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RE: Need - 4/27/2009 4:27:56 AM   
BitaTruble


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDoc1

A thesis for discussion: in a D/S relationship it is necessary/preferable/inevitable (pick which) that the submissive need/love/care more for the dominant than the dominant for the submissive.  True or false?


I don't see why it would be necessary, preferable or inevitable if each party is putting forth their best effort to help the relationship progess. I wouldn't even know how to quantify more or less in a relationship. I mean, if I think about him 5 times a day and he only thinks about me 3 times a day, does that mean I love him more and he loves me less?

Maybe I'm not getting the question or something.

_____________________________

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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Need - 4/27/2009 9:08:00 AM   
cpK69


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Maybe I'm not getting the question or something.


I have been wondering the same toward myself, from the opposite side of the discussion.

I am having a hard time picturing how a relationship can work productively, if the aspects in the OP are not balanced.

I had thought imbalance in those areas, are some of the more popular reasons for someone to post things like; He is not a …. She is not a …..

quote:

I mean, if I think about him 5 times a day and he only thinks about me 3 times a day, does that mean I love him more and he loves me less?


Are you suggesting that quantity is  the equivalent of quality?

Kim


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(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Need - 4/27/2009 9:09:38 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDoc1

A thesis for discussion: in a D/S relationship it is necessary/preferable/inevitable (pick which) that the submissive need/love/care more for the dominant than the dominant for the submissive.  True or false?


The question (thesis?) is referring to a generality, and very rarely is there an absolute when speaking in generalities.

Therefore, the answer has to be false.  There will be some who prefer and live this dynamic, and some who do not.  In my past I lived that dynamic - where the owner felt it necessary to not love the slave despite the slave loving him.  It worked for me for quite some time.  It is not a dynamic I will seek for myself in the future.


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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to MasterDoc1)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Need - 4/28/2009 3:12:44 AM   
Interesdom


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
In my past I lived that dynamic - where the owner felt it necessary to not love the slave despite the slave loving him.  It worked for me for quite some time.  It is not a dynamic I will seek for myself in the future.


I have often observed that a master well-served by an obedient slave comes to love her, even if he did not start out doing so.  Do you think that your past owner was capable of loving anyone?  (Not everybody is.)


Keep looking on the bright side of life!

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Need - 4/28/2009 3:31:41 AM   
marie2


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDoc1

A thesis for discussion: in a D/S relationship it is necessary/preferable/inevitable (pick which) that the submissive need/love/care more for the dominant than the dominant for the submissive.  True or false?


None of the above.  Further, I think it's an ultimately dysfunctional relationship in which only one partner needs/loves/cares, and the other doesn't.   Human beings are wired to thrive in environments of care, not indifference.

(in reply to MasterDoc1)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Need - 4/28/2009 7:52:34 AM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Interesdom

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
In my past I lived that dynamic - where the owner felt it necessary to not love the slave despite the slave loving him.  It worked for me for quite some time.  It is not a dynamic I will seek for myself in the future.


I have often observed that a master well-served by an obedient slave comes to love her, even if he did not start out doing so.  Do you think that your past owner was capable of loving anyone?  (Not everybody is.)


Yes, he was (is) quite capable of loving.  But he is enslaved to his own rules of how M/s must be, and will not allow himself such emotions for a slave.  Or, if he does, he withholds them.

quote:



Keep looking on the bright side of life!



Always!  There is much to see!


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Interesdom)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Need - 4/28/2009 8:01:40 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I think this dynamic is around just as one loving the other partner more is around in vanilla relationships. It just depends on the relationship. I have had both. i prefer that I am loved to the enth degree. But I always do seek a daddy Dom.

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(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Need - 4/28/2009 1:28:20 PM   
TreasureKY


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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

...  The principle of least interest states that the party who loves more has less power. They no longer hold the ace, the "I could always leave" card. I'm not, IN ANY WAY advocating the use of relational aggression as a healthy dynamic between people, but having the ability to use (without actually using) that abusive card is an increase of power.

Isn't that what D/s is about? Increasing the power of one party while lowering the power of another?


I don't agree that D/s relationships are predicated on power levels.  Since I have no idea how to measure power in a relationship, let alone transfer it to another, I prefer to stick with simply relinquishing authority to Firm.  So, no... I don't think that D/s is about increasing the power of one party while lowering the power of another.

That being said, I do agree that emotional investment in a relationship will determine the degree of vulnerability.  A partner who loves more is going to be more vulnerable to being hurt by being rejected than the partner with less emotional attachment. 

But then again, I don't know how to measure love any more than I know how to measure power. 

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Need - 4/28/2009 2:28:26 PM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

None of the above.  Further, I think it's an ultimately dysfunctional relationship in which only one partner needs/loves/cares, and the other doesn't.   Human beings are wired to thrive in environments of care, not indifference.



Marie, I think you're near the mark when you suggest that we all have to have our needs met, yet perhaps the idea that the desire for an 'environment of care' is an in-built mechanism, needs a spot of thought. You have to experience the pain to appreciate the pleasure.

_____________________________

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Need - 4/28/2009 2:30:54 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Can't you just see a couple having a dispute:

HE: I love you.

SHE: I love you more

HE: No I love you more!

As well as telling my Lady that I love her and am in love with her, I prefer to demonstrate that love on a daily basis in our daily lives.
SHE: No you don't! I LOVE YOU MORE!!!!

I guess it make as much sense as arguing about football or any other incredibly idiotic subjects couples argue needlessly about doesn't it?


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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Need - 4/28/2009 3:13:15 PM   
marie2


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From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

None of the above.  Further, I think it's an ultimately dysfunctional relationship in which only one partner needs/loves/cares, and the other doesn't.   Human beings are wired to thrive in environments of care, not indifference.



Marie, I think you're near the mark when you suggest that we all have to have our needs met, yet perhaps the idea that the desire for an 'environment of care' is an in-built mechanism, needs a spot of thought. You have to experience the pain to appreciate the pleasure.


I can't tell if you're kidding.   (I hate when that happens)

But assuming you're being on the up and up here...Sure you can make little quippy general statements like that that might apply in a certain context.  But in the bigger picture, don't you think we all need something positive in order to thrive?  Care, nurturing, love, praise, whathaveyou ?  I can't see a person doing well, thriving, growing, being productive etc, under the absence of care.  I mean, maybe it happens.  I guess what I mean to say is that I've never seen it.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Need - 4/30/2009 2:36:31 PM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

I can't tell if you're kidding.   (I hate when that happens)



It doesn't get any better face to face.....you don't get the signals that you get in other countries......

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

But in the bigger picture, don't you think we all need something positive in order to thrive?  Care, nurturing, love, praise, whathaveyou ?  I can't see a person doing well, thriving, growing, being productive etc, under the absence of care.  I mean, maybe it happens.  I guess what I mean to say is that I've never seen it.



I agree, we all need something positive. But, there are other activating factors; fear and pride generate productivity. In a reasonable world you'd be spot on, but what about instinct? Perhaps there's the case of the way we'd like the world to be, and the world in which we live.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Need - 4/30/2009 4:14:32 PM   
OmegaG


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Joined: 10/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDoc1

A thesis for discussion: in a D/S relationship it is necessary/preferable/inevitable (pick which) that the submissive need/love/care more for the dominant than the dominant for the submissive.  True or false?


Nothing is absolute, for every thesis you produce there will be an exception to the rule, therefore the premise must be false.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to MasterDoc1)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Need - 4/30/2009 9:04:25 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I think it's a false statement, at least from my perspective. 
And, I think that NZ did a great job of elucidating points relevant. 
  Davan

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(in reply to CollaredLisa)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Need - 4/30/2009 9:14:00 PM   
heartcream


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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

I don't think anyone interested in such a dynamic would prefer a situation where the Dominant cares more than the submissive.


Being someone with a huge capacity to care, it would be amazing to meet a man with even more capacity. Whoa I would totally love that.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 55
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