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RE: A confusing question for me - 5/8/2009 9:02:46 AM

berrysurprise

Posts: 75
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

i read on this messages board a while back something that has stuck with me... I believe it is the order of sequence that should always be followed in a d/s relationship and unfortunately many Doms are probably not even aware of it...
i will paste it below...

"The Order in which a Master sets priority is as thuss:

First a slaves NEEDS are met
Then a Masters NEEDS are met
Then the Masters WANTS are met
Finally the slaves WANTS are met

(in reply to Sunbunneee)

Post #: 21

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/8/2009 9:04:16 AM

berrysurprise

Posts: 75
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

If he cant or wont take into account something along these lines... then you need to decide whether it is worth your while...

good luck

(in reply to berrysurprise)

Post #: 22

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/8/2009 12:07:31 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

i read on this messages board a while back something that has stuck with me... I believe it is the order of sequence that should always be followed in a d/s relationship and unfortunately many Doms are probably not even aware of it...
i will paste it below...

"The Order in which a Master sets priority is as thuss:

First a slaves NEEDS are met
Then a Masters NEEDS are met
Then the Masters WANTS are met
Finally the slaves WANTS are met

So you are saying that a slaves needs are more important than the Dom's needs?

The above may work for some but it is certainly not a 'one size fits all' just as very rarely the tshirts that say they are actually are, but i digress.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to berrysurprise)

Post #: 23

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/8/2009 12:14:37 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

The Order in which a Master sets priority is as thuss:

First a slaves NEEDS are met
Then a Masters NEEDS are met
Then the Masters WANTS are met
Finally the slaves WANTS are met

How can he meet my needs if he does not meet his own needs first?

He can't.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to berrysurprise)

Post #: 24

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/8/2009 12:37:00 PM

Tontita

Posts: 7
Status: offline

i agree with berrysurprised...exchanging energies.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 25

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/8/2009 12:37:28 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

So you are saying that a slaves needs are more important than the Dom's needs?

The above may work for some but it is certainly not a 'one size fits all' just as very rarely the tshirts that say they are actually are, but i digress.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 26

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/8/2009 12:51:49 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

If your needs are not being met then have you stopped to think he is not your match? You say you are new well we all were once sometimes youy have to meet a few Doms before you meet the right one(i know i did). Like some others said does he know your needs? Have you talked about it? If the answer to both questions is yes, then you have to go and find someone who will meet your needs. Good Luck.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 27

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/8/2009 12:52:55 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

i read on this messages board a while back something that has stuck with me... I believe it is the order of sequence that should always be followed in a d/s relationship and unfortunately many Doms are probably not even aware of it...
i will paste it below...

"The Order in which a Master sets priority is as thuss:

First a slaves NEEDS are met
Then a Masters NEEDS are met
Then the Masters WANTS are met
Finally the slaves WANTS are met

I hope you just got it wrong else I think someone is spouting crap!

If MY needs are not being met then I an not in the best shape to handle everything else.

In this household MY needs come first, I am the bedrock everything else rests on, My stability is essential that can only happen by ensuring My needs are met.

My girls needs come next, if those are not met then she isn't able to function effectivly in the manner I require

The needs in the relationship are My responcibility, once those are accounted for then My wants are next on the priority list

her wants are noted but are addressed or not if/when I decide to treat/indulge her.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to berrysurprise)

Post #: 28

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/8/2009 1:35:16 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

If MY needs are not being met then I an not in the best shape to handle everything else.

In this household MY needs come first, I am the bedrock everything else rests on, My stability is essential that can only happen by ensuring My needs are met.

My girls needs come next, if those are not met then she isn't able to function effectivly in the manner I require

The needs in the relationship are My responcibility, once those are accounted for then My wants are next on the priority list

her wants are noted but are addressed or not if/when I decide to treat/indulge her.

That would have be the default order in every D/s M/s relationship that i know of. And most s-types that i know would be appalled to think that their needs come before their Masters/Dominant's needs. (By that i don't mean being cared for when sick or something, but as a general rule)

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 29

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/8/2009 3:38:25 PM

butterflyHD

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/4/2009
Status: offline

I think finding someone that fulfills your needs is also important. While we are led to believe our needs don't matter, most people, including a lot of doms will tell you otherwise.

If you aren't getting your needs met, you will continue to become miserable. This life isn't about being miserable. It's about finding the things that make you tick and grabbing a hold of them, experiencing the sensations that being a dom/sub/slave gives you, it's about being happy.

It's time to realize it's okay for you to require fulfillment from your D/s relationship, it's not unsubbly (not a word, I know..but it works)

Butterfly

_____________________________

Personal wife, slut, and plaything for MasterMyDomain.
"Love isn't always fireworks, sometimes love just comes softly"
Owned and Collared 2006
Proud Brat

(in reply to Sunbunneee)

Post #: 30

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/9/2009 8:56:36 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunbunneee

Perhaps this has been posted, perhaps not.....

i am an slave/sub who has recently found this wonderful side of myself. However, due to circumstances in my life, i find trust and just letting go to be a very hard thing.

i have a Sir that tells me if i behave all will follow. At this moment, i do not feel my needs are being met, in anyway.

How can i behave if there is no sign of the fact that my needs can be met? Why should i bother? i may be that slave/sub, but i still know my needs. How do i begin to feel that i have met his, but he has and never does meet mine? Am i in a wrong situation?

Any advice for this newbie would be greatly appreciated.

If you know your *needs* and they aren't being met, then you're not going to be content. That's simple.

You asked * Why should I bother?* .....Well, the straight answer to that is *if it's worth it*.

If you don't know what it means to *behave* in his interpretation....and can't stretch your mind to what that might mean or bring.....then you aren't *together* on it.

You can only know you've met his if he shows or tells you.

If he *has and never has met mine* ...then why are you with him? Something must be keeping you there?.

agirl

(in reply to Sunbunneee)

Post #: 31

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/9/2009 9:36:10 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

So you are saying that a slaves needs are more important than the Dom's needs?

The above may work for some but it is certainly not a 'one size fits all' just as very rarely the tshirts that say they are actually are, but i digress.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Ah a fellow purchaser of theose damn lieing one size fits all tshirts lol
Annoying as f**k ain't they?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 32

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/9/2009 10:43:42 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

i read on this messages board a while back something that has stuck with me... I believe it is the order of sequence that should always be followed in a d/s relationship and unfortunately many Doms are probably not even aware of it...
i will paste it below...

"The Order in which a Master sets priority is as thuss:

First a slaves NEEDS are met
Then a Masters NEEDS are met
Then the Masters WANTS are met
Finally the slaves WANTS are met

I hope you just got it wrong else I think someone is spouting crap!

If MY needs are not being met then I an not in the best shape to handle everything else.

In this household MY needs come first, I am the bedrock everything else rests on, My stability is essential that can only happen by ensuring My needs are met.

My girls needs come next, if those are not met then she isn't able to function effectivly in the manner I require

The needs in the relationship are My responcibility, once those are accounted for then My wants are next on the priority list

her wants are noted but are addressed or not if/when I decide to treat/indulge her.

I don't have to involve myself in my owner's *needs* . I never have done...I couldn't even tell you what they are. HIS needs are HIS responsibility but I assume he gets them met or there'd be a hitch or two.

When you're in a relationship that works , it can be quite tricky to say *how* it does. On the surface of it , depending on who's looking at it, mine has appeared..*enviable* to *abusive*.

Surprisingly enough ... people outside of D/s(family) tend to view it as *enviable* and others that are *in the D/s know* tend to view it as *harsh, bordering on abusive*. I tend to put that down to the stifling view of *how it's meant to be* from D/sers. Depending on the view, there's an enviable amount of attention to detail .....or an incriminating amount.........lol.

agirl

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 33

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/9/2009 11:11:29 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

If I have a pet, and I starve it, it is likely not going to behave in a way that is pleasing to me. And it never will, until I feed it and care for it and bring it to a healthy, thriving, state.

I am paraphrasing that from a friend who told me the same thing last year, when I was that "pet."

Eventually, the pet dies, or at best, leaves to find a better place of existence. If you are being required to do that which is beyond your capabilities (thrive and perform while starving), then you will fail, and the more you try, the more you will fail, until eventually you just don't feel good about yourself.

If your needs have truly "never been met" in this relationship, and he is holding that carrot over your head to get you to "behave," well this is what I call emotional blackmail, and let me tell you, your real needs will never get met that way. When I want to give my all to someone it is because he is so freaking awesome that nothing thrills me more than to give him all I can. I do NOT want to give my all to someone solely in the hopes that he might be nice to me in return.

If this is a case of him not knowing or understanding what makes you thrive in your submission, then perhaps a good long conversation can clear some of this up. If he's simply dangling a carrot, well perhaps it's time to look elsewhere for food.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Sunbunneee)

Post #: 34

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/9/2009 11:20:43 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

~FR~

one size fits all?

hardly!

for some, they require their needs to be met first, i suppose. for me, i lay my needs at his feet, and pray they are met eventually. its part and parcel of being a slave. if his needs are met, then, maybe, he will have time to see to mine. if his needs arent met, then i dont expect mine to be either.

something else to consider. are your needs truly your needs, or just desperate wants that havent been met yet? sometimes as submissives/slaves we can confuse the two.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 35

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/10/2009 9:38:36 PM

KoolnSassy

Posts: 65
Joined: 5/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunbunneee

Perhaps this has been posted, perhaps not.....

i am an slave/sub who has recently found this wonderful side of myself. However, due to circumstances in my life, i find trust and just letting go to be a very hard thing.

i have a Sir that tells me if i behave all will follow. At this moment, i do not feel my needs are being met, in anyway.

How can i behave if there is no sign of the fact that my needs can be met? Why should i bother? i may be that slave/sub, but i still know my needs. How do i begin to feel that i have met his, but he has and never does meet mine? Am i in a wrong situation?

Any advice for this newbie would be greatly appreciated.

Do as I say regardless of how you feel, what you need and want - NOT
I vote for this is an exchange, not a transference. If he doesn't want to meet your needs and desires, then perhaps a blow up doll would do nicely.

_____________________________

If you don't know what you're doing, why do you think I know?

KoolnSassy

(in reply to Sunbunneee)

Post #: 36

RE: A confusing question for me - 5/10/2009 10:55:49 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Whatever relationship we choose to enter into...dom/master, sub/slave it is done because it is what makes us happy. The exchange has to meet the needs of both people or one of them becomes unhappy. Just because someone discovers that being a slave/sub is what fits them best doesn't mean that their happiness and fufillment is no longer important or necessary. Certainly in any relationship we all have moments where we aren't completely happy, that's life. The concept that simply having the desire to serve is all that a sub/slave "needs" in life is ridiculous. Is it easy to walk away an move on? Often it isn't. But in the end, it is for the best. A slave/sub doesn't serve simply because they are a slave/sub. They choose that path because it is what makes them happy. You can continue to "try" to make things work, but the longer you go feeling that YOUR needs are never met, the greater your resentment will grow. Eventually, everyone will be unhappy with the result. At this point, you are the only one who can look inside yourself and determine whether or not the situation you are in is worth the effort.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 37

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