RE: When you list hard limits on your profile

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RE: When you list hard limits on your profile - 4/30/2009 8:44:40 AM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tiinkerbell

I don't have anything at all listed in those areas for the simple reason that my experiences are too few to make an informed choice as to whether or not I would like anything.

This is also true for me as well.

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Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to tiinkerbell)

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Post #: 21

RE: When you list hard limits on your profile - 4/30/2009 10:27:04 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Coming from the other side, having received emails from doms with things listed in their "lives for", "loves", "likes" or anything besides "hard limit" or "hates", that are things which are limits for me, I have openly told them that after reading their profile and seeing x, y or z which are limits for me, which would potentially make us very incompatible. Some agree, some say the activity isn't that important to them. Others, of course, try to show me the "errors of my thinking" which is a waste of time.

My advice would be that if it is something you simply must have in your relationship and the profile lists it as a hard limit you can do one of two things. Move on and seek someone more compatible. Or you could send them an email saying that although you realize the two of you are not likely compatible based on limits, you found their profile to be so intriguing that you wanted to at least say hello and possibly develop a friendship. That is, of course, if you are the type that would enjoy a platonic friendship with someone on the other side.

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

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Post #: 22

RE: When you list hard limits on your profile - 5/1/2009 12:27:19 PM

EvilKitty

Posts: 148
Joined: 7/13/2006
From: Tampa Florida
Status: offline

I cannot tell you all how much I appreciate your answers! Perhaps I was hesitant to email potential subs for many of the reasons y'all have listed. I never thought that hard limits were transient. They might, at some time in the future, become negotiable; but even that wouldn't come until trust had been established. Nor am I likely to ask a potential right off the bat, 'how come you won't let me set you on fire & cut bits of you off?'.

But at least, now, I'm far more apt to email someone whose profile is intriguing; I can always use a new friend! Perhaps I'll know someone who would fit them well, or they'll know someone I don't.
I thank you!

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Save the Earth! It's the Only Planet with Chocolate!

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

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Post #: 23

RE: When you list hard limits on your profile - 5/1/2009 12:38:49 PM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

it never hurts to ask questions. in addition to asking the reason behind a hard limit; and most people have a well thought out reason; ask if there are any hard limits that they have that aren't listed.

(in reply to EvilKitty)

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Post #: 24

RE: When you list hard limits on your profile - 5/1/2009 1:28:14 PM

VeryNastyDom

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline

I find the hard limits section informative, but not controlling. There are few "gotta haves" in real life, so I generally compare it with likes and loves. There is usually a happy middle ground.

(in reply to kuriouswitch)

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Post #: 25

RE: When you list hard limits on your profile - 5/1/2009 4:13:43 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

My hard limits are thing that i think are to dangerous or things i know (even with my wonderful Master) i could never bring myself to do. I am lucky all my hard limits my Master has no desire to try because not all but some of them are to dangerous he agrees.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to VeryNastyDom)

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Post #: 26

RE: When you list hard limits on your profile - 5/2/2009 1:46:37 PM

sblady

Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline

I've only read a couple responses, but I agree if you find a person interesting you should contact them. If there is a connection, perhaps you can ask why a particular item is a hard limit.

I no longer list any BDSM activities in my profile but obviously I'm interested in certain activities or I wouldn't have an account on CM.

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Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. Dalai Lama

(in reply to EvilKitty)

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Post #: 27

RE: When you list hard limits on your profile - 5/2/2009 5:01:13 PM

Danibelle

Posts: 94
Joined: 11/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

I don't have any hard limits listed in my profile because there isn't anything in the options that I don't feel that strongly that I wouldn't do with the right person. Having said that, there are a ton of things I woulnd't do with a vast majority of people in these lists as well. I wouldn't want to miss out on that one person emailing me because I put something as a hard limit because I wouldn't do it with 99.99999999999999999999% of the people out there. I guess you could debate the semantics of hard limits in my world, but that's another thread.

When I look at Dommes profiles, I kind of look at it the same way, there's very few specific things that I need enough or woudn't consider to count someone out as a potential partner. If I read someone's profile and it said 'lives for x, y, and edge play,' if they seemed so interesting and compatible that I felt compelled to email them, I would do so knowing that there may be expectations of edge play (which is one of those things I wouln't do with 99.9999999999999% of people and basically something I have no interest in) and be honest with tnem that it is something that I would do only with someone I felt extremely comfortable with and that most of the enjoyment on my end would come from their happiness in indulging in that play and being able to make them happy by submitting to them in that way.

I feel this way as well. I trust my boyfriend. I allow him to do things I would not consider with others. For example, I let him play with knives in bed because I know he won't push me too far. I let him pierce me because I know he knows what he's doing. I enjoy these activities. That being said, I would not allow a play partner to do them. Maybe further on down the road and after seeing them with other people and watching their techniques... but the short answer is no.

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"To love another person is to see the face of God."

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

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Post #: 28

RE: When you list hard limits on your profile - 5/2/2009 9:28:45 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilKitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

at least if you sent an e-mail that asked why something is listed as a hard limit it would be more substantial an e-mail then "on your knees bitch" or "your hot".

If someone catches your eye, ask. The worst that can happen is that they really are incompatible with you.
[quote/]

ROFLMAO!!! I STILL find it almost incredible that ANY top would send out an email like that! Surely, only an inveterate prankster would even consider it!
*sigh* So old & yet so unjaded....
Thank you, though, OmegaG, I'd been reading threads & thought perhaps I was being hasty by just glossing over profiles with those types of limits.
[quote/]

Oh, believe me They DO!! And i would not mind at all if Someone wrote and asked me to explain why they are my hard limits....it would give me a chance to tell them my soft limits too.

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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Post #: 29

RE: When you list hard limits on your profile - 5/2/2009 9:34:46 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

i'm sorry, THIS part wasn't meant to be in the quote....the part below was my reply:

Oh, believe me They DO!! And i would not mind at all if Someone wrote and asked me to explain why they are my hard limits....it would give me a chance to tell them my soft limits too.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

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Post #: 30