RE: Changing Names (Full Version)

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InTonguesslut -> RE: Changing Names (4/22/2009 12:04:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

Yes i made a choice.
Doesn't mean your ass umption was right though that i would want to be called by it.


Fair enough, as long as its kewl with you and yours I will call you Missturbation. I've always liked your posts, and that screen name. I wasn't trying to piss you off, just stating the obvious.

I gotta say, if it were me I'd prefer missturbation too.


You haven't pissed me off [:D]
I much much much prefer missturbation lol.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Changing Names (4/22/2009 12:12:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

Yes i made a choice.
Doesn't mean your ass umption was right though that i would want to be called by it.


Fair enough, as long as its kewl with you and yours I will call you Missturbation. I've always liked your posts, and that screen name. I wasn't trying to piss you off, just stating the obvious.

I gotta say, if it were me I'd prefer missturbation too.


You haven't pissed me off [:D]
I much much much prefer missturbation lol.



Okay great! I'd hate to have made a crummy first impression on someone whose posts I enjoy so much. Your posts really make me think, and take a second look at things. [8|]

Missturbation it is, then. That nic is coolness factor times ten! [:)]



InTonguesslut -> RE: Changing Names (4/22/2009 12:16:46 PM)

quote:

Okay great! I'd hate to have made a crummy first impression on someone whose posts I enjoy so much. Your posts really make me think, and take a second look at things. [8|]

Missturbation it is, then. That nic is coolness factor times ten! [:)]


Thankyou [:D]
I use it in most places and msn. I even have a tshirt with it on lol.



camille65 -> RE: Changing Names (4/22/2009 12:17:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

Yes i made a choice.
Doesn't mean your ass umption was right though that i would want to be called by it.


Please know that I ask this without judgment, I'm genuinely curious. I've never had my name changed as part of ownership.

By vocally preferring others to use missturbation do you feel that it goes against your owners wishes?
Do you think that it is disrespectful toward him if people ignore his name for you and use your old nick?



InTonguesslut -> RE: Changing Names (4/22/2009 12:42:10 PM)

quote:

By vocally preferring others to use missturbation do you feel that it goes against your owners wishes?

No not at all. We have talked about it and he doesn't mind in the slightest if people call me misst or missturbation.

quote:

Do you think that it is disrespectful toward him if people ignore his name for you and use your old nick?

No not at all. As long as people respect i am owned property he doesn't mind what they call me.




camille65 -> RE: Changing Names (4/22/2009 1:50:51 PM)

Thanks missturbation.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: Changing Names (4/22/2009 4:07:28 PM)

~FR~

The name changing thing confuses me a bit... I sort of wish that folks would put their old name in their sig, so we're not guessing!  If I have known someone for a bit, and am used to calling them by a certain name, I keep using that name unless they ask me otherwise.   Screen names are so easily changed, after all. [:)]



LadyPact -> RE: Changing Names (4/22/2009 5:04:46 PM)

LH, that's an excellent point as well, at least for the online world.

In person, I have a face to recognize.  Places like CM, if the picture or avatar changes, as well as the name, it can be somewhat confusing.  A person could be putting the previous name in the sig line for reference only, and not what they prefer to go by.



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Changing Names (4/22/2009 6:42:39 PM)

quote:

It was way easier to make the transition from being a Jennifer to being a Camille online much to my eternal frustration!


It was pretty challenging when I went through my first legal name change, too. Mostly, it came from reinforcing the name change by introducing myself as my NEW name in front of friends, family, etc., and not being embarrassed about correcting folks who insisted on introducing me to people by my own name.

With all of my friends and family I was really pretty belligerent about correcting them. Even for my dad (whom I've since posted I've accepted him calling me by my birth name), for about 5 years I was pretty gnarly about reinforcing my new name. In fact, I sort of remember not giving in until he started addressing mail to me by my new legal name.

It also helps that I'm a gypsy -- so if folks gave me a hard time (which they haven't for a while), I could always up and move. *grins*



Calandra -> RE: Changing Names (4/22/2009 9:51:35 PM)

<fast reply>

I named my slave "lioncub" back when I was known as Lionesse... he's been called cubby, cubs, cubster, and many variations... so much so that I only call him cubby now - lioncub seems so stilted - LOL.

I took pains to give him a new name that he could feel comfortable and proud of. it helped to solidify our union in a wonderful way.

HOWEVER: I wonder how people would handle this in a vanilla setting. Imagine a woman who gets married. Traditionally, she takes the groom's name and either uses her maiden name as a middle name or drops it altogether. IF she is going to KEEP her old name, she usually informs everyone that this is the case, because in our society this is the exception. What if a person refuses to address her with  her married name? In many cases that would be offensive to the extreme.

I'm not saying that every D/s union is on par with a marriage, but in My case, the D/s is far more important to both of us than the marriage is. I wouldn't have to correct someone if they refused to address cubby by the name "I" gave him. he would respectfully, but firmly refuse to interact with anyone that didn't respect OUR wishes in this matter. God, his MOTHER calls him cubby - lol



Calandra -> RE: Changing Names (4/22/2009 10:06:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan


IMO, yes the name of Max should end with the dissolution of the former relationship.   


In your opinion, does it matter HOW the dissolution happened?

I entered this lifestyle as a slave many years ago and was given the name firestorm (His name was Inferno). To this day my email address is Fyrestorme as a nod to Him and as a way to always carry the wonderful memories and experiences. Of course, neither of us WANTED to dissolve our relationship and we ended amiably.

I am always curious about absolutes and I don't mean to put YOU on the spot, I simply wish to understand Your thinking.



sphynxE -> RE: Changing Names (4/23/2009 2:24:12 AM)

((using fast reply here))

When i first came to CM, i was known as sansa. i used that nick for a couple of years and got to know people in chat with that nick. Eventually, i came to be with one who gave me another name. While with him, i was known by that name. It lasted about 10 months. When that ended, i did not keep the name. It was a symbol of a love that never truly existed (from him to me, not vice versa) and i could not go on being known by a name that was a lie to begin with.

Not long after that breakup, i found myself in a protective situation. i placed myself in the hands of a dear Friend Who i trusted. i didn't trust myself in my own hands at that point - was too hurt and wasn't thinking rationally. Some might have called it rebound, but it wasn't. It was the best way i could think of to keep myself from doing anything i shouldn't have (not meaning harm to myself, as that was never a thought, but mostly in reference to attempting to return to the one who hurt me)

Master renamed me, at my request. i could not continue using the other name, and i didn't feel "sansa" fit me any longer. i could have returned to that nick, but it just didn't feel right any longer. i had changed from who i was when i was "sansa." He named me sphinx, stating that i am like the Sphinx, a quiet watcher, loyal and protective.

In response to the questions, while i would not be offended by being called "sansa," i would be offended by being called the other name i went by before i was sphinx. That name is a symbol of deception and pain.

Truly, i do prefer to be called sphinx. It is who i am now and i am proud to be:

^sphinx^[E]^,  slave of ^Uyraell^


PS..this is posted with Master's knowledge and approval of what was written.


Edited to include: "sphinx" was taken by another, so i changed the spelling a bit when i created the profile...also with Master's knowledge and approval.






SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Changing Names (4/23/2009 8:07:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan


IMO, yes the name of Max should end with the dissolution of the former relationship.   


In your opinion, does it matter HOW the dissolution happened?


Not really.  The s-type was given the name as part of a relationship that no longer exists.  As part of the psychological and spiritual process of moving on from that relationship, the name should be retired.  As CallaFirestorm pointed out, we often take new names when we enter new phases of life, particularly when those phases are spiritually significant.  
 
A past s-type name can be recalled fondly, and if a future d-type is amenable to it, the name might be reinstated or incoporated into a new name as a gesture of respect.  However, I do think the old name should be retired during the interim period between d-types to help facilitate the transition process for both the s-type and his circle of friends. 




pixidustpet -> RE: Changing Names (4/23/2009 4:12:51 PM)

i had to think about this one for a bit.  when i first started posting here, it was as "adoracat".  that was a pet name given to me by my late dominant, fallcon.  when Daddy collared me, he named me pixidust.  not really sure why, but he did, and the engraved jewelry he gave me has that name on them.

eventually i changed the name here, but kept kitten as my sig because that's who i am, too.  my imp stated that one...when he was just getting big enough to talk well, one day he told me "mama, you are such a cat!" and it stuck.  [:)]

so its been cat, kitten, kitty, furrful, and its all been good.  i've never been able to stand my given name, anyway.

kitten



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Changing Names (4/23/2009 5:47:31 PM)

quote:

However, I do think the old name should be retired during the interim period between d-types to help facilitate the transition process for both the s-type and his circle of friends.


On the other hand... The process of being able to release the old name was the sign, to me, that I was truly ready to move into the new role in my life. So it is also possible that it would be good to keep the name used in a previous relationship as long as a person is comfortable with it, and gauge the willingness to change that name as one of the indicators of whether xhe is ready to move on to a new relationship or not.



Calandra -> RE: Changing Names (4/23/2009 8:08:47 PM)

I guess we must agree to disagree...

When my Master died, it kept His nick BECAUSE He gave it to me...

When I release someone, I ask that they remove My tag {MystC}, but if they wish to continue using the nick, thats fine. I don't expect them to give everything that they gained with Me up, why expect them to give up their NAME?

~shrugs~



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Changing Names (4/23/2009 8:57:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

quote:

However, I do think the old name should be retired during the interim period between d-types to help facilitate the transition process for both the s-type and his circle of friends.


On the other hand... The process of being able to release the old name was the sign, to me, that I was truly ready to move into the new role in my life. So it is also possible that it would be good to keep the name used in a previous relationship as long as a person is comfortable with it, and gauge the willingness to change that name as one of the indicators of whether xhe is ready to move on to a new relationship or not.


I can agree with that.  IMO, it's a dual edge.  When the s-type is ready for the name change xie will change it.  However, holding onto an old name can hinder the process of letting go and moving on.  It's a matter of striking a balance between honoring the past and preparing for the future.  I think there are numerous ways to honor the past identity that don't involve retaining a name.  After all, many women return to their maiden names after a divorce.  I see giving up an old s-type name in much the same way. 



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Changing Names (4/23/2009 8:59:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

I guess we must agree to disagree...


Fair enough.

quote:

I don't expect them to give everything that they gained with Me up, why expect them to give up their NAME?



For the same reason one removes a wedding ring after a divorce.  The relationship is OVER.



Calandra -> RE: Changing Names (4/25/2009 3:52:51 PM)

Interestingly, I KEPT my married name to My first husband. He agreed with Me that since we had children, I should continue to share the name because of our shared link with them. Even now, my children are grown and giving me grandchildren and I have remarried, but my last name is now hyphenated with old married name and new married name becoming one...

I do not feel the need to remove things from my life because it is over, I appreciate that sometimes things simply become part of the fabric of what I am and always will be.

I also don't get rid of pictures of old loves (lifestyle or not) because they represent choices I made (good or bad) and I respect the path I've travelled to get to who I am now.

I am fascinated with discussions like this because different people truly do feel things I can't get My head around, and I love learning from them.

Thanks for the debate.



masterlink65 -> RE: Changing Names (4/25/2009 8:08:50 PM)

i tell an 's'  type from the start once owned it would be subject to receiving a slave name, as a symbol of ownership. my main reason right there, a symbol of ownership. remove the outside world, its god given world. its now a part of my world.

i would not see it a huge sign of disrespect to not use the slave name. it would seem more respectful and accepting of the situation to use the slave name, especially if introduced by its master as this slave name.

if i knew a 's' prior, and knew it was owned, i would use its slave name that it received from its master, if i had permission from its master to speak to it. if i had a doubt in this situation i would ask its master how he prefers i refer to his slave. once a collar has been placed on an 's' type, it changes from person to property. i would be respectful of its masters wishes.

on the other side. i have had other master and doms who i allow my slaves to have contact with to call them by the name they have always known. i do not see this as a threat or an insult, in some ways it is a very high sign of respect as my slave only answers to me unless directed otherwise.

i do not find either way to be offensive to me, as long as neither are done in an offensive manner



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