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RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 6:25:33 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick

devoted2u, It's not just dommes that ignore you the internet, it's people in general. Even women who are not into BDSM or even if you are a guy not asking for sex, it is not easy to get someone interested in chatting with you. The fact is, most women on the internet have at least 5 or so guys at the one time trying to get their attention while a guy is lucky to have more than one woman trying to get his attention on the net.

The net is too much of a competition for guys. I have wanted to join local BDSM groups but I am sort of shy about meeting big groups and trying to tell them my fantasies the right way. I prefer it to be discreet and one on one with a person on the internet. But unfortunately you will get a better chance if you meet BDSM groups in person.



I would encourage you to join a local BDSM group to meet like-minded people and learn more about lifestyle activities. I don't know of too many groups that simply have "fantasy-sharing" meetings. Perhaps you need to examine why you need it to be so anonymous and discreet if it's something you really desire.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to naughtynick)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 7:12:25 AM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline 		I just wanted to clarify something i mentioned in an earlier post...

When i stated that "99.9% of the Women here.. dont live /eat/sleep/breathe the lifestyle.... " I wasnt trying to imply that they're "weekend warriors" so to speak.. i was just tryin to say that Women on here have plenty of interests outside of bdsm.. aka "vanilla interests" (speaking in a non-kink way) and THAT is what you should focus on first...

Just wanted to clear this up :(

Take care

*BP*

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 7:44:04 AM   
TeeGO


Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline 		*BP*
Got yourself in a little HOT water with an innocent statement huh? Hehee

That can happen with Dom/Domme's very easily. I remember once when I made some kind of innocent statement to my Domme about "not being too sadistic lately", or "gentle minded of late", or something like that. Well suffice to say she got a genuine, heart felt, (um...other felt), apology out of me in short order.

(in reply to blackpearl81)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 8:07:44 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

I just wanted to clarify something i mentioned in an earlier post...

When i stated that "99.9% of the Women here.. dont live /eat/sleep/breathe the lifestyle.... " I wasnt trying to imply that they're "weekend warriors" so to speak.. i was just tryin to say that Women on here have plenty of interests outside of bdsm.. aka "vanilla interests" (speaking in a non-kink way) and THAT is what you should focus on first...

Just wanted to clear this up :(

Take care

*BP*


For the record, I knew exactly what you meant and I agree with you - no matter that I am Dominant all the time, it is not all that I do. Everyone, Domme or not, has other things that they do on a daily basis ... I know it's a shock to some people, but very few wear leathers all the time and drag their subs around by the leash everywhere they go.

For example: Holly and I both cross-stitch. She has recently taken up knitting (I tried - it bores me LOL). I read most anything that I can get my hands on. We both spend a lot of time with our pets (referring to the four-footed and furred variety, not just the submissives). We have a house that we have to maintain (although, yes, the boys do most of that). We have families that are not keen on having alternative lifestyles shoved into their faces. We both get sick, as do the boys. We both play computer games online and off.... and I'll quit boring you with all of that now ... LOL

The point is, for those who may have missed it, is that although Holly and I are both Dominant as who we *are* and not as something we *do*, we don't actively dominate all the time, therefore, we don't "eat/sleep/breathe it" ... we do live it, realistically.

And back on topic, to the OP - you have gotten a lot of good advice, take it, use it, and be patient. You are only 19 - this means that even if you were looking for 'just' a "vanilla" relationship, you haven't been looking all that long - and these things take time. Plus you have to consider that the more criteria you have, the more difficult it is to find what you are looking for. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be picky - on the contrary, do be picky, you will end up being happier in the long run - just keep in mind that it will take longer.

(in reply to blackpearl81)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 10:04:43 AM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO

*BP*
Got yourself in a little HOT water with an innocent statement huh? Hehee

That can happen with Dom/Domme's very easily. I remember once when I made some kind of innocent statement to my Domme about "not being too sadistic lately", or "gentle minded of late", or something like that. Well suffice to say she got a genuine, heart felt, (um...other felt), apology out of me in short order.




Lol... yeah.. it seems to be happening more as of late.. maybe a little ice is in order? *laughs*

quote:

Plus you have to consider that the more criteria you have, the more difficult it is to find what you are looking for. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be picky - on the contrary, do be picky, you will end up being happier in the long run - just keep in mind that it will take longer.


I agree with you whole heartedly SweetDommes, in fact, in an email to someone ive become friendly with.. i mentioned that very thing..My analogy went something like this..

Its pretty easy to find a honda
It would be a little bit difficult to find a blue honda
It would be a little bit more difficult to find a blue honda, with less than 50k miles on it..
It may be extremely difficult to find a blue honda, with less than 50k miles on it, with power windows, power steering, with a standard transmission, and a turbo charger..

The more you specify certain qualities/traits, the more the "availability" diminishes.. however, the payoff in the long run is well worth it.. as you will be more fulfilled in the long run, as compared to "taking what you can get"

:)

Hope this helps

*BP*


< Message edited by blackpearl81 -- 2/4/2006 10:07:31 AM >

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to TeeGO)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 10:43:20 AM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50
First, i noticed that you do not have a profile.


The reason they say hi and stop talking is because that is how long it takes for them to check your profile to discover there is nothing in it.

no profile on yahoo typically means cyber.

i have been on yahoo since its conception, and if i see an im come in with no profile and there is nothing to indicate is a domme in it then i ignore it or if they have not said clearly the purpose that they pm's me it is 99.9% chance of it being bs.

as for the dommes who say you need to permission to pm them? well there is another flag for you. that is up there because these are chat room players and they get a whole screen full of chat req when they come on line and what they want is for the people to go to chat rooms to ask permission in there first.

moral of the story dont waste your time on them either.

the biggest no no on chats are "asl" get that when people graduate from aol. it shows you did not read their profile

what will you do to/with me

keep all conversation regarding bdsm in a nonsexual matter of fact tone, and pay attention to the time it takes for a response. if there are delays when you are talking about the bdsm most likely they are jerking or rubbing whicever is the case, and yo uhave just been used as jerk off tool by a cyber freak.


quote:

ORIGINAL: devoted2u

Wow. I am stunned.
I guess I was trying too hard to write "what I thought they wanted to hear"..... but I guess it's all about what I can offer?


just talk about yourself to give them some idea of who what you are, skills and what you bring to the table, at a minimum comment on her profile to show you read it and NEVER assume you know what someone wants and never assume you are a good match for her even if her profile looks like she might be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress
[Your wants and needs should be satisfied by the service you provide, be it sexual, domestic, mechanical, technical or such. Oh yeah, and a goodly number of Domme will find it crass that you express a desire for (seem to expect) any type of sexual relationship with them. Being a sub/slave is not about sex; it is about power. While sex is often a way of expressing that power, there are many more ways that do not include sex.


well its about power for those who hunger for it, being dominant is fundamentally being a leader.

Granted sex is not highlighted as the main theme but be wary of those who never mentin it.

There are many out here who say its not about sex and they mean no sex. where your taking care of them is ALL they are concerned with and that is where it ends.

i know some slaves who have totally given up their lives to serve another working in their business's without even so much as an insurance policy taken out on them.

Its important to know the difference and that can be very difficult.


as for the over all response rate on CM? it suks, comes down to get used to it

(in reply to seaturtle50)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 11:21:11 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline
Granted sex is not highlighted as the main theme but be wary of those who never mentin it.
========
mention?

aww ya cut me to the quick.
cant we not mention it and still be real people?
i mean seriously.
MY Ms never mentioned it in O/our emails...

aw man.

i think i'm hurt.

sniff

lol


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 11:35:18 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML
Granted sex is not highlighted as the main theme but be wary of those who never mentin it.
========
mention?

aww ya cut me to the quick.
cant we not mention it and still be real people?


Its real from where I'm standing.

It's barely touched on in my profile for instance because its a D/s relationship I am looking for not simply someone into BDSM. Any discussion about sex can come after I've started to get to know if the person interests me and if we seem compatable in the sort of D/s we are looking for.

It will be discussed at some point because it is part of the type of relationship I am seeking, but there is more than one type of D/s situation on here! as veronicaofML is clear evidence of

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 12:01:05 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML
Granted sex is not highlighted as the main theme but be wary of those who never mentin it.
========
mention?

aww ya cut me to the quick.
cant we not mention it and still be real people?


Its real from where I'm standing.

It's barely touched on in my profile for instance because its a D/s relationship I am looking for not simply someone into BDSM. Any discussion about sex can come after I've started to get to know if the person interests me and if we seem compatable in the sort of D/s we are looking for.

It will be discussed at some point because it is part of the type of relationship I am seeking, but there is more than one type of D/s situation on here! as veronicaofML is clear evidence of



let me clarify this,

you cannot assume there will be any sex in a relationship unless it is mentioned either in the profile or in emails or talks afterward. If it is not brought up by the domme odds are it is not included in the package deal. at that point if its something you need you can bring it up. If after all that she looks at you says this is not about sex, you can bet you wont have much of a sex life because it is about LIFE and sex is part of life for many people.

of course i know that there are many more types out here, but i am generalizing, and i believe correctly, that is a poll was taken most sub men seeking a relationship would want some form of sex to be part of that. even if its only masterbation.

Now veronica has to deal with those tough northwoods cheese heads and is a special situation who i think is presently setting the world record for going without sex! LOL

i just read an article where they claim that people who have a hi sex drive and have a lot of sex or masterbate a lot through out their lives are much less likely to have prostrate issues in old age. i thought that was interesting.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Unwanted - 2/4/2006 7:34:19 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		Personally, I suspect you are trying too hard. Take a step back, start talking to people and just let things happen if they're going to happen. By going in with this "need" to hook up, you're going to constantly keep hurting yourself in the process because that desperation really shows through no matter how hard you try to hide it.

(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Unwanted - 2/5/2006 4:14:10 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		it is your age you not old enough to drink it is just your age it not you it is just your age wait some years you will get so many answer you will not be able to answer them all

take care

mons

(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Unwanted - 2/7/2006 2:25:50 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline
There are many out here who say its not about sex and they mean no sex. where your taking care of them is ALL they are concerned with and that is where it ends.

i know some slaves who have totally given up their lives to serve another working in their business's without even so much as an insurance policy taken out on them.

------------

uh yep r
i take care of THEM...their dogs, house whatever else around here...
plus i take care of me..
insurance?

what's that?
my wives didnt even believe in it.
i have YET to find anyone thought enough about MY life to even mention it...in conversation..
i have a tough enough just finding good car insurance..
who you know gonna take out a policy on a service boy?

let ME talk to em..i wanna know who the insurance company. is.


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Unwanted - 2/8/2006 3:27:29 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devoted2u

Ok, I am going to make a big generalization.
Most (99%) of the Mistresses/Dommes i have messaged in the past have NEVER replied to me. i always make sure i write politely and around one or two paragraphs, to show that i take my time, but still, i never receive any replies.

Same works on yahoo messenger. After adding few Mistresses from Yahoo Profiles, i send them message, yet i never receive a reply, even though they are online. Even if they say hi, they stop talking.

This is a serious pattern, i am not talking about 10 or 20 messages, i am talking about 100 or so.
i am 19.
Could it be because of my age? Do i sound rude? Why do i feel so unwanted?




Well, you may have a profile on a search, but those of us that post expect a profile behind the poster--that's how we get to know someone--so if you are going to attempt to get known through here, I'd say--get a profile--now as for age--yes for Me you could be My son and that is not a thought I am happy with--so for the Dommes My age ( not making sweeping generalizations here, there are some that do take in younger ones--by age)--the ones I know won't chat with ones under 21--if you are too young for a club- it does limit things--I personally get offended when someone under My profile requirements contacts Me--its like--can you read? So check their preferences, they are there for a reason--


As for being rude, I'd have no idea, if you contacted a Mistress and was like "hey babe, young stud here"--well hell yeah I'd think you were rude--but again I have no reference--and I personally do not chat with anyone who IM's Me out of the blue--veronica said it best, would you pick up the phone and call Me when you did not know Me?

I can also share that it took Me over 250 interviews to find the boy--so patience is the word of the day--and you have all the time in the world--keep at it.




_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Unwanted - 2/8/2006 4:12:31 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		I know it's a shock to some people, but very few wear leathers all the time and drag their subs around by the leash everywhere they go.

Uh oh! I've been doing it wrong then! Pup, put your leash away, no more dragging you around anymore! <g>

_____________________________





(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Unwanted - 2/8/2006 9:09:33 PM   
IndigoDadesi


Posts: 185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

I know it's a shock to some people, but very few wear leathers all the time and drag their subs around by the leash everywhere they go.

Uh oh! I've been doing it wrong then! Pup, put your leash away, no more dragging you around anymore! <g>


Crap...I guess I can cancel my order of wholesale leather then too, huh?

What about naked and snapping my fingers when I need something? Hmmm, may pose problems going outside...

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Unwanted - 2/8/2006 9:12:25 PM   
IndigoDadesi


Posts: 185
Status: offline 		So Devoted,

I think I have a pretty good rule of thumb for you when making a first impression. (Of course, as always, I could be completely wrong)...

Why dont you pretend like you are meeting them in real life. You wouldnt throw your proverbial self at someones feet as soon as you met them would you? Try opening up with things you would normally talk about on say a first date maybe.

~I.D.

(in reply to IndigoDadesi)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Unwanted - 2/9/2006 3:48:08 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		hi

what does your profile say about you what do you write to them? now when someone write me i will always answer back no matter what the person write! but i have things i that i do not want in a submissive and this is just me but i do not want someone who is bisexual, and when they have a check list which has thing like dom/dom couples or trans dom etc, but i will answer these are things i am not into but iwill write a thank you and also i will write there is someone for everyone . i do not know what you have written that no one has aswerered you i do iwsh you luck check what your writing


mons

(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Unwanted - 2/9/2006 11:25:19 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		Congrat's to you veronicaofML on being the r/t one !!

Do you ever get any emotion's such as jelousy due to Mistress having so many o/l guy's ?? Just curious if so how do you manage to deal with it ??

===========

i'm sorry dave
didnt see this
jealous? nope too old to care
and i came into this knowing She wanted a houseful of boys.
it's her vanilla hubby having a cow over it



_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to dave1212)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Unwanted - 2/9/2006 5:57:47 PM   
devoted2u


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/26/2004
Status: offline 		I didn't expect the thread to be this long. But all the more advice. :)

I think things are getting better after taking everyone's advice. Firstly, I've changed my profile, which seems is ok now. Then, I've realized that since vanilla approach is essential, I might not talk about BDSM at all.
So finally things are beginning to look better for me, at least a little bit.
I've managed to get few replies and few hi's. So I think I'll just go along with the same approach as vanilla, and see where things go from there....

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Unwanted - 2/9/2006 9:30:36 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		ugh! nevermind, i jacked up enterring the post and then editing it, too!

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 2/9/2006 9:47:27 PM >

(in reply to devoted2u)
Profile   Post #: 60
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