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RE: slightly confused? - 5/9/2009 11:00:23 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		A lot of people online (and offline, too, for that matter) who identify as dominant have the Knight In Shining Armor perspective, and are looking for a lost or broken toy to fix.  When they have come across someone who is not that, they move on.  As for trying to please them - I would ask, Why work at pleasing someone you (generically speaking) are not compatible with?  For some, their fulfillment comes from "improving" someone else.  I have received enough emails from dominants, claiming they can help me find my way, or teach me to know myself, or, or, or, that I've actually put in my profile that I am not looking to be someone's project.

Just be you, in all your wonderful glory.  When the right, compatible, person comes along, he will be pleased simply by that, and then you can build - together - from there.


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(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: slightly confused? - 5/9/2009 11:57:33 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		daisymae03, I was putting forth a number of possible scenarios for you to consider. I wasn't trying to be snarky. Just adding my perspective, in an effort to help you sort out your thoughts and figure out what might be happening with you.

In answer to your question: whether as a sub or Domme, no I never felt useless- nothing like that. And I always knew there was plenty I could improve on. But I never served a Dom who was motivated primarily by a desire to improve me.

I served because we enjoyed each other's company.

And I'm in agreement with DarkSteven: dealing with an obedient slave is fairly simple. Which is why I won't have a disobedient slave. I mean, who has the time?

And I'm perfectly free to beat my slave's ass, etc. regardless of his behavior. Yummy.  

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: slightly confused? - 5/9/2009 11:58:49 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		I understand wanting to create a good profile that is relevant to you and really portrays who you are and what you want.  According to the sidebar, you joined in 2007.  If after nearly 2 years you still haven't come up with a workable profile that you can comfortably allow others to see....yes that is being a little too much of a perfectionist probably.  You can always add or delete stuff from your profile based on the responses you get.  Bashing someone isn't my thing, but maybe if you haven't been able to become comfortable with a profile after two years, maybe you aren't ready to seek that "one" yet.  No one is perfect, and sometimes it is our flaws (although I prefer the term "quirks") that makes others have an interest in us.

As others have said, if someone says that they don't want a relationship with you because they can't "improve" anything about you, then obviously they aren't who you seek anyway.  The search can be long and difficult, but in the end, you will be happier because you didn't settle and chose to wait for someone who was right for you.  Cross that particular dom, and others like him, off your list and move on to the next.  You don't need to be perfect and he doesn't need to be perfect, you just need to be perfect for each other.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: slightly confused? - 5/9/2009 1:13:18 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		daisy,

Really. Doesn't this strike you as counterproductive?

What is it you're expecting to happen? Do you see any way it will given your current "method"?

Write something about who you are, what you like, what you seek, and post it. Change it daily if you like.

If that won't work for you, then perhaps you aren't really interested and should take a look at that.

Good luck.

(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: slightly confused? - 5/9/2009 1:24:23 PM   
daisymae03


Posts: 64
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline 		i had a profile up, in 2007but then realised i didnt know enough about the lifestyle or myself and took it down, and then had one up and i took it down. how i run my profile is my business,a dn no i dont think it is affecting my search for a dom, because im not looking for them online for the most part, however i do use this sight a lot for the forums, although i dont post a whole lot


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" . . . a wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe and leaves before she is left . . ." -Marilyn Monroe

(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: slightly confused? - 5/9/2009 1:28:38 PM   
daisymae03


Posts: 64
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline 		but thanks for all the responses. 

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: slightly confused? - 5/9/2009 1:40:48 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		You haven't mentioned why you'd like a D/s relationship...

agirl

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: slightly confused? - 5/9/2009 1:57:04 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

how i run my profile is my business


Yup. So is how you run your search.

But when you initiate discussion board topics, people will assume you're looking for feedback.

(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: slightly confused? - 5/9/2009 2:04:15 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daisymae03
they dont want to collar me anymore because they find themselves feeling useless because they dont see anything to improve in me that I am not allready working on improving.
Personally, I have no interest in someone who wants to change me as a goal of the relationship. I don't buy into the "I love you, you're perfect, now change" thing. It's one of the primary reasons that relationships fail.



Male Dominants far outnumber female submissives, so you get to take your time and find someone that appreciates what you bring to the table.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: slightly confused? - 5/9/2009 2:57:59 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Okay, here's the deal.... When a guy uses the "you're just too perfect" line as a reason why he can't commit, it's just guyspeak for "I don't want a commitment!!!! (and I learned this cool line to say I don't want a commitment while raising the girl's self esteem, at least that's what my buddies at the bar told me)."

Don't read any more into it than that.  That's all it is and it has nothing whatsoever to do with your not having anything to "improve".

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: slightly confused? - 5/9/2009 6:57:56 PM   
Joseff


Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		I have never considered my function as a dominant to be the improvement on my submissive. I understand that there is an element of shaping the sub to my preference, but that's not what I want the submissive for, for me the "perfect slave" would be the one I don't have to train. I also don't think the main aim of most submissives is self perfection. The focus should be on service to the dominant, or in the case of the slave, to the Master.

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Joseff

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: slightly confused? - 5/9/2009 7:51:05 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daisymae03
..I know im a far cry from perfect, which is why this is bothering me, and i came her for advice, not to be torn apart...

Now, nobody's tearing you apart.
I think most people are with you and don't understand why someone would say that.

Maybe the guy was just giving you a line. Or maybe he feels like he has nothing to offer and in effect, therefor isn't "good enough" for you...I'm pulling that out of my hat, of course, but who knows?

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: slightly confused? - 5/14/2009 2:15:22 PM   
TEMPERANCE


Posts: 126
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daisymae03

And it wasnt me bringing up collaring, he was. I had in fact said, that if I took a year to learn who I am, I'm not going to take the first collar offered to me with in a week.


If i may clarify this point, the Dom in question offfered you his collar after a week of talking to you?


(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: slightly confused? - 5/14/2009 3:10:44 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

Could it be that you've been talking to D's that are just looking for someone to control and whale on? They walk off when they find out that it'll be difficult to come up with an excuse to tell you off/spank you/etc...and that, I would say, is a failing in THEM, not you.

I'd be willing to bet at least 80% of the Doms on here wouldn't have a clue what to do with a well behaved sub/slave.


I respectfully disagree.  I have no need to tell an s type off.  And I will spank my sub when I want to, not just for discipline.

It's pretty easy dealing with a well behaved s type.  I tell her what I want, and she serves.




Yes, because you and I know what the hell we're doing and aren't just looking for someone to tie up/spank/torture. I was suggesting the OP might have been talking to a lot of these types, who wouldn't have a clue what to do with a well behaved sub, therefore rejecting her.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: slightly confused? - 5/14/2009 3:17:34 PM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		Hi daisy,

        Thats a difficult question to answer but even if the Doms you spoke to said they "saw nothing that needed improving" then I'd be inclined to ask what about pushing you further;enabling you to grow as a person and a submissive, or what about making sure you keep up the good work so to speak.

I think The Doms needed to be a bit more creative in their thinking. I hope that makes sense.

< Message edited by HalloweenWhite -- 5/14/2009 3:18:13 PM >

(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: slightly confused? - 5/14/2009 3:20:04 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		daisy, hi,

i loved barelynangels answer, i think she has an excellent point to make there.  we sometimes do try to be our own idea of what a Master wants and whilst youre still looking and growing thats a process youll be going through.  but when you do meet a Dominant whats difficult to do, but part of being submissive is to not preempt them, not second guess on what they want, the trick is to wait and see and then respond.  allow them to unfurl the process of their Domination of you and let them take you through the process they wish to take you through.

but i think that you shouldnt worry too much on what one person has said to you. as youve seen from Dominants responding to you here, they really wouldnt have a problem with who you are atall. 

(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: slightly confused? - 5/14/2009 9:01:46 PM   
BrokenSaint


Posts: 301
Joined: 10/30/2007
Status: offline 		Gonna have to agree with darksteven here. If someone has all you want...why would you turn them down?

My guess is those one's in particular are more focused on the project part. I can't imagine why. The end should be the goal, not the means.


_____________________________

In the name of progress,
In the name of madness
Drum beats faster
Crowd shouts louder
and chaos replaces order
VnV Nation - Nemesis

(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: slightly confused? - 5/15/2009 4:03:39 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daisymae03
It just seems that I don't know what it seems like I guess. I mean do the D's here want someone that they train and teach from the beginning, or are there really some out here that want someone that took the time to learn who she is and what she has to offer before they started looking?

The 'doms on here' want all sorts of things. Me, I kind of like the quote from the marketplace book... 'those who's need is to control and improve'. So I want to control and improve... Happily, unless you have attained a state of enlightenment, there is always ways to make it better. Think Maslow... Have you, in fact, achieved fully your self-actualization as a human being? If not, then I wouldn't be bored.



_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 38
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