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RE: What does it take to get inside your head? - 6/14/2009 8:33:40 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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For me, allowing someone access to my emotional states, mental progressions, and/or vulnerabilities is somewhat difficult. Despite my generally connected existence, I am a rather private person, where my thoughts, expectations, vulnerabilities, etc., come into play. Perhaps it is an aspect of the dominant nature, I don't know, but even my lovers and friends of -decades- don't always get to see inside my headspace, and I am exceptionally discrete about revealing my own thought- and emotional- processes or those of individuals close to me.

I was, at one time, a proponent of what is called "total transparency". To me, it seemed like the ultimate dominion over another person -- that capacity to be able to read hir so well that nothing could be hidden about hir. However, over the years I've realized that this is something that I am constitutionally unable to effectively accept or provide, even to those who have been with me for -decades-. I am -horrific- at 'mindgames', except for the heightened-fear-intensity levels that are a routine part of pain-inflicting activities like needle/cutting/branding... and in those cases, my role is much more a balancing act, as I strive to provide a secure, calming force for the bottom's waves of anxiety and pain where they are an unavoidable part of the process, while riding the blood-lust high from the scent and sight of the developing markings and the shaping of a work of art myself.

Emotionally, though, I only share explicitly. I will be cautious to let people that I care about know that I cherish them, and will be expressive about the things I want people to know, because like many Victorianesque individuals (though by no means -all-, I suspect. I'm curious to see IB's input, if any, on this aspect) who are accustomed to extreme discretion in our public and even in most private mien, in general, I am a mental/emotional 'closed book'... so if it clearly matters, then I must be careful to share intentionally, because I do not let people in.

Dame Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 6/14/2009 9:16:34 AM >

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RE: What does it take to get inside your head? - 6/14/2009 9:06:05 AM

DomImus

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While it is almost impossible to divest the mental and physical aspects of bdsm, a significant amount of my style is physical. I'm sure there are mental sadists out there who are very good at what they do but for the life of me I can't wrap my head around the concept.

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RE: What does it take to get inside your head? - 6/14/2009 11:45:15 AM

Arillis

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First, you allow him/her access to the high vaulted chambers of your mind, and then give them keys to the many doors there, but only to the rooms that are empty, and then giggle to yourself as you watch them wondering aimlessly down the corridors driven by confusion.

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RE: What does it take to get inside your head? - 6/14/2009 10:12:52 PM

RLMK

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A bubbly, intelligent woman who wrote me poetry and songs, and would dance from happiness, got to me very, very well. We were both horrible people, who were cruel to one another, and used our openness against one another, and dang near destroyed each other. I think, for someone to get inside your head, you just have to be very honest with them -- but I suggest being very careful w. that honesty.

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RE: What does it take to get inside your head? - 6/15/2009 1:37:21 AM

EmelineRose

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For me it's fairly simple really - firstly and foremostly, admiration of their character and confidence. I simply couldn't submit to anyone I didn't deeply respect as a person first. After that there's chemistry - which can work in very mysterious ways!

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RE: What does it take to get inside your head? - 6/21/2009 3:32:58 PM

pleasuredancer

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Mind fucks-- not so much. I tend to trust those people to whom I let inside. And once I have figured out that they are trustworthy, it usually means they won't manipulate me that way. I think we all manipulate each other though, so different kinds of manipulation is fine with me.

But the OP was-- how do they get into my head? Simple answer, hard to do. First, they show me that they understand big ideas in life as well as I can, and they can communicate it. Once I have figured out that I probably won't be yawning while they talk at me, I am interested. They ask questions. I am used to being the one who can get into people's heads by listening. Someone who turns the tables on me surprises me. If the rest is in place-- his values and his walk through life, then I am a sucker for someone I can't out think.

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RE: What does it take to get inside your head? - 6/21/2009 4:49:38 PM

variation30

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quote:

ORIGINAL: amoryblane

It's almost universally asserted that BDSM (in the broadest sense) is largely mental. So,what does it take to get inside your head?[
/quote]

an attractive female.

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RE: What does it take to get inside your head? - 6/21/2009 6:47:48 PM

justme1980

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three pages and I still don't have a clue

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RE: What does it take to get inside your head? - 6/22/2009 6:55:33 AM

pachel

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For me it takes trust and attention. Show me I can trust you, give me the attention I crave and you pretty much have my mind and I will do my best to please you.

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RE: What does it take to get inside your head? - 6/22/2009 7:08:11 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: amoryblane

It's almost universally asserted that BDSM (in the broadest sense) is largely mental. So,what does it take to get inside your head?

Money, power....enormously large tata's.

For me, as a masochist without much interest in long term commitment to any partner, the mindfuck is the most thrilling thing in the world. It basically consists of this:

1) A woman finds a particular button to push in my psyche. Usually it's something weird and precarious that she knows she can get me to do over and over. It is a strange compulsion over which I'm almost helpless. We all have them--not everybody admits to them and not everybody flaunts them, but they're there.
2) The woman pushes the button a few times. Other times she almost pushes it, lets me know she knows it's there, that she can do it any time she wants to.
3) She keeps pushing me deeper, encouraging increasingly chancy behavior. By now she has become so deft at exploiting vulnerabilities that she seems almost passive. She sets things in motion, stands back, and regards with aloof amusement.
4) By the time I'm completely mindfucked, I'm pretty much performing for her. She barely has to do anything except acknowledge casually how humorous the situation has become. She is off-handed, sarcastic,she knows she can put me into almost any predicament she wants. Usually this is the most entertaining part for both of us--and it's such a fragile, elusive situation, always poised on the verge of desiccation and disintegration. It never lasts long, but while it lasts it's delicious.

==============

As I said, I'm a masochist and a weirdo even by kinky standards, so compared to many this will sound like some kind of Martian psychology. But everyone plays the game mentally, everyone has something that it means to be "inside their head". I'm wondering what that means to other people.

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RE: What does it take to get inside your head? - 6/22/2009 8:36:41 PM

DemonKia

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FR, after read thru

Knowing me. Trust, insight, intelligence. A decently accurate understanding of how human's work . . .. . . Patience, persistence, & a certain amount of effort . . . . . Ah. On both sides. All the way 'round . . . . . .

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RE: What does it take to get inside your head? - 6/22/2009 10:27:32 PM

janiebelle

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FR

Long answer:
A man has to make it evident that he is both smart and wise, and that he those things to a greater degree than I am. Also, I must have a sense of trustworthiness in that individual. Once I have that, he has my rapt attention. And once he has my attention, my commitment to transparency allows him to see into corners of my mind with which even I am not intimately familiar. And it is exciting to me to expolore those corners of my mind with a wise, trustworthy man.
Short answer:
My consent.
j

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