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AquaticSub -> RE: How to ask A Dom to play (4/22/2009 10:49:12 AM)
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ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
Then maybe I expect more of My peers than you do! If I have unresolved issues with My girl regarding playing with others then I resolve them before being open to doing so.... and yes I EXPECT other Dominants to match that else whatever they call themself I would not regard them as a someone I respect as a fellow Dominant. If he doesn't take his responcibilitys toward his Owned property seriously why would he take any better care of a playpartner? Ergo not worth the risk of playing with.
I don't regard people as my peers simply because they share an interest in BDSM or power dynamics, much the same as I don't regard people as my peers simply because they share my interest in the LoTR books. I do not expect someone I play with casually to take care of me either.
I play publicly and bring my own aftercare supplies - I'm there to get a physical need met, not serve. I only expect to be taken care of by someone I'm serving. It's nice to be taken care of but, honestly, I find that I don't want to cling to people I'm not involved with during aftercare. I'd rather crawl over to Valyraen, who's probably been watching with a wicked grin on his face or whatever friend came with me.
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When I'm playing casually, I usually don't know the people well enough to know if they have a solid relationship or not. Most of the time they are people I meet, play with and may or may not encounter again depending on if we happen to show up to the same place at the same time again.
Very different standards over here. I know most of the respected club players Top/bottom/Dom/sub/Master/slave I usualy know 'something' about many of those I meet even for the first time if they have been on the scene for more than a few months.
It's not a matter of standards but of preferences. I'm not interested in being close to all of the people I play with. I like a no-strings-attached scene.
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Unless it is something as 'light' as a flogging session at a club which frankly I've never had a partner who would regard that any more seriously than if I'd had a game of tennis with them, then I don't play with someone unless I know something about them, certainly not privatly. Also I'm pretty well known over here and if they have been around a little they are likely to know something of Me also.
Again, I don't play privately with these individuals - that would require greater trust and would be a polyarmous relationship most likely. My scenes are usually not what I would consider light as I adore the singletail and seem to take a good amount of pain but, as always, it's hard to judge light and heavy when talking to different people.
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I did ask the slave privately first. The dominant, who is a still a great friend of ours, understood why I did so and has no problems.
That worked for Him, however it didn't respect their Dynamic and for many that would be enough to elicit a no....
You are not him, therefore you don't get to decide if it respected their dynamic or not. Attempting to do so is disrespectful to him and his relationship.
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Personally, we don't expect people to understand our dynamic when they don't know us and tend to be forgiving the first time. Once everything is sorted out and explained then we expect people to be respectful of our particular naunces.
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I don't expect people to know wether I would be 'forgiving' of a particular breach of protocol, but it isn't difficult to figure out that the big guy in black is the Dominant over the girl in the collar knelt at His feet and make any initial approaches appropriatly.
As you can see, people do things differently. I can not know if the person in question believes, as you seem to, that all people must do things the same way otherwise they are disrespecting their own relationship or if they have another way of doing things which MUST be obeyed. For some, the submissive MUST be approached first or you have disrespected their relationships. I don't know your protocal but I can promise you that there are enough people who don't consider your protocal to be revelent to their relationship to make figuring it out guesswork.
For that matter, I don't consider it a breech - I never agreed to be part of your relationship and therefore was not informed of your particular rules. Only when I am made aware of them can I begin to respect them. I simply can not assume that your way is the way that everyone does things because, quite frankly, it isn't.
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