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Am i expecting too much? - 4/20/2009 8:54:57 PM   
Imloyal2u


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/9/2007
Status: offline 		Hi... i'm a submissive who is married to my Dom. i guess i'm expecting too much for him to be as loyal to me as i am to him. i know he chats with other subs and sets up meetings with them, usually at their expense at a motel, but he always tells them he's not married, and they always find out, and go away. i want to hear from other Dons especially.

thanks!
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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/20/2009 9:02:10 PM   
atypicalsub


Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline 		cheating is cheating.  the fact that you're in a D/s relationship doesn't change that any.  if he is arranging meetings with others without telling you then he is not being honest with you.  obviously that errodes trust.  it doesn't sound like a great foundation for a relationship of any kind.

all of this of course is just my personal opinion and you are welcome to do with it whatever you care to.


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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/20/2009 9:03:08 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		It all depends on what you both have agreed too.

Mike

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/20/2009 9:17:38 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Well you did ummm  marry him.  The fact that he is also your dom has no bearing on cheating.

BadOne


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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/20/2009 9:29:19 PM   
loveandlight87


Posts: 110
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline 		Do you trust that he is using protection with these subs that he is meeting?  And my next question would be, if he can so easily lie to them about his marital status, how easy would it be for him to lie to you about how well he protects himself, and by extension you, from STD's?  And really, any thing else he tells you.  Just my penny's worth.

love

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/20/2009 9:44:19 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		If he were bringing in a third for a consensual poly situation, that would be fine.  You seem to have an issue with him tomcatting.  And him lying to other women... not cool.

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/20/2009 9:49:25 PM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline 		My personal perspective; if I wish to be in a monogamous relationship, and I am in a relationship with someone who isn’t/doesn’t; I am expecting too much from myself.
Kim

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/20/2009 10:05:51 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Perhaps you're not expecting enough, hun.

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/20/2009 10:06:45 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Couple of issues: 
That you don't like him being non-monogamous
That he's a liar
Pretty big issues as far as remaining married goes unless you want to wind up bitter. 
  Davan

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/20/2009 10:23:05 PM   
Bearandfox


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/8/2009
Status: offline 		If you both agreed to be Loyal to the same things, then no, your not expecting too much.
Bear

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 12:00:59 AM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		He is lying how do you feel about that? Sorry but there is a bit of a skeevy vibe going on. I know it is so easy for me to say and based on a few words, I sure am not the one to say but since you asked, I would say dump him and hold out for someone who doesnt lie to women about his personal relationship status for one thing. Like someone else mentioned is your husband taking precautions with these other women he is also lying to?

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 4:51:27 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Did you agreed to an open marriage? If so then what is the problem? If you did not then he is cheating and why are you putting up with it? Just because someone slaps on the "Dominant" label does not always mean that they are right or will do the right thing. Use your brain, if your not happy in this relationship it is time to change it or leave.

Good luck,
~Lashra


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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 5:04:06 AM   
marysdream


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/31/2008
Status: offline 		i agree with the others, and like to see that there are folks that have integrity....and do not see BDSM as a venue for cheating and being dishonest!
good luck
ree

(in reply to Imloyal2u)
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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 5:38:46 AM   
subangi


Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		Lying and cheating corrodes any form of a relationship

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 5:42:34 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He is lying and cheating and risking your life. As spouses, you could confidently expect it to be safe to be fluid bonded. But since he lies to you about his others, he probably lies about condom usage and std screening.

Insist he uses condoms with you from now on. Get tested now and again in six months.

And think about how much respect for him has eroded because of his unacceptable behavior. If your best friend told you her husband was doing this, would you advise her to be happy about it or suggest she deserved someone who was as loyal to her as she is to him? Then take your own advice.

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 5:59:28 AM   
Interesdom


Posts: 197
Joined: 5/24/2004
From: England
Status: offline 		That you indicate that he is not as loyal as you are makes me think that you don't even have an open marriage, or any agreement that he should be with other women.  That leads me to guess that you were first his wife, then he convinced you into being his sub and, at that time, convinced you that you should no longer expect him to be monogamous. Or perhaps he only thought he convinced you and you now have doubts about it.

Poly is a fine lifestyle for those it suits.  Open marriages are fine for those for whom it works.  Neither of these workable lifestyles involve lying.

Why should a dominant lie?  Either he controls himself and his environment and gets what he wants because of whom he is, or he just pretends to be things he isn't, to get his own way.  There are some exceptions (this is not one of them) but on the whole if a person is lying about his life, he is not dominant, he is simply manipulative.

Others have raised issues I also agree with, on trust and physical health.  You should take care of yourself and protect yourself, physically and emotionally.

Please do not taint BDSM nor doms by thinking his behaviour is acceptable.

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 6:17:34 AM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Imloyal2u

Hi... i'm a submissive who is married to my Dom. i guess i'm expecting too much for him to be as loyal to me as i am to him. i know he chats with other subs and sets up meetings with them, usually at their expense at a motel, but he always tells them he's not married, and they always find out, and go away. i want to hear from other Dons especially.

thanks!


Hello Imloyal2u,

D/s is no free cheque to cheat !! It's a relationship
in which there is an agreement on what can happen
and what not, it's an agreement for BOTH party's,
and not just one, he can't force this upon you,
because he likes to fake he is single, and show off how
he can fuck around. It shows NO respect to you,
or your marriage.

That's not why you married him, to b disrespected.
Know you can't change him, only safe yourself
from such abuse.

I wish you enough.

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`


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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 6:38:16 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Interesdom

Please do not taint BDSM nor doms by thinking his behaviour is acceptable.






_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Interesdom)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 6:44:40 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atypicalsub

cheating is cheating.  the fact that you're in a D/s relationship doesn't change that any.  if he is arranging meetings with others without telling you then he is not being honest with you.  obviously that errodes trust.  it doesn't sound like a great foundation for a relationship of any kind.

all of this of course is just my personal opinion and you are welcome to do with it whatever you care to.



It is an opinion that you are not alone in. I don't have ANY regard what-so-ever for cheats!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 6:45:04 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		why do you in any way find this acceptable?

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