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Munching Alone? - 4/21/2009 11:15:53 AM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
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So... here's the deal!

Have just split from Master.... and well you know what it's like, He becomes your world and then that world you knew is no longer the same and quite frankly feels a little empty... yes i have my friends outside of this lifestyle but well... you know what i mean!

Anyway, i'm certainly not ready to go seeking and jumping into anything new, but i would like to make some like minded friends and have often thought about rocking up to a local munch... But the thought of walking on through that door on my own is downright petrifying...

so i was wondering if anyone had been to there first munch on their own?
how did you pluck up the courage?
how did you know who was munching (pardon the phrase) and who wasn't - i'm assuming that it's not necessarily everyone in full kink gear?
What was it like?

Questions questions!

Thanks in advance
cheekyslave

_____________________________

May the sun shine on your soul and smile!

Post #: 1

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/21/2009 11:39:14 AM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline

When I first started exploring bdsm lifestyle (was that only last year?) I founds some local groups and went to munches alone. It was good to get to know people that way. Yes it was nerve racking at first but I am very glad I did it. By meeting people there after a couple months I was invited to parties.

As far as knowing who was there for the munch the groups generaly had something on the table for people looking for the group to identify. In some cases it was kind of obvious, like a pair of handcuff. In other cases it was more discreet like just a balloon with the cryptic initial of the group so you had to know what to look for before you arrived.

_____________________________

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(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 2

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/21/2009 11:44:04 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I went to my first munch alone. Yep, it was scary at first. I can be shy, or the life of the party depending on who I am with. I took the shy route with my first munch on my own. LOL then.. I blossomed. Munching on your own can be difficult if you don't take the step to introduce yourself (we have a policy that introductions go around the table 3 times in a munch). Sure it would be nice if everyone was friendly and chatted with newcomers, but in a real world sometimes things get over-looked. A munch is what YOU make it.
Kyst

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 3

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/21/2009 11:46:02 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

As someone who runs a local munch I'd point out that most of the folks who do so are very open to being approached by newbies so We can keep an eye open or then and help them break the ice rather than them risk not being noticed... though of course if We do notice someone being a wall flower We tend to check if they are needing help. Some folks find it harder to just integrate into a social setting than others. When I first turned up at the Croydon Munch I was alone but didn't think twice about it and was chatting away to folks within seconds of arriving, now three and a half years later I'm running it with My girl.

But yes, contact the organisers, they will usualy be more than happy to help.

If you let Me know which Munch you are thinking about going to I am quite likely to know the organisers and be able to put you in direct contact if you don't know how to.

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 4/21/2009 11:48:09 AM >

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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Post #: 4

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/21/2009 12:16:21 PM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline

hi,

im sorry for where you are right now xx

i went to my first munch on my own. but what i did first was find its link on IC and write. usually they all have a meet and greet thing going. but also, you can make contact with someone through their website (if they have one), usually they do and so not feel totally on youre own when you turn up. check out IC it has loads of munches listed there.

its always casual, well the ones ive been to anyway. in a pub more often than not. actually i think stella41b runs a munch, you might swing past her and find out details, lots of CM people go to that one, ive never managed to get there, cos its london and tuesday, but anyway.....

dont be nervous, theyre always great people and you will enjoy youreself.

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 4/21/2009 12:19:27 PM >

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RE: Munching Alone? - 4/21/2009 12:36:18 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Email the munch heads, that way they'll know you need to be introduced and helped to meet people. And then you'll know which group at a table is which!

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Post #: 6

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/21/2009 7:59:17 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Email the munch heads, that way they'll know you need to be introduced and helped to meet people. And then you'll know which group at a table is which!

a girl would ditto this advice. she was a collared sub at the time and her Dom could not attend with her. The interviewers/mediators of the munch group were very welcoming and introduced her around at the first one. The whole group was fantastic, so warm and casual. Sometimes just diving into the deep end will give you a heck of a good swim. ;)

saforaRM

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Post #: 7

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/22/2009 12:21:27 AM

ChainedExistence

Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

My munch experiences weren't so great. I met with a sub/slave beforehand to be more or less "ok'd" by the group. She told me she'd be at the munch. So, I showed up,and when I finally worked up enough nerve to go in, I looked around and she was nowhere in sight. When I asked, I was told she wasn't there, and the others sort of turned back to their tablemates and went on with their conversation. I stood there for a moment in awkward silence then I made for the door as fast as I could. I was too new, I had no one to go with me and I was already intimidated enough. It took me a while to work up the courage to try again. This time I figured maybe it would be better if I tried going to a sub/slaves only event. That was easier- at least they made a point to welcome me, to try to draw me into the group, but I found that most of the talk centered around Pagan activities, and as I am not Pagan, I was pretty lost and really had nothing to contribute. Then, too, they got a little rowdy with one sub biting this other sub on the neck and her doing one of those Meg Ryan fake orgasm things, and I just wanted to crawl under the table. I'm pretty conservative when it comes to public display, so it wasnt the best fit for me. I've not been back to any munches or group meetings since. I know a lot of people love to be involved in their local community, and I can appreciate that but you have to know that you are the type who can be comfortable with being more open about your lifestyle, and more forward in your approach toward new people. In the end, it's all about what works for you.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 8

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/22/2009 3:37:33 AM

ZenDragoness

Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline

To my first Munch i went alone. I am not shy and it was not really a problem to come into contact with the partipants. Later in the evening, i met a somebody i knew from a chat. All in all, it was a very nice first evening.

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Post #: 9

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/22/2009 6:51:24 AM

Mikalsheart

Posts: 54
Joined: 3/20/2009
From: kentucky
Status: offline

Master and i are thinking about going to our first Munch this Sat...i am a bit nervous as He is not the social butterfly, so it would be up to me to try to "break the ice". He has been in contact with the local group. i will be happy to let you know how it goes...... if W/we go......a first time is still a first time...right?

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

Post #: 10

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/22/2009 7:14:01 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

This always amuses Me, people reacting as if munches are big hairy scary things. Do folks find the thought of a bunch of people meeting in a pub for a chat to be a scary one? Because that in essence is all a munch is (Majority, there are exceptions of course). Most in vanilla venues which means dress code and behaviour are also limited to vanilla even is some of the conversations definatly are not. They are a safe and relaxed way to meet people, begin to make friendships or continue old ones.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Mikalsheart)

Post #: 11

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/22/2009 7:20:42 AM

clearlightblack

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline

I went to my first munch almost a month ago (eek!). I looked up local groups and made a couple of friends online before I went to the Munch. I was still real shy and not very talkative but I still went and that made me feel not so alone.

I haven't had the time to go to another yet but they keep encouraging me, which is nice :) still a little scary but not so much.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 12

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/22/2009 7:31:42 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I've gone to munches alone in three different cities. Each was held in a bar/restaurant atmosphere so dress was expected to be something that you could comfortably wear on the street.

I was nervous before going the first time, but I would tell myself that I was going to walk in and stay an hour and if there were no interesting conversations I would leave. Each time, just as the hour was about up, I would end up getting into a really good conversation with someone. I was with the one group for about six months and made some good friends from both sides of the whip. (I move fairly often - I wasn't just hopping from one group to the next.)

If you contact the person in charge first they can give you advice on things considered appropriate in their area. Some groups have a few protocols, especially when it comes to touching. I know in one group a man was mentioned by name and to be careful not to reach out to even shake their hand because they tended to grab a new sub and hug her. There had been enough complaints about him that the leader felt it important to warn newcomers so that they wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

RavenMuse, I agree that this is no big deal for some but others are more timid. I think it's harder walking in as a female sub and feeling like you may be looked at as fresh meat rather than as a Dom or Master. It can be especially difficult if you walk through the door not being sure if you are ready for a new relationship or just crave to be with people that you can talk openly with about your lifestyle.

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Post #: 13

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/22/2009 8:07:53 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

RavenMuse, I agree that this is no big deal for some but others are more timid. I think it's harder walking in as a female sub and feeling like you may be looked at as fresh meat rather than as a Dom or Master. It can be especially difficult if you walk through the door not being sure if you are ready for a new relationship or just crave to be with people that you can talk openly with about your lifestyle.

Which leads nicely back to My first piece of advice. If the organisers are contacted in advance they can not only help the person break the ice but also keep an eye open for the vultures beginning to circle and make sure they don't bug the girl unduely (Anyone doing so at most munches I know would get one warning to behave and if that wasn't heeded they would be required to leave)

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 14

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/22/2009 8:26:40 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I'd suggest doing a search of people who are local to you, and see what names you recognise from the forums! I met up with two ladies (not as potential playpartners, just as friends) before attending my first munch, and I was much more comfortable with at least one person there who I already knew! If you send a couple of e-mails out to people who are local, I'm sure at least one of them would be happy to introduce you around.

RavenMuse, I used to be very shy, and am still more comfortable in large groups of strangers if there is at least one person there I know. I'm not clingy, and can go out and talk with people on my own, it's just nice to have a "fallback plan" of sorts. That's true whether it's a BDSM or vanilla-oriented event.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 4/22/2009 8:30:07 AM >

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 15

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/22/2009 10:12:49 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...so i was wondering if anyone had been to there first munch on their own?
how did you pluck up the courage?...

this slave befriended someone she connected with on a BDSM personals site who was munch savvy and willing to take her to munches, clubs, etc. because she did not have the courage to go alone. He has taken her to a variety of munches...there are a LOT in our area...so many that we have had the opportunity to go to ones that are geared towards everyone enjoying a particular activity as well as those open to all who wish to participate, regardless of specific kink.

for example, recenty, a munch group was started in our area for submissives ONLY. Master was not welcome to sit at the table or in the same room as the munch table, as the organizer explained: it is specifically geared for submissives. this slave was allowed to attend...and while she did He enjoyed the ball game and a tasty meal in the restaurant's bar area and everyone was happy with that.

quote:

...how did you know who was munching (pardon the phrase) and who wasn't - i'm assuming that it's not necessarily everyone in full kink gear?...

every munch this slave has ever attended has been devoid of kink gear...the dress code is in line with the establishment's rules, be it restaurant or bar...and typically the munch group will encourage folks to dress in a way that keeps a low profile as to not get kicked out and have to find another place to meet.

also true of every munch we have attended is there will be a large table reserved for the group...99% of the time it is a back room/banquet room, designated for private groups. sometimes the organizer's will let everyone know who is interested in attending to ask for a particular group name, e.g. "The Co-Ed Softball Team" or the host's name if they have trouble locating the large reserved table or room.

quote:

...What was it like?...

no two have ever been the same, just like co-ed softball teams...even if we do share common interests.

food and beverages are available and long-time friends will sit in close proximity to each other and catch up since they have spoken with each other last time.
folks will be there that have and disseminate information about local playspaces, parties, dungeons, clubs, worskhops and/or services.
folks will be there looking to meet partners...and other folks will be there just for friendship/camradarie.
totally new folks show up...as well as those who have been doing WIITWD since the dawn of time.

occasionally, there is a topic for discussion, a holiday theme or a birthday party for one of the regulars.

as with any group of people, the potential to meet new friends, gather information on alternative lifestyle related local activities or getting involved in "The Drama" is there...it is up to you if you want to participate in anything or create it for yourself.

Happy Munching!!!

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 4/22/2009 10:14:22 AM >

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 16

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/22/2009 12:37:40 PM

TaoWoman

Posts: 140
Joined: 2/27/2009
From: Kpe'me', Togo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

This always amuses Me, people reacting as if munches are big hairy scary things. Do folks find the thought of a bunch of people meeting in a pub for a chat to be a scary one? Because that in essence is all a munch is (Majority, there are exceptions of course). Most in vanilla venues which means dress code and behaviour are also limited to vanilla even is some of the conversations definatly are not. They are a safe and relaxed way to meet people, begin to make friendships or continue old ones.

Exactly and wondering the same thing here.

Never went to a munch, alone or accompanied, but did attend a Halloween play party alone, not knowing a soul and brand spanking new (literally!). Almost scared away from the "scene" altogether but was taken underwing by a Master and his slave. Having a friend to attend with seems a preferred choice~

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Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 17

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/23/2009 5:12:39 PM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
Status: offline

ok so essentially need to take a deep breath and just go for it|!!

thanks to those that offered hand holding to the first one and will be sure to take you up on it- you know who you are!!

will be sure to post the post experience here...

hugs and thanks all round again!
x

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Post #: 18

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/26/2009 4:13:38 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohsocheekyslave

So... here's the deal!

Have just split from Master.... and well you know what it's like, He becomes your world and then that world you knew is no longer the same and quite frankly feels a little empty... yes i have my friends outside of this lifestyle but well... you know what i mean!

Anyway, i'm certainly not ready to go seeking and jumping into anything new, but i would like to make some like minded friends and have often thought about rocking up to a local munch... But the thought of walking on through that door on my own is downright petrifying...

so i was wondering if anyone had been to there first munch on their own?
how did you pluck up the courage?
how did you know who was munching (pardon the phrase) and who wasn't - i'm assuming that it's not necessarily everyone in full kink gear?
What was it like?

Questions questions!

Thanks in advance
cheekyslave

I went to my first alone...and ya I was terrified...

Either go or die...inside, mustard my courage....ohhh and maybe a lil curious what was out *there*

Didnt know what side of the cane most were on...some it was obvious and some not so...

The experienced doms that would not mdke eye contact with bugged me a littl...<g>

Mine was greatttttttt....I singled out a lady immediatly.

Then it was just a matter of time..

One of those lone wolves meeting another lone wolf...*things*

I hope you go and I hope its good for you!

D

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 19

RE: Munching Alone? - 4/26/2009 4:25:28 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I go to events alone all the time, it's not a big deal to me so I didn't have to work any courage up, just find out about the event and went. The munch usually tells he venue they're such and such a group in such a such location in the venue, and it's advertised where every one will be, but if you never been to the place and you don't know where the private meeting room is you ask someone at the front desk where is so and so's group.

Most munches are held in public places, like a dinner, or a bar, and so there for the rules are vanilla dress and vanilla behavior, you won't find people spanking each other over the dining room tables for example, since there's families and kids around, if it's not in a bar. IT was very clickish and very boreing, I find all munches to be boring though, and sometimes they're not even held in a location with food worth going to. There's one munch here held at a Denny's diner, and I have walked away twice from that place thinking the food was subpar, And there's another place, where the food was subpar and so was the maintence of bathrooms, staff at the establishment had ignored complaints of bathroom cleanliness several times, and quite a fewo ther people thought the food was gross too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohsocheekyslave

so i was wondering if anyone had been to there first munch on their own?
how did you pluck up the courage?
how did you know who was munching (pardon the phrase) and who wasn't - i'm assuming that it's not necessarily everyone in full kink gear?
What was it like?

Questions questions!

Thanks in advance
cheekyslave

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 20

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