What is your goal regarding D/s?

What is your goal regarding D/s? (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 2:04:35 AM)
A question that was somewhat buried on another thread got Me thinking. I probably know the answer from some of the regulars that I've gotten to cyber know over the last couple of years on these boards, but I think it's still worth posting. What is your goal in relation to D/s? Is it relationship based, such as you want a sub that would become a permanent part of your life? Are you more the friends with benefits type? Are you looking for 24/7 or just a person who meshes with you in some kind of casual way? Are you one of these types, or more than one?

Politesub53 -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 2:08:36 AM)
Good morning Lady Pact....... Mine would be to have a normal long term relationship that was D/s based.

PeonForHer -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 2:49:06 AM)
Ditto PoliteSub - though these days I think I could do with some practice along the way to that goal.

masmiss -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 5:20:13 AM)
I want a permanent D/s relationship. I've gone the casual route and played with subs but wasn't satisfied. I like a committed relationship.

PsyVamp -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 6:07:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact What is your goal in relation to D/s? Is it relationship based, such as you want a sub that would become a permanent part of your life? Are you more the friends with benefits type? Are you looking for 24/7 or just a person who meshes with you in some kind of casual way? Are you one of these types, or more than one? Yes. laughs My M/s relationships would always be relationship based, casual play is not normal for me. I do have a FWB, but he and I have known each other for years and I don't consider it casual - we are just not together. My pet is a 24/7 live-in and when I have the room to add another person, I would like to have a live-in slave in addition. (My adult son has one more year of school before he goes into the military, after that, there is one more available bedroom. Or maybe by then I'll have the money to finish the basement) If someone meshed with me in a casual way, I would not be adverse to trying a dynamic, depending on our needs and limitations. I did have someone offer to dress fem and clean my house but because of the normal family dynamic at home, this is not possible.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 6:36:34 AM)
I'm not going to be changing my domestic situation for the foreseeable future, so I am not husband hunting, but yes, I would like to have my little leather family to rely on. I ponder adding a FWB, but so far I haven't gotten anyone to say yes. [;)]

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 7:44:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact What is your goal in relation to D/s? My goal is basically to further my development as a human being, both on my own and in relation to others. D/s, for me, is a tool for development on both sides of the kneel -- a tool for understanding and embracing ourselves for exactly who and what we are. quote: Is it relationship based, such as you want a sub that would become a permanent part of your life? Are you more the friends with benefits type? Are you looking for 24/7 or just a person who meshes with you in some kind of casual way? Are you one of these types, or more than one? One thing that I've discovered is that I am sort of a "middle range" person. I don't want a life-long relationship, but I'm not a "one night stand" kind of person, either. It takes me a long time to warm up to someone, but once I have, I like having them in my life for a while. I am, however, a gypsy. I do not do well in cages, and become restless and hungry for change and re-direction over time. One thing that I've discovered over the past decade is that I really enjoy doing body modification, piercing, cuttings, etc., on the same basis that a body-mod artist would do them, so I enjoy having play-partners who are looking to be modified, either as a temporary art-piece or something longer-term, but I rarely see these people as "companions" or as "mine". I have the pleasure of sharing their bodies as a canvas for mutually agreed-upon art, but in the end, they are the art and the art is them, and I am vestigial. This is something I do with the idea that I am extraneous -- I facilitate a process, but am not part of the final creation except in the energy I've put into it, and the value of that is really up to the spirit that wears the living canvas. In the D/s-M/s-authority transfer arena, though, I think I'm looking for one or more someones who can commit a bit of time -- from a few months to a few years -- to developing deeply seated disciplines in a moderately high-protocol setting with a strong connection but without romantic involvement. I am perfectly happy training newcomers or the servants who can't imagine being out in the world without someone sheltering them, but find themselves there, and doing so on a short-term basis until they find a long-term (permanent?) situation that suits.

stella41b -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 9:22:04 AM)
As I have no desire to be exploited or used under the auspices of kink and BDSM it really all depends on long term friendships and whatever materializes from these friendships. Everything else is meaningless.

Venatrix -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 9:48:44 AM)
I was originally looking for a committed, permanent, d/s-based relationship. Then, when I saw the subs that were available, I decided to settle for friends with benefits. That route hasn't turned up anyone I'm interested in dominating, so now I've entirely given up looking. Perhaps I will change my mind in a few weeks or so, but in the meantime, I settle for dominating my cat (he's into forced lap-sitting), a good book, and a glass of wine of an evening.

LadyPact -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 10:45:40 AM)
When I was typing this up in the early morning hours, I skipped transferring what made Me think about the subject. (This is what happens when one wakes up to Dennis Leary on Comedy Central at 2:00 AM. Has nothing to do with the topic, except that it's almost impossible to go back to sleep when laughing so hard.) Partial repost: As far as play goes, I've always allowed clip to have experiences with other people. There are certain guidelines, of course, but I don't mind him playing with experienced Tops. I'm a pretty good ticket when it comes to play, but none of us knows everything or is capable of doing everything. For example, I'm not a rope person, so if he wants the thrill of being tied, I'd rather he did that with someone else. (I'm more the let's get you restrained so I can put a hurt on you type.) I have no problem with him having that rope scene that he would enjoy but would bore the crap out of Me.* It's the D/s, authority transfer dynamic that's created the bond. I don't share that, even with My husband, who is also Dominant. While clip is a member of this poly family as a whole, his submission belongs to Me as part of the terms of his wearing My collar. Though some submissives don't have that craving of ownership, clip does very much. In fact, it's part of what has led him to be submissive in the first place. Belonging to a Dominant helps to stabilize and center him. In My good fortune, that would happen to be Me. The reason that I feel I function best when a sub only belongs to one D type, while a D can have more than one, is My personal desire for a poly family that is based on D/s. I want to create that family, not just for Myself, but for all of the members of it. In fact, when My other half is home again, I have high hopes that he'll find a girl for himself. (Would be kind of odd if I were the only female in the house.) Should I want to add another, it isn't just for Me, but also for clip to have a brother sub who can be a part of his life as well. I want to create that household for all of us, and allow all of us to have the benefits from it, as it fits our respective needs. * I should have mentioned at this point that I play casually as well. It was mentioned by another in the other thread. Edited to kill the quote feature.

thetammyjo -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 12:38:15 PM)
My "Ds" goal is not separate from my life goal: to have a stable, kinky, poly household where everyone supports each other and encourages each other to become the best he or she can become. I all ready have that right now. Whether we add more people to the household down the line would be a bonus but not a necessity for me.

Andalusite -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 1:51:32 PM)
I want a kinky boyfriend, in a LTR. D/s is a bonus - if it happens, fantastic, but I could be perfectly content as a top, a bottom, or a S/M switch without any D/s. I enjoy many aspects of D/s outside of BDSM activities, so I'm not strictly a "bedroom Domme" (or sub). I would prefer a monogamous or mono-with-room-for-play relationship, but might be open to a polyfidelitous triad or vee with the right people/circumstances.

SlaveBlutarsky -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 2:51:09 PM)
I'm looking for my version of the American dream, you know: a wife, kids, nice house with the white picket fence, PTA meetings, soccer games, movie nights, cookouts, torture, tears, safe words etc. Here's a blog entry I wrote a couple years ago entitled The American Dream... slaveblutarsky: I like dating, it's fun. Plus you never know. Friend: That is the voice of someone who wants some kink in his life but still wants the american dream. So this is a conversation I had on Saturday. I was talking to someone on the site, about relationships and the delineation between lifestyle D/s and recreational. I'm new to some of this, so I figured there was recreational (for lack of a better term) and professional. Ahhh...I found out that's not the case. Lifestyle my friends, that's where it's at. You see, gentle and not so gentle reader, there is a whole other world out there I'm still learning about. I've heard the term lifestyle bandied about in relation to the world of kink, but never stopped to think about what it meant or really get the nuts and bolts of the term. I have started to get a clearer picture of the term. So I mistakenly asked my Domme friend if she was a professional or was it recreational. And that's where the learning began. She is a lifestyle Domme, she wants to live this all day, every day; doesn't want to be a weekend warrior type who just uses kink to spice up a boring sex life. Holy moly, tell me more! So in our discussion, I mention that I date vanilla women at this point but am not serious about them, due to my desire to have a relationship with a woman who is fully aware of her sexuality, and whose sexuality is hopefully defined by her dominance. She responded to me that she doesn't waste her time with men she knows won't cut it and that she doesn't like dating in general. Both things I completely understand. And so the quote up top is the next exchange in our conversation. I will readily admit, I want the American Dream. But here's the thing. The American Dream is different to everyone, that's why it's The American Dream. For some it may be the white house with the picket fence in he suburb, for others it's a 3000 acre farm in the sticks, and for others still, it's an apartment in the middle of a major city. Everyone has a different concept of the American Dream. My great grandparents came here with the dream of starting over in a land where allegedly anything was possible. When I think of my life in 5 or ten years, I don't see why I can't have my American Dream, nor should anyone. For me, my American Dream involves a wonderful, beautiful, sadistically dominant woman, a warm inviting home (with an incredible dungeon in the basement), friends (both vanilla and kinky) to share good times with as well as a loving and supportive family. I'm not a complicated person, nor is my American Dream, it's just really freakin kinky. I'm not making light of my friend's comment, believe me. I know what she's trying to say. I'm assuming she thinks I want to stay in my 'safe' suburban, sterile world, and not have to venture or open myself up to some changes in the name of finding a kinky partner. She's right. I wish the cheerleading coach I went out with a few weeks ago in the middle of dinner said 'For our next date, I'm bringing a strap on, a single tail, two bricks and a blow up doll.' But she didn't. The most interesting people I've met thus far on the site have been from the west coast. Maybe I may have to relocate to find my dream woman. To me that's not the end of the world, I don't plan on staying where I am anyway. Who knows, the woman I fall in love with and submit to may not have the 'bring home to mom' factor I'd like. I've brought home similar women my whole life, but they obviously haven't inspired me. I've got a great family though, and whomever makes me happy, I'm sure they will accept. Is there a woman out there that is a perfect match for me? Who knows, but life is a wonderfully fun and long journey and the American Dream is that and more.

DVsFox -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 3:08:25 PM)
My first thought to the question was, "My goal is to win." And really, even if it was initially thought in a joking manner...that's my goal. I want to have a permanent, productive, loving relationship with my Owner. I want us to get married, start a family, and grow old together. I want us to be together through the fun times and the difficult times in our lives. It's not really just my goal in D/s...it's my ultimate goal in life. DV's Fox

numuncular -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 4:49:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact A question that was somewhat buried on another thread got Me thinking. I probably know the answer from some of the regulars that I've gotten to cyber know over the last couple of years on these boards, but I think it's still worth posting. What is your goal in relation to D/s? Is it relationship based, such as you want a sub that would become a permanent part of your life? Are you more the friends with benefits type? Are you looking for 24/7 or just a person who meshes with you in some kind of casual way? Are you one of these types, or more than one? you've sort of asked the question I want to know... I expect nothing but of course am at the same time required to answer a question: what can you give me, which is a hard one to answer when one has no expectations.... would love to know if not "the" answer at least "an" answer

DemonKia -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 6:33:26 PM)
Hmmmm, I have a kinda iffy relationship with 'goals' (& an even iffier relationship with 'short answers', lol . . . . But, special for the more goal-oriented, I have asterisked the 'short answers' [:)] ) . . . . . . One of the key questions that has shaped my thinking is, 'What do I want?' Followed by, 'Do I still want this or that?' & 'What do I need to do - / Who do I need to be - to achieve this goal?' . . . . Oh. & usually followed at some length by, '& how did that work out?' . . . . Asked over & over again, in good times & bad, relentlessly focusing on the cores that hold me together, cuz they're the only things with the power to move me up whatever mountains I pursue . .. . . . * I have one over-arching goal that subsumes pretty much everything else -- to 'be a writer' -- a path I've been on for 3+ decades now . ... . I see creativity as being driven by introspection & self-discovery & growth, with the corollary being that the artist who quits growing & delving into their own crevices usually shuts down artistically, in my not-so-humble . ... . My kinky self has emanated as part of that path. It was there all along, strata interwove in my fundament, but it was only in the last decade or so that I became aware of & started experimenting with all the lovely BDSM labels, seeing how they fit me -- & lots do, the more I delve, the more a kinky freak I find (with all respect for the word 'freak', I generally wear it as badge of courage, hehehehe . .. . . ) In my book, a writer's first duty is to live an 'interesting' life, rich with experiences. That can be as internal as Emily Dickinson, or as external as Jack London, & part of the responsibility & glory of the writer is to wring as much from whatever experience as possible. Discovering / realizing that I'm kinky was a little like winning the 'writer's lottery', then, for me . . . . (Especially as so much of the writing about kink that's out there is so trite, cliched, contrived, unrealistic, & so on -- mmmm, I love an uncrowded market, there's not much in the way of smart, funny, erotic, kinky sci-fi, hehehehe . . . . ) . .... . Sometimes I feel like a chemist before the periodic table was codified, with so many 'easy' discoveries ahead . . . . Romantic goals, yeah, I never quite worked that out in the kinda 'grocery shopping' paradigm that I hear underneath a certain amount of dating talk (as in, 'I'm only interested in dating people who are A, B, C, D, E, F, & G, absolutely no M, N, O, or P's, & it must be under circumstances X, Y, & Z, & so on . . . . . ') . . . . . I hear that that works for lots of other folks, I just have always had a more serendipitous experience of romance . . . . . . . Love, for me, tends to be a squiggely, wiggely critter that's visible when I don't look, that exists when I don't believe, evanescent, even ephemeral, & yet contradictorily omnipresent & all powerful . . . . . As to the immediate-dating thing: I'm on the mend from tragedy. My mostly-vanilla ex-bf & continuing best friend died in Dec, unexpectedly, & terribly young (he was only 35) & I'm still working on all that . . . . . It may be years before I'm ready to do more than socialize & flirt . . . . . . I can't even really think beyond that. I thought I knew stuff before he passed, & then . . . . . & now I don't know very much about what I want in that area . . . . . . . (& rather than hijack LadyPact's thread, if you wanna message me about the above paragraph, go right ahead . ..... [:)] ) There are some hard cores in my romance-sex-love-relationship-BDSM-vanilla stuff: * Long term. I've not yet found a short-term function in my programming. * There has to be a degree of fidelity going on for me to feel the comforting illusion of 'control' regardless of how many people might be involved. * I'm a rather wholistic person, I don't do compartmentalization very well. * I don't do closets, either. * I'm very kinky; the more I experiment, the kinkier I realize I am, a fascinating process. Plain vanilla sex, in & of itself, doesn't do it for me. (I actually suspect I fit the definition for certain paraphilias, except I object to the widespread pathologizing of things that aren't necessarily pathologies in & of themselves . . .. . .) I've already 'outgrown' several relationships around that thematic . . . . * I'll probably end up working in the 'adult entertainment industry' in some capacity or another, so any kind of partnership I end up in will need to be compatible with all that . .... . . I'm a writer. I'm both sexual & kinky. I have the desire to connect with like-minded people. I think I'm mostly here for the process.

SnowRanger -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/18/2009 8:51:58 PM)
Yep. that's me... Chopped Liver! Hello Lady Pact, I am seeking a long term, romantic, passionate, sexual relationship in which D/s is a vital part of how we interact. Sincerely, (you know by now)

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/19/2009 5:44:46 AM)
My goal is long term love, cohabitation, interesting exchanges, silly exchanges, obedience, service, laughter... Yah know, all the things people who get along and like each other do (slave for the other, lol). The ying to my yang (or maybe that's been the issue, [8\|]). M

chezzy71 -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/19/2009 6:51:59 AM)
i seek a 24/7 live-in relationship..one in which i can serve daily with integrity,honesty,loyalty and the utmost care for a Domina.if i am allowed into one's heart they shall have me till my last breath.

amydoll1477 -> RE: What is your goal regarding D/s? (4/19/2009 10:55:46 AM)
I am currently in a great relationship with my Master, I would like to explore serving women too, but I am not to sure how how to add other people to the mix

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