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age play - 4/19/2009 9:20:54 PM

knightschild

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline

Right now im in a bit of a state... my six year old inner child is like screaming inside of me.

i wanted a little age play the other night but it's gone all wrong. i told my Dom i needed it to be NON SEXUAL but He then touched me sexually during it. It's made my inner child feel very abused.. and yucky... and now she is like badly hurt inside of me. i dont even know who's angry.. me or her.. but im not only upset but angry about it too. Angry that One i trusted has made one of the most vulerable part of myself feel abused. (im confused.. it's like im currently blended with my six year old and her feelings).

ive said to my Dom that i need to age play with another or something to put this right (i dont want to age play with Him again)... but He then said that there would be no one out there who would be interested in age playing without being sexual in anyway. i dont know but im not believing that as there MUST be others who do non sexual age play (or am i just weird???)

i dont know why im posting this post.. to let out some of the hurt im feeling?.. or to gain the opinions of others on age play and whether others are like myself and have a need when age playing young ages and be completely NON sexual???

(my Dom is a good Dom who does care about me.. i think He's shocked i feel hurt and how this has upset me.. so please i dont want to hear any judgements on Him).

Does anyone else here understand how this has made me feel like ive been abused????

Post #: 1

RE: age play - 4/19/2009 9:24:48 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

absolutely there are others who do age play without the sexual aspect. non-sexual age play is more about regressing to a time when the little feels safe and secure, it's an emotional trip, not a power exchange. When the little feels violated, little space is no longer safe for them, it can be very upsetting.
PM

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Post #: 2

RE: age play - 4/19/2009 9:25:37 PM

hlen5

Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

I don't really understand age play and so don't feel qualified to speak about that, but I'm sorry you're feeling taken advantage of.

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Post #: 3

RE: age play - 4/19/2009 9:30:46 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I didn't like my post.

Please seek professional assistance with this.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 4/19/2009 9:41:34 PM >

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Post #: 4

RE: age play - 4/19/2009 9:33:34 PM

marysdream

Posts: 126
Joined: 5/31/2008
Status: offline

sorry i must say this seems to have effected you too deeply..which you might consider getting counseling for this ...i am not judging you but just suggesting, you work through something that might continue to escalate into some deep emotional problems.
good luck
ree

(in reply to knightschild)

Post #: 5

RE: age play - 4/19/2009 9:45:01 PM

knightschild

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline

hlen5.. thanks for the comment.. it isnt like i feel taken advantage of thou as after all He is my Dom so hence can do whatever He likes.
just hurt and upset and anger coming from somewhere.

Lockit.. nods yeah i realise that my thoughts are kind of absurd, (i probably are not thinking rationally right now, i can think very irrationally when feeling distressed). It's like im wanting to do it again but this time in manner in which i feel safe and protected.. to rewrite over the whole situation like it never occurred. So i can make out it didnt occur, rewrite memories.
It's also like my child self is needing comforting and i dont know how to get it there unless im in that head space and the other is in the right headspace for this too.

Thanks for the advice.. as much as my child self is acting out emotionally right now and wanting comfort from somewhere, my adult self dont know if it's capable of doing it. Thou play with another non sexual, it probably could handle. I dont know, Im feeling too much confusion right now. I know your advice is wise..

So are you saying that i should try to trust my Dom again with this part of myself? The thought of it scares me, (thou He's saying He just didnt understand what i wanted/needed before). i dont trust Him to be nonsexual.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 6

RE: age play - 4/19/2009 9:51:52 PM

knightschild

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline

nods to what PanthersMom said.. it makes me feel a little better knowing that someone understands this (and obviously im not just crazy).
..............

No need for anyone else to reply (unless they want to of cause) as just the few posts here have helped me i think but me back into a better headspace (more logical).
i have been trying to get some counselling for a while (my doctor is currently seeking a counsellor for me). i just had thought/feel that age play if done right, would be very healing to me but just didnt foresee it as going all wrong with the One i love and trust.

(in reply to knightschild)

Post #: 7

RE: age play - 4/19/2009 9:57:31 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

I would have to agree with PanthersMom on this one. Also, I think you do need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart with your Dom about what happened. It bothers me where you mention that there is "just hurt and upset and anger coming from somewhere. "

Feelings like that can sometimes be shrugged off, but when it is something like this, I think that they need to be sorted out and resolved as soon as possible. Otherwise they could very easily sit there and stew and fester and turn into things far worse. I apologize if I'm out of line on this one, but, that is my sincere opinion. Issues of trust are very touchy sometimes, and it sounds as though, at least subconsciously, you're quite upset about this violation of that trust.

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(in reply to knightschild)

Post #: 8

RE: age play - 4/19/2009 10:24:50 PM

Aereci

Posts: 28
Joined: 10/4/2007
Status: offline

It may help to explain that (in my opinion) the main difference between adults and children is the number of guards and precautions one takes. Adults are more suspicious and more distrusting. You were trying to show him a new side to yourself, and he (unknowingly) exploited it and made it feel as if your trust was betrayed.

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 9

RE: age play - 4/19/2009 11:00:18 PM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

Master uses age play with me in a non sexual manner to help me resolve some issues. For us, me especially, age play is totally separate, emotionally, physically and mentally from the rest of our relationship. It took me a long time to trust him with age play but now it's something we do every couple of weeks or when he sees a need for it arise. it can be useful but doesn't "heal" everything.

(in reply to knightschild)

Post #: 10

RE: age play - 4/19/2009 11:21:29 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Your inner child is more developed than most. It was described as voluntary schizophrenia. This is not a mental illness, but it is cause for concern. One assumes you have a sexual relationship with your dominant. The fact that it crossed over when it wasn't supposed to is causing cross-state anger is very alarming to me.

More simply, your inner child character is too strong for its own good. The anger you felt when being "molested" by your dominant is extremely real, but I feel it is misplaced. You SHOULD be angry he violated the rules of the game. There was an agreement, no sexual contact, and it was broken. That's a perfectly reasonable reason to be angry.

Instead, you're angry because the inner child was touched. Your adult self is angry at what the child self suffered. I hope you were being poetic in your description, because two bodies should not share one mind. Our world is not set up for that.

You're cognizant that the inner child is only a persona. Do not lose that link. Remember it fondly, as it will be crucial in understanding why the "abuse" is not as severe as your inner child believes.

As PanthersMom said, your sanctuary has been violated. Rebuild slowly, and explain to your dominant how important it is that this sanctuary exist. If disagrees (with your opinion) do not let him interact with the sanctuary. If you have not explained how crucial this pastel-pink core is, do so. Give him another chance, once he understands how important non-sexual age play is to you.

Again I warn you. Keep an eye on HOW the inner child persona effects the adult person. If you go into the child-world and the adult feels like it was abused in its past, that's the dam between the worlds chipping. If you start developing abuse responses - flinching, screaming, hurting yourself or others, acting out - stop engaging in age play until you can assess your mental state.

On a more positive note, I believe whatever damage has been caused is easily reversible. A story session, being tucked in, a few minutes being pushed on a swingset etc. will help restore that innocence IF you can forgive the indiscretion. When discussing your need for a pure and innocent corner of the world, see if he needs a twisted perverse molesting corner of the world. If he does, be 100% aware which world you're going into before hand. Don't mix.

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Post #: 11

RE: age play - 4/19/2009 11:39:07 PM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline

your choice of screen name suggest that your child self is something of significant importance to you, and perhaps a part of yourself that has unanswered concerns. non-sexual age play can be very theraputic if handled correctly. whether you should give your Dom another try or do it with someone else is a decision that requires a lot more information that anyone else here has been given. if you can remember a favorite game you played at that age then that might be a good activity.

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(in reply to knightschild)

Post #: 12

RE: age play - 4/20/2009 2:18:59 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You need counseling for past issues brought back up by this.

Plus you need to talk to him while over coffee as to what exactly you need by nonsexual age play. Explain that when you need that, you need him to act as a parent, stopping you from coloring on the walls and giving you a coloring book. Putting on a Dora the Explorer dvd. Or playing monopoly or chutes and ladders with you and not getting upset when you act little and pout if you lose. Because it's obvious he doesn't grasp what you meant.

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Post #: 13

RE: age play - 4/20/2009 2:47:01 PM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

I am sure there are people who do age play without sex...i once saw a man in a nappy getting bottle fed on a reality t.v show about fetishes...he was paying for the service tho...
Luckily most children get over things quite quickly...i myself used to suck my thumb a lot which made me feel better when i was young
I think your adult self had better had a word with your Dominant and explain your inner childs needs
good luck

(in reply to knightschild)

Post #: 14

RE: age play - 4/20/2009 7:23:28 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I fully understand where you're coming from. You had a traumatic childhood, and it's very healing for you to relive the nurturing that you should have received and never did. I have had a full relationship that is nonsexual with a girl who was abused as a child and needs to feel safe as a child-person at times.

Bluntly, if your Dom broke a limit and doesn't seem concerned, I'd be VERY upset if I were you.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 4/20/2009 7:45:07 PM >

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Post #: 15

RE: age play - 4/21/2009 1:02:17 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

i'm sincerely sorry for the breach in trust you've experienced. it is my hope that time, patience, and additional communication with your dominant can bridge the gap. please keep in mind this was your first time exploring together, if i'm wrong please correct me. as such, there will be errors and mistakes along the way. it is a work in progress and you're both learning. that does not excuse his decision to move beyond your request, but perhaps his actions were not malicious intent, but merely a manifestation of his own desires in the dynamic.

in regard to your question, yes, there are many that opt to engage in non sexual age play, particularly with the age range you specified. however, given the fact that he is your dominant, he probably felt comfortably succumbing to his carnal desires without fear of rejection or disapproval of the moral sort. it can be extremely difficult for persons with a sexual desire for that age to admit openly without some hesitation. as for doing this with another party, how can you be certain that the same won't occur or worse? i'd gather you'd have a much stronger bond and level of trust with you owner, and as you've seen it is a very precious part of yourself. i wouldn't entrust it to someone that didn't value the woman as well.

i'm providing you with a resource that may aid you in your exploration. the individual once had a wonderful website devoted to age play, but it is no longer online. however, you can find a number of her articles here:

http://www.thebrc.net/articles/indexes/play.shtml

she also created an excellent negotiation form that you might find beneficial for the two of you. please feel free to drop me a note with your email address and i'll shoot it over. best of luck to you, from one little girl to another.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to knightschild)

Post #: 16

RE: age play - 4/21/2009 5:13:38 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Porcelaine, I'd take the ideas on that site under advisement. Under teenage play it says there is no psychological significance in playing a 16 year old. That's the age I revert to, and to me it is the only year that I have major difficulties with and need to replay. The author seems to have a very egocentric viewpoint and assumes that if something doesn't cause her difficulties, it won't cause anyone else difficulties. That's patently wrong.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 17

RE: age play - 4/23/2009 11:29:06 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: knightschild

Right now im in a bit of a state... my six year old inner child is like screaming inside of me.

i wanted a little age play the other night but it's gone all wrong. i told my Dom i needed it to be NON SEXUAL but He then touched me sexually during it. It's made my inner child feel very abused.. and yucky... and now she is like badly hurt inside of me. i dont even know who's angry.. me or her.. but im not only upset but angry about it too. Angry that One i trusted has made one of the most vulerable part of myself feel abused. (im confused.. it's like im currently blended with my six year old and her feelings).

ive said to my Dom that i need to age play with another or something to put this right (i dont want to age play with Him again)... but He then said that there would be no one out there who would be interested in age playing without being sexual in anyway. i dont know but im not believing that as there MUST be others who do non sexual age play (or am i just weird???)

i dont know why im posting this post.. to let out some of the hurt im feeling?.. or to gain the opinions of others on age play and whether others are like myself and have a need when age playing young ages and be completely NON sexual???

(my Dom is a good Dom who does care about me.. i think He's shocked i feel hurt and how this has upset me.. so please i dont want to hear any judgements on Him).

Does anyone else here understand how this has made me feel like ive been abused????

Yes...

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(in reply to knightschild)

Post #: 18

RE: age play - 5/2/2009 12:34:21 AM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

You had negotiated non-sexual so of course you feel abused.
You discussed it for a reason BEFORE and you now have abuse and betrayal

Age play can be non-sexual .

I was with a man who was a baby to me..and boy..we watched movies..had popcorn..I got him balloons..ice cream..hugged..wrapped him in a blanket..gave him a spank/corner time when needed....read books,,bathed him and
then he was off to court to win another case...

NO SEXUAL AT ALL...for us..in that time
lvoe ....... care..discipline..loving authority

TALK to your "GOOD" DOM your feelings are real and valid...

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 5/2/2009 12:36:50 AM >

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 19

RE: age play - 5/2/2009 1:41:47 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Your dom is severely off the mark in his statement that nobody will want to ageplay with out it being sexual. There's lots and lots and lots of Daddies and mommies and little girls, and all kinds of ageplayers that do non sexual stuff. You probably wno't find very many of them on collarme or any other adult personals website, that is true, but there's non sex ageplayers out there.

You're going to get opinions on your dom even if you say please don't post your opinions on him, so just be prepared.

And my question is, if he understood how very important it was to you to have it be non sexual, why did he go ahead and make it sexual anyway? That's not very respectful in my opinion. Yeah I understand about feeling abused, my x used to be very very selfish when it came to sex and me not wanting it, and it got so bad one day I told him to pack his shit and get ready to leave I was having him driven home* neither of us drive and my mom had brought him over to the house for a few days*

quote:

ORIGINAL: knightschild

Right now im in a bit of a state... my six year old inner child is like screaming inside of me.

i wanted a little age play the other night but it's gone all wrong. i told my Dom i needed it to be NON SEXUAL but He then touched me sexually during it. It's made my inner child feel very abused.. and yucky... and now she is like badly hurt inside of me. i dont even know who's angry.. me or her.. but im not only upset but angry about it too. Angry that One i trusted has made one of the most vulerable part of myself feel abused. (im confused.. it's like im currently blended with my six year old and her feelings).

ive said to my Dom that i need to age play with another or something to put this right (i dont want to age play with Him again)... but He then said that there would be no one out there who would be interested in age playing without being sexual in anyway. i dont know but im not believing that as there MUST be others who do non sexual age play (or am i just weird???)

i dont know why im posting this post.. to let out some of the hurt im feeling?.. or to gain the opinions of others on age play and whether others are like myself and have a need when age playing young ages and be completely NON sexual???

(my Dom is a good Dom who does care about me.. i think He's shocked i feel hurt and how this has upset me.. so please i dont want to hear any judgements on Him).

Does anyone else here understand how this has made me feel like ive been abused????

(in reply to knightschild)

Post #: 20

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