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RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 6:17:15 AM

amoryblane

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Leave.

In the scenario you describe, there are so many things the mess and filth say about the person, their psychological makeup, and the way they live their life--and none of them are good.

Living quarters don't need to be pristine (although mine generally are), but allowing one's habitat to spiral into horrifying, revolting, squalor simply sends up too many red flags about a person.

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RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 6:28:59 AM

servantforuse

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After working in inner city neighborhoods for most of my career, I have seen literally hundreds of filthy homes. Some were so bad I refused to repair the phone line unless they were cleaned. They were a definate health hazard. Being 'poor' has nothing to do with it. Being lazy does.If you can afford a cell phone for $40.00 a month, you can afford some cleaning supplies..

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Post #: 22

RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 6:31:04 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LyraLaLaurie

Very very hard limit...after living with someone who left raw chicken out for days and thought it was normal....welllll, no one deserves an experience like that!

If you were living with the person, then you left the chicken out for days too. You may not have put it there, but you left it there.

Just sayin'...

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Post #: 23

RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 6:36:14 AM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy
How important is it to you that someone you're interested in has a clean house? Could you overlook clutter?

Environment is important to me. The surroundings we choose to keep not only reflects but influences state of mind, or so I personally believe. For this reason I can't help but question the sanity of someone who willingly lives in even mild squalor. For me, those who think little of the need to keep a clean home inevitably fall under the mantle of lazy, disorganized, tasteless and disappointingly stupid.

As an aside, I suppose I find it necessary to point out the matter of personal dignity, which of course often has nothing to do with being in a particular income group; it is ultimately about one's class. How does he dress? What does the inside of his car look like? His house? These are strictly empirical clues about a person's overall taste and values, of course, but often good first snapshots about state of mind.

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Post #: 24

RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 7:32:12 AM

NuevaVida

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I can overlook "temporary clutter" - heavens knows with my schedule, sometimes things at home get a little carried away (by my own standards). But trash and filth? No thanks. I have a close family member whose house I will very rarely visit for this very reason. I don't like the smell, and I don't want to touch anything. As a former germaphobe, I have a difficult time with this.

As for the influence of poverty - I call B.S. on that. My mother and her siblings speak of growing up in post-civil war Spain and being so poor they had no food to eat. But they were bathed daily, hair was combed, and their tiny little two bedroom flat - occupied by 2 parents and 9 children - was kept immaculate.

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RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 7:55:36 AM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
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From: Upstate, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

I admit it, right now mine's...well..frankly "disgusting" ..it needs a bit of vacuuming..and dusting and there're books papers folders EVERYWHERE literally..but if I would pile a few things up it wouldn't look too bad a person could come in n sit somewhere without being grossed out...so yea I expect..a NEAT house..not polished tip-top from top to bottom but neat..but heck sometimes you just don't have the time.
I usually prefer it clean heck shiny is awesome but as long as it's neat and hygienic I'm all good. I don't mind having to move a thing or two..or three out of my way to find a seat or having to use my way-too-awesome gymnastic abilities to get somewhere lol but non-hygienic is a HARD limit!

If a persons home's diiiisgusting...I honestly don't expect themselves to be..any..less..disgusting on a daily basis (then I'm not talking about like..when they've had an hour or 2 to get themselves ready on a date)

This pretty much sums up how I feel. Right now, it looks like a bomb full of books, paper and diet pepsi bottles exploded in my place, but that's just because I was sick and then had finals. I've slept 3 hours since I woke up sunday and before that hadn't slept more than four hours in a night in two weeks, so cleaning has taken a back seat. Now that I'm done for a week and a half, I'll be getting back to my normal routine.

I don't understand how people could let other's into their homes with filth all over the place. Last night a friend of mine wanted to come over and I declined simply because my place is messy, not even filthy. Some people just have no pride.

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RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 7:56:34 AM

OttersSwim

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Aww...don't be so hard on the guy...he just has -swine flu- ....

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RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 8:01:35 AM

breatheasone

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i feel that its got to be a mental illness kind of thing that a person can't help.... It can't be JUST laziness.

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Post #: 28

RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 8:10:06 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

As for the influence of poverty - I call B.S. on that. My mother and her siblings speak of growing up in post-civil war Spain and being so poor they had no food to eat. But they were bathed daily, hair was combed, and their tiny little two bedroom flat - occupied by 2 parents and 9 children - was kept immaculate.

I agree. I definitely grew up well in the poverty zone. Quite often we went without things most people see as necessary, lot hot water. Water heater died and there was no money to replace it. So we heated water on the stove. No phone. No television.

My mother struggled with mental illness and there were periods of time she did make an effort to keep the house clean. But much of the time it was HIDEOUS! Not messy, not just "I've been busy the last few days and need to catch up." But horrible, god awful, filth.

I've been living on my own since I was sixteen. Much of the early adult years, also in poverty, and usually working full time while parenting. I've never recreated the disgusting filth of the house I grew up in. I just can't. It's not within me to go there. Soap and water are cheap. There are always a few minutes here and there to give the toilet a quick scrub or wash a few dishes and take out the trash.

The key is to actually use those minutes.

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Post #: 29

RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 8:25:15 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy
How important is it to you that someone you're interested in has a clean house? Could you overlook clutter?

Environment is important to me. The surroundings we choose to keep not only reflects but influences state of mind, or so I personally believe. For this reason I can't help but question the sanity of someone who willingly lives in even mild squalor. For me, those who think little of the need to keep a clean home inevitably fall under the mantle of lazy, disorganized, tasteless and disappointingly stupid.

As an aside, I suppose I find it necessary to point out the matter of personal dignity, which of course often has nothing to do with being in a particular income group; it is ultimately about one's class. How does he dress? What does the inside of his car look like? His house? These are strictly empirical clues about a person's overall taste and values, of course, but often good first snapshots about state of mind.

Sorry but I had to jump in here. What do you consider mild squalor ?
I keep my home clean but at the same time I don't give a donkey's toss if people try to judge me on my taste. The way I dress and furnish my home is for me and me alone.
The inside of my car is normally full of hay and horse tack and I love it that way. I love the smell and the fact that its a working vehicle that is there to do more than just impress the neighbors
My home does not have cream painted walls and habitat furniture but full of my own art work and very bohemian. As far as squirting perfumes round my house, I can't think of anything worse. Why have we been trained that anything that smells natural stinks and anything that is artificial is nice?
I hate this 'class act' what the hell is it anyway?
Values can go and poke themselves as far as Im concerned. Just as I wouldn't use a bidet after having sex because Im proud to keep his sperm in every crevice of my body for as long as I can, I couldn't give a darn if a plastic person judges me on that.
I sometimes have nightmares about living in a white washed apartment with perfect carpets, perfect furniture and wait for the worst bit.............. fitted wardrobes with clothes all neatly color coordinated. If I was to meet a man with such an apartment I would run for the hills!!
So I don't live in squalor but in my own haberdashery of everything I love. Some people say 'wow I would love to do this to my place but don't have the imagination to do it and others clearly judge me to be 'not quite normal':)

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RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 8:29:57 AM

breatheasone

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i;m fairly certain i have some "mild squalor" going on LOL. No one could ever accuse me of being a neat freak. i have always used this test for MYSELF...i would look around and ask myself *would you be embarrassed if someone dropped by right now?* if i could say yes, i started picking up...If i could say no i went and read a book or something

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RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 8:42:25 AM

marie2

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Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
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If I had seen the squalor in a photo, it might have turned me off enough to have not even met the person. But considering, hypothetically, that I had no clue, and had begun dating the person and liked them a lot, I doubt this would be a deal breaker for me, unless it was their own hygeine that was poor. However, that doesn't mean I'd remain silent about it. I would probably walk in, roll up my sleeves and start cleaning. If he couldn't handle me cleaning it up, then we'd have a problem.

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Post #: 32

RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 9:00:52 AM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

ehhh I aint hanging out with someone whos house smells like a barn.. And I damn sure aint doing the deed with some barn yard creature.

BadOne

i may get my ass kicked by S/someone on this board, but i agree with SailingBum 100%.

i have one cat and i use multiple cat strength litter and clean the box twice a day. When my cat comes out of the other room and people see him, they will say "Oh! you have a cat?" i believe in a clean house that also smells clean, especially after visiting people whose houses i'd need a bulldozer to get through.

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RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 9:08:49 AM

LaTigresse

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I quite often smell like horses by the end of the day........oh sad sorry me....

edited to add.......I even found horse hair in my cleavage when I got in the shower last night!!

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/5/2009 9:10:56 AM >

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Post #: 34

RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 9:11:23 AM

sweetsub1957

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i love the smell of horses! What i don't like is when S/someone's place smells like garbage. There is a difference.

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 9:14:16 AM

CatdeMedici

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Yep., I'd rather smell My horses than most people---

LaT, yeah gotta love that horse hair and where it tends to ----hide---oy.

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RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 9:15:03 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

i love the smell of horses! What i don't like is when S/someone's place smells like garbage. There is a difference.

Yes, but apparently SailingBum doesn't........my heart is broken I tell you!

(I am just being silly...)

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 37

RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 9:16:07 AM

GreedyTop

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I love the smell of horses... and leather...

My cats shed. LOTS. no matter how often I brush them. I live next to a concrete cutting company. It produces dust. LOTS of dust. I'm a cluttered person. Living alone, and almost never having anyone over, I tend to let things go. Pretty much all I do at home is sleep, and sit at the computer. Yeah, I'm lazy LOL

BUT, that being said, I dont have a problem with bugs (well, we'll not mention spiders..lol), the dishes dont sit in the sink for long, food isnt left out (ok, the peanut butter jar is on the counter right now..).

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RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 9:30:29 AM

oceanwinds

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Umm, well ages ago late hubby and i use to have an ocelot,wild cat. Yes the house had his order and didnt matter how clean we kept it. Would never gotten rid of him though, and actually many people enjoyed coming over in the summer to see him. We kept him outside in a cage in the summer.

I have known people who are depressed and needed a hand. Since I am into feng shui, I would come and redo their home a little at a time. Doing everything in one day can cause emotional chaos, so I just would help them to ease into order. They found the depression lifted and were able to keep up.

Today I only have a little cat and I do keep my house clean, but i am a book and project person so have piles of books with a given project, art material , etc in groups around my condo.

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Post #: 39

RE: Trashiness? - 5/5/2009 9:37:49 AM

tiinkerbell

Posts: 96
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I agree with what AlexandraLynch and windchymes said.

I have two cats who know how to get into the yarn balls; there have been instances that I have come home and found yarn wrapped around three stories of rooms; or toilet paper covering every surface. Not to mention the times that I have come home late, and in revenge, they have raided the garbage cans in the kitchen and bathrooms.

Now while I do attempt my best to keep my house clean; there have been times that I have brought someone home; who has never been to my home; and had the whole place trashed in this way.

Allison

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