RE: Tell me who you are...

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LadyPact -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 2:07:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I am finding the comments by the male submissive's very interesting. Here we have some very articulate men, who do communication with the written word very well and who talk about themselves very clearly. Yet if asked to talk about themselves they have a harder time of things. I do wonder if this is the case with dominant women or just in general with anyone or situation. As I was saying, as soon as any power dynamic's were brought into things, these men clammed up tight. That could be because of how they view their place as a submissive or slave or maybe something is there in how they might feel in their submission to this woman. I can't quite put my mind around it yet, but it seems that for some, there may be something that gets to them on an emotional level. I do think that fewer could be lost in the process of it all if we found ways to understand whatever is happening here and ways to better communicate between dominant and submissive's who might have some issue in all of this. My first post was talking specifically about a certain type of answer which seemed based on sex and submission and nothing really about the person. In all fairness some might think that is what we are asking because of where we are. But I tend to want to lean towards... they still don't have much of a clue and can think of only their satisfaction. It may take a while for me to change on that one! lol So from what has been said on this thread... what do you all see? I think it's confirming a couple of theories that I've maintained for some time. One of them is almost a given. That being the fact of how well these boards (this board in particular) work in a positive way for those submissive males who are able to demonstrate this ability. It does allow them to stand out, even when the numbers are, supposedly, against them. I believe this is directly related to why those who communicate on these boards often quickly become the 'hot properties' with several Dominant women interested in them. The other may be more of a personal view of Mine. I tend to lean toward the belief that I can learn quite a bit more about someone through the things that they post, rather than what the person has written up in a profile. In fact, that's why I don't tend to read them very often. They are based entirely too much on a form of one way communication. The conversations that are held within threads are such a better path to beginning to learn who someone really feels that they are. It's more the getting to know each other process that many of us say we would like to see evolve in our personal interactions. The very thing, Lockit, which I believe inspired the thread.

Lockit -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 2:43:12 PM)
Thank you Lady Pact! You just helped me remember some things and helped me put two and two together. When I have had these difficulties it was with men that I could not see in a more public setting like a message board or a chat room. In person I have never seen it, but here or on the other side... I have seen it twice. We had a thread here recently that I can't remember the name of that was talking about d/s from the start or can you be friends and move to more. Something like that. Forgive me I do have a headache. A number of people said that it had to be d/s from the start. There had to be some form of d/s anyway. I tend to go from friend to more, but I have had some were there was protocol right off the bat. I think it depends on the situation for me. I know that when a submissive contacts me here, I tend to just be friendly and don't allow the hey mistress or protocol so much. Respect I never have a problem with and if they want to call me ma'am it is all good. But I find many have dealt with other dominant's and they automatically type kneel and eyes down and lower case themselves and upper case me. At that point I am not interested in the dynamic's or protocol or anything but learning of the person. With someone I can see an interest in, I will up things as we talk and get to know one another and for some that just isn't enough dominance, but they are not mine to dominante! So I try to talk about it all and everything seems fine. But with these two, as soon as we set a time to meet and added the ma'am and my knowing more about their life and having a say in some mild form, I think they felt they could no longer be themselves and had to act a certain way. Trying to get to the bottom of it and to some understanding wasn't something we could do because for other reasons I decided it just wouldn't work. One was playing the game with other dominant's and the other was just moving far too quickly. I've brought in the addressing me as Ma'am before and slowly we worked into more and it wasn't a problem, so this kind of made me wonder and I think a couple of issues blended together here. lol My first post and start of the thread was a bit different than were this has evolved to. Most often when I ask for someone to tell me more about themselves I am trying to figure something out and may be a bit red flagged. So I am asking them to show themselves a bit. All I know is that in person it is far easier and I am not so sure about this online meeting! lol I have a number of vanilla men around here at home that know I am dominant and are very curious and although they each have a different way of approaching and such... they are typically just falling almost into a submissive place and watching it is really funny and interesting! I am pretty open about my life and I don't hold back a lot. Maybe this online thing is just not something I am good at! lol

PeonForHer -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 4:01:34 PM)
The conversations that are held within threads are such a better path to beginning to learn who someone really feels that they are. . . . And who they might become.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 4:30:55 PM)
I resisted long enough... We are the Borg, you will be assimilated, resistance is futile...

PeonForHer -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 4:39:36 PM)
Cackle times 10. That was good.

Politesub53 -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 4:50:39 PM)
Im willing to talk about myself without any real hangups. My feeling is many of us, both male and female, dont let on too much until we really know someone. One point I want to make about the speak only when spoken to thing, is that maybe this is due to submissives being overwhelmed by events, rather than trying to withold info. As a newcomer it was very difficult for me to know how I was expected to react in certain situations, or how much leeway I had to be myself. I would guess even now that different Dominas would expect me to act in whichever way suited them. Once You have known me a while though, I suspect You would prefer me to shut up until spoken to. [8D]

Politesub53 -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 4:53:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I resisted long enough... We are the Borg, you will be assimilated, resistance is futile... Would that make us Bjorn again submissives Ma`am ?

LadyConstanze -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 5:02:26 PM)
How did you know I play tennis?

Politesub53 -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 5:08:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze How did you know I play tennis? By Your outfit of course :)

LadyConstanze -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 5:13:06 PM)
Oh no, I am not such a rebel ;) I do tend to play in white and without a mask

Politesub53 -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 5:16:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Oh no, I am not such a rebel ;) I do tend to play in white and without a mask The umpire strikes back.......new balls please [:D]

Venatrix -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 5:19:00 PM)
Oh, ow. Could you kindly warn us when you are going to inflict pain? I am NOT a masochist.

Politesub53 -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 5:22:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix Oh, ow. Could you kindly warn us when you are going to inflict pain? I am NOT a masochist. Dang, please excuse me Venatrix, I was thinking allowed. Lol

tornaway -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 5:54:36 PM)
I would imagine that trying to connect with people online is quite a brutal exercise for some here . Those that can barely write - anything . Those that think talking about themsleves is "bragging" . Those that have no clue as to who they are . Those that simply cannot follow simple direction when there are specific directives on how a Domme wishes to be contacted the first time . Or like someone I heard from recently : those that feel a need to be different , and purposely will not do what might be requested, just to get a "rise" out of the one they supposedly want to get close to. Such huge hurdles to jump !!

LadyConstanze -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 5:57:56 PM)
Well, if it is such a brutal and difficult exercise, maybe they should not do it then unless they are masochists?

Lockit -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/8/2009 6:00:14 PM)
LOL... tornaway... I may have to go back to polishing stones! Talking to plants... doing my hair... washing the van and eating ice cream!

LAgirlsub -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/9/2009 12:55:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I think I have had my own darwinism going on lately! When will mankind come up with a cure for the headache? I want some brain cells back! hehe If you really have bad headaches, magnesium orotate. A little help from woman-kind. (smile)

LAgirlsub -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/9/2009 1:15:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I've also noticed something else. (Oh Lockit go back to bed! hehe) When someone has passed a number of your little test and you are willing to go to chatting and they get through a lot more... the moment some sort of power exchange or expectation is presented... all of a sudden the talkative one goes into silent slave mode. Answering only what you ask, listening until you go silent and wait to see how long before they will speak and if you don't fall asleep by then, you ask if they are there. I'm just waiting on you Ma'am. Well shit... bring back that other guy I was talking to last week! Is this what some of you have seen? I have only seen it recently and it has me wondering! What are your thoughts on what is happening when this happens? I can't be the only one! lol This is a fascinating look at a different side to this. I have to say...no matter what anyone ever has thought of me who even has only met me briefly online...I have never ever been asked the question, 'tell me about yourself' or of course the dreaded one-liners. I tend to get a response about the length and what I say, not asking for more. And in a chat session (the one that went into 'play mode' had to be a male unfortunately) I think maybe I type/think fast since I had to slow down to not miss what I thought she (he darn it) was saying. So is this a guy thing? Or is it just me, that I am a writer and if I don't engage someone, what's the point? How can we get to know each other and have a good time? But then again, I talk to strangers wherever I am so it's just something I do.

LAgirlsub -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/9/2009 1:26:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I resisted long enough... We are the Borg, you will be assimilated, resistance is futile... How did you know I love Seven of Nine? The blue-eyes...the tight Borg costume...oh I should leave now...[;)]

LAgirlsub -> RE: Tell me who you are... (5/24/2009 12:11:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda Sure, but that's a post to nobody, rather than e-mail to somebody. (And thanks, by the way, for the kind word). For some reason, posting in the forums feels totally different than writing an e-mail to a specific person. I can post all day, and never care a fig what i say or how anyone who reads it thinks of me. I'm not writing to anyone, I'm just typing to myself, pretty much. People can read it or not read it, whatever they like, and I'll never know the difference. It means nothing to me, I have no investment in it whatsoever, but for some reason i don't understand sending someone an e-mail feels 1,000% different. Anybody else feel that way about the differences between e-mail and forum posts, or am I just even weirder than I thought? I wouldn't say that it's weird, but I would say that we are different. There are some forum post that I write as speaking in general. However, if I quote someone or address them specifically, My comments are to that person, just the same as if I were writing an email to them. The only difference is that everyone else gets to read it as well. This might be why I'm notorious for going back and responding to places where I've been quoted. When I quote someone, I feel as though I'm speaking to them, so when they quote Me, I tend to think it is the same in reverse. Although I'm mostly replying to Panda (but hello you LP)...Are you really so different in email compared to here in the forums? I am a writer so I would be disingenuous if I said I wasn't aware of my audience (I mean heck - I'm a gay sub woman and my favorite forum is where the dominant women are...thankfully they don't mind) but I am the same here, as I am in email as I am in person. Since you're making me think about it...I suppose I use my same abilities wherever I write and in this entire site (including email) of course I wouldn't write the same words as in say a college internal email (my work) but I don't become someone else. Maybe it is being a writer that I'm well aware not only of audience but my fictional world. This is my real world and here I am. I guess mostly what you see is what you get, because I genuinely have no interest in artifice and pretense. And if this has been covered, I apologize - but is this something - to all the dommes - that happens only with male subs, this change in behavior, being quiet and all that or is it both genders? Once again, for anyone who has read my posts, no real experience here yet so I don't know for sure...but I do think you bet I'll be as active as I am right now...just hope I'm with the right woman who likes an 'active' sub like me. Even being a 'new sub' I still don't think I'd suddenly be different. So is this more about the power exchange and males being in a submissive situation? I wonder what the dynamic is, oh gosh, when an older woman (that tends to be me) and a younger, hot, sexy, dominant...well you get the idea. Oh there's something just so wrong when my own words can turn me on....shesh. I so need to get out more.

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