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Am i wrong...? - 2/1/2006 2:19:31 PM

rdy2plz247

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/31/2006
Status: offline

first off hello. i have been reading various posts on all kinds of topics, trying to better understand and learn how to go about realizing my long over due deviant grins* lifestyle and know where to begin my hopefully long enriching journey, and just by evaluating how things work in regular life figure i need to start at the bottom. let me clarify, *gets ready to duck the flames.. i feel im a Dom at heart, but life has tought me that most times to get to the top you eed to start at the bottom, so im figuring that to trully know everything about the sub role, the feelings, emotions, experiences, anticipation, the pride from doing well, the "wait til your father comes home" kind of fear when youve been bad, and everything else that goes with it, by actually giving ones self to the role, so that when in the Dom role id have an intimate insight, allowing deeper connections to be made. some thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated

Post #: 1

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/1/2006 2:35:09 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

There are as many ways to get started in this lifestyle as there are people in this lifestyle. One of the golden rules that you will see and hear is that you need to do what feels right to you. That being said, I think that your idea has merit and isn't a bad idea for anyone that wants to Dominate another to know what it feels like to be dominated.

A few other words of advice that I would offer to you are:

1) Read some books, not all fantasy and erotic, but educational too. John Warren's books are quite good.

2) Get involved in your local community. Meeting like minded individuals face to face and getting to know others in your area will expose you to people that can share their experience and knowledge with you. You can find local groups in your area by searching Yahoo or asking here on the message boards.

3) Once you know a few people pick one that you feel is honest and knowledgeable and preferrably not in the group of people that you would be dating and ask them to mentor you.

4) Get a good idea of who you are, who you want to be in your relationships, and what kind of person you want to be with...and why.

5) HAVE FUN!!!! AND TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to rdy2plz247)

Post #: 2

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/1/2006 2:59:29 PM

Nuke718

Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Some believe in bottoming before becoming a top. But others believe Dominants or born not made.

If it helps you get a grip on things, by all means do some bottoming/subing to get a feel for that headspace. But like recomended above me read, Read, READ! Not everything will aply but few people die from haveing too much info. The suggestion of getting out in your local community is awsome. If you can go to casual mingelrs and discussion groups before a full fledged play party so much the better.

Nuke }:-

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 3

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/1/2006 3:03:01 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I have never fallen into the camp of "beginning from the bottom". I have known Ladies who began as submissives and learned to top. I have also known Ladies who began as submissives and then became practicing and very good Dominants. It is not that they started at the bottom. They simply realized along the way that they were Dominant, not submissive.
That said, I feel MissTress gave you very salient advice regarding getting out into your local, r/t community for some meets and greets. If you truly believe you are Dominant at heart, you can always find a mentor to help you along the Dominant Highway. You can also "bottom" to get an idea of sensation. But again, I am firmly in the camp of "If Dominant, you will never actually submit. You will only bottom."
I don't know what it means to submit, because I cannot do it. I would fight it with every inch of My body and soul. Submission is different from being on the receiving end of the whip.
Best of luck, wlecome to the boards, and, of course, YMMV.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to rdy2plz247)

Post #: 4

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/1/2006 7:03:50 PM

rdy2plz247

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/31/2006
Status: offline

my thanks for the advice, the factual reference, and bearing with my rushed post

_____________________________

the ability to see what may come isnt always better than the ability to duck when it does

(in reply to rdy2plz247)

Post #: 5

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/1/2006 10:05:31 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

I have never fallen into the camp of "beginning from the bottom". I have known Ladies who began as submissives and learned to top. I have also known Ladies who began as submissives and then became practicing and very good Dominants. It is not that they started at the bottom. They simply realized along the way that they were Dominant, not submissive.

But again, I am firmly in the camp of "If Dominant, you will never actually submit. You will only bottom."
I don't know what it means to submit, because I cannot do it. I would fight it with every inch of My body and soul. Submission is different from being on the receiving end of the whip. Best of luck, wlecome to the boards, and, of course, YMMV.

I have been thinking about his subject, namely switching. I have been engaged in ideation about topping my Mistress. Why? I'm not sure exactly. Its not b/c I want to switch and its most definitely not because she wants to bottom.

I think mostly, I've been trying to empathise with her position. I've been trying to see what she gets out of "us." I do see it, and at times I am envious.

Nevertheless, I don't think my Mistress could "bottom" or submit. This is an interesting distinction, though.

I read the cheesy but enjoyable book TOPPING FROM THE BELOW by Laura Reese, which is about a Male Dom. At the end, his sub turns the tables and it was very interesting --- for he could dish it out but he could not take it. (One thing cool about switches is the equanimity.) I'm not sure what that meant about his character, but that's the way it was.

The advantage of coming up from below or "beginning from the bottom," is that you really know what its like to be on the other side. Anyway, I'm digressing. No, I am just meandering. I just cannot order up these thoughts.

I suppose I'm just wondering about the delineations between DOM and SUB. One way I have been wondering about it is through my topping ideations.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 6

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/1/2006 10:41:34 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

Anyway, I'm digressing. No, I am just meandering. I just cannot order up these thoughts.
=======

aw c'mon bro...
try harder....get that gray matter workin...push it...push it..

sorry..
i tried
ok
get a chair, i'll pour ya some hot joe and give ya a finger sandwich...maybe it'll come to ya...

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 7

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/1/2006 11:35:43 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

aw c'mon bro...
try harder....get that gray matter workin...push it...push it..

sorry..
i tried
ok
get a chair, i'll pour ya some hot joe and give ya a finger sandwich...maybe it'll come to ya...

It just wasn't happening, but I did find the law I was looking for tonight, so that's good. O, and I like Mr. Bubbles. I may clean my kitchen and bath tomorrow as well --- I'm a PINE SOL man, in case you were wondering.

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 8

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/1/2006 11:59:10 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

I'm a PINE SOL man, in case you were wondering.
=======

its a bit of TMI but thanks for sharing.....

lol

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 9

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/3/2006 5:21:35 PM

EarthGoddess52

Posts: 70
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

MissTress and GoddessDustyGold have given excellent advice here and I'd like to second their viewpoints. I live in southern California where there are many venues and events going on all the time. One of the things I took advantage of early on was a series of classes taught by two ProDommes on many aspects of the lifestyle from the legalities of ProDomination to how to handle a singletail whip to cutting, branding and piercing. About the same time, I met a male sub with many years experience as a Dom. he would let Me do My "homework" on him. he was a great "mentor' as were the two Dommes.
he had many more "toys" than I had at the time and we "experiemented" with the TENS unit and violet wand, which were new to Me. I wanted to experience these for Myself so that I could experience the intensity of the sensations and know what I was inflicting on My partners. I appreciate GoddessDustyGold's saying that a Domme can be a bottom in the sense that She's receiving the sensations so that She will better know how it might feel to a partner. This does not make her submissive. On the contrary, She's still directing the action.

Top Line, Read all you can get your hands on, internet and otherwise, get out in the community, meet people, get involved. your profile says that you're an "aspiring Dom" but you present yourself as a submissive male. I think as you get more familiar with both roles, something will resonate within you and determine which is you. In this Judeo-Christian patriarchal society of ours, it is too often thought that the male MUST be the superior. 'Tain't necessarily so.

theEarthGoddess

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 10

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/3/2006 6:29:37 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

but life has tought me that most times to get to the top you eed to start at the bottom, so im figuring that to trully know everything about the sub role, the feelings, emotions, experiences, anticipation, the pride from doing well, the "wait til your father comes home" kind of fear
========

okay
i am picking this out here.
FEAR?
"I" feel YOU got no business in this, if You ONLY want someone to FEAR You..
in MY world that'll get ya a baseball bat upside Yer head.
You SHOULD rule with tenderness...
and if i'm close to right...
i got $20 says You got a big heart.

try sharing it.
later

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to rdy2plz247)

Post #: 11

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/4/2006 11:55:13 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

I found training as a submissive to be very enlightening. It made Me a much better Domme.

I was trained in a very structured, formal setting in Europe. I trained first as an apprentice to a Domme, then eventually was trained as a submissive to understand what submissives go through. Then I was permitted to scene a sub male while being supervised by an experienced Domina. Those were MY initial lifestyle circumstances.

As an experienced Domina with over 25 years in the lifestyle, I still have a cameraderie with one or two Dom's whom I trust to scene Me with new products, toys, etc., so that I know just exactly what they feel like and have some idea of the physical/emotional/psychological effect they have on a sub.

Those same Doms often come to Me with questions, or requests to be scened in a reciprocal way so they can learn about various products, techniques, etc.

That doesn't mean I'm a switch. That doesn't mean THEY are switches. It mean's we're educated, and experienced.

Some of the best Dom's I've ever met trained as subbies; Some did not.

It depends on your circumstances.

If you're following some one else's guidelines and are only interested in learning the submissive side of things to meet some imaginary learning criteria, don't. You don't HAVE to be a sub to evolve into a well trained Dominant. You can just as easily learn good skills from observing or assisting a well trained Dom without becoming someone's 'pet'.

If you're really interested in knowing how a sub feels, what a sub experiences, go find a good Domme, explain it to Her, and find out. It will make you a better Dom to understand how things are from a sub's perspective. It will NOT necessarily mean you're a switch.

This lifestyle is all about learning about yourself. Only you can decide which training technique is right for you.

TM

(in reply to rdy2plz247)

Post #: 12

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/24/2006 3:57:18 PM

rdy2plz247

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/31/2006
Status: offline

i just wanted to address my "fear" statement. i was merely trying to convey a feeling, thinking about it, it was a bad example, but all i could think of at the time. the feeling you get from the unknown, the anticipation, everything one feels when the imagination is all they have to pull from. and as far as being big hearted, guilty as charged, too much so, but i have recently recognized that the reasons for my past relationships comes from a need to "take care of" someone, almost have them dependant on me, not so much as to relinquish their true self and to be what i need or want but to be there foundation, where they get their strength, love, pleasure, and discipline. not to be their whole world, but their anchor...

_____________________________

the ability to see what may come isnt always better than the ability to duck when it does

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 13

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/24/2006 4:29:34 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

you are right to some, and wrong to others......
this is as it should be;

find your own place to stand in the world, however you go about it..

when you get there, it is like Marilyn Chambers says, "It is just another act". Most out here made of any stuff, will tell you that we are not there yet......the gittin' there 's the thing (oh, we got idears and airs and all, never doubt on that score)........

There is no 'Pope of Perversion', even tho someone may advertise themselves as such.....

LOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to rdy2plz247)

Post #: 14

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/24/2006 4:36:04 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rdy2plz247

first off hello. i have been reading various posts on all kinds of topics, trying to better understand and learn how to go about realizing my long over due deviant grins* lifestyle and know where to begin my hopefully long enriching journey, and just by evaluating how things work in regular life figure i need to start at the bottom. let me clarify, *gets ready to duck the flames.. i feel im a Dom at heart, but life has tought me that most times to get to the top you eed to start at the bottom, so im figuring that to trully know everything about the sub role, the feelings, emotions, experiences, anticipation, the pride from doing well, the "wait til your father comes home" kind of fear when youve been bad, and everything else that goes with it, by actually giving ones self to the role, so that when in the Dom role id have an intimate insight, allowing deeper connections to be made. some thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated

If you want to bottom or sub then do so.

But please remember that whatever you feel is your feeling and no one else. However you react is your reaction and no one else.

I've met some good tops who started on the bottom and I've met some really terrible tops who started on the bottom and then couldn't deal with anthing that deviated from what they experienced. I would say the best tops (and bottoms) I've met are those who are sure of themselves and have empathy regardless if which roles they've served in.

Being a good time has a lot to do with empathy and you don't need to have the same experiences to empathize.

You also can't learn good technique from bottoming only from learning from another top. Being flogged cannot not teach you how to hold a flogger, how it feels to swing it or how to watch the flesh for reaction. Only seeing it and doing it from the top side can teach you that.

I also think its very odd that it has been common to suggest that one must bottom to become a good top but that those who wish to stay in the bottom role are not told they must top to be good bottoms. I think both roles require empathy and self-awareness and respect.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to rdy2plz247)

Post #: 15

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/24/2006 4:41:27 PM

HouseofBear

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline

Explore and go with what feels right for you. We each follow our own paths to achieve the goals we seek. There is no one right way, other than that the only real rule in the lifestyle is to learn!

Lady Ursa

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 16

RE: Am i wrong...? - 2/25/2006 11:11:58 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rdy2plz247

first off hello. i have been reading various posts on all kinds of topics, trying to better understand and learn how to go about realizing my long over due deviant grins* lifestyle and know where to begin my hopefully long enriching journey, and just by evaluating how things work in regular life figure i need to start at the bottom. let me clarify, *gets ready to duck the flames.. i feel im a Dom at heart, but life has tought me that most times to get to the top you eed to start at the bottom, so im figuring that to trully know everything about the sub role, the feelings, emotions, experiences, anticipation, the pride from doing well, the "wait til your father comes home" kind of fear when youve been bad, and everything else that goes with it, by actually giving ones self to the role, so that when in the Dom role id have an intimate insight, allowing deeper connections to be made. some thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated

I echo the above replys,do what feels right to you.

I did not start out submissive I'm a Domme no doubt about it.
BUT I have let My slave bishop help with Me trying things out.
I need to know ahead of time how will this or that feels,I dont test a paddle on My hand.I whack My own thigh hard,or if slave bishop is with Me I'll allow her to have a go at it...she never whacks as hard as I do.
The thing I disliked trying the most is the new stock I have.I dont care for the head in the hole....now I know what it feels like and have an understanding of what others might feel.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to rdy2plz247)

Post #: 17

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