Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

From sub to Dom/me..?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> From sub to Dom/me..? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/2/2006 5:07:59 AM   
servingwench80


Posts: 206
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		This is something that I've seen in the online world as well as in person. Why is it that some people start out as submissive, and then at some point decide that they want to turn Dominant? I can understand it if someone started out being sub, and then eventually discovered that in their heart and soul they were really dominant and just never realized it. But I would think this is a more rare thing. People seem to talk about "going Dom" as if it's a natural progression. A promotion. Moving up in the world. As if they were somehow less while they were submissive. I know the general opinion in the lifestyle is not that submissives are less, but that is how it comes across. If these people were really dominant, how could that side of them have stood being submissive? And if they are really submissive, why would they want to become dominant? And wouldn't these people have a hard time getting people to see them as a Dom when everyone has already seen them as a submissive?
Apologies to the Dommes out there, I don't mean to exclude you from the question, I just get a little annoyed at always having to write H/he and S/she and Dom/me and s/he and all that.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/2/2006 5:46:31 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		i did the exact opposite,Domme to Gor kajira in one very ungraceful jump

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to servingwench80)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/2/2006 6:12:30 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		People like to put things in nice clean boxes. X is Dom, Y is sub.... but life doesn't tend to have such clear distinctions.

I think most people have elements of both inside them. Some like myself, due to circumstances early in life are pushed far toward one extream or the other. Other people less so. But people often only present the side of them that is strongest.

One previous partner of mine was very submissive when we first met, inside the relationship her confidence built and she descovered that her submission had been built on her lack of confidence rather than her natural disposition. I can't switch and she needed that from her primary relationship not just from poly partners. Last I heard she was happily involved with a rather submissive gentleman but I have no problem accepting that she is now (at least mostly) a Domme.

As for getting people to see who you are now rather than what you where, that comes with the territory you have to find your own way of dealing with it. If you know what you are then what someone else thinks shouldn't matter unless they are the person you are involved with.

on that score I don't much care if someone was prieviously a Dom and is now a sub or even if they still switch, it is the dynamic between the two of us that matters.

(in reply to fyreredsub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/2/2006 6:15:07 AM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline 		and z is brat...speaking of brats...if you take away a brats ice cream, they can go from sub to Dom(me) from in 60 seconds...LOL


_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/2/2006 6:34:15 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		Well there could be a number of reasons why a person does this. One is that they are of the belief that the better Dominants submit, therefore understanding better the submission given to them. Some start out as submissive because they didn't understand who they really were and tend to "top from the bottom" in their relationship. I'm sure there are more reasons as well But it's early and I have yet to have my coffee.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to servingwench80)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/2/2006 6:57:41 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: servingwench80
But I would think this is a more rare thing. People seem to talk about "going Dom" as if it's a natural progression. A promotion. Moving up in the world. As if they were somehow less while they were submissive. I know the general opinion in the lifestyle is not that submissives are less, but that is how it comes across. If these people were really dominant, how could that side of them have stood being submissive? And if they are really submissive, why would they want to become dominant? And wouldn't these people have a hard time getting people to see them as a Dom when everyone has already seen them as a submissive?
Apologies to the Dommes out there, I don't mean to exclude you from the question, I just get a little annoyed at always having to write H/he and S/she and Dom/me and s/he and all that.

It's really not that rare. People grow and change and progress. When people get into this, it's the bottoms who get attention, who get taken care of, who get the pretty things and the spoilage and it's very easy to get sucked into that perspective of starting at the bottom.

Given time, they learn, explore, figure things out.

Some people actually think switches are the majority population in the scene (I'm not concluded on that one but there certainly are a lot more switches than people in the scene want to admit to).

For every dom out there, there's 5 people telling them they can't be a dom.

When I show up at a dungeon in collar and shackles one weekend, and then have a boy crawling after me the next, I've never once had anyone tell me they don't take me seriously. Now, they might be thinking it, but I am not aware of any separate treatment as compared to the other doms.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to servingwench80)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/2/2006 7:59:07 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I think people go the other way just as often. I don't think it has anything at all to do with moving up in the world. I do think it has to do with self exploration, evolution, growth, honesty to ones self, change, self acceptance and a multitude of other things.

I spent some time exploring my own inner sub...turns out I don't have one, but I can pretend for a very short and specific amount of time as long as you are only going to do this, this and that, and then when you are done I'm going to tell you how you are going to do it the next time.

I know self labeled male dominants who are really submissive but they see male submissiveness as weakness so they could never call themselves anything but a Dom. Someday they may come to terms with who and what they really are and when they can accept themselves for who they are then there will be a change.

The titles that we choose for ourselves don't make people see us as such. Most people see us for what and who our actions prove us to be. It reminds me of something my grandmother used to say "If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you probably aren't".

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to servingwench80)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/2/2006 10:01:36 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		People like to put things in nice clean boxes. X is Dom, Y is sub.... but life doesn't tend to have such clear distinctions.

-----------

a very wise man.....................................................

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/2/2006 10:40:35 AM   
Nuke718


Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Albatross spoke about the number of switches out there, and it is a topic of the moment in my local group. I for one think most people have a little switchiness to them, but in many it is so small that it goes unnoticed. Often people smush DS and SM terms together. When you seperat them out, you see a lot more variation. I know a a solid number of Dom/mes that will never submit in the DS sense, but enjoy bottoming on occasion (some even identify as Dom/masochist).

Also in my rather limited understanding of old Leatherman customs it was normal to apprentice as a bottom before getting to top anybody.

But some people do grow and evolve from a Dominant or submissive role to the other end. I feel if that is right for them so be it. I think growth and self evaluation is improtant. While some people swear Dominants are born and not made (same with subs) I have known more than 1 "True" Dom/me or sub do a complete 180 in the last decade. And they are usually damn good at the new role.

Nuke }:-

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/2/2006 11:33:41 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nuke718
I know a a solid number of Dom/mes that will never submit in the DS sense, but.....


Yep... I can't switch, don't sub or bottom.... but when my colour seargeant or RSM barked an order, I followed it, no questions!

(in reply to Nuke718)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/12/2006 5:17:40 PM   
artglfr


Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		Life brings each of us different surprises. I loved being a sub and had no problem being accepted as a Dom because it was a natural progression. I didn't think about it originally. It just happened, there I was with a subbie and I was demonstrating some rope techniques I had learned and soon she was suspended. Other subbies at the party saw her enjoying it and wanted to try and next thing You know I am "flying subbies".

At parties after this Dommes would talk with me about rope and suspension and soon their subbie would be getting ready to "fly" as I showed the Dom basic suspension techniques.

I have always been lucky I guess but it all just seems to have a natural flow so I changed my profile now to Dom and am enjoying it.

(in reply to servingwench80)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/12/2006 5:27:53 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		i think its a spiritual thing are engergy adjust to the person we are with

(in reply to artglfr)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/12/2006 5:35:09 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		Power is what it is all about. Usually the Dominant is the most powerful of the pair. Change one of the participants in the duo (or more if poly) and the submissive may be more powerful than most of those with whom she/he interacts. I am submissive to One. But, I know I could and would enjoy being dominant to others if I didn't have my Dominant in my life.

Perhaps there actually are more switches as LA asserts. When the pair changes partners, the participants often change roles.

(in reply to servingwench80)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/12/2006 5:35:22 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I just get a little annoyed at always having to write H/he and S/she and Dom/me and s/he and all that.


Then don't write like that. Most people don't.

I'm one of those people who "started out submissive" and wound up "going Dom." Actually, that's not entirely accurate. I am, by nature, a dominant woman. However, when I ventured into the public realm of BDSM, I managed to convince myself that, because I needed a force stronger than myself in my life, and because I enjoyed being bound and helpless, I MUST be submissive. In trying to follow this belief, I managed to make myself miserable for about five years before it finally struck me that I don't HAVE to conform to that mold. That I can be the dominant, sadistic individual I am without having to concern myself with what is "normal." This is normal for me.


_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to servingwench80)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/12/2006 5:50:36 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		I know my little one has not a dominant bone in her body and would fall over laughing if anyone ever suggested I might sub, but as someone mentioned earlier I think sometimes people conduse submission with being a little masochist. I sometimes just like rough kinky sex, pull my hair, bite me, twist my nipple, but have never confused that in any way being a submissive.

K

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/13/2006 11:13:57 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		life is like the ocean its huge one moment we could sail to one port the comes the storm and we sail to another. but i think its knowledge and focus that keeps us on corse which leads me to beleave you can be anything you want too regardless of what people in this lifestyle think.

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: From sub to Dom/me..? - 2/13/2006 11:33:34 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nuke718
I know a a solid number of Dom/mes that will never submit in the DS sense, but.....


Yep... I can't switch, don't sub or bottom.... but when my colour seargeant or RSM barked an order, I followed it, no questions!


You found that too did you? The bloody RSM used to give me hell demanding I get my hair cut. However he did finish each blast with the word Sir though. Had a Master Sgt in Nam slam my but once forcing me to go face down in the mud and crap and as he did so he let loose with a tirade about useless officers.. Seconds after I went into the mud a couple of AK's opened up ate tore the shit out of where my arse had been seconds before.... That make me subby? Naaaa just made me listen to those with more expoerience in the future and fuck the rank..


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence!
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's all in the game and how you play it!


< Message edited by IronBear -- 2/13/2006 11:34:17 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> From sub to Dom/me..? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078