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why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 11:14:33 AM

DSMXXX

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/13/2007
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I hear a lot of Mistress/Masters get aggravated about stupid questions and "do me" subs. As I recall in history "slaves" could not choose their Master. So if people here identify themselves as slaves why do they get to email people who identify themselves as Masters? If the Dom is actively pursuing a slave, she should email the slaves. That would cut down a lot of unwanted email from stupid slaves who cannot read profiles. That would also allow the Dom to pic through the best slave profiles and choose who she wants to email. Instead of spending all her time hitting the DELETE button. Thoughts?

Post #: 1

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 11:22:16 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
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quote:

So if people here identify themselves as slaves why do they get to email people who identify themselves as Masters?

Because its a free country, and they want to actively find somebody

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(in reply to DSMXXX)

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RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 11:30:32 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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Nope, that wouldn't work. If CM did that, then I'd have missed out on some really great conversations with subs who weren't/aren't what I'm looking for. I'd also have missed out on making some good friends with some of those subs. I value intelligent, stimulating conversation; the orientation (sub, switch, dom) of the other person is irrelevant.

I also want subs to be able to contact me if they're interested. I might skim over a profile if it doesn't jump up and down and wave at me. That doesn't mean those subs who are less adept at writing profiles and marketing themselves wouldn't be great additions to my household. I want to optimize my chances of finding the right sub(s) for me by letting them approach me as well as me approaching them. I just want them to approach ME, not a red screen name. That requires them to read my profile, which sadly, few do. This makes no sense to me; it must be in a sub's best interests to read profiles so they don't waste their time with dominants who are obviously not a good match.

And last but not least, the reality is that I have never, not once, received a response from a sub I emailed first. All these subs who complain about getting no replies -- yeah, WTFever. Pot. Kettle. Black. Every sub I've met here has emailed me first. I don't get the pages upon pages of mail some women complain about and I never have. Not even when I was new. If CM took away the ability of subs to make first contact, I'd never get mail.

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(in reply to DSMXXX)

Post #: 3

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 11:31:04 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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1) Because this isn't somebodys fantasy 'history', this is RL CONSENTUAL slavery.

2) Because there are a LOT of people out there, no guarentee Us Doms/Masters/Mistresses are going to notice the person unless they draw Our attention

3) Because until someone submits there is NOBODY who has the right to tell them not to send out mail.... You can ONLY control who sends YOU mail (Settings and using BLOCK)

_____________________________

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 4

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 11:42:39 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Bothersom submissive's in email may determine how I respond to them, but not how I conduct myself with other's. Sure I might be irritated one day after a number of emails and act irritated or short with someone else that gets close to that irritation or does the same thing, but that is different from how I conduct myself as a whole.

I am not here at CM focusing on finding a relationship. I am simply here for a lot of reasons and meeting people for friendship is one of them. I am not reading a lot of profiles in a search of someone. So if a submissive wants to email me, it is all well and fine! I do hope they will read my profile and go by my rules of communication if they want a response from me, but there is nothing wrong with someone contacting me. The bad guys don't call the shots in my world.

I have found that with the majority of people around here, if one is respectful and has read the profile of submissive or dominant, they tend to get treated well. If one has been respectful and has missed something in the profile and is presenting as someone interested in the person they are emailing, they may not get a response because of this. But most I have heard from on the boards or as friends, will respond to respectful emails.

There is no one way to do things in my opinon other than respectfully... anything else is subject to what people want to do.

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(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 5

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 1:15:00 PM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

DSMXXX wrote: As I recall in history "slaves" could not choose their Master. So if people here identify themselves as slaves why do they get to email people who identify themselves as Masters?

First off, we're not `in history' but now, talking about a consensual arrangement between two people. Second, many of us identify as submissives, not slaves. Third, until somebody is in a D/s relationship, they arguably are not a slave; just somebody who wants to be one. Fourth, it would be damnably annoying if I couldn't mail people about things they'd said on the boards here, just because they're dominant and I'm not.

beeble.

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Post #: 6

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 1:26:55 PM

MistressTaboo

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Joined: 6/10/2005
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And most importantly....

There is only one Peon...we can't all own him!

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(in reply to beeble)

Post #: 7

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 1:41:41 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

FR

This is not a grocery store of lust, there are no Walmarts of kink, & dating is dating, mate-finding is mate-finding, no matter who, what, when, why, or where.

If anything, I've frequently been of the mind that consenting masochists oughta 'chase' consensual sadists. Ya know, since some of the stuff the maso's want done is 'technically' illegal, illicit, or otherwise 'worthy' of societal disapproval, the onus of pursuit should thus be on the one who wants to be treated thus . ... ..

But that's purely my speculative opinion . .. . . . (At some point I'm gonna doll it up some & present it for 'critique' hereabouts, but feel free to comment here if you'd like . . . .. . )

&, of course, part of that is because I frequently prefer to be 'chased' . . . . . lol

< Message edited by DemonKia -- 5/4/2009 1:42:12 PM >

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Post #: 8

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 1:48:56 PM

plushiecat

Posts: 109
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline

>>I hear a lot of Mistress/Masters get aggravated about stupid questions and "do me" subs.
Funny, there are submissives, and those that identify as slave, that have a similar complaint about doms that want to essentially have someone on her knees nigh 24/7 sucking them off. That is quite a 'do me' dom.

>>As I recall in history "slaves" could not choose their Master.
As beeble said, we aren't in history now. (Hey, it was said so well already, and was pretty much what I was going to say!) If some dom tried to simply 'buy' a female somewhere in many parts of the world, and was found out, there would be reprocussions.

>>So if people here identify themselves as slaves why do they get to email people who identify themselves as Masters?
Don't know about you, but I see someone as a person first. I can talk to anyone I choose to. If I email someone that doesn't wish to respond, so be it, but that doesn't negate the fact that just because someone views him/herself as dom.

>>If the Dom is actively pursuing a slave, she should email the slaves.
There are MANY profiles out there. A dom may well miss what could end up being a perfect match just because someone didn't email the dom. Doms who profess to be 'unapproachable' simply show themselves to be standoffish peacocks. We are all human first and foremost, and though I'll not speak for all, I can say with quite reasonable surety that most subs or slaves would rather have a personable, warm dom in control.

>>That would cut down a lot of unwanted email from stupid slaves who cannot read profiles.
There are just as many 'stupid doms' that can't read profiles either. I can't count the number of times I get emails from some other country, let alone California, who miss the term 'local' in my profile.

>>That would also allow the Dom to pic through the best slave profiles and choose who she wants to email. Instead of spending all her time hitting the DELETE button.
As one of the key words within WIITWD is *consentual*, the sub/slave has just as much 'right' (for lack of a better word) to pick through profiles as well.

As an amusing aside, I went to click on the link to DSMXXX's profile...and didn't find one. I just can't help but wonder. o O (troll?)

< Message edited by plushiecat -- 5/4/2009 1:57:32 PM >

(in reply to MistressTaboo)

Post #: 9

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 2:09:59 PM

WarKirby

Posts: 71
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I don't get the pages upon pages of mail some women complain about and I never have. Not even when I was new. If CM took away the ability of subs to make first contact, I'd never get mail.

You're quite the beautiful woman with a well written profile, so it's neither of those things.

I'd suspect the lack of mail is due to your not putting Male Submissives as one of the things you're looking for. As far as I understand, most of the mail bombardment that many complain of, comes from men. Some reading of your profile indicates that you ARE looking for male submissives. But if you don't have that properly set as something you're seeking, you're probably missing out on a lot of potential mail.

Try setting it on, and watch the messages flood in.

Anyways, on this topic, I've talked to a few people who just didn't seem to figure out how to set up their profile properly. Like not putting Dominant Men in what they're seeking, even though they are. Or registeringthemselves as a couple. I'd have never spoken to such people if they hadn't contacted me, due to them falling outside my filters.

I'd say, a good option to solve the problem of idiots sending hundreds of mails, would be to remove the option to send mail from the main page. And instead put it Right At The Bottom of someone's profile, so they'd at least have to scroll past the whole thing before writing a message.

< Message edited by WarKirby -- 5/4/2009 2:20:43 PM >

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 10

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 2:30:57 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

1) Because this isn't somebodys fantasy 'history', this is RL CONSENTUAL slavery.

2) Because there are a LOT of people out there, no guarentee Us Doms/Masters/Mistresses are going to notice the person unless they draw Our attention

3) Because until someone submits there is NOBODY who has the right to tell them not to send out mail.... You can ONLY control who sends YOU mail (Settings and using BLOCK)

Exactly. And maybe because the slaves are looking for Masters/Mistresses just as much as Masters & Mistresses are looking for slaves? i don't call myself a slave, but i am a submissive and, yes, i have been known to initiate correspondence from time to time. You can always push DELETE, Sir or Ma'am, whichever the case may be.

Hmmm. i went to check for Your profile, and there wasn't one. What's up with that?

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"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 2:47:31 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

&, of course, part of that is because I frequently prefer to be 'chased' . . . . . lol

Yep. I'm too lazy to chase someone.

(in reply to DemonKia)

Post #: 12

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 2:49:42 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DSMXXX

I hear a lot of Mistress/Masters get aggravated about stupid questions and "do me" subs. As I recall in history "slaves" could not choose their Master. So if people here identify themselves as slaves why do they get to email people who identify themselves as Masters? If the Dom is actively pursuing a slave, she should email the slaves. That would cut down a lot of unwanted email from stupid slaves who cannot read profiles. That would also allow the Dom to pic through the best slave profiles and choose who she wants to email. Instead of spending all her time hitting the DELETE button. Thoughts?

I don't think the "in history" cuts it, in history slaves had no choice, they were forced into slavery because of economic reasons (the "thralls" who had the choice between being a slave or starving), were captives, or were born into it... I would be rather surprised if for slaves in history it was an expression of their sexuality, there's a difference between consensual slavery and abuse.

Of course in BDSM slave contracts exist, but they wouldn't really stand up i a court of law, if they are broken, the owner or the slave can always walk away, there's no legal binding contract.

Of course there are annoying mails, but sometimes you also get rather nice mails and you simply get to talk to people, get to know them, just because it is a BDSM site, it doesn't really mean that people here should only talk to each other if they want to engage in BDSM. You simply might not be attracted to somebody but enjoy talking to them, make friends and find you have more in common than BDSM, always a great thing. So you would possibly not remove that aspect but cut it down, if only the dominant part would be allowed to mail.

The "problem" with CM is it's advantage, it is free, everybody can sign up, and it's fairly logic, the more people there are, the more problems you get. Anybody who won't receive answers will sooner or later figure out (though I might be fairly optimistic here) that their approach doesn't work and possibly change something.
But there's also the fact that who might be wrong for you, might possibly right for me. Different people prefer different things, where I'd possibly would say "Hell no, he's a doormat, that would drive me nuts" another domme might say "He's really submissive" - where I'd say "Oh hell, he's a 'do me' sub, really not interested", somebody else might think "He knows what he likes and says so..." Tastes are different, what one person finds cuddly and curvy, another one might say it's obese, different strokes for different folks....

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Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to DSMXXX)

Post #: 13

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 2:54:45 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

My thoughts? Enslavement (not slavery) has got bugger all to do with stupidity, inferiority or for that matter what happened in the past.

Kink and stupidity are core elements of human nature.

And besides, this website doesn't belong to the OP.

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(in reply to DSMXXX)

Post #: 14

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 3:47:44 PM

numuncular

Posts: 183
Joined: 2/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Of course in BDSM slave contracts exist, but they wouldn't really stand up i a court of law,

I cant remember where exactly (though I think it was this site ages ago) reading someone upset that their slave had walked, despite the fact there was a contract and dumbfounded that the poster thought it was somehow a binding document in the 21st century....

anyway, this wannabe slave writing has yet to find his owner, I've always had it down to a poor ability of mine to pitch cold... to the point where I'm reticent to bother now.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 15

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 3:58:50 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

FR

This is not a grocery store of lust

I LOVE THIS!

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 16

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 5:29:26 PM

numuncular

Posts: 183
Joined: 2/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

FR

This is not a grocery store of lust

I LOVE THIS!

but if there ever is a grocery store of lust (amazeing phrase btw) will someone please give me the address??

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 17

RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 5:35:32 PM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

They get to e -mail... because they are not

pulling the huge stone blocks for my pyramid/tomb"

GQ

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RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 5:39:10 PM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DSMXXX

I hear a lot of Mistress/Masters get aggravated about stupid questions and "do me" subs.

Most of which who identify as submissive, not slave. That wouldnt really change if restrictions were put on the SLAVES on here

quote:

As I recall in history "slaves" could not choose their Master. So if people here identify themselves as slaves why do they get to email people who identify themselves as Masters? If the Dom is actively pursuing a slave, she should email the slaves. That would cut down a lot of unwanted email from stupid slaves who cannot read profiles. That would also allow the Dom to pic through the best slave profiles and choose who she wants to email. Instead of spending all her time hitting the DELETE button. Thoughts?

In history, slaves were also bought and sold openly, they were bred and raised, treated like animals and not expected or permitted to work outside of the home, or homestead. So, historically, this means any of us looking for a slave would need to be able to completely support them, not expect them to hold a job and bring in an income aside from by their eventual sale and a quite a few other ridiculous notions.

You write as if the only stupidity comes from the male slaves. Typically it is male submissives, not those calling themselves slave, that are problems. There are just as many do me females out there, sub and slave alike. Fox and I get mail from many of them, commiting the same crimes as their male counterparts. And then there are the switches who do the same, emailing dominants with a list of things they want done to them as they email the subs and slaves lists of what they would like to do to them. And we cant forget the occasional dominant looking to explore their sub side with you adn only you because you are special. Or of course there are the dominants who message you to tell you you are doing it "wrong" and they know how you can be a better dominant. Or those loking to poach slaves from someone else.

No matter who comtacts who, you are always going to get ridiculousness. Its the internet. If the slaves arent doing it, there are many left to take their place. Unless you suggest we just stop dominant females from getting incoming mail unless they contact first?

DV

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(in reply to DSMXXX)

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RE: why can subs contact doms at all? - 5/4/2009 5:44:26 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

They get to e -mail... because they are not

pulling the huge stone blocks for my pyramid/tomb"

I'll have to send them over once they are finished rowing My galley.... unless I simply feed them to the lions for My amusement!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)

Post #: 20

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