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maid of honor - 2/2/2006 9:55:57 AM

windy135

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Ok this is way off topic but I have a question. Ok, I'm a poor college student with loans up the ya hoo. A friend of mine is getting married on an island off of georgia. At first I didn't know if I could go because I didn't think I could afford it. But then I decided I would go because I wanted to be there for her. Then there was some confusion because she asked me to be her maid of honor and at first I said well how will I get a dress, since there was no way to go down to where she lives (Nebraska) and get fitted and such and such. Then she said buy a white dress and I'll get a sash to go over it. Ok, I said I would try. We talked one day and she told me that she couldnt find anything cheaper than 350, I thought she meant dresses she was talking about plane tickets. So I said well geez I can't afford that. So she thought I wasn't going to the wedding and I thought I had said I just couldn't stand up. The more I thought about it the more it made sense I really don't have the money for a nice dress and shoes and to get my hair done. But she is upset, not only over the miss up in communication but the fact that I'm not going to stand up. Am I wrong to expect her to understand? She too is a poor college graduate now attending graduate school. Am I wrong?

Post #: 1

RE: maid of honor - 2/2/2006 10:07:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I don't get it- you had a miscommunication over flights vs dress. Didn't you clarify it?

Call her up and say "I really want to be there and help you out but I am really not the person who should have the responsibility of being your maid of honor (which BTW traditionally has a lot more responsibilities than just showing up the day before and looking pretty). I was confused and stressed when you mentioned prices. I would love to attend as your guest, but can't see myself as being part of the wedding party if you want me to pay for the look as well."

She obviously holds you in high enough esteem to want to be her maid of honor, so not showing up at all would be bad. Likely you already have an outfit that would be great for a wedding, so you can scrap all of that money and put it towards the plan tickets. This way, NEITHER of you have to worry about you being all dolled up, but you can still be there to support her.

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(in reply to windy135)

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RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 6:19:55 AM

FangsNfeet

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quote:

But she is upset, not only over the miss up in communication but the fact that I'm not going to stand up. Am I wrong to expect her to understand? She too is a poor college graduate now attending graduate school. Am I wrong?

Neither of you are wrong. Screw the dress. Just wear something nice. If she doesn't like it, then she can buy something else. Being there is the first priority.

Anyhow, I would like to know what made you think the cheapest dress in a mall was $350. Most of them are under $75 easy. If that's out of your range, then put it on a stupid credit card and pay if off with your excess of college loan money.

The bottom line is that if you can be there, that's great. If not, well it's not the end of the world and shouldn't be the end of your friendship. If it turns out to ruin you friendship, then it's time to start making new friends.

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Post #: 3

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 6:32:30 AM

IrishMist

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I agree with FnF on this one Windy. Just let her know that you want to be there, but as a guest.

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RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 7:31:38 AM

windy135

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Thanks everyone, I don't know if she turned into a bridezilla or what. She wrote me the rudest email ever and really hurt my feelings. I told her that I was sorry for causing her anymore stress to her wedding planning and then I declined from going. I feel really bad for making her stressed because I really wanted to go and be there for her, but some of the things she said was out of line and rude. I would feel weird going now. It's sad because I think it is the end of the world for her and I have'nt heard back from her at all. I will call her later but she probably won't answer. Thanks again.

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Post #: 5

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 7:37:24 AM

IrishMist

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I am sorry the advice could not be better Windy

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RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 7:43:09 AM

windy135

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Irishmist, your advice was just wonderful :)

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RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 7:45:27 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windy135

Thanks everyone, I don't know if she turned into a bridezilla or what. She wrote me the rudest email ever and really hurt my feelings. I told her that I was sorry for causing her anymore stress to her wedding planning and then I declined from going. I feel really bad for making her stressed because I really wanted to go and be there for her, but some of the things she said was out of line and rude. I would feel weird going now. It's sad because I think it is the end of the world for her and I have'nt heard back from her at all. I will call her later but she probably won't answer. Thanks again.

She's probably stressed and over reacting as well.

I remain with my initial response. If she doesn't answer, leave a sweet and polite voicemail saying what I said before, and at the end give SINCERE wishes that you hope things can calm down and that you consider your friendship a lifelong commitment as well, no matter what weddings do or don't happen.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to windy135)

Post #: 8

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 10:50:21 AM

Arpig

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patch things up, do what LuckyA suggested (hmmmm, why do i feel i should just have that statement on my clipboard

).

Keep in mind that a woman getting married, especially a young woman marrying for the first time (please no agist flames) is under a lot of pressure, even more so if she is the first or only girl to get married in her family. She cannot be expected to really be totally rational at this point, but you can. Suck it up, ignore the rude remarks and put them down to nerves and stress. Don't let something like this ruin a friendship...and if it does, then FnF is right, get better friends.

A wedding can be a real bitch to plan, and it can cause many fights between everybody involved...when i was getting married, i told my bride-to-be, my mother and soon-to-be mother-in-law: tell me where and when to show up, and what to wear.
It may sound a bit cold, but it sure made life easier for everybody involved

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Post #: 9

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 11:15:33 AM

windy135

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It's weird, ever since my sister got married I told everyone that I will NEVER have a wedding. I hope whoever I marry doesn't want one. I think they are just a big pain in everyone’s ass. The whole point of the day can be forgotten in the hustle and bustle of planning and stress. I just want to go somewhere with the one I love and think about that and only that. A party when we return would be just fine. Nothing fancy and we would have pictures out of our adventure. I just feel like I can’t even talk to her. I don’t know what to say and I’m sad that she is mad. Sigh?

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 10

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 11:16:52 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windy135

It's weird, ever since my sister got married I told everyone that I will NEVER have a wedding. I hope whoever I marry doesn't want one. I think they are just a big pain in everyone’s ass. The whole point of the day can be forgotten in the hustle and bustle of planning and stress. I just want to go somewhere with the one I love and think about that and only that. A party when we return would be just fine. Nothing fancy and we would have pictures out of our adventure. I just feel like I can’t even talk to her. I don’t know what to say and I’m sad that she is mad. Sigh?

LOL hey windy...do like I did when I got married...went to the JP,and then after, rented a hall and had a massive party

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Post #: 11

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 11:18:27 AM

windy135

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sounds like a great wedding :)

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Post #: 12

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 11:21:41 AM

IrishMist

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LOL it rocked...we partied for almost 9 hours...band and all...everyone had a great time

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Post #: 13

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 11:33:22 AM

fastlane

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I crash all weddings, free drinks and lots of chicks.... now where is it?..LOL

I want to dance with you wendy!
Then, tie you up and whip you....hmmmm

Peace, Kevin

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Post #: 14

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 11:39:27 AM

windy135

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Fastlane you are soo invited to my wedding if I ever have one.. ;) I'll defintely save a dance for you.. hell I'll save a few :)

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Post #: 15

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 11:58:27 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

Keep in mind that a woman getting married, especially a young woman marrying for the first time (please no agist flames) is under a lot of pressure, even more so if she is the first or only girl to get married in her family. She cannot be expected to really be totally rational at this point, but you can. Suck it up, ignore the rude remarks and put them down to nerves and stress. Don't let something like this ruin a friendship...and if it does, then FnF is right, get better friends.

A wedding can be a real bitch to plan, and it can cause many fights between everybody involved...when i was getting married, i told my bride-to-be, my mother and soon-to-be mother-in-law: tell me where and when to show up, and what to wear.
It may sound a bit cold, but it sure made life easier for everybody involved

Doug and I are planning a June wedding right now. Arpig is right on. Our's is an impromptu ceremony in another state and there is much to plan.
She no doubt misunderstood what you were trying to say and is under too much pressure right now to really internalize it.
I'd do as suggested and apologize to her. If she has time to read it she does. I'd also go to the wedding to support her. That's what friends are for. The good times and the bad.
Even if it is a suprise to her on that day it will be a pleasant one.
There will be time to make up at a later date. Just chaulk it up to nerves right now.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 16

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 12:03:10 PM

fastlane

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Thankyou Wendy...a few dances, a few smiles..a few minutes in the lennon closet? a few too many relatives...LOL

quote:

ORIGINAL: windy135

Fastlane you are soo invited to my wedding if I ever have one.. ;) I'll defintely save a dance for you.. hell I'll save a few :)

< Message edited by fastlane -- 2/3/2006 12:04:30 PM >

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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Post #: 17

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 1:33:14 PM

caitlyn

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When I get married, I want everyone to take every penny they would have spent on getting there, clothing, hotels, gifts, cards, flowers ... pitch it all in, and buy me an H2.

I like black, with leather interior, XM Radio and GPS. It has to have some cool wheels and not those doofus spinning things.

That's the plan ... now all I have to do is figure out how to keep a boyfiend more than two weeks.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 18

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 1:36:53 PM

IrishMist

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LMFAO

Caitlyn

I love the new av

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

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Post #: 19

RE: maid of honor - 2/3/2006 3:24:51 PM

Arpig

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No you don't. marry him at the end of week 1, get the wheels, have a good weekend together & file for divorce on monday...it worked for brittany and whatsisname.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to caitlyn)

Post #: 20

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