Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Unwanted


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Unwanted Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 5:25:46 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I guess I was trying too hard to write "what I thought they wanted to hear"..... but I guess it's all about what I can offer


Basically, yes, its about what you can offer to them.

quote:

As much as it sounds like "bargaining" and not a relationship, I'll be glad to go that way if that's what they want to hear


No, its very much about a relationship. Unless you plan to go into service only?

quote:

But as for my skills, you are right, I am pretty useless


Hmm, if you truly believe this in yourself...then yes, you must be

quote:

The only skill I have is to love, respect and be loyal.



sometimes, that is all that is required

quote:

It made me realize that being a submissive or slave is NOT about submitting, but about promoting yourself, then submitting.


No...its about putting someone elses needs and wants before your own



_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 5:35:16 PM   
Dollbecky


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Um I prefer uni students ... mainly as I have more in common with them.. I would look twice at someone who was listed his course of study...hmmm computer sci, history, eng lit, pol sci ....math!
Give me a sub (please!)that can make me proud at a party with his manners and brains.
By writing what you think Dommes want to hear you are not really seeing them as individuals with their own passions and interests...You are just responding to your own sterotypes and fantasies.
I respond better if someone writes to me engaging my interests...
just a thought


(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 5:36:58 PM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline
quote:

As much as it sounds like "bargaining" and not a relationship, I'll be glad to go that way if that's what they want to hear.


Its not what they want to "hear"
It's what they want to be SHOWN...

It's not hard to develop skills... Go to any barnes and noble, (or any reasonable facsimile) and pick up a book on massage... or pick up a book on gardening.. or pick up a book about cooking... Trust me.. if theres any thing that you'd like to do for your potential partner...pick up a book about it..

How many Madam's here would like to have their submissive/slave give them a sponge bath? or bake their favorite cake.. :)

Secondly...don't approach Her as a Dominant... approach Her as a Lady..

Lemme ask you... would you walk into ANY social event.. be it a bar/resteraunt/library.. etc etc etc.. and ask them to discipline you?

Find out what She likes.. be it food, music, books, etc.. you'd be surprised what you find out about if you take this approach..not only that.. it'll give you some common ground *OUTSIDE* (i cant emphasize this enough) of BDSM...

I'm not a Woman.. but rest assured.. 99.9% of the Women here.. dont live /eat/sleep/breathe the lifestyle....



hope this helps :)

*BP*

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 6:01:47 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		99.9% of the Women here.. dont live /eat/sleep/breathe the lifestyle....
=====

damn............thats an awful high ratio..

i hope like hell there are more than you indicate.

it'd be nice to know if i could get a ratio down to 80%
hell, otherwise..why bother trying?

i hate to think everyone here is just a damned weekend warrior

YOU gonna tell me,...YOU figure...99.99% of ALL the women here..are straight ass vanilla broads??????
every damned one of em..is nothing but a cheap imitation fake weekend warrior????????

gawd damn son...
i am SURE glad i found MY Mistress then coz SHE....IS...24/7/365 Domme..there aint 1 vanilla bone in Her body..
damn
i musta got me the cream o' the crop!!!!
hoooooweeeee

for sure!

=======

LADIES?????????????

how many of YOU are mere weekend warriors on here?????????

is MY Mistress the ONLY one among You that is REAL 24/7/365?????
let's hear it Gals?????????????????

anyone else a 24/7 Domme????????


< Message edited by veronicaofML -- 2/3/2006 6:03:25 PM >

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to blackpearl81)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 6:29:42 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline
quote:

You cant just walk into a bar and expect every woman to want to go home with you man.


you can't? well that sucks...LOL

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to KarbonCopy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 7:31:42 PM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline
quote:

99.9% of the Women here.. dont live /eat/sleep/breathe the lifestyle....


lol.. you know what i meant

quote:

you can't? well that sucks...LOL


tell me about it :| imagine how much easier things would be :|

*BP*

< Message edited by blackpearl81 -- 2/3/2006 7:32:38 PM >

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 7:36:33 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devoted2u

i want to live for You. i want to look forward to worhshipping You and being disciplined by You. i want to make You happy. That's all i'll want from You, because what really matters is what You want.

Please let me know.

mark


I usually back away from anyone who uses a statement like this, because there is no way possible that you could really know me based on a profile alone. It sounds like you are simply repeating what you think Dommes want to hear, and I would also guess that you sent this same statement to several other Dommes.

I would suggest that you keep your initial email simple, complimentary, and personal to the Domme you are emailing. If you don't get a response, just move on. I've emailed subs to compliment them on their profiles and have received no response back, so it happens to everyone.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 10:27:23 PM   
devoted2u


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/26/2004
Status: offline 		Bascially, from all this reading the conclusion is:

-Use the vanilla approach.

Because approaching as a slave (considering that slave has no rights and no skills other than what Master teaches) is NOT a way to go.

Women want a skillfull, worthy, loving man, not a slave (in which case 'slave' would refer more like a nickname).

Do you all agree on this?

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 10:33:50 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devoted2u

Bascially, from all this reading the conclusion is:

-Use the vanilla approach.

Because approaching as a slave (considering that slave has no rights and no skills other than what Master teaches) is NOT a way to go.

Women want a skillfull, worthy, loving man, not a slave (in which case 'slave' would refer more like a nickname).

Do you all agree on this?


If a submissive thinks he has zero chances with a vanilla woman -- courting, dating, bonding with, laughing with, romancing and developing intimacy with -- he doesn't have a shot at courting a femdom.

Femdoms want *everything* a vanilla woman wants in a relationship PLUS a keen understanding of BDSM & a "bdsm love connection."

And most femdoms want to be approached as a woman first and foremost, and let the kink develop as an aside.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 11:37:40 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devoted2u

Wow. I am stunned.
I guess I was trying too hard to write "what I thought they wanted to hear"..... but I guess it's all about what I can offer?
As much as it sounds like "bargaining" and not a relationship, I'll be glad to go that way if that's what they want to hear.

But as for my skills, you are right, I am pretty useless. I mean, I am a university student who has never done any labour. I only have skills of analyzing data, but how is that going to help? Maybe this lifestyle is just not for younger people who haven't developed any skills yet. The only skill I have is to love, respect and be loyal.

But I am glad you said what you did. It made me realize that being a submissive or slave is NOT about submitting, but about promoting yourself, then submitting.
If you notice anything more, plase post.
Thanks



Devoted, please do not give up. I am 49 and my submissive is 18 years old. I have to be honest, I did consider his age an issue, but after so many emails and chats on the phone I realized that his age is only an obstacle if I allowed it to be. True, he can not attend over 21 events with me, but that's ok, I am not much of a public person anyway, which is kind of funny since I work in the entertainment business lol but you get my drift. My point is, there is a Mistress who is out there just waiting for you to find her. Good luck :)


_____________________________





(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 11:42:58 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

99.9% of the Women here.. dont live /eat/sleep/breathe the lifestyle....
=====

damn............thats an awful high ratio..

i hope like hell there are more than you indicate.

it'd be nice to know if i could get a ratio down to 80%
hell, otherwise..why bother trying?

i hate to think everyone here is just a damned weekend warrior

YOU gonna tell me,...YOU figure...99.99% of ALL the women here..are straight ass vanilla broads??????
every damned one of em..is nothing but a cheap imitation fake weekend warrior????????

gawd damn son...
i am SURE glad i found MY Mistress then coz SHE....IS...24/7/365 Domme..there aint 1 vanilla bone in Her body..
damn
i musta got me the cream o' the crop!!!!
hoooooweeeee

for sure!

=======

LADIES?????????????

how many of YOU are mere weekend warriors on here?????????

is MY Mistress the ONLY one among You that is REAL 24/7/365?????
let's hear it Gals?????????????????

anyone else a 24/7 Domme????????



Weekend warrior? Hmm..No, I am not dominant only on the weekends, although the weekend is when I do my playing <s> The rest of the week is filled with school, work, and other things that interupt my being the almighty Mistress that I know I could be, if I didnt have any other obligations or interuptions.


_____________________________





(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 11:44:18 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		No...its about putting someone elses needs and wants before your own
==========

with the small provision that YOUR needs get met...by Them..
they take of you while take care of them.
that IS how it IS supposed to go!
tell me i'm wrong!
-----------------

its all i've heard preached...
later


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Unwanted - 2/3/2006 11:47:06 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		And most femdoms want to be approached as a woman first and foremost, and let the kink develop as an aside.

Absolutely!! Here! Here! <applauds>
I recently got an email from a sub who told me nothing about himself, only what he wanted to be for me. My bitch boy, maid, toilet, slave ect ect...and I wrote him back and asked him about his other interests and he just didnt understand what I was talking about. He thought the only thing that I could possibly want from him was his service, he didnt understand that I wanted a well rounded submissive who could actually think for himself and carry on an intelligent conversation with me. Imagine that.


_____________________________





(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 12:30:35 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
Your profile is much better now. :-) And yes, self promotion is an essential for a submissive or slave. You can be the best cook in the world, an accomplished musician, a master web designer and able to hold your breath under water for 20 minutes. If you aren't able to convey the fact that you know these things in an interesting manner, you may be overlooked. You are wrong, however that this makes it ""bargaining" and not a relationship." It just tells her why she'd be interested in having a relationship with you.

The one problem I see with your profile still is that you run yourself down in a minor way. "with my looks i can't offer anything except a devoted face" Personally, when I viewed your photo, I considered you a nice looking young man. Let your photo speak for itself. Some will find you plain, others will find you attractive. Do not make up their minds for them. :-)

blackpearl81 pretty much distilled what was on the courtship sites for you. We're looking for someone we'll be proud to have at our sides. Your statement " Women want a skillful, worthy, loving man, not a slave" is totally incorrect, because a slave IS a skillful, worthy, loving and accomplished person. I'm starting to worry about you self identifying as a slave when you seem to have a low opinion of them. It takes a very strong person to give up their ego to another person. Serving is not easy. I sometimes watch the play of emotions across my subhub's face when I've given a command that conflicts with what he wants. The momentary rebellion/"hey, what about me" that flashes past while he schools himself into acceptance of my will is fascinating to watch.

What you're going through now is actually a part of newbies in BDSM. It is giving up what you thought BDSM should be in light of information others are providing about the lifestyle. Fantasy is almost always more fun. The lifestyle can be a lot of hard work. You seem well on your way. Go out and get a basic cookbook, learn how to make a couple of basic recipes. Read a couple of sites about massage.
http://www.massagefree.com/
http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/massage/massage.html Learn how to play an instrument.. Build your skill set to increase your confidence. And go read those links I gave you in the last post.

I don't agree with the 99.9% of the Domme on this site "dont live /eat/sleep/breathe the lifestyle." Most of the women in my local community are 24/7 with their subs. While we may not wear a corset into the grocery store, that doesn't mean we're not Dominant at that point. I AM Domme. It isn't a role to me and I can't turn it on and off. It is who I am and how I live. I have a large number of friends who are the same way. This isn't a game to us nor is it a part time thing. The only Domme I personally know who are not involved in long term relationships with a submissive are because they're having trouble finding one that pleases them. Not every Domme feels the need to be 24/7, but I think your estimation of the numbers of women who are is on the low side.


_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 12:41:14 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Therefore, i am simply going to say that i am a humble, simple, submissive/slave. Unlike most vanilla people, i am simple and i never ask for much. As a matter of fact, i don't like to ask. i like being told what to do, especially by someone who knows what they want. And You Mistress, sounds like You know what You want.


Ok...first...why would you compare yourself to a vanilla? Second...how do you know what she wants? Did you read her profile in depth? Did you comment on something in it that made your knees go weak?

quote:

want to live for You. i want to look forward to worhshipping You and being disciplined by You. i want to make You happy. That's all i'll want from You, because what really matters is what You want.


There are lots of " I WANT'S " in here. It's not about what you want. At all. It's about WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR HIM/HER.


I'd missed Irish Mist's post, probably because we posted at about the same time. She is very right and this is something I'd forgotten to say.. the focus is on the Dominant. This is why you be very darned careful in selecting one who fits you and your needs, because your job is to focus on THEM, not what you want. Your wants and needs should be satisfied by the service you provide, be it sexual, domestic, mechanical, technical or such. Oh yeah, and a goodly number of Domme will find it crass that you express a desire for (seem to expect) any type of sexual relationship with them. Being a sub/slave is not about sex; it is about power. While sex is often a way of expressing that power, there are many more ways that do not include sex.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 1:35:30 AM   
naughtynick


Posts: 207
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline 		devoted2u, It's not just dommes that ignore you the internet, it's people in general. Even women who are not into BDSM or even if you are a guy not asking for sex, it is not easy to get someone interested in chatting with you. The fact is, most women on the internet have at least 5 or so guys at the one time trying to get their attention while a guy is lucky to have more than one woman trying to get his attention on the net.

The net is too much of a competition for guys. I have wanted to join local BDSM groups but I am sort of shy about meeting big groups and trying to tell them my fantasies the right way. I prefer it to be discreet and one on one with a person on the internet. But unfortunately you will get a better chance if you meet BDSM groups in person.



(in reply to seaturtle50)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 2:13:25 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline
The net is too much of a competition for guys.
===========

yeah
go figure THIS...MY Mistress has something like 70 + ONLINE guys She talks to, on the messenger..but "I" am THEE only one actually here real time.
i am Her 1st livein 24/7....
how's THAT for competition?


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to naughtynick)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 5:23:48 AM   
dave1212


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/2/2006
From: Lancashire UK
Status: offline 		Congrat's to you veronicaofML on being the r/t one !!

Do you ever get any emotion's such as jelousy due to Mistress having so many o/l guy's ?? Just curious if so how do you manage to deal with it ??

devoted2u i was also interested in all the reply's you had from all of the people on this forum !

_____________________________

~Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me~
~Distracting/reacting~
~Against my will i stand beside my own reflection~
~It's haunting how i can't seem to find myself again..
"Linkin Park"
TSR-560-087-333

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 5:46:37 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devoted2u

Here is an example of one of the many emails I sent:
<snip>
i want to live for You. i want to look forward to worhshipping You and being disciplined by You. i want to make You happy. That's all i'll want from You, because what really matters is what You want.


How can you "want to live" for someone you don't know a thing about? I personally detest a blind offer of submission, and I'm thinking some other women might feel the same. This statement means that since you know NOTHING about the women you are responding to, that ANY woman will do. Hardly attractive to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: devoted2u
If You wish, we can arrange for a professional session before You can consider me for R\T.



And, am I the only one that finds the closing statement a bit insulting? He offers to pay for a "session?" Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to ProDommes and appreciate all they offer and do, but when a man offers to PAY "me" with the offer of a "professional session," as if he's making an appointment, he's insulting me.

K

(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 6:20:06 AM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline


quote:

ORIGINAL: devoted2u
If You wish, we can arrange for a professional session before You can consider me for R\T.


quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan
And, am I the only one that finds the closing statement a bit insulting? He offers to pay for a "session?"


No you are not. Had I received an email like that, once I got to that sentence, I would have closed it, deleted it and forgotten about it. I would not have responded to it.

The OP needs to learn that all dominant women are not professional dominants. And offering to pay someone for a session who isn't a pro, can be considered very offensive. To use a vanilla metaphor, would you write to someone on a personals site that you were interested in dating, and offer to pay them to have sex with you? You might get some responses to that offer, but they'd really make you feel unwanted.

I've only known a couple of Pro Dominants, so I wouldn't consider it a large enough sampling to make a sweeping generalization, but they had a very clear dividing line between paying clients, and people who they played with for fun or for love. Writing one of them and then offering to pay for a session when you were actually looking for a relationship would not go over well, at all.

Regarding Veronica's earlier question about 24/7/365 dominance, Dominant for me describes something I am, not something I do, therefore I am Dominant 24/7, regardless of what I'm doing at the particular moment.

Phoenix


_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Unwanted Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

2.727