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BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 6:08:01 AM

berrysurprise

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Is it healthy to use BDSM as a coping tool?

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 6:13:53 AM

Fitznicely

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As a Dom, BDSM for Me requires a clear head and a settled psyche. Bringing emotional or mental instabilities into the mix means someone could get hurt...

For a sub, I'd say that, in the hands of a good,understanding and well prepared Dom/me, yes, BDSM can be a cathartic catalyst on the path to mental health. I've seen it happen and it's beautiful.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 6:17:04 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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For me it can be a tool to relieve stress so in that regard I do think that is healthy. To use BDSM as crutch to get others to feed into ones drama , no I don't think that is healthy at all.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 6:19:47 AM

Aileen1968

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It's often a stress reliever for me, but it doesn't solve any life issues.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 6:22:44 AM

HalloweenWhite

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I think that Fitznicely put it really well.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 6:25:03 AM

LadyPact

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I'm going to have to say no. If a person is using BDSM to "cope" with an issue, I don't see it as any different as any other escape mechanism that people are prone to use. Relying on any particular method for one to be able to handle their life can be unhealthy.

I'm sure many of us have said that we're going to release some frustration or blow off some steam by playing. I think that's pretty normal. However, if every time that frustration comes up, it becomes a need, that's where it shifts to being a dependency.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 6:30:35 AM

MissJanice2

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I have to agree with LadyPact. It may help some symptoms, but the primary illness still remains.
BDSM is fun when used in its proper perspective. To use it to "cure" something, would destort it's definition.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 6:37:57 AM

LATEXBABY64

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I have to agree with the above it is not ok to use it as a coping tool remeber doms dommes and others are not ph d in mental health can do worse damage then good

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 6:56:40 AM

oceanwinds

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I agree with the other posts as well. Great stress reliever, but mental health is not to be placed in someone's lap to fix you:)

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 7:07:55 AM

DarkSteven

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I cannot understand your question. BDSM is nothing more than a way to relate to people.

The physical acts that are within BDSM can be coping tools. Getting a spanking or whipping, sex, etc. can help with coping.

HAVING a relationship will help cope with life, but I would not consider it a coping tool as much as a way to enrich life.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 7:11:38 AM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

Is it healthy to use BDSM as a coping tool?

Coping with what?

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 7:38:54 AM

CatdeMedici

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If you have a healthy relationship and you use it as a framework to keep you focused, yes---if you use it to run from the problems--no.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 9:22:05 AM

DesFIP

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I think it is wrong to stick this on a partner who is unsuspecting and incapable of dealing with your issues. Expecting them to 'fix you' is unfair. However if you are aware of your own issues, have dealt with them in an appropriate setting (therapy) and wish to act out some psychodrama with a fully informed, consenting partner - go for it.

Age play comes to mind here. Many women who do this had fathers who were either physically or emotionally absent. If your partner knows what the root cause is, and knows what you need to happen in a protected setting, then it can be a good way to work on an issue; to get now what you weren't given then.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 9:39:05 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

Is it healthy to use BDSM as a coping tool?

Coping with what?

Shaking my head that it took ten posts for someone to finally ask this....

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 9:46:16 AM

Fitznicely

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

Is it healthy to use BDSM as a coping tool?

Coping with what?

Shaking my head that it took ten posts for someone to finally ask this....

Quote me one post that would be different depending on what the OP is trying to cope with...

Seriously, if you're using BDSM as a way to cope with ANYTHING, it needs to be handled very carefully by people who know what they're doing. End of story.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 10:28:56 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

Quote me one post that would be different depending on what the OP is trying to cope with...

Seriously, if you're using BDSM as a way to cope with ANYTHING, it needs to be handled very carefully by people who know what they're doing. End of story.

Well... yours, for one. Both of them, actually. In fact, a quick backscroll shows me only 2 or 3 posts that couldn't have benefited somewhat from an additional question or two. The term "coping mechanism" is so overused, so broad, so vague and subjective, that unless you know what the person using it means by it - and what it is they're trying to cope with - you can't give a meaningful answer.

Your assertion that anyone using BDSM as a way of coping with anything at all need to be handled very carefully by people who know what they're doing is a gross overstatement. For some people, eating a chocolate bar is a recognized coping mechanism. For others, carving obscenities into your forehead with a hunting knife is a coping mechanism. And there are an almost infinite number of examples in between. I could spend the next hour typing out a list of coping mechanisms that are perfectlly healthy, and require not only no careful handling by the people interacting with the subject, but not even any awareness that the person with whom they're interacting is using a coping mechanism. You can't cram all coping mechanisms into such an incredibly small container. When someone asks such a vague question about her own coping mechanisms, you just can't assume their definition of a coping mechanism is even remotely close to your own unless you ask her what she means, and unless you know what she means, how can you possibly give her a useful answer?

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 10:34:46 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise
Is it healthy to use BDSM as a coping tool?

I'm afraid there is no true answer to the question you pose. However, there is the freedom of choice. There is the freedom to determine what is right or best for yourself.

Personally, I see no problem in BDSM being or not being a coping tool for anybody. If it helps you get by and live life in some way shape or form, so be it.

Healthy and what is not unhealthy can become rather subjective according to the moral base of society.

What exactly is healthy? to what measure or standards? What is truely physically healthy or mentally healthy?

What might fuck one person up, might not another person. Peoples minds and body chemistry are all somewhat varied.

Some people view being fucked up the ass not healthy form of sex, others think or view differently. Same goes with S&M play. To some people this is not a healthy and sane thing to do.

In terms of coping, many have many so called bad habits to cope and deal with things.

It's ironic that many people will engage in self injury as a means to cope with stress, that perhaps without this coping mechanism they would be prone to being faced with no coping mechanism.

When a person is not able to cope with stress, or stress exceeds an individual coping mechanisms, they are prone to thinking thoughts or actually taking their own life. Most people that kill themselves simply can't cope anymore.

So, with that said, it's better to have some form of coping tools or mechanisms compared to none at all.

Long as you have a means to cope with life, and stress, and that means does not involve causing anybody else any true or real harm. Long as you are not causing your ownself any true great harm, why not? What's the shame in using BDSM as a tool to cope?

It's clearly more unhealthy and you are at more danger not having any coping tools.

You can always change and replace your coping tools, what's important is that you have them.

If somebody beating your ass with a crop straightens your head and mind up for awhile, and it helps ease the stress in your life, why not? lol

Mind you, it's always an interesting journey in facing issues and growing and changing as a human being too.

My only advice is to seek and look for some sort of balance in a life that you are Happy with.

If you are happy, and this is the end result of the coping tools you use, great.

If you are miserable and this is the end result of your own coping tools, it's time to find some different tools.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 10:37:34 AM

LadyPact

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I would be of the mind that, had the OP wished to disclose that part of the information, they probably would have done so in the beginning post. On the very limited amount of information in the OP, and taking the term "coping" to mean dealing with something difficult, I will stand by My answer.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 10:47:50 AM

pixidustpet

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*for me* yes, its a coping mechanism.

by asking for and recieving those activites that we indulge in (TheEngineer and i) is a pressure valve for me, and allows me to get the sensation fix i need and i dont have to resort to self injury. this is ME though. i understand myself well enough to ask when i have that need....and he cares enough about me and my wellbeing to indulge that need.

is it healthy? for me, i'd say yes, because its using a less harmful sensation to replace a more harmful one.

but not all of our scening is for that reason, sometimes its simply for him to see me squirm. and that works for us, too.

kitten, who is only speaking for herself, in her own relationship.

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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 11:13:13 AM

Fitznicely

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

Quote me one post that would be different depending on what the OP is trying to cope with...

Seriously, if you're using BDSM as a way to cope with ANYTHING, it needs to be handled very carefully by people who know what they're doing. End of story.

Well... yours, for one. Both of them, actually. In fact, a quick backscroll shows me only 2 or 3 posts that couldn't have benefited somewhat from an additional question or two. The term "coping mechanism" is so overused, so broad, so vague and subjective, that unless you know what the person using it means by it - and what it is they're trying to cope with - you can't give a meaningful answer.

Au contraire. I'm well aware of how many other "coping mechanisms" there are, but the OP asked specifically about using BDSM to cope. Now, what she is coping with is pretty much irrelevant. The point is that as she identifies as submissive, she is, at some point, giving, or thinking of giving her psychological, mental and physical safety into the hands of someone else.

Given this not unreasonable assumption, and given my own personal experience of being a Dom in charge of a sub that needed BDSM as a coping mechanism for deep depression and other things too personal to share here, I advised that the sub should be in the care of a Dom worth their metal, who was sufficiently aware of her mental state and psychological needs to provide a scene, or craft a contract which deals directly and competently with her issues - whether it be quitting chocolate, dealing with an ongoing illness, recovering from a narcotics addiction or whatever...

It is, after all, a Dom's responsibility to ensure the health of the sub. I, as Owner, take My responsibility for my girl's psychological, mental and physical health VERY seriously. How could I not?

I believe I summed this all up far more succinctly in my first post and stand by what I say.

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