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RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 11:25:52 AM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

Is it healthy to use BDSM as a coping tool? 


As healthy as using anything positive in an individual's life as a coping tool.



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From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 11:31:34 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I have found that for some, a good flogging or being kept in rope bondage in a quiet place can help overcome stress. However, I would ask the OP if entering into any potential dangerous life (such as the Police, Fire Brigade or the military) is a good way of coping with stress. It may be as long as there is not a crisis, high stress or weapons involved.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 5/4/2009 11:32:17 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 11:33:28 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Why is it automatically assumed that "coping mechanism" is a negative thing?  Coping mechanisms are part of the human experience and are meant to be protective to us in one way or another.  Many of these are things we use on a day to day basis and no one is considered weak, unhealthy, or dependent just for using them.  Coping mechanisms are ways to deal with physical or mental stress until it can be resolved.  That is the key.  Getting the root cause resolved is what I wouldn't want to see someone one neglecting.

For me, BDSM is more about relationships, intimacy, and the like, but I cannot say it has never been a form of coping mechanism in a variety of ways.  This is both physical and mental.  My partners know this about me and I am clear when I need to use it that way and why.  I may even discuss how it may be best to accomplish what I am needing.  I have done this simply as an override for the pain my physical health causes.  It is a break and respite that so far I can't get any other way and the docs have been trying.  I have dealt with both some big and small issues from my past and certain fears and insecurities that I needed to work through in a safe manner.  I didn't do this in a void of help from professionals or other people in my life like family or other outside friends, but I did it as an addendum to what I was already doing and as a part of my process.

That is what determines whether this is a healthy way to work through something or not.  Are you working through it?  Are you progressing?  Are you seeking other sources of help?  If you are, then it is just another good tool in your arsenal (provided you are not doing so without your partner(s) being aware of it and being willing to help in this way).  If not, then it is not a coping mechanism.  It is an escape mechanism.  These are ways we deal when something is too big to face head on.  Escape is healthy in small doses, but not as a permanent fix and will do more harm than good in the long run when it is forced to function that way.  Those are things that should be dealt with prior to entering an intimate relationship or placed in the hands of a trusted professional or both.

I don't know if this helps, but feel free to contact me via cmail if you would like.

lovingpet 

(in reply to pixidustpet)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 11:39:50 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Again, this is based on our household's experiences... not everyone will share them, or share the opinions, but this is what I've seen. Everyone has issues. Everyone also seeks out things to help them deal with their issues. Sometimes BDSM is one of those coping tools. It can work very successfully, or be a miserable disaster, depending on how forthright the people are who are facing it, whether their also doing something -else- to facilitate mental health or whether the BDSM is being used as a way to attempt to hide/escape from the issues without really working on them.

The biggest issue for success, to me, appears to be whether the individuals in question actually -recognize- that there is a problem, and whether that person is willing to do the work of dealing with the issue, not by dwelling on the past and wallowing in old crap, but by figuring out the next steps to move on and using BDSM as one of the tools to explore how best to do that.

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(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 2:21:55 PM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline 		Can BDSM be a maladaptive coping mechanism?

Certainly.  I'm not convinced that's any less the case with vanilla relationships however.


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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 3:35:59 PM   
caelestis


Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline 		It is all situational and relevant to the people involved.  In personal opinion, using bdsm as a coping strategy probably wouldn't work for myself.  A D type being fully aware of, and working with me on my problem with opening up to people has worked just fine. 

It all goes back to my first statement though.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 3:37:35 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Apocalypso

Can BDSM be a maladaptive coping mechanism?

Certainly.  I'm not convinced that's any less the case with vanilla relationships however.


Exactly!  How many people get married to avoid loneliness?  How many people snack between meals, not for sustenance, but for comfort?  How many people have an alcoholic drink at the end of the day to relax? 
We do many things to ‘cope’ with life.
Some people jog to relieve stress, others engage in pain play.  As long as they are effective in dealing with <whatever>, it’s all good!


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(in reply to Apocalypso)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 3:43:30 PM   
masmiss


Posts: 494
Joined: 2/16/2009
From: New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I cannot understand your question.  BDSM is nothing more than a way to relate to people.

The physical acts that are within BDSM can be coping tools.  Getting a spanking or whipping, sex, etc. can help with coping.

HAVING a relationship will help cope with life, but I would not consider it a coping tool as much as a way to enrich life.

Couldn't have said it better myself, Steven.


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I am the captain of my soul.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 10:41:20 PM   
LyraLaLaurie


Posts: 83
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		I find it's an extremely good tool to focus, in a mental, emotional, spiritual sense. I have channeled stress and anxiety into BDSM activities and come out very satisfied...purely by focusing on the moment, the scene, the direction of power, the sensation, the pain, breathing, interaction, etc. SM activities do work as successful meditation, and I *love * it :)

It obviously does not magic-8-ball solve any mental health problems...but it can be an effective way of centering yourself if you do it right, possibly an aid to things like anxiety.



(in reply to masmiss)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/4/2009 11:03:34 PM   
MsDDom


Posts: 368
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

Is it healthy to use BDSM as a coping tool? 

No way...  But there are many people who do.

It is one thing to have a longing desire (that spans years), and another to happen up something to numb u from personal (mental) crisis. I have encounter subs who are using bdsm as a coping tool...its sad really. To be worrisome or bothersome to someone else who is mentally stable is selfish. This one sub comes to mind...he refuses to own up/acknowledge or be accountable for his own internal struggles/issues. When you speak to him and maybe something is said that "hits home", he shuts down and doesn't want to talk. He then tries to blame the other person for being "intellectual" and always asking questions or analyzing.  The reality is a person HAS TO do a self analysis and decide to "get better" before engaging in ANY type of relationship.



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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/5/2009 12:00:43 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		The thread title is 'BDSM vs Mental Health.... which could point to something as serious as schizophrenia or as mild as just having a shit day in the office.

My opinion is... So long as your partner is fully aware that you want to use a part of BDSM as a coping mechanism, then it has become an informed choice that may or may not work.
I'm pretty sure that most subs would not want to help a dominant cope, if he/she told them that they heard voices in their head telling them to do this BDSM milarky!
I would certainly not want to go down the path of helping someone cope with some heinous crime. An example of this was a recent communication with a sub who told me about some illegal activities he had committed and wanted to rid himself of the guilt by being beaten within an inch of his life.
Yes this is pretty tough shit but then coping mechanisms don't have limits when it comes to 'what one is trying to cope with'.
On the other hand I believe, in the right hands and with transparent information, past abuse issues, anger issues, general well being issues, something as complex as addiction and self abuse or as mild as just a bad day at work can be helped with BDSM.



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(in reply to MsDDom)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/5/2009 6:11:49 AM   
Interesdom


Posts: 197
Joined: 5/24/2004
From: England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
How many people get married to avoid loneliness?  How many people snack between meals, not for sustenance, but for comfort?  How many people have an alcoholic drink at the end of the day to relax? 
We do many things to ‘cope’ with life.
Some people jog to relieve stress, others engage in pain play.  As long as they are effective in dealing with <whatever>, it’s all good!


I fully agree.  I know of one sub who simply needed to come home from her stressful work (that she loved), be told to strip and and kneel at my feet and be silent.  Maybe she would talk a little first, perhaps I would say a few words but after 15 to 30 mins of kneeling there with her head on my lap, in silence, she could get up, bouncy and bright and feel totally refreshed.  Her way of using D/s to cope with her work day.  No harm to anyone.  Very rewarding for me, too.

The OP's question is so broad that there is no good answer other than somewhere between 'perhaps' and 'probably'.  It depends on what aspect of BDSM you use, how, when, why and to cope with what and in which way.


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: BDSM vs Mental Health... - 5/5/2009 12:31:42 PM   
blackcat39


Posts: 62
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline 		nope, BDSM is perverted. This site is full of sick perverts. ;0 If you aren't into BDSM, your not sick in the head.....

I say this jokingly, in case people think I'm serious...... ;0

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 33
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