to be or not to be

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

to be or not to be

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> to be or not to be

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

to be or not to be - 5/1/2009 3:57:46 PM

needcontroled

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/1/2009
Status: offline

A little history on me first, i am a submissive that has purposely chosen to deny that side of her. when i was younger i explored that side and found Sir who taught me why i need so badly to be controlled and what being a submissive would mean to me. (i know everyone is different, these are only my reasons for me alone). my own needs and desires overwhelm me to the point that i can lose control easily. giving control over to someone stronger, more able to deal with them creates my need to be submissive. Working with me Sir found when i achieved subspace i was completely and totally submitted, you could suggest anything, do anything, there where no limits, even after i recovered any suggestion made during would become part of my "waking" personality, this was extreme in that it worried even Him that the wrong person, wrong situation would cause permanent harm to me and that i need a Master who understood the responsibility of owning me.

i will always thank Sir for teaching me not only who i was but teaching me a form of control that allowed me to decide for myself to continue or try to lead a vanilla life. with help of meditation and other techqniques i have maintained my own control (not always to great success but for the most part). and lead a "normal life" up to this point. (Sir if you are here somewhere reading this, i still am forever in your debt and have never forgotten You and what You will always mean to this one. Thank You from all that she is because of You.)

Now my problem, i have found myself in a relationship with a Man who has discovered His own Dominate side, (gee, who saw that coming? LOL). my submissive side and His Dominate side keep feeding each other, He grows more comfortable, more confident, as i respond and submit more and more. He of course is completly pleased to be discovering His true self, while i am not as thrilled, scared.. yes..giving up control is scary its a gift i cant take back or say or nevermind didnt mean it. For Him its still more a game, a serious one true, but still a game. For me, its my life, my ability to maintain my own control is eroding so quickly its terrifying. i dont know how to stop, or even if i really want too. i dont know what to do.. please help. since i have distance myself for so many years from this lifestyle i dont know anyone to talk to in real life, my friends and family would not understand any of this and be horrified. hoping to find someone here willing to at least help talk me through this and help me either stop or face the truth of who i am and give in.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: to be or not to be - 5/1/2009 4:31:53 PM

EchoMirage

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/12/2008
Status: offline

what is it that you are asking? that you want to be a fully owned slave, perhaps, but dont want to jump that far with him?

(in reply to needcontroled)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: to be or not to be - 5/1/2009 5:06:07 PM

needcontroled

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

what is it that you are asking? that you want to be a fully owned slave, perhaps, but dont want to jump that far with him?

for me once i submit i doubt i can ever take back control. Do i want to be fully owned? perhaps its more need to be than just simple want.

But what i am asking for is just someone to talk, people that understands what D/s M/s means and is. All i know are vanilla people that dont understand, they think its just kink, not something that is who you are. Not asking anyone to make my decision for me.

(in reply to EchoMirage)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: to be or not to be - 5/2/2009 11:02:52 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

So how long have you been with this man?
Would you like Him to micro manage you?
And as far as your family go...where as you don't have to tell them everything you get up to sexually I see no problem in carefully letting them know that you have a submissive nature (if they not already know this) That might make you feel more athome with your own, which i think is important always.

(in reply to needcontroled)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: to be or not to be - 5/2/2009 11:14:55 AM

flowspen

Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline

Why not just talk to him as if you were talking to others in the lifestyle. He may be feeling the same as you. He may not know how deeply you can submit. I believe by including him in your short list of people to talk to about this, you will have better results.

(in reply to ranja)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: to be or not to be - 5/2/2009 11:48:51 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

What are his limits?

Does he want you to lose your own strength and does he want you to be stronger, healthier?

See, the responsibility here is for you to choose wisely. If he is a moral person who prefers that his partners be built be and not torn down while with him, then any suggestions/changes he makes in you will be positive ones. If he isn't trustworthy, then you shouldn't be with him.

I suggest slowing it all down and learning more about his moral code and how it plays out in his daily life. Is he abusive to waitresses or kind? That kind of thing. You want to see how he treats the people in his life who are powerless before you agree to become one of them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to flowspen)

Profile

Post #: 6