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Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 5:06:15 PM

subjulianna

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline

I hope this is the correct place to post this...

I was recently collared by my Dominant. He is a wonderful Dom and I am extremely honored to be his submissive, but I have a dilemma.

I am a professional business woman, and I meet new people everyday. My reputation has always been very good in the industry I am in, and I want to keep it that way. I also am a fulltime student, majoring in psychology. I am going into therapy with teenagers once I graduate with my Masters degree, and I feel that for a parent to entrust me with their teenager, my reputation has to be noteworthy. I truly lead a double life, as most of us do.

My dilemma is that the collar my Dominant gave me is literally a dog collar. It is a thick leather with a buckle and a loop for a leash. He and I agree that it is not appropraite to wear while at work, but we do not agree with my school. If it was not for the field I am pursuing, I would agree with him.

What is your opinion? What is the “code of conduct” for wearing collars? What are some suggestions or ideas you have that could help me with this dilemma? I appreciate any, and all, feedback on this.

Thank you!
-sub_julianna

Post #: 1

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 5:07:59 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Why not have a formal collar for at home and an every day collar for work? Something like a necklace or a choker? It's what I've done with My sub for some time now.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to subjulianna)

Post #: 2

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 5:13:14 PM

bluefireeyez

Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline

I agree with LadyPact. I am also going for my Master's in psychology and would not be able to wear that type of collar at school or work. I would ask for two different collars, one that is more acceptable to wear in my job. I would also explain it is important to me and for my career that this option be given. You can't wear turtle necks all year long!

Another option may be putting it somewhere other than your neck. Is it small enough to place around your ankle or leg? Then you would only need to worry about covering it up with your pants. Of course I really don't know...but just throwing it out there if he is insistant on you wearing that collar.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 5:26:43 PM

Vinmier

Posts: 41
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline

subjulianna,

    Perhaps a happy medium could be reached, where you could wear something else to take the place of the collar. Something worn under business casual, or whatever you where while at school. A ring, an anklet, a nicer necklace, there is a wide assortment of things. A collar is a symbol, the meaning of that symbol varies greatly depending on the giver and receiver, but it is still a symbol.

    I personally have mixed feelings about the collar at school. Yes, it would be inappropriate in the field that you're studying, once you venture out to work in it. But unless you're already dealing with the teens and parents, then there should not be a reason not to wear it at school. Unless your peers and professors have some bearing on your professional career once you graduate. There are many what-ifs, but what it boils down to, is if you honestly think it will affect your career, are you willing to let that collar impede something that will most likely be the foundation for the rest of your life?

    If my Lady knew that I felt very strongly about something that had bearing on the rest of my life, we would come to a nice middle ground. That's our relationship though, I am not a slave, and my thoughts and feelings are taken into account when she makes decisions. If I have a problem with something, then I let her know about it in private, and we discuss it. I wish I could be of more help, and I hope this post wasn't too jumbled. Good luck with your decision.

Vinmier

(in reply to bluefireeyez)

Post #: 4

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 5:38:15 PM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

My girl's worn a turian-style collar for the past three years 24/7 and had no embarrasing moments, either at school, professionally or between friends.

It's just an unusual necklace to those not in the know. To those IN the know, they're either impressed or fascinated, but always discrete and accepting.

They're all over the net these days, but I bought Mine from houseofcollars.

An important addition can be a small ring which can attach to the collar and allow the wearer to hang pendants or jewellery from it, adding to it's Vanilla acceptibility.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to Vinmier)

Post #: 5

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 5:48:04 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

I'd also recommend talking about a more discreet collar such as this with him: http://eternitycollars.com/product_info.php?products_id=142
If that's still too much, I've seen people use a wrist cuff instead: http://eternitycollars.com/product_info.php?cPath=18_32&products_id=45

(in reply to Vinmier)

Post #: 6

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 6:00:23 PM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

GotSteel...Snap

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 7

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 6:15:51 PM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

That is the type of collar I wear 24/7 as well. R got mine at www.ringofsteel.net. It is called the stealth collar. I don't think it could be mistaken for anything other than a collar but it allows people to think otherwise if they choose too or are just totally unaware.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

My girl's worn a turian-style collar for the past three years 24/7 and had no embarrasing moments, either at school, professionally or between friends.

It's just an unusual necklace to those not in the know. To those IN the know, they're either impressed or fascinated, but always discrete and accepting.

They're all over the net these days, but I bought Mine from houseofcollars.

An important addition can be a small ring which can attach to the collar and allow the wearer to hang pendants or jewellery from it, adding to it's Vanilla acceptibility.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 8

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 6:17:05 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

He should take the suitability of the collar for certain day to day situations into account. When I chose the full formal collar for My girl I made My decision with that in mind and chose one of these....
http://www.axsmar.com/bilder_gross/3t2t1hals.jpg
From axmar like the pic but lockable and mirror finish. Perhaps showing Him examples of what is available maybe help Him find something both to His taste AND that will be suitable for your day to day life.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 9

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 6:25:43 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

I am in the field you are going into and I agree wearing it to school is not a good idea. The mental health field is very conservative and for that matter small. There is a good likelihood you will have contact with students and instructor once you start to practice. Also, likely you will need to give some of those professors as references. I think an alternative symbol should be found for you to wear.

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 10

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 8:46:05 PM

ExKat

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline

Never think that people won't recognize the collar for what it is (assuming it's a dog collar). Unless you're willing to expose yourself to potential future colleagues and employers, then you need to be fairly discrete. I have a regular, non-kinky, non-locking necklace that I wear everyday as my day collar. I also have the leather dog collar with the D-ring and buckle that I wear as a night collar.

Despite what your dominant might think, you need to look after your career interests. Unless the dog collar would already mesh with your fashion sense (Gothy?) then you should not wear it to school. And, to be honest, you might want to consider if he has your best interests at heart: if he knew he wanted you to wear the collar always, and yet he knew that you needed to present a professional image, he should have found some compromise.

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(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 11

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 8:53:32 PM

subjulianna

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline

Thank you everyone for the responses! I appreciate all of the links and information given. This helped me formulate a plan on how to approach this, and it also confirmed my feelings on this matter. :) I also really like the turian style collar, so maybe this is something worth looking into. I can see how that could easily be permissible in the vanilla world if it's worn properly.

LovingMistress45 - ty! I kept trying to tell myself that I am not being paranoid. The field in this area is also small, and I know for a fact that I will run into at least two of my current instructors when I graduate. I could quite possibly be their co-worker at some point.

*hugs E/everyone* Thanks again!

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 12

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 10:14:01 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

I retain possession of her collar 24/7. As in your case it gets in the way of her daily life so I keep it here with me. She wears it only when she is here with me. She is collared 24/7 just as someone is married 24/7... it's just that she only wears the physical collar when she is with me. The commitment behind the collar is what is important. While some people need the physical collar 24/7 to complete that commitment ( a concept that I confess I have never fully understood) the collar in the end is only a symbol, imo.

(in reply to subjulianna)

Post #: 13

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 10:41:33 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

My slave only wears Vad Farkus- we're very happy with it (see the ring of steel link above or Cmail him, he's VadFarkus here on CM). He makes great stuff, its not expensive and it never has to come off, ever. The ends screw together with an allen wrench.

As mentioned above, you can just get a wrist bracelet if the collar is to obvious. Vad will make whatever size you need. Besides the collars and wrist bracelets, he also does anklets. I love the utility of metal. It won't rust, its very solid so it won't break if you grab it and yank, you can lock the wrist and ankle cuffs together or to the collar, etc.

I love leather too but in heat or just when you sweat, its not fun... For us, metal is definitely the way to go. Its just way more functional and practical for day-to-day, constant wear.

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(in reply to subjulianna)

Post #: 14

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/17/2009 11:25:58 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I would question the motives of any Dominant who could not visualize that wearing a dog collar could be detrimental to my future employment.

(in reply to subjulianna)

Post #: 15

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/18/2009 12:00:22 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

I would question the motives of any Dominant who could not visualize that wearing a dog collar could be detrimental to my future employment.

I wasn't gonna say that, it seems so obvious. But now I'll chime in:

OP, what- you are supposed to prance around school in a blatant, thick dog collar and no one from around town, none of your business associates (from your present job) will ever see it? My first thoughts when reading your post: how young, or how stupid and oblivious, is your dom? Was he born yesterday?

Or, as peppermint seems to be saying above, is he deliberately trying to sabotage your future employment prospects? Presumably you will be working alongside those who are now in school beside you, once you all graduate. Think they'll forget about the huge honking dog collar you wore every single day?

If your dom won't be reasonable about this, he's either mind numbingly stupid, or a jerk IMHO.

Edited to add: nevermind- I see your second post, above. You're on the right track. I'm sure you will do well as long as you listen to your own best judgement.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 4/18/2009 12:16:34 AM >

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(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 16

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/18/2009 12:22:29 AM

austriancucky

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/11/2009
Status: offline

quote:

....He and I agree that it is not appropraite to wear while at work, but we do not agree with my school.....

School is part of your working life - so you should handle it equal. If he is really caring he will understand. Otherwise he is accepting the possible demolition of you (or parts of you...). Which intelligent human is interested to destroy his property?

< Message edited by austriancucky -- 4/18/2009 12:23:17 AM >

(in reply to subjulianna)

Post #: 17

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/18/2009 12:54:23 AM

masterkvann

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/4/2006
Status: offline

I have two slaves that wear the same type of collar and they both have a brass lock with their name on one side and Mine on the other. One wears hers 24/7/365 as it no problem for her to say she is slave and I am her Master and that's opened up discussions and brought a lot of respect and honor to Me. However, My other slave works on a Mental Health ward and to wear it would present a danger to her as it could be used as a weapon to strangle her with. I take it off every time she leaves for work and replace it when she returns.

(in reply to austriancucky)

Post #: 18

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/18/2009 3:57:40 AM

subjulianna

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline

Once again, thank you for all of the posts.

My intention was not to make this into a flame post against my Dominant. I understand that he and I have opposing viewpoints on this topic, and that is fine with me. He has not, and most likely will not, make me wear this wherever I am uncomfortable wearing it. I posted because this has been brought up in discussion several times between he and I, and I want to feel assured that I am seeing this from the right perspective. I try to not be stubborn when I am wrong about something, I did not want this to be one of those occasions lol.

He is the most respectful and sincere Dominant I have had the honor to submit to since I began in this lifestyle a year and a half ago (and I am still so new, I am learing more and more everday! lol). I do not want anyone to get the wrong impression of this situation, and I am sorry if you have. Knowing from past experience with Him, he and I will discuss this several more times until a common ground is found. I also know that he will respect me with his final decision.

< Message edited by subjulianna -- 4/18/2009 3:58:44 AM >

(in reply to masterkvann)

Post #: 19

RE: Wearing my collar in public - 4/18/2009 4:44:38 AM

novak

Posts: 21
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline

a nice gor collar would work

(in reply to subjulianna)

Post #: 20

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