Kaiel
Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah CatdeMedici, What a wonderful Thread, I, at times get long winded trying to incorporate enough dynamics that my threads don't go so far off course when people try to point out how they DON'T apply to what I am stating and here you have written a post that is beautifully simplistic in idea. I always find it funny how people who obviously aren't the topic of my threads will feel the need to POINT out that they aren't. I give it a 50/50 wash I figure 50% actually aren't and the other 50% are suffereing a Guilty Conscience. That being said it isn't like I have all the answers. Hell, before I got confident and started going after what I wanted instead of what I thought I deserved, I was lonely and had all sorts of excuses on why the last great thing didn't work out. As for BDSM being the same as Normal relationships I agree to about 80% of the time. Because there is a Dynamic within WIITWD that makes dating a little different and that is exactly what you are talking about. I wanna talk about ...... lets call her ...... pawn. So pawn was a great girl we talked, we flirted, and felt confident in that she was the genuine article. We got to know one another and the kinky sex was always fun but we didn't always have time or the proper situation to play. pawn liked to talk about some of the more hardcore activities, like being choked out during sex, being tied up and being forced to suck off a dildo while I took her from behind, being spanked with a carving knife, and other various kinky activities. SO one day I just made the choice that we were going to do them and got a room for the weekend. Friday night came, out came the rope and about 20 seconds into the first activity she was TERRIFIED!!!!!!!! She was having a panic attack because she was tied down and I was prepared to have my way. Something we had talked about for WEEKS AND WEEKS she even orgasmed to the idea of it while I described it to her. Why did she freak out? Because in REALITY pawn had NEVER done ANY of the things she fantasized about and the reality was not as good feeling as the Fantasy. This was the end of our relationship. And before she dissapeared off the face of the planet she told a few of the vanilla people we knew that I was a complete and total freak. So guess what I did? I went into the internal hiding of a no longer self assured Dominant and began questioning if I had in fact done something wrong. I started setting the limits like "No Sub who doesn't have at least 3 years involvement in the lifestyle, conformation that they have played, a full understanding of thier own kinks, confirmed that they have actually partisipated in their kinks, and only girls who's kinks match my own." So I did this and I was by myself and single for a long time. I was so sure I was going to have another meltdown that I just didn't want to chance it again. So instead of actually giving people the fair shot they deserved if they didn't meet this self imposed little cookie cutter shape they were failed without cause and without merit. I honestly believe all these people who say I know what I deserve and I won't settle for anything less are fine as long as they are actually open to what they deserve, however if they are looking for reasons why someone is NOT what they want then they will always find a reason to cut someone from the tapestry. So that you know andi and I will have been together as a couple for 3 years on July 27th. I like to call her my Trifecta, because she is EVERYTHING I said I didn't want. She is Younger than me She is in Recovery (Just like me) She is a Hippie She had NO Previous experience in the Lifestyle (In Fact she didn't know what the lifestyle was when we met) She didn't have a drivers License or a Car 3 Years Later I realize how silly all those requirements I had were because andi is everything I ever NEEDED and more than anything I could have ever asked for. Steel Steel great reply!! I can totally relate. I too, have found Myself saying," what do I do wrong?" you (the sub) stated you were experienced in this, this and that and when it boiled down to it, the sub had no experience at all... it was all in his mind, his fantasy. I think people in general need to realize that stepping out of the fantasy and into reality takes a lot of guts as well as honesty! Because if you're not honest, you may find yourself curled up in the fetal position crying with a Domme standing over you with a deerskin flogger! (ok, flashback sorry) Anyway... I have a 24/7 bdsm (D/s) Female lead marriage, but let's face it... the majority of the time it's pretty everyday normal vanilla stuff (paying bills, taking the kids to school etc...) with a slight twist. Hell, who could manage role-playing, scening (sp?) and f*cking everyday all day, anyway? LOL
< Message edited by Kaiel -- 4/24/2009 9:29:01 AM >
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I keep My expectations and thread counts high- "catitude"
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