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First Experience - 4/19/2009 3:16:15 PM

Brinna29

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/13/2009
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Okay, I had my first one on one meeting with a dominant. I just kind of wanted to get an experienced persons take on it. I'm kind of confused now. It's been a week and I'm still not real sure how I feel about it. I kind of think maybe I get more out of the mental control than I do the physical. Anyway, if someones willing to be my therapist for just a few moments please drop me a line. I'd appreciate it. Thank you!

Post #: 1

RE: First Experience - 4/19/2009 3:21:12 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

You do NOT hafta be a pain slut.

Receiving painful stimuli does not hafta be part of what you do, if you don't like it. Just be upfront about that, so you'll attract someone whose needs and desires match yours.

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Post #: 2

RE: First Experience - 4/19/2009 3:23:26 PM

Joseff

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That's not a lot of information to go on. Maybe some details would help.....

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Post #: 3

RE: First Experience - 4/19/2009 3:35:51 PM

Brinna29

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/13/2009
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I'm not sure if it's so much not liking it as just kind of being........ yeah, I could take it or leave it. At times I half way wanted to laugh. But overall, the pain didn't turn me on. I think I maybe had the wrong idea about it going in. I was hesitant to say stop when it hurt because I think in my head I was seeing it as a competition that I would lose if I admitted it hurt.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 4

RE: First Experience - 4/19/2009 3:36:48 PM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

This is a lifestyle which is the same as vanilla in the aspect that you choose what you are comfortable with. Maybe since you are new, meeting someone that can guide and mentor you might work for now. Or, telling that Dom that you are not ready for anything physical at this time.
Joining a local group is very helpful when starting out. I learned much more once I joined a group than any books or individual could have offered.

(in reply to Brinna29)

Post #: 5

RE: First Experience - 4/19/2009 3:38:03 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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You tried something and found it was not what you expected. All you need to do is make it clear to this dominant or any future prospective dominants that whatever “it” was is not the type of relationship you seek.

There are lots of D/s relationships that don't involve S+M.

<<The psychiatrist is IN. 5 cents, please!>>

< Message edited by catize -- 4/19/2009 3:40:10 PM >

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Post #: 6

RE: First Experience - 4/19/2009 3:40:39 PM

MissJanice2

Posts: 178
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline

We all have that first encounter. I will never forget mine. What an idiot I was that night. I could have got myself killed, but I met him just the same.
Thankfully, I survived, and went on to meet some good people and bad people. Just like normal life, the lifestyle has both.
Don't allow one frog get in the way of your Prince.

Best Wishes,

MJ

(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 7

RE: First Experience - 4/19/2009 5:28:56 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

'm not sure if it's so much not liking it as just kind of being........ yeah, I could take it or leave it. At times I half way wanted to laugh. But overall, the pain didn't turn me on. I think I maybe had the wrong idea about it going in. I was hesitant to say stop when it hurt because I think in my head I was seeing it as a competition that I would lose if I admitted it hurt.

It appears that you have equated BDSM with pain and liking or not liking it...There are MANY other aspects to all bdsm activities. So do a lot of research and find something that "floats your boat". I am sure you will find something!

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I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to Brinna29)

Post #: 8

RE: First Experience - 4/19/2009 7:09:23 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

There seems to be a lot of potential things going on here. So far, there is not remotely enough here to give any kind of particularly precise answer, but I will go through what all popped in my head.

How long had you known this dominant and how is it you came to decide that this was the person you wanted that first experience from? It kind of sounds like a "he'll do" situation from your post. If there was no more excitement or chemistry than that, then it is no wonder everything fell flat. It also means trust had not been well established and that he had not taken the time to know how to work with you properly. He has to know what buttons to push and which to avoid to be able to make a session its best. It sounds like there was little of this on either side.

Now how about this pain play issue? Is it possible that if he had sufficient mental and emotional control of you that it would have been more interesting? It seems that if a battle of the wills has ensued, then dominance has not really been much achieved or, and I say this based on how I am, there is a switchiness that has not yet been embraced. Even so, I may rise up and try to do battle with my partner, but those that I play with can swiftly dispatch the issue and I am at their whim once again. Pain play, to me, is just silly when it is contrived and not within some kind of context. Why on earth would you let someone hurt you like that when there is no control or respect? Further, plenty here will assent to hating or being indifferent about pain but taking it FOR someone, because that is what their partner enjoys. If this was a partner you could feel that way for, then my guess is that suddenly pain play would take on an importance that didn't reduce you to laughter.

Yes, there is the possibility that pain play will not float your boat in the least. I think you are far from being able to scratch it off your list at this point due to the things mentioned above. If that winds up being the case, then fine. There are plenty that do D/s without pain play involved. Mental/emotional control is huge. It overrides all the rest for me. Further, in the play area there are such a wide variety of possibilities that certainly there will be a few that just light you up. Good luck on your journey and please take your time and play with those who really light your fire.

lovingpet

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 9

RE: First Experience - 4/20/2009 4:34:21 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm submissive but totally uninterested in pain. I like bondage and sex during play.
I found a dominant with compatible interests and we are both happy as a result.

Except for the ropes always being tangled when we want to use them. Because of the kids, I can't have them hanging in a closet.

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Post #: 10

RE: First Experience - 4/20/2009 6:12:19 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Brinna29

Okay, I had my first one on one meeting with a dominant. I just kind of wanted to get an experienced persons take on it. I'm kind of confused now. It's been a week and I'm still not real sure how I feel about it. I kind of think maybe I get more out of the mental control than I do the physical. Anyway, if someones willing to be my therapist for just a few moments please drop me a line. I'd appreciate it. Thank you!

Brianna

"feel about" what?? there really is so little to appraise here that I see little opportunity to help. some replies seem to think it was pain involved; maybe or just kinky sex... who knows. Drop me a line and perhaps I can help.

CP

(in reply to Brinna29)

Post #: 11

RE: First Experience - 4/20/2009 4:08:35 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Maybe it's not for you.

BadOne

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Post #: 12

RE: First Experience - 4/20/2009 4:16:24 PM

crazyredhead1957

Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline

It could be that it's not for you, or it could be that the particular things you did are not for you, and some other BDSM activities are. you don't give U/us a whole lot of information to work with here in formulating O/our answers. BDSM covers a wide range of activities. Y/you can like some of them but not not all of them, and that's okay. Too bad there's not a book out called "BDSM for Dummies." LOL

(in reply to Brinna29)

Post #: 13

RE: First Experience - 4/20/2009 5:33:37 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyredhead1957

Too bad there's not a book out called "BDSM for Dummies." LOL

Actually there is!

lovingpet

PS: I just love when OP's simply disappear. Grrrrrrrrr

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)

Post #: 14

RE: First Experience - 4/20/2009 10:01:32 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

It's not about pain for everyone.
For me, intimacy and psychology rank rather high.
Figure out what you like.
Not to mention, perhaps you and the other simply didn't work well together.
Davan

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It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
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(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 15

RE: First Experience - 4/21/2009 6:25:54 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

I agree. In my case, pain isn't in the equation.

Sure, I like to "get a reaction" and that can be done with no pain whatsoever to "a little wince of pain" as in a nipple tweak leading her about the room by her tits (my favorite dance) ... but that's just getting her attention focused ...

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 16

RE: First Experience - 4/23/2009 10:32:46 AM

mindtrap

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

"Looking for myself in a desolate place, Trapped within my mind, who or what will i find?"

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Post #: 17

RE: First Experience - 4/23/2009 11:17:15 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

FOR REAL.... If it doesn't blow your skirt up, don't do it.... because its possible for something to go from "Meh, i can take it or leave it" .... to...... "OMG this has become annoying!" just sayin....

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Post #: 18

RE: First Experience - 4/23/2009 12:48:59 PM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

The whole situation you describe sounds a bit awkward to me...could it be that you just didn't really gel with the guy?
Maybe watch a bit of porn or surf the net a bit to findout what things might turn you on and try again with someone you feel a bit more at ease with?

(in reply to Brinna29)

Post #: 19

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