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Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 2:03:29 PM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
Status: offline

Ok so please hang on in with me if this turns into a mini ramble - am not sure where i'm going with this...

i was recently released by Master and although we weren't together for years and years he taught me so much
and we had a fabulous bond - thankfully we are still friends...

anyway - i miss the control is the bottom line and although i am certainly not ready for anything permanent
i have been thinking that maybe a trainer slash a temporary Master may help - but is this being selfish?

but i am wondering if it is possible to serve without the emotional aspect?

Is there a danger that i will get tied emotionally because it is someone and not the right one?

my ex Master says i should just be patient - which i wholeheartedly agree with in the full time stakes - but i am finding the lack of obedience aspect leaving me empty - it's as if part of my soul has wandered off somewhere....!

Ugh - darned difficult! Honest and upfront opinions welcomed - am i just being a selfish slave?

thanks in advance!
cheekyslave
x

_____________________________

May the sun shine on your soul and smile!

Post #: 1

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 2:10:48 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Good idea seeking a Master who is willing to take you on for a short time until you are back on your feet. The catch is to find a reliable and honest (Dare I say Honourable and one with Integrity too?) Master. Good luck with your journey

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 2

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 2:15:53 PM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
Status: offline

Hmmmm indeed - they can be far and few between!

is it fair on them though?

_____________________________

May the sun shine on your soul and smile!

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 3

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 2:18:03 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

It's fair if they understand the situation going in.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 4

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 2:20:52 PM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

It's fair if they understand the situation going in.

true!!

btw - love your signature - tis so darned on the button!!!!

_____________________________

May the sun shine on your soul and smile!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 2:22:13 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

You never know in the beginning how long a relationship will last. As long as you are up front with your wishes then both of you should get pleasure from the journey whether it lasts a day or for years.

_____________________________

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 6

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 2:24:20 PM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

You never know in the beginning how long a relationship will last. As long as you are up front with your wishes then both of you should get pleasure from the journey whether it lasts a day or for years.

you are right of course chamberqueen - but do feel that right now i would be putting up blockers for anything permanent - probably wrongly of course....

_____________________________

May the sun shine on your soul and smile!

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 7

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 2:24:54 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

I don't think you are being selfish. You are being up front and honest about what you are looking for. I applaud you for actually knowing and recognizing what you want, instead of wasting someone's time.

Good luck on your search, and please be careful.

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 8

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 2:34:27 PM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

I don't think you are being selfish. You are being up front and honest about what you are looking for. I applaud you for actually knowing and recognizing what you want, instead of wasting someone's time.

Good luck on your search, and please be careful.

Ahhhh thank you so much - i really appreciate that you have seen my intentions!

my bullshit and tosspot radars are fully charged so will totally be careful!

thanks again and may you always be happy!
x

_____________________________

May the sun shine on your soul and smile!

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 9

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 2:54:49 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohsocheekyslave

Ok so please hang on in with me if this turns into a mini ramble - am not sure where i'm going with this...

i was recently released by Master and although we weren't together for years and years he taught me so much
and we had a fabulous bond - thankfully we are still friends...

anyway - i miss the control is the bottom line and although i am certainly not ready for anything permanent
i have been thinking that maybe a trainer slash a temporary Master may help - but is this being selfish?

but i am wondering if it is possible to serve without the emotional aspect?

Is there a danger that i will get tied emotionally because it is someone and not the right one?

my ex Master says i should just be patient - which i wholeheartedly agree with in the full time stakes - but i am finding the lack of obedience aspect leaving me empty - it's as if part of my soul has wandered off somewhere....!

Ugh - darned difficult! Honest and upfront opinions welcomed - am i just being a selfish slave?

Sounds like emotional attachment is a part of your relationships so I'd suggest you're wasting your time with openly seeking something "temporary" from the outset. It works both ways; despite what many a cynical female may think, in the vanilla world not all men will jump in the sack with some willing sweet young thing just because they can....

I reckon you're clutching at straws with this "quick-fix" and that your former is probably supporting the idea because of guilt and/or that he doesn't like seeing you hurting. So ask the girl in the mirror - can she commit half-hearted or, conversely, can she commit whole-heartedly to something she knows is hollow and less than who she is?

It's easier to think clearly, heal and get your priorities straight when an ex isn't a friend, least not till you've found someone else. An ex who's a friend is a poor source of objective advice....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 10

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 3:00:52 PM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Sounds like emotional attachment is a part of your relationships so I'd suggest you're wasting your time with openly seeking something "temporary" from the outset. It works both ways; despite what many a cynical female may think, in the vanilla world not all men will jump in the sack with some willing sweet young thing just because they can....

I reckon you're clutching at straws with this "quick-fix" and that your former is probably supporting the idea because of guilt and/or that he doesn't like seeing you hurting. So ask the girl in the mirror - can she commit half-hearted or, conversely, can she commit whole-heartedly to something she knows is hollow and less than who she is?

It's easier to think clearly, heal and get your priorities straight when an ex isn't a friend, least not till you've found someone else. An ex who's a friend is a poor source of objective advice....

Focus.

ooh - an interesting foresight into the workings of my mind and one that really should be pondered..... thank you Focus - it is without doubt an aspect of my personality and perhaps you are right that i can't distinguish between the two....

as for his guilt - well that is his counsel not mine but something i had not considered....

_____________________________

May the sun shine on your soul and smile!

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 11

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 4:19:39 PM

scottishdove

Posts: 113
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline

i think that a temporary Master is something that can work.

when i was hurting after my first Master and i broke up, i asked for that on my profile, and a Dom in Ontario responded. We made an online connection and it worked for a while, but then i started to feel both neglected and used, as i was supposed to keep writing him erotica even though his responses ended up being briefer and further apart in time. i ended up being quite obsessed with him and very needy, and he used it to manipulate me further.

but it sure got my mind off hurting over my first Master. i ended up learning some valuable lessons, and finally stood up to him and ended our interaction, which really helped my strength of character.

The moral is.. sure, get some distraction. life is an adventure. you will either learn something, or get a great new friend.

just be aware it is going to take just as much work to find a temporary Dom with integrity and character as it takes to find a permanent Dom with integrity and character.

one other thing i did find out.. intiially when i felt the connection and didnt' realize he was false gold.. i found out that i could care and want to serve even in a rebound situation. i didn't know i was capable of that, because for Vanilla i certainly wasn't capable of it. so i also learned something surprising about myself.

after than experience, i made a point to give myself a 6 month emotional break before i got seriously involved with someone new. HOWEVER.. i will talk, chat, flirt, make friends with Dom's in the meantime, and dabble with D/s online. and, the whole time, i kept up a good friendship with my first Master, and moved slowly from half/love + friendship to just a little bit of love and mostly friendship.

as a slave/submissive, i am finding myself MUCH more comfortable with the shades of grey and the fluidity of the human experience. there are no cut and dried rules to be followed.. just follow your heart and listen when it speaks.

that is what being a sub/slave/dom/domme/switch is about. Finally being yourself and giving your experience and needs respect.

< Message edited by scottishdove -- 4/26/2009 4:20:26 PM >

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 12

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 4:24:28 PM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
Status: offline

thank you for sharing your experience scottish..... guess only dipping in a toe and time will tell!

happy thoughts winging their way to you!
x

_____________________________

May the sun shine on your soul and smile!

(in reply to scottishdove)

Post #: 13

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 4:29:48 PM

VeryNastyDom

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline

It is fair, and it can work out, if the expectations are clear. I have had some "temporary" subs for five years because it worked for us both. However, we both knew that it was not permanent and when the time came to part ways we did so with no regrets or hard feelings. You just need to find the right one.

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 14

RE: Temporary?? - 4/26/2009 6:08:45 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

I would suggest to you that you take that need to serve and put it to good use in your local community. The discipline for that will need to come from inside yourself, and meeting the commitment you made. This will give you a chance to meet other Masters who knows maybe find one.

Mike

(in reply to VeryNastyDom)

Post #: 15

RE: Temporary?? - 4/27/2009 2:01:22 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Firstly I am not a believer in the whole ... oh you need to take time and 'fix' youself after a relationship.... sure SOME people do but not ALL people and also is a girl is slave then she is at her most stable and able to sort herself out when she has the structure (and some support) that she needs (Else it wouldn't BE a need).

The danger is either getting involved with one of the dims that will do far more harm than good OR with someone who will push for more than you are ready to give OR that your emotions will kick in and have you wanting more than He has offered.

Just because you are 'long term suited for M/s' doesn't mean you can't enter into a lower level Dynamic for a time. I am hard-wired for TPE when it comes to LTR's, however I've taken on short term submissives and playpartners in the past when the situation was right to do so. It is quite common, there is NOTHING wrong with it, just watch for those pitfalls and as always in this lifestyle be careful who you trust.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 16

RE: Temporary?? - 4/27/2009 1:59:53 PM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
Status: offline

you have all been great at setting this girls mind at ease for even considering such an option - and she has decided that should the opportunity arise she is not going to block it by "emotional" doubts and fears if it feels safe and right....

the ultimate need is to serve - to deny slaveself such would be a tragedy!

that said the toss pot radar is full charged and ready to zap!

thanks again to all for taking the time to respond - has been a great help!

cheekyslave
x

_____________________________

May the sun shine on your soul and smile!

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 17

RE: Temporary?? - 4/27/2009 10:53:09 PM

scottishdove

Posts: 113
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline

good luck with your journey, cheekyslave

scottish dove

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 18

RE: Temporary?? - 4/27/2009 11:40:52 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohsocheekyslave

i have been thinking that maybe a trainer slash a temporary Master may help - but is this being selfish?

but i am wondering if it is possible to serve without the emotional aspect?

Is there a danger that i will get tied emotionally because it is someone and not the right one?

thanks in advance!
cheekyslave
x

Hello cheekyslave,

My first question is, how you control your emotions?
How can you say that you will get atached, or not?
Since no one can control their feelings.
That's something magical which happends with people
that you feel a click with some, and not with many others.

So why worry about something that you have no influence on.

Being selfish? If the Dom felt it would all B onesided,
and even if it would B, it's His choice to step into that right?
He will B getting something out of your relationship too,
I'm sure, and as is said before, since you're upfront of
where you're coming from, there is nothing selfish about it.

Did you ever think of the possibility that you could run
into a New possible Dom, who would develope feelings for you??
Miracles do happen you know !!!

So you can't do anything about feelings which will B there
or wont B. That's something which will happen allong
your journey or they won't.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 19

RE: Temporary?? - 4/28/2009 3:38:47 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

In addition to what Focus said, it is possible that your ex doesn't want to see you move on. He may not want you anymore but that doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy knowing you are partnerless. I wouldn't use him as an advisor, he simply can't be objective and he will be pushing his own agenda.

I would stop talking to him and start enjoying yourself, and see what it is you want vs what he thinks you ought to do. Because right now you are still used to considering him first and yourself last. And that's not a healthy place for you to make decisions about your future from.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 20

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