|
ElanSubdued -> RE: male fukking female as domming but f to m?? (4/23/2009 11:29:51 PM)
|
Shakti,
quote:
The problem seems to be most common in men who haven't chosen submission after exploring other options, like going through a vanilla or male dominant phase. I distinctly remember one guy who posted to this forum just a few weeks ago, actually -- from Ireland, I think. He identified himself as "pure DS" because he couldn't keep his erection when his domme wanted intercourse; vaginal intercourse wasn't submissive in his mind and thus didn't make him hard/get him off.
Personally, I think women who enjoy intercourse might want to look at submissives who have dom or vanilla life experience under their belts more seriously. Many dommes seem to look at this as a negative, but I think there might be a few advantages to the man who came to his submissive nature by the road less traveled...? [:D] (Elan, you out there?)
(snip to next post)
Anyway, obviously these guys who don't "put out" do have their appropriate female counterparts. I'm just not one of them.
I'm not sure what you're asking of me here. Therefore, I'll try to stay generally on-topic by adding a bit on my background and my thoughts on why I enjoy penetrating dominant, female partners.
When I started having BDSM-ish ideas at a young age, they were from the vantage point of a submissive. For reasons I won't go into, I've tried my hand in the roles of owner, dominant, top, switch, bottom, submissive, and slave. I'm most comfortable as a submissive leaning towards slave, but I also find the dynamics I share with a given partner are entirely unique. In other words, it may be more natural for me to slip into a deep, slavish headspace with one partner whereas another may inspire me to a more median or (*shock*) dominant headspace.
I've finally arrived at a place where my dominant sensibilities rest comfortably inside my more natural, submissive psyche. Thus, I can call on these skills if needed, but they are not a burning desire or something that must be exercised. As a submissive, I don't have to work at the mindset because following my partner's leadership and pleasing my partner all feel natural to me. As a dominant, I do have to work quite hard at being in this headspace - it's not a natural place for me. That said, when I'm in dom space, I can be very dominant and sadistic indeed.
At any rate, that's enough discussion about submissive versus dominant headspaces. Let's get to the fucking! :-)
Personally, I don't view penetration or any other sexual acts as inherently dominant or submisive. Sex is simply one of many activities my domme and I enjoy sharing. This might sound like a very simple viewpoint, but that's the extent of it. Okay. I'll extend this a tad. I'm a firm believer that fucking isn't a passive activity. (The puns just keep slipping right in. :-) Really, I feel the same way about submission - it's not passive. Now there are submissives who take a very passive stance at all times, but this certainly isn't my own approach. I like to enrich and pleasure my partner in many ways and this involves a balance of active, passive, preemptive, initiating, and reactive behaviours, all of which occur organically in response to reading her cues.
When it comes to sex, even though the when, what, and how are usually determined by my domme, the same organic dance occurs and I'll react and initiate based on reading her verbal and non-verbal cues. I immensely enjoy watching my partner enjoy herself so, based on her mood, this could mean following her very specific instructions; caressing, kissing, grabbing, rubbing, and playing back and forth in a delicious sex-game of "call and answer"; grabbing her hips, thrusting into her, and hard-fucking till her eyes roll back; softly kissing and caressing as we mutually pull into one another; and many other variations (some that include fucking and others that don't).
In terms of sex (or anything else for that matter), I tend to think a domme enjoys herself and her partner(s) however she wishes. Whatever expectations society has don't figure into this equation unless those ideals are important to the domme. For myself, when I'm sexually involved, my mindset to give my partner affection and pleasure in whatever way she enjoys.
I'm not sure if the many BDSM roads I've traveled (and that ultimately led me back to submission) have shaped my attitudes towards sex and penetration. My experiences have most certainly caused me to take a very humanist approach in BDSM relationships. With this in mind, I do think there is a level of communication that transcends BDSM and yet simultaneously is the very foundation and essence of BDSM. More than anything, it's my understanding of the importance of and the need for this kind of foundation that has grown considerably as a result of the paths I've taken.
Elan.
|
|
|
|
