BDsM "back in the day"... (Full Version)

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GYPZYQUEEN -> BDsM "back in the day"... (5/8/2009 11:04:28 PM)

I am interested in finding out from those of you who have lived this life for many years..lets say 20+

[&:]how "it" was for you "back in the day.."??
specifically..
where were you?did you have access to functions? was there a community where you were? what did you have for support?if you did not have access to equipment what did you do?
were things more private rather than public?did you organize something?did you travel to events? have events there?what obstacles did you overcome?did you know your lifestyle had a "name"?what things did you do to increase knowledge/education?

I  am not asking how you have changed. or how the BDsM world has changed in your area..
but
simply .......what were things  like 20+ years ago
 FOR YOU in your life style

**I was 18 and "given' to a man much older...I became Dominant..
quite quickly..adding a 2nd within  5 years...we did not really have a name for our life..it just was...we lived in isolation in Northern AB CA........
and had little for support groups..knowledge of others like us..or events to go to..We ordered in books ( ya in brown paper) and had a 60' pole shed we made into a "play"  house with all our own inventions .
We mad e our own tools and used a lot of horse and barn equipment and did a lot of role play and outdoor fun.
We overcame guilt and shame about being "different" and we raised 3 children within the POLY BdsM home..
A fun eyebrow raising memory was when the propane truck man came to fill the tank  and came around the corner to find sub davis
attached to the clothes line by his leash..naked..
THE man filled the tank gave his card to davis and promply left...
without a word..[&o]

GQ




flowerchicknz -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/9/2009 12:14:34 AM)

According to one of my older girlfriends, the vanilla scene included canings, enemas and castor oil. Masturbators slept with their hands tied to their bedsteads, by worried parents or husbands. Sexual frustration "hysteria" was treated by the male doctor with a vibrating machine inside your vagina, that realigned your ovaries. Lesbianism only affected the childless. So marriage was the cure, and once a mum, lesbianism didn't exist so girlfriends had total trust regarding what they would do with you. The only sexual position was hetro missionary, so anything else obviously wasn't sexual. Unless you were male, in which case a non-consensual vasectomy cured your homosexual urges. In short, there was no "BDSM", they didn't need it.




LadyPact -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/9/2009 5:58:32 AM)

OK.  Let Me start by saying that I don't qualify.  I'm answering anyway.

Geographically, I was in CO.  I had access to small, private functions.  The big clubs/events were in Denver.  There was a small community with huge benefits.  I learned more back in those days sitting on the patio until daybreak than I ever did on the internet which I didn't get into until many years later.  That was My education.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I didn't care much about "equipment" then.  My first love and enchantment with this lifestyle was so much more based on protocol than sadism.  In those early days, I'd have been more inclined to leave the room than be sitting in the front row to watch certain scenes.  I didn't do any organizing back then, but I was fascinated with those who were able to pull that kind of thing off.  How did they know all of this stuff?  LOL.

Oddly enough, My first scene name was Mistress Knew.   Both because of My instinct and the old timers who'd sometimes laugh at the new kid, the new female kid (ok, if a kid can be 30), on the block.  It seems almost funny to say now that I was greatly complimented by someone who told Me once that My place was sitting at the table.  I'd be the only woman there.  There were no sigs or interest groups.  It was just Me and a bunch of old men.

If there was an obstacle, that was it.  Some accepted Me and some didn't.  I kept showing up though.  I think maybe that's why I have the attitude that I do sometimes.  Yeah.  Big deal.  A newbie logged onto the internet to learn some stuff.  Well, I learned when folks weren't especially thrilled to have Me around.  Proving yourself back then was the status quo, not this PC bs that we have today.  Somehow, doing that felt better than logging on to a website.

I could sit here and type out pages of memories and experiences that have meant the world to Me.  Unfortunately, they probably wouldn't mean crap to anyone else.  They sure did mean something to Me, though.

Thanks for the trip down memory lane. 




GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/9/2009 7:10:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: flowerchicknz

.[/quote: In short, there was no "BDSM", they didn't need it.]


This makes no sense..if I had a BDSM world back in the day..others must have also..
I think you are writing about quack "cures' and misunderstandings of the day

GQ





MarsBonfire -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/9/2009 7:21:34 AM)

Sadly Pact, I DO qualify.

I was in Denver, in the early 1980's. AIDS hadn't been identified, much less named yet. There were just vauge rumors about gay men on the coasts getting sick and dying. The straight medical community didn't really care, and Ronnie Regran was still several years away from saying "Let them all die."

I was living in a crummy first apartment at about 11th and Broadway. A little roach trap place across the street from the Gart's Sports Castle. The rent was cheap, and it was furnished in early "off the street." Perfect for a young bi kid out on his own for the first time.

There wasn't much support there at the time. My family was a good 700 miles away, and being the new kid in town, I didn't have that many friends. Home computers still hadn't really come to the fore, although I had a used Mac, which I used to write letters and such.

My contacts into the community were threefold: First, there was the Old contact newspaper, "The Rocky Mountain Oyster"... although that venue was a bit scary. Responding to an ad there would be like going to a f2f meeting from Craigs List, with only a single exchange of letters. The other two were the bars, and the bath houses. I frequented both on the weekends. Those felt more safe, because you could meet others safely, and you had the crowd around you to call upon if someone was hassleing you.

It wasn't until almost 1990, after the bath house scene died from the plauge scare, that the pansexual movement started. I was really getting tired of the same crowd, at the same bars, every weekend by that point. I was looking for a new home, with different, more varied people. I volunteered to be a part of a start up group after a woman named Nancy Ava Miller came to Denver to organize us. (You can read more about Nancy in the anthology od BDSM essays "Some Women." We had a rocky start, mostly meeting in the backrooms and basements of several Drag joints. Play there was limited, and a lot of straights were really uncomfortable, apparently, to be surrounded by "fags." Then, one of our members and boosters, a woman named Diane Marie, attended a rave that was being held by the owner of an industrial welding shop out near the old Stapleton Airport. (A really gothic feeling place that specialized in restoration of turn of the century wrought ironwork... very darkwave industrial/steampunk... even before those subcultures existed. LOL) Surprisingly, the owner of the shop was very kink friendly, and was happy to rent his space to us for a paltry fee... Suddenly, we were in business!

The memory of that first night we were there will always bring a smile to my face. I was asked to speak on behalf of the group, and I could tell, looking around the room, that everyone there was expecting the "party" to be like all the others.. "a kiwanis club meeting in leather"... I made a couple of quick announcements, said that in the future, we hoped to have demos and discussions... but the primary reason for us to be there was to play... to watch, and to be watched, and learn via experience. I said, "...and with that, LET'S PLAY!" and saw the stunned and delighted looks on their faces. Within a few short months, word got around and we were hosting up to 150 people at the monthly parties.

That first group became both the base camp and the gateway group for the rest of the pansexual Denver scene, I'm happy to say. And I'm very proud of what we, the core group of about six people, accomplished during those first four years when we were meeting at that welding shop. We were a group called PEP (People Exchanging Power) and they begat COLLAR, and DADS, and Uncommon Ground, and Colorado Bound, and so on and so on....  (To some extent, we also had a hand in organizing the first Thunder in the Mountains... but thats a different story.)




Missokyst -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/9/2009 8:07:29 AM)

Until 1999, I thought everyone did this.  What was left of my virginity was taken with my hands secured above me.  Spanking?  Never happened when I was an UM, but my husband seemed to find a place for it.  Getting up at 3 am to fix dinner for someone who was out .. yeah.. marriage.  Bondage? umm.. it was normal.  Clubs?  The closest I came to a club was attending what turned out to be a swingers party at a major baseball players home.  Making sure I organised, cleaned, prepared, ect so that his life could run more smoothly.. yes I recall those days.  My first serious relationship after my divorce was a bit different, less insideous and more upfront.  Kink was kink.  We were equals except when we weren't. Spanking, bondage, play was romance. 
Everyone did this, or so I thought.
Back in the day for me, this was just life.
It still is.
Kyst




azropedntied -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/9/2009 8:49:58 AM)

I shall say when i started exploring at a young age , there was no computer , there was little to no bdsm  out in the open things here in Arizona USA .A few Adult XXX shops had some  beta/vhs tapes  and maybe some magazines .Some of these same shops still had things under a counter and you had to ask about or for bdsm  items .

There were trade like papers and magazines  and you could put an ad in those papers or write to others  from these monthly and quarterly papers contacting them may get you further contact and maybe just maybe a meeting  or invite to a party .
I would travel for my kink fetish bdsm , in other states and cities it was a lot more open and a bit more accepted .Large cities  like LA , SF , CHI ,BOSTON ,NYC  etc had clubs ,parties fetish balls and more .

Fast forward to the birth of the internet and home computer , now you did not have to the "computer building" to play on A computer  and see a green screen and maybe play checkers .Now information and  conventions become widely spread  and grow .
Letters and phone call s get replaced with Pm's Im's and some sites  like AOL , yahoo groups and sites .Much has changed since the late 70-80's til today .
Places like Paddles ,the lure , the vault , hellfire ,APEX ,the wet spot ,the citadel,justines ,De Sades , Lair ,Janus ,and many more  open and help bring us out of the underground shadows into the light .

Munches form in public and private homes for us to gather in fellowship and meet and discuss .Private invite  only parties are now not done out of fear and the underground mind set  but more a  fun affair .Conventions can also now be found somewhere  just about every weekend of the year .

Yes bdsm sure has come a long way , bdsm can now be found in film , theatrical release film s DeSade  would be proud .




LadyHibiscus -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/9/2009 8:53:50 AM)

Newsletters, pervy magazines, ads...  I remember getting to know folks in little meetings in homes, getting taught all sorts of stuff about behaviour, etc, before ever getting invited to a party.  Lots of wonderful people (so many deceased now...) with stories going back into the 60's of the worlds of fetishes, s/m, the underground...

Good times!  LOL!   I feel really honoured to have known those people, the bad ones as well as the good.  Being all underground and Top Secret was annoying at times, but I felt more part of a group that was interested in my learning, and keeping the knowledge alive. 




DerangedUnit -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/9/2009 8:56:24 AM)

i didnt have a computer untill these last few years but upon being kicked out at 14 one find the lifestyle rather abundantly finds them i've never really had to look for anything and only ever used the internet for friends every dom ive met was in person making eye contact and catching there attention on the street or hanging around bdsm nightclubs so even though internet was around in the last 10 years and wouldnt exactly be considered "old school"  i tended to do things a different way when i was younger




army101 -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/9/2009 12:02:11 PM)

Awww yes the good old days! clubbing the female and dragging her back to cave argghhh. Loved it a lot![:D]


But really back in the mid 70s was a lot harder finding each other personal ads in free papers...no damn internet was a lot harder back then. But same damn kinky fun as today lot less poly then as rubber was very uncomfortable back then. Lots of females loved spanking then too even when they werent in the BDSM scene. Seems like they wanted to be warmed up then.

Meetings were held in public parks under the guise of a BBQ and little signs on people clued you in that you were with the right crowd, IE mini cuffs on belt loops or spiked bracelets or long chains...easiest was the look in the eyes and the growing smile after they said yes to..."whip or crop?" Fun times and looser then to not like now with people playing damn games.




slavekal -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/9/2009 7:44:14 PM)

I got involved in the early eighties.  I was still in high school.  No internet back then, but there were publications.  There were clubs and personal ads in print.  You had less access then, but less phonies too.




Kana -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/10/2009 4:10:08 AM)

Trust me, I was there
Don't listen to what anyone else says...
There was no BDSM, not a single Twue dom, before Gore invented the internet




Sunnyfey -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/10/2009 4:38:51 AM)

20+ years ago, I was either in my mom, or in diapers.

*snickers*

Just thought I'd lighten this up a bit.

I DO love you guys, you know that :P




MsFlutter -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/10/2009 5:06:41 AM)

Early 80s, Georgia: Had a flat tire while out on a date. He asked me to get his tool bag out of the trunk. I just happened to grab his TOY bag and the rest is history. Mid 80's Hawaii - friend of mine published a local swingers mag and invited me to a Honolulu meet n greet one nite. Just so happened that some kinky folks were on the guest list also. Conversation got started. They apparently decided I was both harmless and interested. A week later, I found myself looking at their fully equipped playroom that took up the entire top floor of their house. My reaction: 'I'm not alone in the universe !!"

Didnt have the internet 'back in the day' - word processors alone took up entire rooms at that time. When the "internet of the regular folks" arrived, I found the rest of the world :)  [sm=yahoo.gif]




Aileen1968 -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/10/2009 5:09:47 AM)

I remember being fascinated by the classifieds in the Village Voice while I was in high school in the mid 80's. It didn't make much sense to me then, but it struck a chord in me that I wouldn't understand for years to come.




IrishMist -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/10/2009 8:41:19 AM)

Let me see if I can think back that far.

Where was I?
NW Indiana to be precise at that time. Close to Chicago.

Did we have access to functions?
I assume you are referring to clubs etc?
If that is the case, then sure, we had access. We chose not to go to clubs though. Most of the functions that we attended were held in the privacy of other's homes and were not what most would now refer to as "play parties". They were nothing more than groups of friends getting together to have a good time.

Was there a community where we were at?
Not in our precise location, no. However, there was a Gorean community in Chicago that my late husband was active in.

What did we have for support?
I had him for support; he had whoever he chose to go to for support. He was not the kind to 'air ' his personal life for anyone to comment on. Most likely, if he needed advice from someone, it would be a close friend who also happened to be Gorean.

Equiptment?
We did not use equiptment in the sense that you are referring to.
He was fond of using his fists, his feet, bats, guns, knives...anything that was within easy reach because usable.




CougarDyke -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/10/2009 1:08:29 PM)

I was hitchiking around the country back in 1979 and landed at a table in the student lounge at the university in Boulder with about 6-7 students.  After hours of waxing philosopical, the group dispersed and I was alone with a young man. He brought up an earlier comment I had made "men have it so easy, all you have to do is get married and you have a slave for life, she will do the cooking, cleaning and laundry as well as give you sex andytime you ask for it.  I would get married to a woman in a heartbeat if I could have THAT"  

He then said that if I would tie him up and beat him he would do anything I wanted.  I turned him down.

Then I started dreaming of a girl that would cook for me, clean for me, do my laundry, give me all the sex I demanded ......................and .....................let me beat her!!!




Andalusite -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/10/2009 4:14:34 PM)

I've "only" been doing BDSM for 14 years now. Until a few years ago, it was part of my private sex life. I didn't take any classes, go to munches, etc. I dated people I met through vanilla interests, and told them what I was into on the 3rd date or so.




Jeptha -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/11/2009 8:22:57 AM)

Pre-internet, I wasn't very aware of the kinds of D/s relationships that people might have. (Outside of fiction, that is.)

I considered myself a more or less garden variety type perv.

Didn't think there would be a support group or community for such.

The trajectory went something like this;

1. Got turned on by weird porn, got in trouble with girlfriends in "vanilla" relationships for "objectifying" them...

2. Toned it down because didn't want them to feel bad, and "objectification" and porn seemed to be bad. Occasionally enjoyed weird porn in secret.

3. Started to find feminist source materials that talked about porn and objectification being legitimate items of choice for any free person... start to accept, and then figure out how to present perv and porn tastes in a hopefully non-threatening way.

4. Do a lot of reading about sex and relationships, but I can't think of specific things that influenced me. Like with the internet, it was probably a lot of grabbing little ideas from everywhere and anywhere and putting something together.

5. Take out ads in local alternative newsweeklies seeking "submissive girlfriend" ...

6. Internet comes to town and I realize that people put together their relationships in all kinds of ways, and have conversations about it.

7. Still might be merely a garden variety perv, but finding positive ways to work with it.




roughleather -> RE: BDsM "back in the day"... (5/11/2009 9:07:33 AM)

There wa a boom in BDSM in San Francisco in the 1980s. This was in response to the AIDS epidemic. The gay community had been butt-fucking their way to oblivion, and were dying in droves. They needed something safer to do.

This coincided with the rise of punk and goth. For a while, everyone cool south of Market  was wearing all black and wrist spikes, with plenty of leather.

Bondage a Go Go, which started around 1993, was very wild in its early days. Whip fights between strippers, couples making out with a spotlight on them - fun.




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