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Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 4:18:05 PM   
Azkahnan


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/30/2009
Status: offline 		Now, as my profile states, i'v been webbing it for 3 years or so now and I think I may be ready to take it to real life and, you know the rest ;).

Anybody able to pull up advice/support on this? Maybe tales of your first experiences?
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RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 4:38:12 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		uhhh Dude  I don't think your ready to go live...waste another 3 years practicing on da cyber bitches.   Then get back to me.  Are you ...you look like one of those guys that ask me....HOW did ppl have sex before the internet?  I think I told you "peep show porn"

Dont rush it... BadOne


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RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 4:52:52 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		Well, as for advice about what to do, i don't know.  i  was told to meet in a public place with a back-up plan.  As for the tale of my first experience, that would take too long for a message board, so i won't go there.  ~blush~

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"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 4:54:52 PM   
Azkahnan


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/30/2009
Status: offline 		@SailingBum
Heh, looks can be deceiving, right? And, I'm not rushing anything. Life for me right now is an all-time slow. But yet, everything just went BAM time for a change. I'm single, I'm ready to move out and I don't want to be stuck with a gal who think BDSM is some sort of regularity club.
..How did people have sex before the internet? With whips and chains.

@Sweetsub1957;
I'd love to hear it! I'm a deviant lover of tales.


< Message edited by Azkahnan -- 4/30/2009 4:56:08 PM >

(in reply to SailingBum)
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RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 5:14:06 PM   
strangedesire


Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline 		Whatever you learned online, it won't translate easily into real life.  Don't go into this thinking that you know exactly what you're doing, because playing in the real world is a whole different ballgame. 

I'm too new to this to offer a lot of advice, but a line in your profile reminds me of a play-related lesson that I wish I hadn't learned hands-on:  you really do need to learn to use your toys before you try them out on another human being.  It isn't as easy as it looks to "crack a whip on a sneering wench." 


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RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 5:22:03 PM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Be honest when looking for a partner, make it clear about your lack of real time experience. Too many people over promote themselves as know it all's. It better to state what you do not know. If your lucky you can find someone understanding and willing to be patient with you, or a real time newbie willing to do scene events and workshops with you.

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RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 5:24:30 PM   
Azkahnan


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/30/2009
Status: offline 		@Strangedesire
I was being metaphorical with the crack a whip at a sneering wench, but, I have proven myself in other tasks to be highly adaptable to the situation, I'm hoping that my knowledge thus far, my creativity and my adaptability will give me a good push into this "ballgame".
But yeah, thanks for the reply, t'is good to hear from true BDSM'ers on this dilemma. :)

EDIT
@ElectraGlide
Yeah, I definetly don't want to come off high and mighty. I know i'm a complete newbie in the real-world scene, and I can happily admit it. You either understand and give me a free bone, or go elsewhere. Right?


< Message edited by Azkahnan -- 4/30/2009 5:26:11 PM >

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RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 5:27:17 PM   
HollyBlue


Posts: 144
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

Be honest when looking for a partner, make it clear about your lack of real time experience. Too many people over promote themselves as know it all's. It better to state what you do not know. If your lucky you can find someone understanding and willing to be patient with you, or a real time newbie willing to do scene events and workshops with you.


I think this is excellent advice.

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RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 5:41:15 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Seriously consider going into your local bdsm community, and get to know people.   You may find someone that you respect that would be willing to mentor you.  That would allow you to learn the skills involved in scening.  As for real time, you get info from people you know, and develop a  plan  - one that isn't written in stone - about how you would like to interact with your sub.  Then amend it when you go real time.  At some stage you just have to dive in and get real.   Try it - you will like it.

(in reply to HollyBlue)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 7:04:04 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Dude...

You wanna bedtime story  .....Once upon a time ...bout a week ago   This perverse pleasure that I indulge in started out with ...hey lets try this ...lets do that...I didnt read books ...go to munchs.  Did not/ Do not feel the need to have "formal training".  My attitude is DAMN that looks like fun... grab my girl whoever it was at the time and try it.

So here I am a whole lotta years later...  Thinking Damn that sounds fun grabbing my girl and trying it.

There are ppl that might say if you did a little "homework" about what your attempting it might go easier....To those I reply If you spend all yer time "researching"  it ruins the storyline ..  "rememeber that time when I tied you to the .....  Your ass was sore for a week after that.

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 7:15:04 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline 		You may want to consider a different profile picture, other than that forget most of what the internet has taught you and good luck.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 7:16:10 PM   
Antheia


Posts: 66
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline 		My advice. Go to munches, go to play parties. Keep your eyes open and watch carefully. Ask questions from both Dominants and submissives. Keep a open mind to the things you might hear or see.
When you can understand what the lifestyle really is to many different people ( many different ways of living it) then go on from there. There are many here that have been in the lifestyle for better parts of their lives and they know they still can keep learning new things, experience new things, find out things about themselves and their partners. It is a on going learning experience or should be
Take care
A.

(in reply to Azkahnan)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 8:36:05 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Azkahnan...good luck to you, mate...

Practical advice: It's about who you are. Confidence, self-awareness, knowledge, self-control. You can't control someone else until you can control yourself. Your watchwords should be Trust, Integrity and Safety. I assume you know what RACK and SSC are. If you don't, you'd best find out.

Pay a few visits to the Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar. They have meeters and greeters who are active Munchers, also. You'd do well to make their acquaintance. If you have transport, there's a few SM themed clubs around, specifically the BBB after-market party and Caesars in Coventry off the top of my head.

I was in your shoes at your age. It took me this long to finally be in a position to live the lifestyle. You have a long, fascinating, insanely exciting journey ahead of you.

Word to the wise, tho. Whatever you've read or experienced, Real Life is a whole new ballgame.

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RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 4/30/2009 11:45:23 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		real life is so over-rated. I'm giong to stick in the cyber space. i've learned a lot of new ways to get chicks from some of these threads. It's much easier than trying to find a real relationship with feelings, expecations and the like. real life *snort*

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RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 5/1/2009 5:30:12 AM   
Azkahnan


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/30/2009
Status: offline 		`Thanks for the advice all, but i'm mainly interested in GotSteel's response... Why so, should I think on changing my picture?

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 5/1/2009 5:39:01 AM   
LadySweetOrSour


Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline 		Well, if the most valid comment you got from all the advice given by the good folk of CM was change your picture, I guess any response to your question is a bit superfluous.

(in reply to Azkahnan)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 5/1/2009 5:40:42 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The top of your head's cut off, it makes you look a bit like Frankenstein's monster.

Beyond that, be honest with partners, tell them what looks like fun to you and ask if they would like to try it out also. Talk about it the next day and be honest about what did and didn't work. In fantasy spreader bars are hot, in reality I don't enjoy the bar pressing into me. They probably work better if you're tethered standing, but even then I would most likely object to the pressure of the bar on me. I'd rather be tied to the four corners of the bed than to spreader bars. He didn't throw a tantrum when I said I didn't like it because he wasn't wedded to the item but to the overall fun of the play and the energy exchange.

Accept criticism graciously, don't be defensive, do keep your word, and practice on pillows with implements before you start on people.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 5/1/2009 5:53:44 AM   
Azkahnan


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/30/2009
Status: offline 		I actually have long hair, it's in a ponytail. It's how I looked on my cousin's funeral back in february, heh. I'll upload a new one sooner or later. :) Gotta go quick-shopping for now.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 5/1/2009 6:30:19 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Hello Azkahnan
Welcome to the forums.
The image is very blurry.  The back ground is untidy - and these do not make a good first impression.  The guitar is ok, it shows you have musical interests, but it could be presented better.  It really is all about the presentation.
 
Be a bit more honest in your profile too.  People will read that, assume you have real life experience and then read your posts and see you do not.  That will put people off too.  And please be careful about making statements about knowing how to crack a whip when you have no experience.  People will just dismiss your intent and you risk ridicule.  Expand on the profile a bit with hobbies etc.  And participate in the forums - just have a thick skin if you do.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Seriously considering BDSM, Real-life... - 5/1/2009 6:33:49 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySweetOrSour

Well, if the most valid comment you got from all the advice given by the good folk of CM was change your picture, I guess any response to your question is a bit superfluous.


Good grief give the man a break and try to ease up on the posturing.  Considering how important people view images, he made a totally valid observation that someone recommended he change it.
 
the.dark.



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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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