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first time caning - 5/6/2009 3:32:51 AM   
Dubjacko


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/28/2008
Status: offline 		Hi to all, I will be meeting my Mistress for the first time soon. I will be staying with her for an extended period of time and she has told me when we first meet she will give me a punishment caning of 20 strokes. She has said she will not hold back on the strokes. I am just ondering how servere do you guys think 20 strokes is as it is my first time to recieve a caning. To be honest I am a little bit fearful about it. Hope someone here has experience of that and can let me know whats in store for me. Thanks....
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 4:20:24 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		That's a tad extreme IMHO,( but its only My opinion, not judging what someone else does or doesn't do) not knowing pain tolerance etc., though She might also be having a nice mind fuck. It will work to keep you focused and strip out the men from the boys!

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Dubjacko)
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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 4:37:48 AM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline 		I personally wouldn't agree to being caned by someone with whom I hadn't played with previously.

Caning can be anything from very light strokes to horrifying mutilating injury. I want to know that the person wielding the cane will really respect my safety and my safeword. I want to know that they have the self control to not get ramped up in their own sadistic fantasy and lose control over the precision and force of what they are doing.

However, this all illustrates the most important aspect of any relationship, communication. When you have qualms about something, you need to speak to the person and express those qualms, and discuss limits and get it all clear before any scene starts.




(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 4:41:25 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

Hi to all, I will be meeting my Mistress for the first time soon. I will be staying with her for an extended period of time and she has told me when we first meet she will give me a punishment caning of 20 strokes. She has said she will not hold back on the strokes.
she may be playing a mind fuck with you here...testing you. If that is the case and i were in your shoes i would fail the test. There is no way i would agree to that from someone i have never played with before.

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(in reply to Dubjacko)
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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 4:50:51 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		How long have you been talking? Have you talked openly about things? Do you communicate concerns and fears to her?

There's no way in hell I would let someone I have never met face to face before cane me on a first one on one meet. In a group setting like a play party with people I know, who are friends around...yes maybe.

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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 4:56:10 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I would not let someone I had never met "punish" me for something I hadn't done. Of course I also would not agree to go and stay with someone I had never met either. To me punishment to for stopping the submissive from doing something wrong. It's not a getting to know ya kind of thing. As far as the caning part goes....depends on who is swinging the cane. I also would not let someone cane me until I had played with them and was sure they had a clue what they were doing. That said, I wish you good luck and hope everything works out the way you want.

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(in reply to Dubjacko)
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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 5:19:54 AM   
waiting2btaught


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/30/2009
Status: offline 		I know that I received my first time caning last week from Sir......He took it easy on me He held back and it was painful......i liked it but it left some really nasty bruises and welts.....if u have never had one before make sure that the skin doesn't break.. 

(in reply to Dubjacko)
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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 5:21:30 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I would not let someone I had never met "punish" me for something I hadn't done


Many Dominas use this as a humbling factor to get a new boy in the mindset, I do for One, -however caning is a serious extreme and not one I would ever use for an initial training session---- I find that it is often used by the wrong inexperienced pair of hands for the wrong Domin--eering reasons.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to thishereboi)
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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 5:25:04 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I just checked out your profile to see if it was enlightening to what you have done or haven't.  Unfortunately it is pretty basic so all I would say to your question is that I find her statement dubious at best.  Particular if she isn't mind fucking you as holly has suggested.
 
the.dark.

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(in reply to Dubjacko)
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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 5:30:46 AM   
LadySweetOrSour


Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline 		Hmmm, I wonder what the "punishment" is for? I have never caned anyone on first meeting, simply because I don't use it for anything other than a punishment for something actually done wrong. Even that is after giving someone a chance for an honest mistake and an explanation of what it's for.

Have you discussed this with the lady in question? Because I really think you should. Some guys are so eager to get a Mistress, they will agree to anything, rather than risk NOT getting one. Are you sure this is something you are really prepared for?

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 5:31:54 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dubjacko

Hi to all, I will be meeting my Mistress for the first time soon. I will be staying with her for an extended period of time and she has told me when we first meet she will give me a punishment caning of 20 strokes. She has said she will not hold back on the strokes. I am just ondering how servere do you guys think 20 strokes is as it is my first time to recieve a caning. To be honest I am a little bit fearful about it. Hope someone here has experience of that and can let me know whats in store for me. Thanks....

Well, the first thought that occurs to me (as others have already said) is: "What is the deal with a "punishment" when you've never met and haven't done anything to be "punished" for?" I know it's probably just fantasy talk but I personally would take issue with it being called "punishment." Why not just she wants to cane her new sub's ass? Why have to call it "punishment?" OK - now that that's out of the way

She says she "won't hold back." We don't know what that means. I've known of some bottom-types talking about how their top-type wailed on them and didn't hold back and it seemed like love-taps to me. Also, the other way around. Each person giving a caning, beating, etc. has their own style and intensity. You'll need to know what hers is. It may not be hard to take at all.

As far as caning being a "severe extreme" as someone noted, I disagree. Before I was ever caned, I was terrified of it. The first time He was set to cane me, I was braced for the worst pain/torture ever. Not so. I ended up loving it. Did it hurt? Sure did. But was it so hot? Oh yeah He didn't soft-pedal it but He didn't beat me half to death the first time either. (Since then, it feels as if He has on occasion). Twenty strokes - even the first time - was very bearable. Surprisingly wonderful actually.

You may be worrying for nothing. I hope you enjoy!

luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 5/6/2009 5:32:17 AM >

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(in reply to Dubjacko)
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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 5:46:17 AM   
Jayxkes


Posts: 138
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dubjacko

Hi to all, I will be meeting my Mistress for the first time soon. I will be staying with her for an extended period of time and she has told me when we first meet she will give me a punishment caning of 20 strokes. She has said she will not hold back on the strokes. I am just ondering how servere do you guys think 20 strokes is as it is my first time to recieve a caning. To be honest I am a little bit fearful about it. Hope someone here has experience of that and can let me know whats in store for me. Thanks....

Well, the first thought that occurs to me (as others have already said) is: "What is the deal with a "punishment" when you've never met and haven't done anything to be "punished" for?" I know it's probably just fantasy talk but I personally would take issue with it being called "punishment." Why not just she wants to cane her new sub's ass? Why have to call it "punishment?" OK - now that that's out of the way

She says she "won't hold back." We don't know what that means. I've known of some bottom-types talking about how their top-type wailed on them and didn't hold back and it seemed like love-taps to me. Also, the other way around. Each person giving a caning, beating, etc. has their own style and intensity. You'll need to know what hers is. It may not be hard to take at all.

As far as caning being a "severe extreme" as someone noted, I disagree. Before I was ever caned, I was terrified of it. The first time He was set to cane me, I was braced for the worst pain/torture ever. Not so. I ended up loving it. Did it hurt? Sure did. But was it so hot? Oh yeah He didn't soft-pedal it but He didn't beat me half to death the first time either. (Since then, it feels as if He has on occasion). Twenty strokes - even the first time - was very bearable. Surprisingly wonderful actually.

You may be worrying for nothing. I hope you enjoy!

luci


Sage advice.

The only person who can know how severe it will be is her.  My advice would be to speak to her about it.
It is a genuine and reasonable concern.  As mentioned,  20 strokes 'without holding back' could leave you in a bloody mess.  If this dominant is anything like sensible,  it would not and she will deliver them along with a good dose of common sense!

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 6:05:40 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		How much experience does she have?  If she has fifteen years if experienced caning, that's really different than if she's never held one in her life.

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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 6:54:05 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I was utterly appalled when the canes came out at my first one on one with one of my dominant partners.  My brain nearly exploded I was so terrified.  That disappeared the moment they struck flesh and I could feel exactly how well he handled them.  I still didn't have a clue how far he would take it, but knew that:
1.  I had safewords in place that he fully intended to respect, even though I kind of disliked them being there.
2.  Someone else had a key to the room to check in occassionally.
3.  And most important, we have good communication and had worked on building trust long before playing.  I knew I could stop everything and talk through my fears if it was too unbearable.

I took far more than 20 that night and I was perfectly happy to do so.  He admits he did hold back some.  He knew better than to rip into someone brand new without knowing my tolerences and responses.  I thank him for being so considerate of me and using the mind he was blessed with to set his course.

Be careful.  Clarify.  Mindfucks are great until they actually tear away at the trust between you.  Once that happens, it has just gone too far.  She needs to know how her words are affecting you.  She needs to be made to take what you are saying seriously and respond accordingly.  If this does not happen and you are not comfortable, I would be cancelling and telling her exactly why.  Perhaps it will change how she handles things in the future.  I am not saying she doesn't have every right to practice in the ways that are appropriate for her, but that those ways don't have to be appropriate for YOU.  Good luck and I hope you get the good stuff and are wise enough to avoid the bad.

lovingpet

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 8:31:33 AM   
InTonguesslut


Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

I am just ondering how servere do you guys think 20 strokes is as it is my first time to recieve a caning.

That would depend on how hard she hits. If her 'not holding back' is still 'hitting like a girl' to coin a phrase then not at all severe. If she hits like GI Jane then pretty harsh in my opinion. Mind you depends what you have done to deserve this.

_____________________________

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It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to Dubjacko)
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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 8:36:35 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dubjacko

Hi to all, I will be meeting my Mistress for the first time soon. I will be staying with her for an extended period of time and she has told me when we first meet she will give me a punishment caning of 20 strokes. She has said she will not hold back on the strokes. I am just ondering how servere do you guys think 20 strokes is as it is my first time to recieve a caning. To be honest I am a little bit fearful about it. Hope someone here has experience of that and can let me know whats in store for me. Thanks....


This is when you turn around and walk away. You are being plugged into what she wants to do, and it has nothing to do with who you are. Do you want to be a prop, or are you hoping to find a mistress that actually cares about you?

You havent met her and rather than spending time getting to know you, her first impulse is to beat you? And this is something you are still considering.

I think one stroke is a little extreme until you have had time to get to know someone, know their reactions and limits, and gauge their tolerance for things. Where is the negotiation, do you have a safe word, or what ends the scene if it s too much for you? What sort of preparations is made if you do not get along, where will you be staying?

Fantasy aside, have you really though out this visit, much less the punishment you will be getting?

DV


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(in reply to Dubjacko)
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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 9:23:29 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		It just seems to be that regardless of how long you have been speaking on line, this being the first time you meet, even staying with them for an extended period of time isn't being very safe.  You've never met, and plan an extended stay.  Based on your journal entry, it would seem that it has just been a couple of months at most that you have been talking.  That isn't very long.  I don't know how far away you will be traveling from home, but I would be very careful.  I don't think that I would travel beyond my local area and stay at someone's home that I never met.  Speaking on line and on the phone is a great step towards getting to know someone, but far from being able to know them well.  In both those mediums it is not difficult to be deceptive as to who you really are.

What you do is, of course, your decision.  I'm a firm believer in online "dating" and feel it is a great way to search for a partner.  But it does require one to be a bit more careful about those all important first meetings to insure the safety of all involved.  Anything you aren't comfortable with or fearful of is something that not only should be discussed, but must be discussed before it happens.  Never become so blinded by passion, lust or a desire to please that it negates your own safety and fears.  Good luck to you.

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 10:05:53 AM   
InTonguesslut


Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		Aw come on people let's not be preaching what most of us don't practice.
I bet 90% of cm members play on a first date.
Only diff here is it's punishment on a first date.
Not neccesarily any difference in the physical which will occur.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to Dubjacko)
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RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 10:11:26 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dubjacko

Hi to all, I will be meeting my Mistress for the first time soon. I will be staying with her for an extended period of time and she has told me when we first meet she will give me a punishment caning of 20 strokes.


I'm wondering, why be bothered if you've already proven yourself deemed to be worth punishing?  I wouldn't have any sub traveling to Me under these conditions.  If he needs punishment before I've ever met him, I highly doubt I'd have him in My home.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Dubjacko)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: first time caning - 5/6/2009 2:23:56 PM   
Dubjacko


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/28/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the replys, I think I have to take the advice of more experienced people in the scene. I suppose I was too quick to agree and should have thought things out in a more calm manner. I will not be staying in the home of the Mistress but in a hotel so I will still make the trip, the break will do me good if nothing else. I am am glad I asked the question as I could have made a big mistake. Thanks again guys for your comments....

(in reply to Dubjacko)
Profile   Post #: 20
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