They only have one book: Safe, sane, and consensual : contemporary perspectives on sadomasochism.

I'm sure that it will be helpful, but I just wanted to get others opinion on books that have helped them. And as I said, I did check with my professor. She didn't give me much advice, besides looking for websites.

(in reply to jakelogan01)

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 8:42:32 AM

antipode

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Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

I had to hide my profile for personal reasons. If its very important, I can bring it back up.

Well, it is rude to ask people to provide you with information, but be anonymous to the point that your gender and whether you are in Irving, TX or the Comoros Islands must remain a secret. Secondly, "hiding your profile for personal reasons" is b*******. You can write it so you're not easily identifiable, which is the courteous thing to do if you are unable to do your own research. I agree with the perfesser here who made a comment - if you have not been able to find this information, either in your school library, an educational network, or on the Internet, I would say you are better off taking a Google course.

As to making classmates comfortable, why would that be important? Research is research, you're not trying to socialize here.

(in reply to LilithVonworren)

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 8:47:49 AM

LilithVonworren

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I'm not sure why you need to know my information to recommend books for me, but I un-hid my profile anyways.

I am looking for information--I have found information. I just wanted recommendations from people who live the lifestyle as to books, or other sources, that have helped them.

Making my classmates comfortable is important because my college is fairly small, less then 2,000, and I am bound to have people from this class in classes in the future.

If this topic is really that offensive to people, I can delete it. I just wanted people's opinions.

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Post #: 9

RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 8:52:33 AM

subtlebutterfly

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You're getting opinions.

Final essay..hmm..what kinda essay? just some 10page essay about the topic or is it more BA like or what? If it's supposed to be anything fancy I doubt you go to a forum. Seriously, my best bet would be going to a dominatrix in person and talk to them first hand. No second hand shit if you want to do it properly.
It's as if I started referring to yahoo answers as my source

but that's just me and some ppl do find this forum to be a valid source (if I remember correctly) so *shrugs* whateva.

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 9:09:29 AM

LilithVonworren

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The essay is a 7-9 page paper on a topic of your choice and how it relates to Womens, Gender, and Sexuality choices. I'm not going to quote a forum, because that would be ridiculous. I unfortunately don't know anyone else in the lifestyle in this area. It's a fairly small town.

I was moreso looking for opinions on good sources. I have found a bit about the percentages I was talking about, but it is out of date, and I'm assuming, not entirely accurate.

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 11

RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 9:13:21 AM

chamberqueen

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Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I know from things I've read that male subs outnumber female Dommes by about 25 to 1 though I can't find the reference. Dommes seem to be the minority group, the Doms, but I am not sure of the ratio of female to male subs.

As for sharing in front of a basically vanilla group, I would focus on the mental and emotional processes more than the physical. When I chose to share with my family my lifestyle decision that's how I handled it. I talked about the deep amount of trust involved, and the open communication that is necessary. I highlighted the need for one partner to be in charge and the other to serve, and how those needs could mesh so that both were fulfilled. The role of the Dom/me is more than to give orders, but also to guide and protect the one that gives so selflessly.

You could point out that not all BDSM relationships include sadomasochism but some are more service oriented. Some take the form of a marriage of sorts. Along with this you could highlight the importance of a collar and how many feel that it is roughly equivalent to a wedding or engagement ring.

Just some ideas. I hope it helped.

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 9:19:28 AM

AAkasha

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Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LilithVonworren

I'm not sure why you need to know my information to recommend books for me, but I un-hid my profile anyways.

I am looking for information--I have found information. I just wanted recommendations from people who live the lifestyle as to books, or other sources, that have helped them.

Making my classmates comfortable is important because my college is fairly small, less then 2,000, and I am bound to have people from this class in classes in the future.

If this topic is really that offensive to people, I can delete it. I just wanted people's opinions.

The way to make your classmates comfortable is laughter. Open your presentation/speech with humor. Visual humor always works well. Think of something visual that can get a lot of laughs, and drive home the point that S&M is NOT just for weird, kinky people. One idea is to dress very conservatively and open your briefcase or bookbag to get your materials out and ready, and casually unload them one at a time - papers, notebook, clipboard -- then handcuffs, PLOP, on the desk. Or a riding crop is a very visual, kinky item. You bring something like that out to contrast a very conservative look, and time it right, and you drive home the point that even the most normal looking person can be kinky in the bedroom.

Also, statistics help. If your classroom has 30 people in it, use stats to open your presentation with, "At least three of you have - or will- experiment with bondage in the bedroom. Some of you might have done it last night." Or something like that. Find the stats in any number of studies that are out there.

Akasha

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 9:22:48 AM

SimplyMichael

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I did a paper on being poly a year ago and one brave woman in the class chimed in she was in a poly relationship. Most college kids are having sex, as Aakasha said, use humor, bring them into the conversation...

I would ask "raise your hand if you hate sex" which will show, by default, they enjoy it. Then ask them to raise their hand if they enjoy hot sex...

Another tact would be to talk about romance novels, specifically "bodice rippers" and the current vampire stuff which is all about power play.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 14

RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 9:28:14 AM

littlesarbonn

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Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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Some early academic work was done by Gini Graham Scott, who wrote a number of bdsm-related, quasi-scholarly books. You might also check out John Warren's The Loving Dominant, which is an excellent book. For the type of research you want to do, you want to stick closer to the somewhat scholarly work rather than the troves of material that comes out from everyone else under the sun. JSTOR was mentioned, although searching through there can be somewhat daunting for that particular subject as a lot of scholarly work that has nothing to do with the search terms "bondage", "discipline" and "fantasy" bring up all sorts of literary references that can sometimes overwhelm one who is trying to find specific subjects. For instance, "bondage" yields a ton of references to "Of Human Bondage", which includes tons of book reviews and everything else that's ever been written on the novel. So, be sure to work with the search parameters a few times until you get what you're seeking.

Some of us have been writing for decades on the subject, so finding stuff really shouldn't be that hard.

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 9:50:09 AM

Missokyst

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Right on!
Doing a report which is dependent on supposition rather than stats is also a pet peeve of mine.
Get some research done! Ask your librarian, that is why they are there.
(research junkie)
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: jakelogan01
lilith, i'm not your professor, but i'm a professor and i frown upon students who don't do their homework. your library has access to lots of databases that you have obviously not checked. as subtlebutterfly mentioned, you have obviously not checked with your librarian either, or with your professor for that matter and asked for guidance. some references will be available in your own textbook.

(in reply to jakelogan01)

Post #: 16

RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 10:02:45 AM

Lynnxz

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From: Atlanta
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I know schools in Georgia use a research tool called Galileo, an online source that gets you access to "authoritative, subscription-only information that isn't available through free search engines or Web directories" I use it heavily for research projects, because of the sheer volume of information that can be found there. You might ask your librarian if Ohio has a similar thing going on, or ask someone in GA what this semester's password is... I do not know it this month.

As for the people getting pissy at her for not doing research... she is. She's researching what sources to use. I don't see what the problem is.

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 10:51:28 AM

SimplyMichael

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There is always Kinsey's work, I had forgotten about that and while some of it is dubious, it is certainly considered scholarly and it has numbers for some of the stuff we do.

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 12:37:22 PM

Arpig

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quote:

As for the people getting pissy at her for not doing research... she is. She's researching what sources to use. I don't see what the problem is.

My thoughts exactly!!

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RE: BDSM Education: An Essay. Help? - 4/14/2009 12:45:27 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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~FR~ Below is a small sample of citations I got with a 60-second search of JSTOR. I don't know you thesis so I don't know which of these would help you. However, you should be able to look up the journals and/or authors listed. Other issues of those journals might have the sort of information you need. I'd also check the DSM-IV, Psychology Today, or other magazines that deal with sexuality, psychology, or gender studies. The Social Constituents of SadomasochismMartin S. Weinberg, Colin J. Williams, Charles Moser Social Problems, Vol. 31, No. 4 (Apr., 1984), pp. 379-389

Rethinking Sadomasochism: Feminism, Interpretation, and Simulation
Patrick D. Hopkins
Hypatia, Vol. 9, No. 1 (Winter, 1994), pp. 116-141

Sadomasochism in the United States: A Review of Recent Sociological Literature
Thomas S. Weinberg
The Journal of Sex Research, Vol. 23, No. 1 (Feb., 1987), pp. 50-69

Maid to Order: Commercial Fetishism and Gender Power
Anne McClintock
Social Text, No. 37, A Special Section Edited by Anne McClintock Explores the Sex Trade (Winter, 1993), pp. 87-116

An Exploratory-Descriptive Study of a Sadomasochistically Oriented Sample
Charles Moser, Eugene E. Levitt
The Journal of Sex Research, Vol. 23, No. 3 (Aug., 1987), pp. 322-337

Feminist Heterosexuality and Its Politically Incorrect Pleasures
Jane Gaines
Critical Inquiry, Vol. 21, No. 2 (Winter, 1995), pp. 382-410

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