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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 9:14:08 AM

agirl

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If you've accepted his crass behaviour then he's not really got much incentive to desist.

It would appear that yes, you are expecting too much.

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Post #: 21

RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 9:29:30 AM

akisha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: atypicalsub

cheating is cheating. the fact that you're in a D/s relationship doesn't change that any. if he is arranging meetings with others without telling you then he is not being honest with you. obviously that errodes trust. it doesn't sound like a great foundation for a relationship of any kind.

all of this of course is just my personal opinion and you are welcome to do with it whatever you care to.

I'm totally in agreement with atypical here.

If you did not agree to be poly, or agree that he could screw around, then he is cheating.

And ofcourse you should be able to expect him to be loyal.

I wouldn't care if my partner was my Master or King of the Universe. He screws around on me with out my consent and his ass is kicked to the curb immediately.

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 9:31:46 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Imloyal2u

Hi... i'm a submissive who is married to my Dom. i guess i'm expecting too much for him to be as loyal to me as i am to him. i know he chats with other subs and sets up meetings with them, usually at their expense at a motel, but he always tells them he's not married, and they always find out, and go away. i want to hear from other Dons especially.

thanks!

Hate to be the downer here but...

You know he chats with others
You know he sets up meetings with others

According to YOU, you are aware of everything he is doing.

I am having a hard time understanding what the fuck this has to do with loyalty? Or expectations.

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 10:28:33 AM

agirl

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She seems to be entirely *in the know* .......so he's not exactly cheating on HER....lol

Like Irish , I don't really see what it's got to do with anything, other than what she's prepared to accept(or not, as the case may be).

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Post #: 24

RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 11:07:16 AM

hopeful68

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Honesty is one of the corner stone of D/s (or at least it should be, but I find it lacking). Lying is unacceptable behavior from anyone. If he is lying to you and to them. Makes him nothing but a liar, and certainly not a Dom. He is using this lifestyle as his 'excuse' to cheat. Unacceptable to me and many others it seems.

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 11:12:23 AM

hopeful68

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[/quote]
Hate to be the downer here but...

You know he chats with others
You know he sets up meetings with others

According to YOU, you are aware of everything he is doing.

I am having a hard time understanding what the fuck this has to do with loyalty? Or expectations.
[/quote]

Good point IrishMist and agirl makes: Although the feeling I got from the OP is she is not happy about it and maybe has been told she has no choice.. just a guess..

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 2:56:06 PM

RavenMuse

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Also I've seen this a number of times before... the girl knowing she's with a lying cheating git but hoping against reason that 'maybe he will change'.... eventualy they realise he NEVER will, wise up and get the hell OUT.

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Post #: 27

RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 5:14:57 PM

Fitznicely

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Imloyal2u

Hi... i'm a submissive who is married to my Dom. i guess i'm expecting too much for him to be as loyal to me as i am to him. i know he chats with other subs and sets up meetings with them, usually at their expense at a motel, but he always tells them he's not married, and they always find out, and go away. i want to hear from other Dons especially.

thanks!

My opinion...as a Dom, he has no reason to hide anything of His situation from anyone. Communication is THE most important aspect of any relationship, equal with honesty.

He wants to carry on with other subbies, then a poly household would be the way to go. That way, He gets what He craves and you get, with any luck, a sister in bondage that you can connect with and share your lifestyle.

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 5:28:16 PM

Lockit

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Gotta love it when a lying, cheating man uses women and gets them to pay for the fucking they get! He isn't dumb!

However, I sure wouldn't be attached to someone who could do such things and I sure as hell wouldn't respect him enough to want to even know him, much less be married to him!

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 7:00:05 PM

Redoubt

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the fact that you're posting this as a request for advice indicates you're not as outraged as most people would be.

If you want to save the relationship, you need to talk about it... and one of two things: either you start getting okay with his ways, and he is honest and open about it. Or he quits, or you walk.

Non-monogamy can work, but only if you're honest and open... otherwise trust dies, and the relationship croaks alongside.

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Post #: 30

RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 9:03:42 PM

catize

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Do you expect to be delighted by behaviors that make you unhappy?
Do you expect loyalty from a philanderer?
Do you expect honesty from a liar?
Do you expect your feelings to matter to an ego-centric jerk?
Do you expect a narcissist to care how their actions affect others?
Do you expect the title ‘dominant’ to make him a good person?
Then yes, you expect too much.

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/21/2009 11:02:09 PM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
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From: an atypical sub
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Redoubt

the fact that you're posting this as a request for advice indicates you're not as outraged as most people would be.

Redoubt, you're making an assumption here. Posting here doesn't mean she isn't outraged. To me it sounded more like someone who is hurt, feeling lost, and desperately hoping for a way to save this relationship.

Regretably I have to stick with what seems to be the majority opinion that her husband is not very trustworthy and the relationship is probably beyond anything she can do to save it.

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/22/2009 5:55:57 AM

Kana

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Why is it expecting too much unless you knew going in that he was poly?

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/22/2009 7:52:54 AM

urlittleprincess

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he is a lying sneaky cheater...simple. ive been taught to beleive that the D/s and M/s dynamics require much more honesty and openness to avoid insecurity and distrust in the relationship. he is not protecting you with his behavior at all. if you do not respect yourself enough to put an end to his cheating or leave, why should he respect you? you are not expecting enough of him or yourself. are you not worthy of someone who loves you, cares for you and treats you right?? cheating is cheating.

he lies to the other submissives because they do not want to meet a married man. they want someone for themselves. i dont know you or the entire situation, but i get the feeling that he would leave you if he found the submissive woman of his dreams in this creepy manner...afterall, there are plenty of married Doms who are honest with new submissives about their situation and how another woman would/could place in his life. he doesn't even acknowledge you exist. i dont mean to be harsh, but why else would he lie to them about you unless he doesn't see you as a permanent part of his life...? just my own thoughts...

i wish you much love and luck with your decision...(((hugs)))

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/22/2009 8:03:49 AM

dreamerdreaming

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He is exposing you to whatever STD's he is exposing himself to. Ew.

I'd be outta there so fast...

Get yourself checked ASAP. When was his last checkup?

This guy is a jerk, for not being upfront that he's married. He's being dishonest so he can get laid. By his actions, I'd say he doesn't care about anybody but himself. And he doesn't even care very much about himself. Sad, but you can't fix him.

You can't save him from himself, but you can save yourself from him.

I'd leave it, before you get some nasty incurable disease. But that's just me. Go ahead and stay with this loser if you want to. Its your life. Just realize that you can't change him, and you won't get this time back.

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RE: Am i expecting too much? - 4/22/2009 8:51:28 AM

crazyredhead1957

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1. Did the two of Y/you have an agreement that He could see
    others? If not, He is cheating and, no, you are not asking too
    much.

2. Either way, He's lying to them and that makes Him a liar.
You never said whether or not He was telling you about these
    "meetings" of His.

3. Even if He said He would stop seeing them, how do you know
    He would? After all, He is a liar.

4. Is He using protection every time He has sex with one of these
    subs? And what makes you think He'd tell you the truth
    if you asked Him about that? He is a liar after all. If not, you
    are being exposed to anything He exposes Himself to.

5. Liars can't be trusted. How do you know what else He is or
   is not lying about?

i can't tell you what to do, but if i had a husband/Dom that was lying to me, i would be outta there soooooo fast. imho, honesty and trust are necessities in any good relationship.

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Post #: 36