am i wrong (Full Version)

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theslavechris -> am i wrong (4/26/2009 3:51:04 PM)

my Master told me that he doesn't want to see me anymore.
he says that i am a stalker because i read his email.
i asked him about an email address that i found in his email account.
we don't have any rules in place for his seeing other people.  He now admits that he is seeing someone else.

He doesn't know if he wants to continue our relationship and asked for space.

i'm distraught and don't know what to do.
He tattooed my butt 2 years ago with his mark.  What should i do?  give up?



angelikaJ -> RE: am i wrong (4/26/2009 4:00:01 PM)

I guess I am surprised that during the time you have been together the 2 of you never discussed whether each of you was going to be exclusive or not.
From that I am wondering how good is your communication with each other.

2 things bother me:
That you snooped; which is a breach of trust to me and that he was not upfront with you about his seeing someone.
Both actions are sneaky and no, they don't negate what the other did.




windchymes -> RE: am i wrong (4/26/2009 4:03:33 PM)

Sounds like he was looking for an excuse to let you go so he can play with his new toy guilt-free and you gave him one.  I'd start saving up for laser tattoo removal.



marie2 -> RE: am i wrong (4/26/2009 4:05:54 PM)

I guess it comes down to you.  How do you feel about him seeing the other girl?  do you feel like he was dishonest about it?  If so, can you live with his hiding it?  Can you live with him being poly?  These are the questions I would be asking myself.



CatdeMedici -> RE: am i wrong (4/26/2009 4:08:47 PM)

OK: (A) people don't get a tattoo unless you are dead sure this is for life---gees
 
         (B) you were in HIS email account? Why in the world do we feel that we need to do that?
 
         (C) You don't have any rules about seeing someone else, but it seems in your heart and your head, you thought you were top dog or maybe would always be sole dog--he doesn't---now.
 
I don't suppose you did anything that may have made Him feel smothered? Like getting into his email?
 
I think you know the answer to this one.



GrizzlyBear -> RE: am i wrong (4/26/2009 4:21:27 PM)

He doesn't want to see you any more, or he doesn't know?  Which is it?

You say you have never discussed him seeing anyone else, yet on your profile it says, "I am searching on behalf of my Master for a submissive playmate for Him."

You sound a little confused.  Care to reconsider your statements?



LaTigresse -> RE: am i wrong (4/26/2009 5:02:11 PM)

I am going to sound like a cracked record pretty soon.

My GAWD!! You are 50 years old and you don't know what to do, how to handle a relationship?!?!

You are old enough to have a grown daughter, what would you tell her? If you don't, you've no business being in a relationship. Pull your head out of your nether regiouns.



DarkSteven -> RE: am i wrong (4/26/2009 5:02:14 PM)

I'm not going to address the morality of you snooping.  But he's told you he wants out.

I suggest that you give him a few weeks and see what he thinks afterward.  He'll try out his shiny new toy during that time and see if he wants to use her or you.

And if he says he wants you back, then you will have some serious thinking to do.

Edited to add:  Your profile states that you love polyamory.  WTF?



DotarSojat -> RE: am i wrong (4/26/2009 5:52:58 PM)

You did snoop but he was cheating. Two wrongs don't make a right. If you had no rules about him getting someone on the side I believe it is not implied that he has pemission to do so but that just may be me.
You were looking for a poly relationship but he found something on the side.
I think there was a alot of confusion on both sides. But I also think he was looking to get something on the side regardless of entering into a poly relationship. As hard as it is going to to be I think DarkSteven is absolutly right. This is a time for you to find someone to talk to. Find someone who will be in your corner. Let him play this out and in the meantime you decide what you want from here. You just may find you can do better.



littlewonder -> RE: am i wrong (4/26/2009 6:22:39 PM)

So you didn't have permission to read his email? Yup I'd say you have problems too..possibly stalker issues so right there he probably is right to break up with you.

You two have been together for two years and never had a discussion if you would be exclusive AND you had a tat but on your ass?

I'd say that relationship was doomed from the minute you two met.

Maybe in the future you might want to think about your actions a little more, slow down and communicate!



soglia -> RE: am i wrong (4/26/2009 6:31:48 PM)

Hi chris,

Looking through his email was probably not smart.  The rest seems puzzling.  Your own profile shows you were looking for someone for him, and as others have pointed out, you love polyamory.  Maybe you need to sit back and evaluate what it is you want and need.

He wants out, let him out.

good luck,
soglia



LovingMistress45 -> RE: am i wrong (4/26/2009 6:33:49 PM)

Ok, unless you are a hacker I am guessing he was aware you had access to his email. So I doubt your finding the address was an accident.  He wants "space" yeah ok that means he is either too chicken shit to tell you to get out or he wants to keep you available in case he decides his new toy is not what he wants.

You have a tattoo - save to have it removed or altered. Get on with your life and find someone worthy of your submission.



angelikaJ -> RE: am i wrong (4/26/2009 7:04:58 PM)

I just went back and found your previous posts.

You began as a secondary relationship.

I was reminded of this:

"... 8. Don't talk.  Talking has been known to lead to communication if
practiced carelessly.  ..."

Here is the rest of it.




allthatjaz -> RE: am i wrong (4/27/2009 12:32:33 AM)

Two wrongs do not make a right.

He was being unfaithful, you were investigating your suspicions, he was confronted and his reaction was to turn it all back on you.
I understand that a poly relationship is not a deceitful one.
Do you think if you had not caught him out that he would still 'happily' be with you?
Some people get off on deceit because its exciting and daring but once caught they often react badly and try to throw the blame on the one that caught them out.
You have to have your heart broken a little, perhaps a lot but then you need to pick up the pieces and get on with your life.

I wish you happiness.

Maria



HeavansKeeper -> RE: am i wrong (4/27/2009 3:30:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: theslavechris

my Master told me that he doesn't want to see me anymore.
he says that i am a stalker because i read his email.
i asked him about an email address that i found in his email account.
we don't have any rules in place for his seeing other people.  He now admits that he is seeing someone else.

He doesn't know if he wants to continue our relationship and asked for space.

i'm distraught and don't know what to do.
He tattooed my butt 2 years ago with his mark.  What should i do?  give up?


I'm sorry to hear things are not going so great over there, Chris. But we cannot change the past. Let us focus on the future.

Firstly, I adhere to two principles regarding love. They are simple, and I'm pretty sure they're bullet proof.
1) A relationship either lasts until death or ends prematurely.
2) A relationship takes two (or more) people to uphold.

You cannot force him to want this relationship. It's very possible to attract him back to it, but he has to want it. Are you willing to change the terms so that he wants to come back? Assume he wanted to add another slave to the house, would you be willing? Assume he wanted to spend 1/2 his time with her, 1/2 his time with you. Are you willing? If there are no change of terms that can attract him back, then I regretfully inform you... This relationship is over.

Regarding seeing other people, as we get closer to people its natural (not going to argue nature or nurture here) to assume they are as faithful and fidelitous as we are. Like all assumptions, it's dangerous.

Regarding that tattoo. Having been together a long time is a great reason to stay with someone for a bad night or a bad week... but not a bad year or decade. In your estimation of the future, forget the past. It seems so heavy and important, but its not. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Love can come and go, so what has been holds very little weight. It only proves that it has been in the past (which is not proof that it will be in the future).

Right now, you probably need more support than reason. Support is not my strong suit, but you seem fun (although kind of mopey right now for obvious reasons), witty, and you look great for 50. I'd have guessed 45, tops. Smile.

Smile... In darkness. "Man must have created laughter to keep from crying" (and other variants on the concept). Be strong. If you're sad, mopey, needy, jealous, angry, tricksy, and vengeful you cannot expect to win back your master. (Assuming you've decided he's worth winning back, which he very well might not be...)

Smile, Kiddo.



DesFIP -> RE: am i wrong (4/27/2009 4:36:42 AM)

You can be into poly without it being okay for either partner to lie about being with others.
Yes he cheated on you.
You already knew that and went looking for confirmation thus the email snooping.
No, you're not a stalker.
Yes, he's an asshole.

What to do?
Don't talk to him again.
Talk to your local ink artist about covering up the tat or talk to a plastic surgeon about laser removal.
Learn healthy screening techniques.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: am i wrong (4/27/2009 4:39:49 AM)

you snooped - wrong

he cheated - wrong

now he says give me space - then do just that.

give him LOTS of space and walk away...



sirsholly -> RE: am i wrong (4/27/2009 4:47:04 AM)

quote:

He doesn't know if he wants to continue our relationship and asked for space.
you are asking what to do? Seems to me you have no choice in the matter. Give him the space he asked for.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: am i wrong (4/27/2009 5:50:24 AM)

Reading his email was a breach of trust. Did you feel that he was hiding something? Why would you feel the need to do that? I also wonder why the issue of being with others didn't come up until now.  Sounds like some boundaries were blurred or never there and need rebuilding.



AngelGeena -> RE: am i wrong (4/27/2009 6:11:23 AM)

It seems he's going to do what he wants anyway, so give him the space.  Try to get on with your own life.  I know, easier said than done.  But it is possible.  Feel free to message me on the other side anytime.



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