RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts)

RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (Full Version)

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QuixoticErrant -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/9/2009 11:50:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady I think what concerns me here is some recent experiences of my own. In a relationship where one partner may be abusive or having other problems, they will intentionally leave out very important information when asking others for their opinion as a means to get the answer they want. I know there are many d-types on this site who are not the least bit like that, however, there are a lot who do use a lifestyle relationship as an excuse for being abusive, demeaning, etc. Someone like that would post a very vague message like this to "prove" to their "submissive" that everyone agrees with him. By leaving out the information, it becomes suspect. Certainly, he could be leaving out the information because it is embarassing to him to admit someone may have failed him by cheating or whatever. But typically abusive people like to present themselves to the "outside" as someone who is very kind and considerate, hence the "now I'm confused" poor me attitude. The fact that 3 pages have gone by and at least once on each page, someone has questioned about more details and the poster hasn't returned to give more details OR to comment on the advice given, to me sends off a red flag about the truth and accuracy of what was said. After all, without having any idea of what occurred, nearly everyone has jumped on the "liars should be strung up" bandwagon. Old proverb : A half truth is a whole lie.

TopChuck -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/9/2009 12:10:33 PM)
I agree, LafayetteLady, that abuse is a problem. Manipulative Dom/mes don't see the power exchange as a trade. They see it as a justification for being abusive; a one way street, where they get power and don't owe anything in the exchange. I don't think we are considering that, because what we have here is a briefly stated set of facts. Our responses seem to have considered that we have a generality, rather than an exact repetition of all the aspects. But generally lying in relationships can be discussed. I don't think it's as much a matter of "liars should be strung up", as it is that the lying must be resolved, so it doesn't happen repeatedly. And, to reiterate, the problem could easily be something the Dom/me has brought about or even directly caused. We Dom/mes have to be adept at handling those matters. And, we have to be smart enough to enlist the aid of our submissives in doing so.

PETAH -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/9/2009 4:40:06 PM)
It is important that you talk to her about this if you want to stay. My experience with a lier is that they never stop. The person I was seeing lied to me so he could sleep around and also keep me. But I found that he would also lie about the smallest things .Like in the beginning of the relationship he told me of a motel that was so beautiful because of its access to the sunrise. He in turn said we could go when he could afford it.it was pricey..........I looked the hotel up online because I wanted to surprise him with a stay there and found out it was only $47 bucks ( at the time he could afford 3xs the price)............at that point I thought wow what else is he lying about.........After time the lies became more frequent. Stop it now and watch her or leave so any respect you have for her wont be destroyed by lack of trust.

Miwsi -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/9/2009 4:53:42 PM)
Lying to my Master would feel so wrong... I could not do it. I don't have one now but I never lied to the one and only Master I had... It might make me very hot in the face to have to admit certain raw feelings, as I have a hard time with that (my vanilla ex boyfriend wanted to know everything I was thinking about to the point I would ignore it when he asked "what", but he did it much too often and I like to be able to have my mental space) but that is what my submission would be about. Total honesty and he owns my body, mind and soul... lying would feel very wrong, indeed, and would definitely deserve a punishment of sorts. Entirely up to the Master, of course.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/9/2009 5:27:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HottyBotty My submissive recently lied to me and the lie has caused alot of confusion about how i curently feel about the relationship now I was wondering how others have dealt with similiar problems and if you think lies in BDSM relationsips are more serious than in vanilla ones Details.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) (5/10/2009 2:46:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TopChuck I agree, LafayetteLady, that abuse is a problem. Manipulative Dom/mes don't see the power exchange as a trade. They see it as a justification for being abusive; a one way street, where they get power and don't owe anything in the exchange. I don't think we are considering that, because what we have here is a briefly stated set of facts. Our responses seem to have considered that we have a generality, rather than an exact repetition of all the aspects. But generally lying in relationships can be discussed. I don't think it's as much a matter of "liars should be strung up", as it is that the lying must be resolved, so it doesn't happen repeatedly. And, to reiterate, the problem could easily be something the Dom/me has brought about or even directly caused. We Dom/mes have to be adept at handling those matters. And, we have to be smart enough to enlist the aid of our submissives in doing so. That's my point, that being so vague about the facts can be used as a way to justify what is going on. It could perhaps be a situation that a friend of mine found herself in recently that makes me so suspicious. In reality over my many years of living and the work that I have been involved in, when someone is vague about the details, they are usually trying to hide something. On a message board where you can remain so completely anonymous, it is even more likely. I get a mental picture of someone who really isn't a good person getting very bent out of shape over something very trivial and then using the message board to say "See, everyone agrees with me." I think it is wise for everyone to become adept at handling situations like that, as it is generally unfair and unwise to think that just because someone identifies as dominant that they can be held at a higher standard. Certainly there are many s-types that are not trustworthy, but the fact that BDSM attracts so many people (men and women) who use it as an excuse to be manipulative abusers means that s-types need to be very on guard when beginning a relationship. There have been so many submissives who are new to the lifestyle be told they "must" accept this or that, when information continues to be missing, I can't help my radar from going up that something is just not right with the story we are being told.

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