RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts)

RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (Full Version)

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frankieboy52 -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 5:38:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero Insufficient information for coherent analysis. Lie A): "I really had watched that movie I told you I didn't so we could watch it together." Lie B): "I didn't tell you about my bad cat allergy because I knew you really wanted that kitten." Lie C): "You're really not the first person I've shared (insert sexual experience) with, but I said it because I wish you had been." Lie D): "What I meant was that I'm not figuratively/emotionally married, even though I'm legally married..." Lie E): "I didn't think my previous criminal history of multiple sentences of aggravated assault and robbery was a pertinent issue to our relationship." Lies run the gamut of potency and each is weighed differently. Hard to answer with anything more than a "it depends" without more specific input. i guess i would fall into category (D)except for one thing..i have never lied about my marriage and never will...and i hope down the road to be out of it....cause right now,i can whine and cry all i want but that doesn't do me or anyone else any good.when it is finally over,the boards will be the first to know.

stella41b -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 5:52:17 AM)
To the OP. What would you do if it was a vanilla relationship? What prevents you from doing the same? What makes you think a D/s relationship is any different?

MsFlutter -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 6:04:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero Insufficient information for coherent analysis. I just heard the voice of the Star Trek computer!

breatheasone -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 6:07:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HottyBotty My submissive recently lied to me and the lie has caused alot of confusion about how i curently feel about the relationship now I was wondering how others have dealt with similiar problems and if you think lies in BDSM relationsips are more serious than in vanilla ones Hi there... i'm sorry you are having troubles, and hope things get better.... PLEASE don't listen to those "Oh NOONE lies to me! They'd be OUTTA here if anyone lied to me!" Thats just not very realistic, nor is it very condusive to working things out. There are emotions involved, and a myriad of other reasons, to at the VERY LEAST, take stock of the situation 1st. Of course, the most important thing you can do is talk, and find out why and whats wrong....

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 6:15:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HottyBotty My submissive recently lied to me and the lie has caused alot of confusion about how i curently feel about the relationship now I was wondering how others have dealt with similiar problems and if you think lies in BDSM relationsips are more serious than in vanilla ones NihilusZero had a great post! Big lies, or multiple lies, should generally be deal-breakers because they are indicative of a couple of things: 1. The person who lied has a habit of it, and therefore is just generally untrustworthy because it will happen again... 2. The person who lied is afraid of telling the partner the truth. Feels like they need to hide away a part of themselves, from the partner. Being unable or unwilling to trust and be trustworthy, will kill a relationship- whether now or later. What you do now is your choice, of course. Just be aware that it may be better to cut your losses now, rather than to waste more time with a relationship that may be esentially doomed, and that may have been doomed from the start.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 6:18:58 AM)
A lie is a lie no matter if its is a vanilla relationship or D/s , M/s one. I would have to confront the person and ask them why they felt the need to lie. It would really depend on the lie itself if the relationship would end or not.

Fitznicely -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 6:28:06 AM)
Lies are lies. I agree with the majority. You need to find out why they lied and talk it thru with 'em. Any relationship should be based on simple trust. I have it easy cos I grew up with a compulsive liar and I'm actually crap at it, so I a) don't bother and b) can spot a lie a mile off...

DarkSteven -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 6:30:15 AM)
You're the Dom. You need to figure out why she lied and make it so this will stop. But you cannot stop it until you know why it happened.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 7:50:18 AM)
The very real fact is that all lies are not equal as NihilusZero said. Telling your partner a meal that they spent the whole day preparing is good even if it is too salty or whatever isn't the same as telling your partner you were at work while you were actually banging the hell out of your secretary. Your partner could have told you that they liked your new haircut when they really didn't to spare your feelings, and you are wondering if that was such a violation of trust that you need to end things when in truth it is being petty. They could be telling you that your snoring doesn't bother them a bit when it truth it is keeping them awake half the night with the windows rattling. Or they could have lied and told you they weren't shooting heroin but in truth were stoned out of their mind all day while you are work. It makes a difference. Saying all lies are equal is utter nonsense.

army101 -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 8:12:22 AM)
The worst of all lies is after trust has been established. That is not a forgiven one, its the door and see you! Take your damn silly games else where. And too many lies in the beginning are not good either. Vanilla life go ahead Lie your damn ass off. Dont do it in a BDSM relationship...........Thank you!

LaTigresse -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 8:26:23 AM)
Like others have said. It is a human relationship thing. It depends on the lie. But I am going to go another direction. If someone lies to me, rather than exploding about the lie itself, I am going to find out WHY they lied and if I share any blame in that. Did they lie out of fear? If so, why were they afraid to tell me the truth? How can I change that? We are too easy to blame the effect sometimes, rather than look for the cause. Probably because we often share responsibility for the cause.

leadership527 -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 8:32:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HottyBotty My submissive recently lied to me and the lie has caused alot of confusion about how i curently feel about the relationship now Just to clarify, ONE lie has caused you a lot of confusion about the relationship as a whole? Either that lie was a seriously huge doozie (along the lines of, I'm actually an assassin for the KGB, not a sub), or else the relationship doesn't mean that much to you. Either way, it sounds like it's time to bail for you. quote: ORIGINAL: HottyBotty I was wondering how others have dealt with similiar problems Well, in general, when mine displeases me, we sit down and talk about it. That way, there's some hope that she won't displease me the next time (or, alternately, if it was my fault, that I wouldnt' displease her). Really there isn't any other course of action that is likely to be successful. quote: ORIGINAL: HottyBotty and if you think lies in BDSM relationsips are more serious than in vanilla ones No, relationships are as serious as the two participants choose to make them. What I do think, however, is that an authority dynamic places additional burden on the relationship skills of the participants. It is my opinion that the steeper the dynamic, the better relationship skills the two participants must have to attain long-term viability.

TaoWoman -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 8:47:59 AM)
I once lied to get home safely from a situation/enviroment that scared me. He could not see/nor attempted to see the situation from my point of view and decided our "trust" issues were too great to salvage the relationship....I can live with these consequences~

leadership527 -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 9:38:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop NZ.. brilliant post :) bow [:)] Why, thank you. laughs I especically liked this one... Lie D): "What I meant was that I'm not figuratively/emotionally married, even though I'm legally married..."

SailingBum -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 9:48:40 AM)
babeeeeee do these tight shorts make my cock look to big??????? I suppose the only non lie reply would be...."let me get baack to you on that" BadOne

subangi -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 10:31:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum babeeeeee do these tight shorts make my cock look to big??????? I suppose the only non lie reply would be...."let me get baack to you on that" BadOne please email such a pic, and I will reply. hehe

KoolnSassy -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 10:36:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HottyBotty My submissive recently lied to me and the lie has caused alot of confusion about how i curently feel about the relationship now I was wondering how others have dealt with similiar problems and if you think lies in BDSM relationsips are more serious than in vanilla ones I don't separate this kind of thing between the 2 worlds. Lying doesn't work period. My trust is damaged. I'd feel this way on either side of the kneel.

SailingBum -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 10:47:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subangi quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum babeeeeee do these tight shorts make my cock look to big??????? I suppose the only non lie reply would be...."let me get baack to you on that" BadOne please email such a pic, and I will reply. hehe The check is in the male

YourhandMyAss -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 11:09:25 AM)
First I'd need to do a non tight shorts and tight shorts comparison, and see the difference. Then I could tell you. quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum babeeeeee do these tight shorts make my cock look to big??????? I suppose the only non lie reply would be...."let me get baack to you on that" BadOne

SailingBum -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/6/2009 11:10:54 AM)
DETAILS ... details smirkle

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